Impulsive (Reach out to Me) (11 page)

              Michelle chewed her lip and nodded. “I’ll try again,” she promised.

             
“Hello, this is Kara speaking,” Kara said into the phone.

              “Hi Kara, this is Michelle speaking,” Michelle said back playfully. It had been a few days since she’d spoken with Hayes about the trouble Thomas was having with his new relationship, but she’d finally worked up the nerve to speak with Kara about Thomas again. She’d made up her mind that it was for the last time. She didn’t want to hound Kara to death about it, but she wanted to make sure her stance was clear. She really wanted the two of them to work out. “Want to do lunch?”

              “Sure,” Kara agreed immediately. “Want me to invite Thomas?”

              “No,” Michelle said quickly. “I mean, let’s just keep it ‘girls only’ this time.”

              “Sure thing,” Kara said cheerfully. “Thai?”

              “What else?” Michelle said with a laugh. “I’ll stop by your building in a few minutes. It’s almost noon.”

              “Sounds good,” Kara said with a surprised glance at the clock. She hadn’t realized time was going by so fast.

              When she hung up she typed out a quick email to Thomas that read,
“Thai with Michelle for lunch. Girls only, I’m afraid! Do you want me to bring you back anything?”

             
Her computer gave a soft ‘ding’ a few minutes later that indicated his reply.

             
“No thanks. Hope you enjoy your girls only lunch.”

             
Kara sighed and shook her head with a small, exasperated smile. She had quickly learned not to be offended by Thomas’s quick, terse emails, but would it kill the man to thrown an exclamation point or two in there? Maybe even send an XOXO her way? She got up and headed down the stairs to meet her friend for lunch.

              When their food had arrived and Kara had begun eating in total bliss, Michelle cleared her throat nervously. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” she began.

              “Okay,” Kara prompted when her friend stopped talking and began to toy with her food. “Are you okay? There’s nothing wrong between you and Hayes is there?”

              “No. It’s about Thomas. Actually, it’s about you and Thomas.”

              “What about us?” Kara asked, suddenly concerned.

             
“Okay, well,” Michelle said, trying to be delicate. “I know this isn’t really my place, but you seem to be with Thomas a lot.”

              “As much as I can,” Kara agreed, not understanding what the problem was. “I think I’m falling in love with the guy, Michelle. Why wouldn’t I want to hang out with him?”

              “He’s a pretty busy guy, Kara,” Michelle pointed out. “He’s studying really hard and he just started a new job.”

              “Believe me,” Kara said with a laugh. “I know. It’s all he ever talks about. He’s always worried about studying or work. I’m trying to help him lighten up and live a little.”

              “That’s nice, but have you ever thought that it’s not what he wants?”

              “It might not be what he wants,” explained Kara, “but it’s what he needs. He needs to get his head out of the books for awhile and relax and enjoy himself.”

              “When is the last time he had time to put his head in a book?” Michelle asked seriously. “You’re over there pretty much all the time. Does he study when you’re there?”

              “Not for long,” Kara said with an impish look.

              “Kara,” Michelle tried again. “Thomas is a serious man and you need to give him some space or you really might lose him.”

              “Thanks for the concern,” Kara said, clearly not taking Michelle seriously. “I think that our relationship is good.”

              “You’re really good together,” Michelle said. “I just want you guys to stay that way.”

              “We will,” Kara said confidently and sporting a small grin. “He just needs to learn to keep up with me and we’ll be fine!”

              Michelle sighed and turned the subject to other things. She didn’t think Kara was grasping just how big of a problem this was and she was surprised to find herself on Thomas’s side. It wasn’t fair of Kara to do so much and try so hard to change him. Meeting in the middle had never been Kara’s strong suit, but Michelle had a feeling that if she didn’t learn, she’d find herself missing out on a great guy.

             
“What do you think of this bed and breakfast?” Kara asked as she turned her laptop around so Thomas could see it.

              “It’s nice,” he said as he tried frantically to finish studying.

              He’d told Kara he’d be pulling an all-nighter, but she hadn’t taken the hint quite the way he’d anticipated. He had just pulled out his books when she showed up with cheesecake and a promise to be, “totally and completely silent.” However, it wasn’t working out.

His talk with Hayes apparently hadn’t had any effect. He knew he was actually close to failing two of his classes and he’d gotten in trouble at work for being unprepared with the project. He could now add a written reprimand at the office to his homework zero and the talk he’d gotten about missing classes. They weren’t exactly milestones he’d ever hoped to reach.

              “I’m glad you like it,” Kara said with a grin. “I’m booking it for us in two weeks.”

              “What?” he asked in shock. “You’re booking it? Why?”

              “I just thought it would be nice to get away for a weekend,” she said, oblivious to his flabbergasted expression. “We could leave right from the wedding.”

              “We just had a weekend getaway,” Thomas said. “Remember the kayaking?”

              “Sure! That’s why I think this would be such a great idea! We had a really good time didn’t we?”

              He hadn’t had a really good time; he’d been worried and stressed out through the whole thing. Was he going to spend the rest of his life worried and stressed out if he spent it with her? He hated to think such a thing, but he really believed it was true. He sighed deeply. Why couldn’t he have met her when he was through with his master’s program? If he had the free time, this could have been perfect. It was breaking his heart to even think of losing her, but if he lost out on his degree he was losing out on a lifelong dream. He knew what he had to do.

              “Kara,” Thomas said tiredly. “I don’t know how to say this.”

              “Say what?” she asked, suddenly alarmed.

              “I can’t do this anymore,” he said softly.

              “Thomas,” she whispered in shock becoming obvious as to the severity of his tone. “You don’t mean that.”

              “Yes, I do,” Thomas said as he looked directly into her eyes.

              “Why?” she managed to ask as tears began to clog her throat.

              “I can’t keep up this pace. I’m in serious danger of falling so far behind in my classes that I will fail my final exam. On top of that, I missed a very important deadline at work—“

              “You didn’t tell me that!” she cut in, wiping her tears away and feeling anger build. “You never once said—“

              “Yes I did!” he interrupted. “I told you I had homework to catch up on and you came over with Chinese and DVD’s for a movie marathon. I told you about my deadline and you kept us out till past midnight in another town for that film festival. You don’t listen to what I’m saying, Kara!”

              She spun away from his penetrating gaze. She was confused and hurting and she didn’t know what to say.

              “So you’re just going to throw everything away instead of trying to work it out?” she finally asked, forcing her voice to be cool and distant.

              “I don’t see this working out,” he answered tiredly. “You want a guy who’s always up for anything. You want a guy who can drop whatever he’s doing and go on weekend trips and a guy who can stay up late and then flirt with you by email all day long. I’m not that guy. I need to concentrate when I’m at work and if I don’t concentrate on my school there isn’t going to be a master’s degree. You need something totally different to make you happy and since I can’t be what you need it’s better to end this before we become further invested.”

              “Further invested?” she hissed at him. “Listen to the accountant talking! Fine. I guess I’ll just walk out so I don’t take up anymore of your precious time. Have fun studying!”

              She made sure to slam the door behind her when she walked out, ignoring the way he’d started toward her when she’d swung it open. Who did he think he was anyway? He had actually just dumped her because she’d tried to make his life a little more fun! Angry tears gathered in her eyes as she clattered down the steps from the apartment and yanked open her car door.

              When she remembered it was his tight, exhaustively managed budget that had made her car and new apartment possible she couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks. She loved her new apartment, but she didn’t want to go back to it and be alone. She wanted the comfort of Michelle’s house with her cozy bed set up in the library and Hayes and Michelle chatting easily in the living room. Or she wanted to be curled up against Thomas, snuggled in against him as they watched a movie and ate Chinese.  Apparently all the good memories of those moments were on her side.

              It broke her heart to know that he’d been thinking of what a waste of time it was to be sitting around with her when he could be studying. It was especially painful because she’d been thinking that he might be the guy she could spend her life with.

              She remembered Michelle asking her if she’d ever thought Jeff was the guy for her. She remembered that she’d said yes, maybe, in the beginning. She knew now that she’d never felt for Jeff what she’d felt with Thomas. She had thought he’d be the one who would never hurt her, the one who she could grow old with, laugh with, love with, and maybe even have children with. He hadn’t even tried to fix things.   Instead, he’d just pushed her out of his life as quickly as he’d dragged her into it.

              “He wasn’t even my type!” she said out loud, smacking her palm against the steering wheel angrily. “He had no business even asking me out!”

              She thought too that she’d had no business saying yes. What was wrong with her? Even when they had the good guy exterior, the men she picked always ripped her heart out and walked all over it before either shoving her away or grabbing on too tightly.

              Her angry thoughts turned to Michelle as well. Michelle, who had said that Thomas was perfect for her.  Michelle, who had done her best to be nice to Thomas so that he might keep coming back around and settle her crazy friend down.

              In the very back of her mind, Kara knew she wasn’t being fair to her best friend but it felt good to vent some anger that way. It was better than dealing with the other thought running circles in the back of her mind. Was Thomas right? Had she tried to change him? Had she ignored what he needed in a silly attempt to make a good guy into a bad boy? Had she gone too far trying to make him “Kara-approved?”

              She flicked on her turn signal and cruised into her parking spot at her new apartment. She didn’t bother to try and wipe away the tears on her face as she got out of the car. She didn’t care if anyone saw her looking like a horrible mess anyway. She felt like a horrible mess. She just wanted to curl up and forget about everything.

              Kara went into her apartment, glad that tonight was Friday and she could simply stay in bed all weekend. She made a cup of warm tea and curled up on the couch with one of the crocheted throws Mrs. T had made as a housewarming gift tucked around her legs. She turned the television on as she sipped her tea carefully so she didn’t burn her tongue. She flicked through the channels until she found a horror movie. It normally wasn’t her thing, especially since she was alone, but it was nice to see someone having a worse day than her.