Illicit Canvas: political romance and stand alone romance (13 page)

She is pushing me to become violent. I can no longer hide how I feel when I’m around her. A few days ago it was a passionate kiss, today a hug. She’s going to give me a heart attack.
 

I proposed a drink, but she declined. I’m sensing that she wants to put distance between us, to let me know that the kiss won’t happen again.

I’m done with guessing. We have both finally accepted that we are just friends. I head home, glad that I made a decision about the property. Now I have something that I can work towards. The place definitely needs a lick of paint to make it look more like my style, but there isn’t a huge amount of work that needs to be done. Everything will come together in the end.

I heat a ready meal in the microwave and then dive into more research. My business advisor mentions that my first few months will show me if I’ll make it or break it. Nothing is ever easy with art.

On days like this I miss having a woman in my life. When Bethany and I were together I always looked forward to coming home. These days I have no one. I have mates, but since my last promotion I haven’t been seeing much of them. They all have families; from our old pack I’m the only that is divorced.

For about a minute I stare at the computer, wondering if there is ever going to be someone special in my life again.

Arwen. I still keep thinking that there must be some way for us to work it out. At least I’m trying to believe it.

When I sit down in front of my laptop, I remember that I have a message that I haven’t responded to yet from the dating site. I put my reading glasses on and login, knowing that I’m doing the right thing, that this will take my mind off her.

Sylvie is Belgian and she works in advertising. Her profile says that she is funny, outgoing, loves travelling and good food. She is dark-haired and that’s a key attribute. I have never been out with a blonde. She has a son and she has been divorced for five years.

Her message is straightforward.

Hi Ethan,

I was pleasantly surprised when I read your message. To be honest, I haven’t been doing this internet dating thing for long and I’m a bit apprehensive.

I’m glad that you think that I have a lovely profile picture. Normally I don’t do this and I know that you are supposed to wait for a bit before you arrange any sort of meeting, but you sound genuine, so I’m suggesting meeting up for a drink.

I hope I’m not sounding desperate.

Sylvie.

I rub the nape of my neck, knowing that I have to grab this opportunity. I’m going to respond and start dating again. I will never get over Arwen otherwise, so after five minutes I propose a date in a restaurant tomorrow night. I have no plans with anyone. In the past few months I have been killing time at work because I had nothing else to do. I enjoyed galleries and spending my afternoons alone, but after I met Arwen, I understood that there is more to life than just duties and work.

From now on I want to have some fun, which means having dinner with Sylvie.

I buy a pizza on the way home and when Maja arrives later on we both polish it off. Once I sit and start eating with Maja, a strange idea pops into my mind.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” I ask my roommate.

“Not particularly. I have a few papers to finish, but it’s not urgent. Why? Have you got something in mind?

“I need you to go somewhere with me.”

Ethan has been busy and I’m still stuck between a rock and a hard place. I feel like this time around I have to try to visit another name on the list by myself, without him. Last time I acted whiny and I don’t want him to see me like that. I feel like I should take Maja with me, ask some questions about the painting, and see if the next dealer on the list knows anything at all.

“Okay, are you allowed to tell me where we are going?”

“To meet the next art dealer. I made an agreement with Ethan, but I think this time around I have to do this without him.”

“It’s all right. I can go with you tomorrow, but what are you going to tell him?”

“Ethan is busy with his own business venture and I can’t keep asking him to babysit me. Besides, he didn’t keep his promise, and he doesn’t need to know everything,”

Maja nods with understanding, but after I disappear into my room I feel guilty not including him in my plans. Ethan cares about my safety, but I’m frustrated with myself. It’s been over ten years since I saw my father. Many things could have happened since then; people change. Maybe he doesn’t even remember me. Later on I pull out a new blank canvas, hoping to create something completely different. I want to stay busy because my conscience reminds me that I’m betraying Ethan. He only wants to help me.

Our first date was perfect and I know that I wasn’t entirely honest with him, but we both felt something that night. Maybe it was love at first sight, but we both know that now it doesn’t matter, because Colin stands in our way.
 

Once I lift the brush and dip it in the blue paint, I lose myself, not looking at the clock and forgetting about food. When I paint, I feel like I’m in a trance. When I do finally glance at the clock, it’s one in the morning.

My bed looks cozy and all of a sudden I feel exhausted. I’m out as soon as my head hits the pillow.

In the morning, I sleep in, forgetting about the alarm. In the end I’m late for my lecture. The professor gives me an irritated look once I move to my seat. My head isn’t in the right place as my thoughts lead me to this afternoon. Am I doing the right thing? Going to see an art dealer without Ethan? At lunch Colin joins me, looking lost in his own thoughts.

“Dad was asking about you the other day,” he says all of a sudden with a serious tone of voice. I nearly choke on my sandwich, wondering where he is going with this.

“Really?”

“Yeah, he liked you. Anyway,, he knows that we aren’t together anymore.”

“Oh, well, it’s good that you explained to him what’s happened.”

“I guess so,” Colin mutters digging into his potatoes.
 

My next question is intrusive, but I just can’t help myself.

“Does your father date? I mean you never mention any other women, apart from your mother.”

Colin keeps attacking his vegetables. There is seriously something wrong with him today. He is normally much more cheerful.

“No, I guess not. Years ago he went out with a French chick, but it didn’t last. I don’t think he’ll ever find time for a girlfriend. He works most evenings.”

I swallow my food, feeling relief. It’s not my business, but I can’t expect that this will last. There must be lots of interested women around Ethan that would like to date him.

“Right,” I respond. “Colin, are you all right? I don’t know, but you seem off today.”

He forces a smile. “I’m good. The training didn’t go my way and there is this party on Saturday.” He pauses, looking around.
 

“Party?”

He sighs. “Yeah, and I was planning to invite you, but I don’t think you would want to go, because—you know, after what I said the other evening.”

 
I cross my legs together, staring at him. Maybe he does love me and I just can’t see that. I was the one that led him on for over three weeks. It’s one party. Last time he ended up going with Maja.
  

“Don’t worry about that. We are friends and I would love to go out with you to a party, but I have a condition.”

Chapter Seventeen

There is an expression of complete surprise on his face. I can’t help it I smile.

“What? Really? What do you want me to do?”

“We have to take Maja with us. Last time she went out with you because I was busy. She covered for me.”

“Nah, she’s a dark horse. That Norwegian guy, Christian, from my class? He wants her badly, I’m telling you.”

“She’s not a toy, Colin. Tell that guy to treat her well. I don’t want her to get hurt,” I remind him.

“Don’t worry, Christian is decent. I can vouch for him.” Colin moves closer to me. “Arwen, you’re amazing and I know that I’ve screwed up between us, but this party—it’s going to be epic. You and Maja, you both will have a great time.”

“It’s a deal then.” I chuckle and remember that I shouldn’t make any promises. A few days ago I made a deal with Ethan and now I want to ditch his help.

“Shit, Arwen, I swear to God, I can’t ever tell what’s going on inside your head,” he says, like he doesn’t believe that he could be so lucky. I tell myself that it’s just a party, but deep down I feel I’m doing the right thing. Colin is my friend after all, and we haven’t spent a great deal of time together recently.

Half an hour later, he heads to his class and I run to the library, remembering that I need to get some books for my art history lecture. In my bag I find the white envelope with names and remember my conversation with Maja last night.

The next dealer might even know my father. You never know, but I don’t want to expect anything. My heart accelerates when I think about Ethan. It’s all right for me to do this on my own, at least one time. I need to have a clear head, and when he is around, I can’t seem to gather my thoughts. Besides, Maja has already agreed.

 
I grab a few books and head out to my next lecture. The weather has shifted; a heavy downpour hits the ground, creating small pools of water on the pavement. Maja meets me at six and I have a quick dinner at home.

The replica of my father’s painting is heavy and today I don’t have Ethan to drive me around the city, so I have to carry it. People stare at me in on the bus more than usual and it’s unnerving. I feel like I’m experiencing the same undercurrent of melancholy that riddled my past when I couldn’t cope with life. It’s funny, because during those times I was the most creative, high with dark inspiration
 
all the time. My paintings were vivid and real. After the incident I burned all the pieces. Looking back, I captured the darkness, the pain from that period so well.

“Are you all right? You look a bit pale,” Maja asks me.

I’m not weak; my emotions won’t tangle my mind this time around. “I’m good. Let’s get this over with.”

“All right,” she agrees.
 

The dealer’s name is Jules Simone and he must be living in one of the apartments in the main city centre. We find the address pretty fast. Maja doesn’t say anything. I’m glad that I brought her with me, because I don’t think I’d be brave enough to go alone. The apartment block appears new; there is an intercom with a fancy screen and probably a camera. We both stare at it for some time.

“Number thirteen, Arwen,” Maja says, looking at me. “Are we going to ring it?”

“I guess so, but what if he won’t let us in?” I ask, feeling anxious all of a sudden.

“You won’t know until you try it, sweetie,” she mutters. She’s right, I have to stop being such a pissy pants and just get on with it. It’s me that wants to close this chapter in my life, no one else, so I ring.
 

“Hello,” says the male voice.

“Hi. My name is Arwen and I was just wondering if I could take five minutes of your time. Antoine Faqua gave me your details.”

“That old art dealer?” he asks.

“Yes, I just have a few questions.”

“All right, come on in.”

He buzzes us in and I glance at Maja, who looks surprised that this whole thing went so easy. I’m not nervous when we walk into the stylish building. Maja presses for the lift and we get in. Last time I lost the plot, but this time I will be the one that controls the conversation.

When the lift opens, there is a man standing in the door of one of the apartments. He is slim, tall, bold-looking with designer glasses. He is quite handsome, but intense, as if he likes to intimidate people.

“Two of you. Okay, come on in. I don’t have much time. I need to leave in fifteen minutes,” he says, disappearing inside. Maja exchanges a stunned look with me and I shrug my shoulders, pushing my legs forward.
 

When we walk inside, we are both taken aback by the beautiful open-plan space. Everything is pristine and I start to question if I walked into the right address. There are some paintings on the walls, some art pieces around, but surely he can’t be doing business from here. It’s a bachelor pad with a bar in the corner.

“So what can I do for you two?” the bold man asks, appearing out of nowhere again. I clear my throat.

“Are you Jules Simone?”

“Yes, and you are?”

“Oh, sorry. I’m Arwen and this is my friend Maja.”

“Ladies, I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m in a bit of a hurry, so tell me what it is that you need from me,” he says, diverting his eyes to my carefully wrapped package.

“I’m looking for someone. Well, more like something. A painting by Eugene D’Orsay, a
 
portrait of a woman. Two other copies had been stolen years ago, and there is one more here in Brussels. I have an understanding that you might have seen it?”

Jules folds his arms over his chest, looking at me in disbelief.

“Eugene D’Orsay—yes, I know the painting that you mean, but the last two copies were stolen. The police never retrieved them.”

I should be used to it by now. Alain reacted the same way.
 

“There is a third version of the same painting. In the past few years, I have been working on a reproduction,” I say, pointing at the package. “Is there anywhere I can show you what I’m talking about?”

“The kitchen table.”

I can’t read anything from Jules. He seems shut down and slightly annoyed. Maja helps me unwrap the painting. My anxiety doesn’t kick in. She hasn’t seen this and probably until this afternoon, she didn’t even know that I had it.
 

“You painted this?” Jules asks when he finally has a chance to lay his eyes on my painting.

“I did. It’s a close reproduction of the exact one that I’m trying to find.”

“Great work; fantastic detail and use of colours. There is a depth in this, a story, and I’m instantly intrigued why the woman looks so vacant, broken and empty. Have you been painting long?” he asks after throwing me those unexpected complements. I’m still not used to strangers praising my work. Maja hasn’t said a word, but she, too, seems taken aback by what’s in front of her.
 

“Since I was a child, but in the beginning it was all playful. I started taking painting more seriously in high school.”

“Don’t give up. You have a great eye and incredible talent, but unfortunately I can’t help you. I have never seen the original. Antoine tends to think that I deal with everything like he does.”

A dead end? I stare at Jules for several seconds until the disappointment settles. I don’t need to ask him again. I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t recognise the painting.

“All right; in that case we are sorry for the intrusion,” I say.

This can’t be any more straightforward. Jules Simone can’t help me, so I have to cross his name off the list. After we thank him and leave his apartment, I know that I made the right decision.
 

“Are you all right? You know, with the fact that he didn’t know anything?” Maja asks when we are walking back. I have mixed feelings. I have only four more names on the list. Now, days later, I’m disappointed with myself that I didn’t ask Alain more questions about my father.

“Fine. He wasn’t lying. I guess that I have to move on to the next name.”

“What about Ethan? Are you going to tell him about today?”

“Ethan … oh God, I don’t know what to think anymore. Every time I see him it’s like my heart moves out of my body,” I say, opening my umbrella. It starts raining again.

Maja pulls a face and hangs on my elbow. “Then do something about it. Ask him how he feels about you.”

“I can’t. We are just friends and it has to stay like that for now.”

“There must be a solution. If I were you I would have asked him if he feels the same way. Why should you sacrifice your own happiness for someone else? This is not a life, Arwen.”

I know what she’s saying and I bloody get it, but Ethan is risking so much. He is just starting out as an art dealer, moving away from his high-profile political career. If the press finds out he seduced his son’s girlfriend, he is finished. His career could go down the drain. On the way to the bus stop I explain it all to Maja and she slowly starts getting why I’m being so hesitant.

When it stops raining, Maja suggests going to grab some groceries. It’s slowly getting dark and as we walk through the streets, the sadness settles back in, pulling me back into that familiar depressed mood. Will I ever live a normal fulfilling life?

We pass a few busy streets, stopping for a coffee. I tell Maja about the party with Colin and the guy that he mentioned. It takes me a while to convince her that she should come along, and I can see in her eyes that she is interested in Christian.

It’s just after seven when we leave the coffee shop and walk past a few restaurants and bars. We are in a wealthier, more stylish part of the city. My thoughts yet again trail back to Ethan. After all, I promised to keep him in the loop and I haven’t stuck to that at all. He’ll be angry when he finds out.

Maja talks about her uni project and we pass one of the restaurants where Colin once took me when we were still going out. He mentioned that his father recommended this place to him. As we pass by the window I see that the restaurant is busy. The tables are filled with couples, men, women—and Ethan.

I stop and Maja stops with me, as she is still attached to my elbow.

“What the…”

“Sorry, I think that’s Ethan. Up there at that far table to the right,” I say, pointing at the space inside.

“Ethan, as in your Ethan?”

“I think so. I can’t see properly. Hold on, let me check. I’m just going to say hi quickly,” I say to her. I try to smooth my hair a little, feeling the same strange heat running through my body. I walk in.

“Table for one?” asks the waiter.

“No, I just want to say hello to my frie”

My voice breaks slightly when I see that Ethan is not alone. There is a woman opposite him, a very beautiful and attractive woman. She looks older; she must be in her thirties. Ethan can’t see me because his back is turned towards me. My brain starts to function, assuming that this can’t be a business dinner. They are both drinking wine and she looks flustered.

“I’m sorry, it’s not him,” I say quickly to the waiter and leave, feeling like the biggest idiot on this planet. It’s a date. Ethan is on a date with another woman. My breath comes short, but I know that I shouldn’t be overreacting. He is single and he can date whoever he pleases. It still hurts like hell, seeing him with someone else.

“What’s wrong, did you speak to him?” Maja asks.

“No, he isn’t alone. He’s with someone, a woman, his date.”

“Shut up, he isn’t. How do you know?”

“Come on, let’s keep walking. I need to start moving, otherwise I’m going to lose the plot.”

Anger and bitter disappointment tear at my pounding heart. I just can’t help myself. This isn’t a big deal. We aren’t a couple and Ethan is single.

“Arwen, I’m sorry, but I don’t think you should assume anything. You have no idea if this is a real date.”

“I don’t need to assume, I know. They are both drinking wine and it’s a dinner. Ethan hasn’t mentioned that he has a sister. It’s a date.”