Illicit: A Forbidden Romance (16 page)

B
eing
friends with Joss was a double-edged sword. As friends, we were free to enjoy each other’s company without all the accompanying guilt. But having the invisible barrier between us was the sweetest form of torture, keeping me from touching her like I wanted.

I didn’t regret a thing.

O
ne late night
, Joss came by the workshop carrying a brown paper sack. She waited at the doorway, watching as I turned on the circular saw and cut through a large board. When I was done, I set aside the saw and took off my earmuffs.

“Hey,” I said, shaking sawdust off my head.

She came closer, holding a large paper sack in her arms. “I thought I’d find you here.” She looked around the room at the various tools and pieces of wood lying around. “Always working late.”

“What can I say? I have no life.”

“I figured. So I brought nourishment.”

I cleaned off some space on the workbench, blowing sawdust off its surface before grabbing two old metal stools. “Sorry about the mess.”

Joss set down the paper sack and handed me a little white box and a pair of chopsticks. She sat down and pulled apart her own chopsticks. “So what are you working on today?” she asked, rubbing the wood sticks together.

I went to the small fridge in the corner of my workshop and grabbed two beers. “A dresser for a hotel on South Beach.”

“That’s a big deal,” she said, her eyes going wide.

I took a bite of food. “It’s just a small boutique hotel.”

“Do you think they’ll ask you to fill the whole hotel with your designs?”

“I hope they will but I seriously doubt it,” I said with a shrug.

We were quiet for some time, both of us swallowed up in our own thoughts as we ate.

After a while, I asked, “So what are your plans for the future? Career-wise.”

She frowned into her fried rice. “Work at the bookstore until I find the perfect job.”

“What happened to that internship you told me about? The one at the publisher?”

“I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have time to do that, work a real paying job,
and
take care of Mom.”

“Oh.” I studied her for a few moments. “What would you rather be doing?”

“I’m not sure.” When she finally looked up at me, her eyes were dim with uncertainty. “I wish I have even an ounce of your passion, your drive.”

“It wasn’t always this way. I slowly fell in love with my job. Like the best things, it kind of sneaks up on you when you least expect it.”

She eyed me, her expression too serious for Chinese food and beer.

“So what about a book blogger? You can read books and then review them.”

“It sounds like heaven but I doubt it’d pay my bills.” She shook her head. “I should’ve majored in something more practical, like my mom.”

“That’s not your passion.”

“Passion?” she scoffed. “I only have two things I’m passionate about: books and—” She stopped abruptly, her cheeks immediately flushing. She took a sip of beer, avoiding eye contact.

“And?”

She chewed on her lip. “Doesn’t matter. Neither one is a career.”

“Is it me?” I pressed, enjoying her discomfort. “Am I the second?”

She rolled her eyes. “Get over yourself.”

I wiggled my chopsticks in her face. “That’s not a no.”

She laughed, smacking my hand away. “How do you like that Honey Chicken?”

I leaned closer, crowding her space. “You’re my passion too, Jocelyn,” I whispered. Before she could respond, I added, “And the Sesame Beef is delicious.”

“
F
riends
?” Tristan asked as we made our way to South Beach with the finished dresser in the back of the truck. “You seriously agreed to that?”

“Look, that’s all she can handle right now.”

“Whose idea was it again? Let me guess: Not yours.”

“It was a mutual agreement.”

“So how mutually agreeable you think you’re going to be once she tells you about a guy she’s dating?” I opened my mouth to retort when he said, “And you know she will. Any guy with eyes can see that Joss is Grade A.”

I took a hand off the steering wheel and smacked his shoulder. “Shut up. She’s not a piece of steak.”

“Speaking of, let’s eat lunch at Texas de Brazil.”

“Fuck you, fucker.”

Tristan chuckled and held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. Still, I bring up a valid question. The moment she starts dating, you’re going to go apeshit-caveman-possessive and punch any guy who comes near her.”

“I won’t.”

“You have.”

I took a deep breath and tried to loosen my grip on the steering wheel. He was right, of course. Just the thought of Joss dating made me want to punch a hole through the windshield. “Damn it, Tristan,” I yelled. “I was fine being in the friendzone until you said that.”

“Sorry, brother. Just looking out for you.”

I stewed in my thoughts the rest of the drive. Tristan, thankfully, left me alone, busying himself with his phone instead.

Once we reached the hotel, we unloaded the dresser and carried it up to a second floor room. After, I took my brother to lunch to show my gratitude. It wasn’t steak though.

T
hat night
I decided to go see Joss at work. I waited in the parking lot until the store closed and met her outside.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” she asked as she walked through the double doors.

“Just wanted to make sure you made it to your car safely.”

She looked at me unconvinced. “And?”

“And I wanted to talk to you about this whole friend thing.”

“Oh,” she said as if she’d been expecting it. But before neither one of us could say another word, her phone rang. “Hang on, it’s my dad.”

She turned away and answered the phone. Her normal voice quickly gave way to panic. “What? When? Okay, I’ll be right there.” When she faced me again, her eyes were wide, lips parted.

“Is Amanda okay?” I asked as soon as she hung up.

She stared off into space. “My dad took her to the hospital. She’s in bad shape.”

“Come on. I’ll take you,” I said, taking hold of her hand.

She resisted. “I’m scared,” she whispered. “What if this is it?”

My heart squeezed in my chest. “Then you need to be there to say goodbye.”

“I’m not ready to say goodbye.” Her chin trembled at the last word.

“I don’t think any of us is ever ready for that.”

A
t the hospital
, I held back in the waiting area, allowing the family to have their time together. I sat among strangers, all of us fearing the worst even as we hoped for the best.

No more than fifteen minutes passed before Patrick turned the corner and came marching towards me.

“Why are you still here?” he asked, wasting no time for fake pleasantries.

I stood up, finding myself a few inches taller. “I came here with Joss.”

“She’s with her family now. You’re free to leave.”

I stared at him, unmoved by this man who had abandoned his family. I wondered what Amanda had seen in him—still continued to see in him. He had a certain Richard Gere look about him with his gray hair and distinguished face, but he didn’t seem like anybody outstanding. But then again, Amanda had seen something in me too, and I wasn’t exactly a prize.

Not for the first time I wondered why the universe binds us to a person and connects us through time. Why it was that I fell for Joss at the worst possible time and why it was I couldn’t recover.

I clenched my jaw. “I’ll leave when Joss tells me to leave.”

“Amanda told me everything,” Patrick said, his jaw muscles working. “You’re a despicable human being.”

That, I couldn’t refute. “And you left Amanda alone to raise a daughter. Let’s not throw stones here.”

His face reddened. “You are a grown man. You have no business fucking around with a girl.”

I glanced around, realizing people could hear our conversation. “I know you haven’t been around for a while, but look around. Your daughter is a woman now. And she’s free to make choices,” I said between my teeth.

He nodded, still glaring. “Free to sleep with assholes, sure,” he said, crossing his arms over his barrel chest. “She’s also free to leave.”

I mimicked his pose. “Yes, so ask yourself why she keeps coming back.”

“She’s leaving,” he said, leaning forward. “For good.”

“What?”

He lifted his chin and smiled. “I’ve secured a private jet and am flying Amanda to Houston for better care,” he said. “I’ve asked Jocelyn to come with us.”

J
oss avoided
me for the next few days. I wanted to call and ask if her father was telling the truth, but knew she’d come around eventually when she was ready. So I gave her space, even if it killed me.

Finally, after four long days, she came to me in the middle of the night.

“Joss,” I said as I answered the door in only my boxers. I yawned, taking in her work attire. “What are you doing here?”

She gave me a tight smile. “I’m sorry. I know it’s late.”

“It’s okay. Come in,” I said, leading her inside. “Hang on, let me put on a shirt.”

She looked me over, biting back a smile. “No, you’re fine.”

I grinned. “You think I’m
fine
?”

She leaned into me, biting her lower lip. And just when I thought she’d kiss me, she reached out and twisted my nipple.

“Hey.” I reared back, folding my arms over my chest. “Friends don’t purple nurple each other.”

She laughed and for that one moment it was like we were back to normal. Still, an annoying voice in the back of my head reminded me that things weren’t the same. That they never would be.

I decided it was time to rip off the bandage and get to the fresh wound beneath. “So your dad told me about Houston, said he was taking your mom there for care.”

The laughter slid off her face. “Yeah,” she said, her eyes drawing away. “He wants to leave Saturday morning.”

“As in a four days from now?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going with them?”

She looked up and, without a word, gave me the answer.

“You’re going with them,” I said with a sigh.

“I have no choice.”

“You do. You can stay.”

“You know why I can’t do that,” she said. “I don’t know how much time my mom has left.”

I had known it was coming, but to hear the confirmation from Joss’s own mouth was a punch to the gut. Somehow a part of me was still holding onto the hope that she would choose me. “God, I’m such a selfish prick,” I said, running a palm down my face.

“You’re not.”

I turned to her, all my hopes and expectations laid out on my face. “We both know I am, because I wanted you even though you were off limits. Because even though your mom’s sick, I still want to be with you. Because despite everything, I want you to stay.”

She didn’t speak for a gut-wrenchingly long time. “Why?” she finally asked. “What do you think is going to happen in Texas?”

“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen—” I stopped and forced myself to take deep breaths. “I think you’ll go over there and you’ll forget what it’s like between us. And you’ll meet somebody and fool yourself into thinking you could be happy with him.”

“That’s not going to happen.” She stared up at me, pain etched across her features. All of a sudden she grabbed the back of my head and dragged me down for a kiss.

I parted my lips and devoured her, not bothering to question this gift. If, in a second, she decided she was making a mistake, I’d gracefully draw away. But for now, I kissed her back, and would continue to do so until she told me to stop.

Hey, I never said I was a saint.

I backed her into the front door, tugging her shirt upwards. Her fingers hooked into the waistband of my boxer shorts, dragging them down over my ass and down my legs. In very little time, we faced each other, completely naked and panting with desire. Her chest heaved, the curves of her breasts glistening, taunting me. I didn’t—couldn’t—resist. My bare knees hit the tile floor and I took a breast in my mouth, sucking on it greedily while massaging the other with my hand.

She gripped my hair and arched her back into me, a pained moan escaping her lips. The sound energized me, spurred me to keep going. My lips moved lower, my tongue tracing a wet trail down her stomach. I lifted her leg over my shoulder, giving me access to her most wet spot.

“Jake, please.” She shivered, staring at me, and I understood then what she was asking for.

Her entire body bowed off the door when I touched my tongue to her clit and slid it through her folds. I groaned at the taste of her and reached down between my legs to stroke myself. With my free hand, I gripped her fleshy ass and brought her closer, drilling her with my tongue. In response, she ground onto my face, seeking more and finding it when I thrust two fingers inside her.

“I want you inside me,” she moaned.

I paused, my fingers still embedded in her heat. “Is that what you want?” I asked, watching her face contort in pleasure when I massaged that special spot.

“Please.”

I rose to my feet and carried her to the couch, laying her on her back on the dark leather. I hooked her legs over my arms and crouched over, rubbing my hard cock along her wet folds, teasing, tormenting.

With a glint in her eyes, she reached down between us and positioned my tip at her hot entrance. “Just screw me already.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I shoved inside her in one swift, solid motion, making her gasp. “I intend on fucking you—” I withdrew slowly. “Until you scream my name— ” I paused before driving back in. “Make sure you never forget me.”

I repeated the process over and over, drawing out each stroke until she was practically begging before slamming back in. We moved in unison, two bodies fused by love and heartache. I couldn’t take my eyes off her face, couldn’t stop wishing for a day when we could leave all the bullshit behind us and just be together.

For now, I tried to reach her with my body, my cock, trying to give her all of me.

“Jake,” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

I stopped, bowing over and taking her face in my hands. “Did I hurt you?” I asked, our lips a whisper apart.

“No,” she said just as a tear slid down the side of her face. “I just… I love you.”

I stared at her, chest heaving, my entire body coiled to fight for this woman beneath me. Right then, faced with the reality of what I would lose, did I realize that Joss was
It
. Nobody else could or would come close.

I dipped my head and she met me halfway, our tongues colliding, lips sucking, breaths exchanging.

I didn’t ask her to stay; I couldn’t do that to her. Instead I rocked my hips into hers, making love to her the best I could so maybe, one day in the future, she might remember this night and return to me.

“
A
nybody home
?”

Tristan’s voice echoed through the front of the store and into the workshop, but I ignored it and focused all my energy into not breaking the thin cherry board as I ran it through a scroll saw.

“You in here?” Tristan’s voice came closer and before he long, he stood at the doorway that separated my workspace from the rest of the store. “Dude, it’s Friday night. Why are you here?”

I finished cutting the design and turned off the machine. “Why are
you
here?” I shot back before blowing sawdust off the piece of wood inlay. “Don’t you have other friends you can annoy?”

“I do but I came here to annoy you,” he said with a grin.

“Like you always do,” I muttered, turning back to the wood inlay design I had laid out on the table like puzzle pieces. “Feels like you’re here all the time, sticking your nose in my business.”

He folded his arms across his chest, one eyebrow raised. “So it’s a crime to look out for your big brother?”

“I don’t need you to look out for me.”

“Clearly I do because you’re still mooning over some chick who’s no good for you. I mean, Joss is hot and all, but she is not worth all this trouble.”

“She’s leaving tomorrow. For Houston. For the foreseeable future,” I ground out. “Feel like an asshole now?”

“Huh.” He looked at me, deep in thought. “Guess she doesn’t love you as much as she thought.”

I gripped the edge of the table, my knuckles turning white. “Is there a reason why you’re tormenting me? Do I owe you money or something?”

Tristan shook his head and fixed disapproving eyes on me. “What happened to you, Jake? When we were younger, you were the shit. You were this cool ass guy who could have any girl he wanted. I looked up to you. I wanted to
be
you.” He motioned to me. “And now…”

I faced him, anger squaring my shoulders. “Now what?”

“You know what,” Tristan said on a sigh.

I ground my teeth together. Maybe my little brother had a point, but hell if I’d ever admit it. “Someday, Tristan, some girl is going to come along and kneecap you and you’ll spend the rest of your life on the ground. Maybe then you’ll understand.”

He shook his head and chuckled. The jackass. “If that woman ever comes along—if she even exists—I sure as hell would fight for her. I wouldn’t just let her leave.”

“You think I didn’t fight for her?” I asked, rounding on him. He was two seconds from getting a knuckle-shaped bruise on his face. “You think I’m just letting her go because I’m such a good guy?”

Tristan stood his ground, his head bobbing up and down. “Yup.”

I spun away from him. “What is your angle, T? Are you for me or Joss or against it?” I demanded. “One minute you’re telling me she’s not worth the breath, the next you’re saying I’m not doing enough to prove my love. Get to your point because I’m brewing a migraine.”

Tristan shook his head. “I don’t know my own point. I don’t know anything about love, remember?”

At that moment, I wondered if maybe I didn’t either.