In Darkness Lost (9 page)

I’d promised not to leave Dairdra alone again if she needed me. Now I had to honor that promise.

I sat on my bed in my little room at the palace, head cradled in my hands. What could I do? This situation was getting out of hand, and I didn’t know how to handle it anymore. I couldn’t tell Dairdra what I’d done, and I couldn’t quit on Cyril’s king. If I did he would kill my sister, and then I’d be alone. I’d have Dairdra, true, but I wouldn’t be able to deal with the knowledge that I’d chosen her over my own sister.

Tears leaked out of my eyes and trailed down my cheeks splashing coldly against the amulet I was holding. It was the amulet that Dairdra’s father had been clutching when Dairdra found him lying in a pool of his own blood - dead.

I was supposed to return it to the Cyrillian assassin, but I hadn’t. Instead, I’d created a fake and enchanted that before giving it to her. But now I wondered why I’d bothered. The real one was redundant now. We were at war with Cyril anyway.

But I had to make a report about what I’d found. It was due by the end of the day. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to move to write down what I needed to. I sat on the bed, still gazing at the amulet through my tears.

Someone knocked on the door. I didn’t answer, hoping whoever it was would go away. But they didn’t. Instead, the door, creaked open.

I tried to compose myself, wiping the tears away with the heel of my hand. I reminded myself then that I really needed to put enchantments on the door to lock it so people wouldn’t just barge in.

But those thoughts vanished when I saw Dairdra walk in. She took one look at my face and sat down on the bed next to me. She rested her head on my shoulder, and then she whispered. “Crypt, please. Stop lying to me. There’s something wrong, and I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

I trembled. I could not tell her. It would mean her death. “I’m just… Struggling to cope with the problems between me and my sister.” I whispered.

She nodded. “Is that all? Every time you look at me, there’s such pain in your eyes… Am I…” She hesitated, biting her lip before continuing. “Is it my fault?”

I laughed the suggestion off. In a way, yes, it was her fault. But I needed to make sure that her suspicions were assuaged so that she would stop prying. “Of course not.” I murmured. “Why would it be your fault?”

She fiddled with the hem of her blue lace shirt. “Well, I just… I mean, yesterday, when I asked you to promise me you wouldn’t leave me alone again… You looked like you were about to break. Like you were feeling terrible about something or like you were in horrible pain. And so I thought that it was me…”

“It’s not. I’ve just been trying to figure out how to deal with all this. I haven’t been sleeping well either.” I admitted.

She leaned closer against me, arms going around my neck. “Is there anything I can do, Crypt?”

I shook my head. “Not really. I’m sorry, Dairdra.”

She looked crestfallen. I felt awful for deceiving her, but it was necessary.  I put my arms around her waist, kissing her softly. “It’ll be okay, Dairdra. We just have to trust that we’ll get out of it, alright.” I whispered.

She nodded. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.” I lied.

She hugged me tightly for a brief moment before she stood up. “I have to go. I just wanted to be sure that you were all right.”

I nodded, smiling at her. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

She smiled back. “I love you, Crypt.”

“I love you too.” I fought to keep back the tears.

When this was all over, would she say that to me again? Would she forgive me for what I did to keep her alive? Or would she hate me for it for the rest of our lives?

She gave me one more smile, and then she was gone.

I heaved a sigh, collapsing back onto the pillows.

My weary eyes were drifting shut for a moment of sleep when I felt a vibration in the air. A call was coming in from somewhere, but I couldn’t think who would be establishing a link with me. I didn’t have that many friends, and I’d been taken out of schooling when I officially became Court Wizard three days ago after Dairdra finally finished the paperwork for it.

Huffing at the disturbance, I sat up. I conjured my own link, connecting it to whoever was calling.

I stiffened when I saw who it was. With a flick of my wrist, I placed enchantments up around the walls and doors. They were weak ones, but they would keep all sound within the room away from prying ears, and my door would remain locked by enchantments until I removed them.

“Paranoid, are we?” A young woman’s voice flitted through the link.

Her gaze flicked around the room. “Where are you?” She snapped.

“None of your business! You were the one who just called without checking up on who was around first. What do 
you 
think you’re doing just calling me like this, anyway? What do you want?” I hissed.

“Tsk. Tsk. Temper, temper.” She wagged a finger at me.

“You talk to me about temper, you witch? Do you think I don’t know that you’re the one who killed Dairdra’s mother? You were on the staff, and you’re the only one I couldn’t account for when I checked. You killed the King, and now you’ve killed the Queen.”

She smiled, the look chilling me to the core. “I didn’t kill the Queen. Your precious Dairdra 
is 
the Queen, mage boy.”

“What’d you call for?” I snapped.

“My master has some worries. He thinks you might be having second thoughts about cooperating with us because you’ve let yourself get all tangled up with that simpering girl who is playing at being Queen. Anyway, she’s four years your younger. And she’s only fifteen. Why is she in charge? During a war, no less.” The woman examined her manicured, silver-painted nails. “Regardless, the king asked me to call to be sure that wasn’t the case.”

I scowled at her. “My feelings are my business. I’m not backing out of this just because of them. You already know I won’t abandon my sister or you wouldn’t have bothered to blackmail me with her life! And don’t you dare bring her age into this. It has nothing to do with anything. She’ll do fine as acting Queen.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Your feelings for her won’t get in the way, will they? That must be why you gave me this.” With a smirk, she pulled my faked pendant out of her pocket, dangling it in front of me. “It isn’t the original. How stupid do you think we are, mage boy?” She hissed.

I blanched. “I… I had to… I needed to keep the original or the scholars will know the difference. It doesn’t matter anyway because our countries are already at war. So even if they know that it was Cyril who killed King Rillannon it won’t matter.” I reasoned.

She smiled. “Lucky for you, my master sees things that way too. I’m the only one upset by this. He says that he doesn’t want any more attempts at double crossing us, though, boy, or he’ll kill your precious sister and your girlfriend.”

My cheeks went hot. “She’s not…” I stuttered, anger coursing through my veins at the casual way she talked about Dairdra. One look at her face and I stopped. It didn’t matter anyway. I glowered at her. “So if you didn’t call me up to tell me that you’ve killed my sister for my supposed treachery, then what do you want?”

“Well, we want you to leave the outlying bases open to attack. You placed all these annoying barriers around the forts, and our mages can’t get through them. So you need to leave a chink in them all. And you need to tell us where they are.” Her voice took on a menacing tone as she jabbed a finger at me in accusation.

I sat in silence, gaping at her. She wanted me to leave a way into the forts so that they could just march in and slaughter my countrymen? How could I possibly do such an immoral thing?

She sighed. “Well? Say something, you idiot boy. Don’t just gawk.”

“I… You… I can’t…” I stammered.

“Well, you’d better find a way that you can, because otherwise, I’ll personally kill your sister. And I’ll torture her while recording it just so I can send it to you as a little memento of what we do to the loved ones of those who defy us. And, as a matter of fact, what we do to those who defy us, too, mage boy.” She hissed.

“Last time we met, you told me you’d never harm children. Guess you got over that scruple!” I spat, knowing she couldn’t slap me or injure me from across the link.

“We’re playing with your sister’s life, dear boy. If I don’t like how you’re speaking or dealing with us, I can have her killed or do it myself.”

I thought about it. This might be my one chance to engineer safety for Dairdra. But I needed to play it right. “Alright.” I sighed. “I’ll do it. But I want you to throw something else into the bargain for me.”

She gave me a bemused smile. “What more would you ask of us? If you don’t cooperate, we’ll kill her. So I fail to see how you can bargain with my master or with anyone for that matter.”

“I want you to leave Dairdra alive. Let us run. We’ll leave the country. I promise that I’ll get her out of Argent and make sure she never returns. Just… You have to promise to let us both live.”

“Even if we were to agree to this harebrained idea, mage boy, your beloved Queen will hate you. She’s going to find out what you did in the end. You know she will.” She glanced up from toying with her knife. “Let me give you a piece of advice.” She paused. “Don’t let yourself love her. It’s foolishness. You either pick her or your sister. You can’t have both.”

I shook my head. Now was the time when I decided between them if I couldn’t have both. “No. You either grant Dairdra’s life to me along with my sister’s, or you won’t get any more from me. In fact, I’ll even help Argent by telling them everything I know.”

“What about your sister? You’d just leave her to die? Because if you do this, we’ll kill her.”

I thought carefully. Could I leave my sister to die just to save Dairdra? I hated myself for it, but I could. My sister was very close to my heart, but I had to face the fact that without Dairdra, I couldn’t go on living. I would be too broken to fix without her. If saving my sister meant her death, I might as well kill myself and have done with it.

“Yes, I would.” I whispered.

She laughed. “So heartless and cold, mage boy. Your only sister and you’d abandon her to save your Queen? Amazing.” She shook her head.

“My allegiance lies with my Queen first. So, you either give me both of their lives when this over, or I’ll personally destroy you. I’ll kill anyone I have to just to kill you and your master if you don’t.” I answered, my voice low and dark.

She smiled again, eyes cold. “I admire your courage, mage boy.” She sighed. “I will contact you again in two days’ time with my master’s decision. If you do not hear from me by then, you can assume that your sister is dead. Because — if you don’t hear back — that means he’s decided that you and your precious Queen can die together. If you pursue this path you propose and he does not agree, know that he will kill you both. And you’ll watch them both die before we end you too.”

I shuddered. But I couldn’t back down. I had to fight for what I believed was right. I might not be able to tell Dairdra about this while there was still a chance that my sister might live, but if the King of Cyril turned me down, I would let my sister die. Of course, I’d kill everyone responsible for killing her in vengeance for what they’d done, but if she died, she died.

 I didn’t think it would come to that though. King Vill wouldn’t want to lose the one person who could actually tip the balance of the war.  No matter what anyone did or didn’t say, I knew that I was the most powerful mage in Argent, if not on the whole planet, potentially anyway. And if I didn’t want Cyril to win, they wouldn’t. And he knew it too. Just as he knew that he could easily control me, powerful or no, with my sister’s life. But now, he would have to give me Dairdra too, or I’d unleash such a storm of wrath on him that he wouldn’t know what happened.

I clenched my jaw, tipping my chin up to look her in the eyes. “I’ll fight for what I believe is right. And if you or anyone else tries to stop me, I will kill you all.” I whispered.

She gave me a cold stare, and then the link terminated.

I sat there in numb silence for a moment. I had either condemned my sister or saved her and Dairdra. I had either done something very stupid, or done something powerful and wonderful.

Remarkably, I felt calm as I dissolved the wards around my room and door. Drained, I collapsed back onto my bed, falling asleep instantly.

I leaned back against my pillows. A surge of emotions traveled through me. Love, relief, guilt. Confidence too.

Yesterday, the Cyrillian assassin had contacted me to tell me that King Vill agreed. Dairdra’s life was saved because of my treachery. If she wanted to hate me forever, so be it, but I preferred to have her alive to hate me than to have her dead and unable to decide either way.

A wave of guilt assailed me then. I was lying to the one person who meant the most to me, and today when I headed out with her to visit another base, my treachery would be taken to the next level. Because while I was putting up wards, I’d be leaving a small “door” in my protections so that Cyril could get in. My face burned in shame, but I pushed the feeling away.

The last thing that I could afford right now was guilt. Dairdra’s face filled my mind, and I felt giddy. So much had happened in the last two days since Dairdra had said yes to my proposal. I’d agreed to let the whole Cyrillian force through my barriers in the outlying outposts of Argent in return for her life. Her mother was buried. Lastly, I’d talked to the Council about marrying Dairdra, and they had said yes with no exceptions. Everyone in the palace knew who I was, and it was gratifying to know they approved unanimously of a marriage between me and Dairdra.

My guilt continued to try to force its way to the surface, but I couldn’t let it. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the barriers I had already fashioned. I needed to open the holes in those ones now. King Vill wanted to attack them tonight, and if the holes weren’t open, he wouldn’t be able to get his armies through.

I opened up holes in the barriers in the same place for each one. My stomach churned with unease, but I wasn’t going to back out of this now.

I finished the task just as Dairdra walked in. A guard stood at attention outside the door, but he didn’t come into the room with her. So it was of a private nature. She closed the door behind her and came in.

“My Lady?”

She stared at me with her beautiful eyes, eyes that always made me want to lose myself within their depths. “Crypt, please… We’re in private. Don’t use titles.”

I smiled at her. “I talked to the Council yesterday, but I didn’t get a chance to talk to you about their response.”

She gave me a worried look as she walked over and sat on the bed next to me. I shifted positions so that I was sitting up too.

“What did they say, Crypt?” She quivered and her eyes caught mine with a silent plea.

“They said yes.” I answered, grinning. “It was unanimous.”

She laughed, the tension fleeing from her body. She flung her arms around my neck, kissing me. “Oh, I’m so happy! After everything that’s gone wrong, finally something has gone right!” She whispered, her laughter turning to tears of relief and joy.

I hugged her, rocking her gently back and forth. “Shh… It’s okay. Things will get better now. Just remember. No matter what happens, no matter what you think of me or anyone else in this war, I love you and I always will.” I whispered back.

She moved back a bit, hands resting on my shoulders, searching my face with her exquisite eyes. “Crypt, after the last few days, I could never doubt that you love me.”

“Maybe not, but I needed to say it. I needed you to hear it.” I looked at her, my stare sharp.

She smiled. “Alright, Crypt. I heard you say it, and I believe you. So now, I need to tell you this: I love you now and I’ll love you forever, and don’t even think about trying to die on me before the war is over. You asked me to marry you, I said yes, and you are going to make it to that altar if I have to drag you there.”

I grinned as she laughed. “Deal. But you won’t have to drag me there.” I kissed her.

She leaned into me for a moment. Then she stood up. “I hope I don’t, Crypt. But don’t forget, I’m capable!” She smiled at me to let me know she was teasing. Then her tone became serious. “I came to ask you how the wards are holding up on our outposts.”

I shrugged. “What do you want to know? So far, they’ve held Cyril out. They’ve taken a battering though.” I figured I’d better start making it appear that the wards might be weakening now before Cyril attacked and got through. I didn’t want people guessing that maybe I’d sabotaged it. “I’d have to be closer to it to know for sure where exactly they’re at strength-wise.”

She nodded. “So Cyril can’t get through?”

“Well, they’d need a mage with a lot of skill and fire-power to break it down completely or put a hole in it. But if they battered it enough, with my strength and attention being stretched out among multiple barriers, they could possibly succeed in weakening it to the point that a significantly weaker mage would be able to destroy it or put a hole in it.” I lied.

She sighed. “Well, I suppose it was too much to hope that they wouldn’t be able to get through it at all, ever.”

I felt terrible for lying to her. Those barriers would have to be battered for months to come down on their own, and it would take a mage stronger than I to break them. And so far as I knew, one didn’t exist in Cyril. But I couldn’t tell her that or she would know when they broke that I had done it and on purpose.

“I’m sorry, Dairdra.”

She looked up from the floor, misunderstanding what my apology was meant for. “It’s not your fault, Crypt. You are doing the best you can! No one could ask more.”

Well, yes, they could. But once again, she wouldn’t know that. And I wasn’t about to correct her.

I gave her a smile. “Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment.”

She smiled back. “You’re welcome. So, are you able to strengthen the barriers again?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. It might spread me out too thin and then I couldn’t maintain them all.”

She shrugged. “Oh well. Can’t expect everything. Thank you for all you are doing, Crypt.”

I stood up, taking her into my arms and breathing in her piney scent. “Anything for you.” I whispered.

She laughed. “Really?”

“Really.”

She smiled up at me. “I have to go now. You should rest though; you look tired.” She traced the dark circles under my eyes with a cool, delicate finger.

I caught her soft hand and held it between mine, not wanting to let go, but knowing I had to.
This is what you will lose once she finds out about your treachery
. My lecherous mind kept whispering that to me. I shrugged off the thoughts, not wanting to spoil the time we had together.

“I’ll rest. But promise me that you will too. We have to leave tomorrow to visit another outpost, and you shouldn’t be seen looking like you’ll drop dead any minute. That’s no way to keep up morale, yours or theirs.”

She nodded. “I know. I will… Just as soon as I can.” She caught my look. “I promise.”

I let go of her, smiling. “Make sure you do. I don’t want you fainting on me while visiting the soldiers.” My words were lighthearted, but we both knew I was serious.

“Same goes for you.” She whispered, a ghost of a smile flitting across her face in response to my words.

She turned. “I have to go now. I’ll see you tonight for dinner?”

I held my breath. She was inviting me to dine at the royal table with her? That wasn’t something I’d expected. “Well… I guess… I don’t know if… I mean…”

She looked over her shoulder at me. “Stop stuttering, silly. Just say yes.”

I smiled, feeling as though I was floating on air. She’d asked me to have dinner with her! “Yes!” I blurted out.

“Thank you. I’ll see you at five. Don’t be late.” Her voice was firm as she slipped out the door.

When she and her guards were gone, I slipped back onto the bed, fatigued.

 Dairdra was right. I hadn’t been getting enough sleep. I needed to rest, and that was exactly what I meant to do. I let my head touch the pillow and the last thought I could remember thinking before sleep came was:
Tonight… Tomorrow Cyril will be within our borders, and the war will be turned. For better or worse, I have decided its outcome. And I have, undeniably, tipped it in Cyril’s favor.