I'm Holding On (24 page)

Ian

Lunch went better than I expected. If I’d only told my family not to ask about hers, it would’ve gone great. The way Brynlee carried herself was impressive. She’s a well-rounded person who I believe could make anyone like her, and I love how modest she is.

I can’t fathom how Drew was able to resist telling her how he felt and touching her for over two years. He was a fool, and I hope it wo
rks to my benefit. He deserves to find someone to be happy with, but I don’t want it to be Brynlee. She’s mine.

We go into her apartment, and she gets us both a beer before she joins me on the couch. I stifle a laugh. She’s definitely more of a beer and peanuts kind of girl, and I love it.

“You’re the whole package, Brynlee.”

“
Well, I think the same about you, Mr. Williams. You’re handsome, smart and kind. You have the best sense of humor, and it doesn’t hurt a bit that you’re sexy as hell.” Her eyelashes flutter as she gives me an enticing look.

I set our beers
on the coffee table and kiss her, but it’s never enough to satiate my appetite. Finally letting go, I run my thumb across her bottom lip. She clears her throat and gazes at me with those thoughtful, brown eyes.

“L
et’s talk,” she says. I smile at her. I know what she’s doing, but she won’t be able to resist me for long. She always wants me to touch her but thinks she shouldn’t. We spend the next hour talking about our views on many different topics such as politics, religion, and our childhoods.

While
Brynlee’s talking, she puts her hand on my thigh. She can’t touch my body and expect me to behave. She’s mid-sentence when I lean over and kiss her.

O
ur tongues meet, further fueling the hunger I have for her. I gently push her over onto the couch before I rest on top of her. This woman belongs underneath me every damn day.

My hand finds its way under the front o
f her shirt and into her bra. She responds to my touch, her nipple stiffening in my fingers as she whimpers and pushes her pelvis up against mine.

“You want me inside of you, sweet girl. You know you do.”

“We can’t.”

“Pick me
, Brynlee. Then I can make you feel good right now. We could have an exciting life together, and I know you want excitement. You want the fire we have between us. Just say the words.”

I kiss her again, flooding her with the lust that’s b
oiling over. I slide my hand under her skirt and skim it across her panties. “Like always, you’re wet for me.”

“I know, Ian. My attraction to you has never been a problem.” She sounds frustrated. She’s sexually frustrated, and she needs to let me fix it.

“Then don’t fight it. Let me show you what you could have with me.” I slide my fingers into her panties. She flinches but doesn’t stop me.

I f
ind her sweet spot, touching her until she’s crying out my name and fisting my hair. I haven’t had to go this long without sex since I was a teenager, and I want sex with this woman more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

I don’t k
now how much longer I can share her. I sit up and blow out a deep breath. I’m always calm and collected, nothing ever jarring me to this depth, yet I feel utter panic over possibly losing Brynlee.

Brynlee

I let it happen again, completely losing myself to Ian, and it was obviously too much for him to handle. From what I’ve gathered, he had sex quite frequently. Just like with Drew, I know this has to be driving him nuts.

He’s sitting at th
e other end of the couch, blowing out deep breaths. With Ian, I feel guilty not going further since he’s always had sex frequently, so I crawl over and straddle him, wishing I could give him what he wants.

Holding his face, I give him one gentle kiss, trying to comfort him, but
he squeezes my ass and groans against my lips before he tramples my mouth. I feel his emotions permeating me. He’s different, almost frantic to touch me.

My phone begins to ring, but I ignore it as
I try to meet Ian’s affection by caressing his tongue and running my hands down his firm chest to the top of his pants.

I hear my phone rin
g two more times, so I pull away. “I’m sorry, Ian, but I think I should make sure there’s not an emergency with someone.”

I
climb off his lap and pick up my phone from the coffee table. Along with a text and missed call from Drew, the nursing home has phoned me twice.

“Oh, no.” I call the nursing home back first.
“This is Brynlee Townsend, and I missed your call. Is Gram OK?” I’m transferred to a nurse who tells me I need to get there right away. Her vitals are dropping, and her tests today showed that her urinary tract infection has worsened.

I hang up and dial Drew. I’m completely panicked.

“Brynlee, I’ve been trying to get hold of you. The nursing home called me when they couldn’t reach you,” he says with urgency.

“I spoke with them and she’s bad, Drew
.”

“I’m coming to get you.”

“No, Ian is here, so I’ll just meet you there.”

He sighs. “
Fine.” I hear the aggravation in his voice before he ends the call. This is going to be a nightmare, but I can only worry about Gram right now.

“What’s wrong?”
Ian asks.

“It’s my Gram. She’s not doing well at all. The
y said I need to come now. Can you take me? Drew’s on his way there.”

“Of course, l
et’s go.”

Ian holds my hand on the way. The
tears keep coming as I imagine losing the only family I have left.

“Can I ask why Drew is going?”

“He’s really close to her. He often visits her without me or when I can’t make it there.”

Ian blows out a loud breath. I can’t take any caveman shit tonight. “Ian, are you going to be able to be around Drew? I
f not, you should probably drop me off.”

“I guess I deserv
ed that question after trying to hurt him.” He glances over, and I see the disappointed look on his face. “I would never start something with him. I wouldn’t do that to you or your Gram. I want to be there for you but only if you want me to.”

“
As long as you can deal with it, I’d like you to stay. Let’s see what is happening. Maybe she won’t be as bad as they made her out to be.”

We get to the nu
rsing home, and when I near her room, I see Drew pacing with his fingers laced behind his head. He spots me and freezes. One look at his eyes, and I know it’s bad. Ian goes over and stands against the wall opposite her door, giving Drew and me space.

“
Are the nurses in there?”

Drew runs his hands down my arms
, and then I see the tears.

“Bryn, I’m sorry, but she’s
not going to make it. They’re getting her more comfortable, but they said it won’t be long at all. I’m sure they’ll let you in shortly.”

I fall against his chest and sob. He wraps his arms around me
and holds me tight. I know he’s hurting, too.

“I’m sorry, sugar
.”

“
I’m sorry for you, too. You’ve gotten close to her.” I pull back and notice the tears running down his cheeks.

“I’ll be right back, Bryn. I’m going to the restroom. I promise I’ll be back.” He wipes hi
s eyes with his palms and trudges down the hall.

I walk over to Ian who
pulls me into his arms and braces the back of my head.

“I’m
sorry, Brynlee. I’d do anything to take your pain away.”

I find a tissue in my purse and blow
my nose. I can’t remember feeling this sad since my mom and grandma died. “Thank you.” He holds me again. I don’t know how much time passes when I hear the door open to Gram’s room. When I turn around, I see Drew staring at us. I can’t do this anymore.

A few nurses come out, and I app
roach one of them.

“Brynlee, I’m sorry. Her vitals
started dropping, and then we got her tests back about an hour ago that showed her infection had worsened.

“
I would’ve called sooner had I known, but it happened quickly. You can go in now. She’s hooked up to the heart monitor, and we’ll watch it from the desk.”

I’m about to enter
when I hear one of the other nurses speaking to Drew. “No I’m not her brother. I’m a close friend,” he snaps.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve seen you visit of
ten, and you both have that thick, dark hair.” The nurse turns and gives me a nervous smile. Drew looks as if he wants to punch something.

“You’re coming in, right?”
I ask him.

“I’d like to but only if you want me here
.”

“Yes, I want you here,
” I say, frustrated that he’d think otherwise. I point to the door, signaling him to go in front of me. He pushes off the wall with his hands and goes inside. He’s a ticking time bomb. I turn to Ian at the doorway and take his hand.

“Can you give me
a minute alone with Drew? I want to make sure he’s going to be able to keep his cool with you.”

Ian gives me a weary l
ook. “I’ll wait here.”

I go inside and break down as soon as I see
Drew holding Gram’s hand. As I walk to the bed to stand next to him, I notice she’s taking gasping breaths and has lost her color. I begin to run my fingers down her thin, soft hair, but I completely lose it. I’m wailing and literally fall to the floor. I can’t lose her, too.

Drew

“I love her
, Gram. I’m trying to take care of her like you wanted me to, but it’s up to her now.” I hear Brynlee come in. As soon as she touches Gram, she freaks out. She sobs and falls to the floor.

After picking her up and carrying her to a chair,
I hold her in my arms and rock her. Her face is buried in my chest, and I’d give my life to take her pain away.

She’s always acted tough, never wanting to show the pain she carries from only having one relative most of her life. It had to come out e
ventually, and I think it’s now.

I don’t know which made
me angrier, seeing Ian hold her or the fact that I really cried over it. I’m upset about Gram, and my heart aches for what Brynlee is and will go through, but seeing her in Ian’s arms truly broke my heart.

Ian

I hear Brynlee practically screaming, and I can’t take it, so I go inside the room. She’s in Drew’s a
rms, sobbing.

“Is she going to be OK?”

Brynlee immediately sits up and stops crying.

“Ian, I’m sorry. I
—I got so upset.”

I shake my head at her.

“Brynlee, don’t apologize. I came in to be sure you’re OK. Do whatever you have to do. I’m here if you need me.”

Dre
w continues to hold her as he stares toward the bed. She climbs out of his arms and goes to stand by Gram. I walk over and gently rub her back. Glancing to the monitor, I see that Gram’s heart rate is dropping. Her mouth is open, and she’s taking irregular, strained breaths.

Bryn
lee nervously strokes her grandmother’s hair and arm between wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. Occasionally, she’ll lean her head against my shoulder. This goes on for about thirty minutes, and I start thinking about Drew.

Brynlee
said he was close to Gram, so out of respect, I figure I should trade him places. I go and sit down in a chair. “She said you’re close to Gram, so you should be over there with her.”

He never responds
or even looks my way before he gets up and stands on the opposite side of the bed from Brynlee.

“You’ve been spending more time with her lately than I have
,” she says, looking across at Drew.

“She hasn’t been
upset with you. She could never be,” he says.

“I should’ve visited her
more.”

Drew marches
around the bed and turns her chin toward him.

“Don’t do this. We’ve ha
d many discussions about it possibly happening this way. You have a lot of responsibility, Bryn. You do the best you can, and she knew it. I’m not letting you beat yourself up over this.”

“Thank you for stepping in when I couldn’t
. I’d feel even worse if you hadn’t been here for her.”

Drew pulls her into a hug and kisses the top of her head. I have to look away. They
have a stronger friendship than I even imagined. She hasn’t been here as much because she’s been making time for me.

Drew

This is one fucked up
situation. Ian and I are taking turns comforting Bryn, and I can see that she really cares for him. I have my arm around her, and she’s resting her head against me as Gram’s breathing gets slower. I’ve been watching her heart rate drop on the monitor, and I’m not sure if Bryn has noticed.

A couple of n
urses come in. One stands near Ian while the other messes with the monitor. She turns around and eyes Brynlee with a sympathetic look. I scan the screen and see the heart rate at twenty-one. There it goes … there she goes.

The nurse shuts it off as soon as it hits zero and makes noise. Ian is up and walking over to the bed. He stays on the other side, and as much as I don’t want to look at him, I need to see his face. I know him w
ell, and I need to see that he truly cares for her if I might have to let her go.

The three of us and the two nurses watch Gram take her last breath.
I glance up and see Ian watching Bryn. He has tears in his eyes. She’s clinging to me, but it might only be because of our friendship and the relationship I’ve formed with Gram. I don’t know if it means anything more.

She buries her face against my chest, sobbing hard. I hold her tight and let her cry. What else can I do? After several minut
es, she lets go and speaks to the nurses about which funeral home to call. Then she goes to Ian.