In the Name of Love (30 page)

‘Good, thanks.’

‘And how is Felipe? I was so very sorry to hear about Audaz. I do hope he is going to be okay. It will be devastating for Felipe if he cannot ride him for the Olympics. Of course he has other horses, but Audaz is the best he has ever competed with.’ She looked at Charlie enquiringly, clearly expecting her to know the answer.

Something had happened to Felipe’s horse? Why hadn’t he told her? Charlie was reeling inside but didn’t want to reveal that she knew absolutely nothing about any of this. Somehow she managed a non-committal, ‘Felipe’s fine, he’s outside if you want to talk to him.’

She watched as Paloma swept out of the store and approached Felipe. Charlie saw their animated conversation, saw Paloma give him a sympathetic hug, and felt utterly excluded. Felipe hadn’t been able to tell her this crucial news about his horse because of her phobia. No wonder he was so preoccupied and on edge.

By the time she had paid for the champagne, Paloma
had
left and Felipe was having another cigarette – so much for him trying to quit, but now at least Charlie understood why. As soon as he saw her he threw the cigarette down and ground it out with his heel.

‘We should hurry or we’ll be late.’ He noticed the champagne. ‘Ah, my favourite, that’s very clever of you.’

‘Paloma told me. It’s just one of the many things she knows about you that I apparently don’t.’

She thought that might be the prompt for Felipe to tell her what had happened, but he shrugged and said, ‘None of those things are important.’

Charlie couldn’t bear the fact that he was trying to pretend everything was okay, when it so clearly wasn’t. She wanted to tell him that she knew but now wasn’t the time as they hurried through the narrow streets, trying to avoid other shoppers. It was only when they arrived back at the apartment that she felt she could broach the subject.

‘I’m so sorry about Audaz. You should have told me.’

They were both in the bedroom, gathering together their swimming things, as the plan was to have a swim in Luis and Mariana’s pool during the afternoon.

‘I didn’t want to upset you. There is no conspiracy,’ Felipe told her, but he still seemed closed off.

‘It was upsetting having to hear about it from Paloma.’ Charlie hadn’t intended to sound resentful but that was what Felipe detected as he immediately snapped back, ‘Paloma knows because of my mother, for no other reason. Please don’t be jealous. I hate jealousy. It stifles everything and ruins relationships.’

‘I’m not jealous of her,’ Charlie protested. ‘I feel so excluded from your life. And that’s not your fault, it’s mine. Please tell me what happened?’

Felipe sighed. ‘We were jumping and Audaz hit one of the fences quite badly. He’s damaged one of his tendons and we’re waiting to find out the extent of the injury.’

He looked so bleak Charlie hardly knew what to say. She walked over to him and put her arms around him. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘I know you are, and hopefully he will be okay, but it just adds to the pressure. I’ll have to work even harder with Valiente, one of my back-up horses.’

‘Shouldn’t you be at the stables now, checking how he is doing?’ Charlie asked, feeling guilty that Felipe had taken this weekend off to see her.

‘No, Daria, my groom, is more than capable of looking after him. I had to spend this time with you. Besides, what will be will be, whether I am there or not.’ He kissed her lightly. ‘Now come on, we should go.’

They were both quiet on the drive over to their friends’ house. Once again Charlie found herself replaying in her mind Vittoria’s words about how unfair it was on Felipe that he couldn’t confide in his girlfriend about his sport. Suddenly she was gripped with a dark feeling of pessimism. She and Felipe had been living in a bubble of unreality these past months, lost in their passion for each other. They had both been pretending that her not being able to talk about riding was not a problem. They were deluding themselves. It was a huge problem, and Charlie feared it was only
going
to gain in momentum the closer they got to the Olympics.

Luis and Mariana lived some twenty minutes outside Marbella, in a luxurious hillside villa, with stunning views of the Mediterranean. The couple were their usual easygoing selves when they saw them, which only seemed to throw the tension between Charlie and Felipe into sharper relief.

‘Charlie, how wonderful to see you!’ Mariana exclaimed, hugging her affectionately. ‘We’re going to have lunch on the terrace by the pool. Luis is in charge of the barbecue so I hope you aren’t hungry, it could take some time. A very long time. We asked you for lunch, but it may well be for dinner.’

Luis overheard his wife and smiled. ‘Don’t listen to her, Charlie. I am the barbecue king, whatever she says. But you ladies go and sit down and I will bring out the drinks as I am also an excellent waiter.’

‘I’ll help you,’ Felipe put in, and Charlie wondered if he wanted to update his friend on Audaz.

Mariana led her through the comfortably furnished living room. Charlie paused to look at some of the photographs on the wall. These ranged from the early days of Mariana and Luis’s romance, with quirky pictures with them pulling funny faces in photo booths, right through to the elegant black-and-white photographs of their wedding day. Felipe had been their best man and Charlie’s gaze was drawn to one photograph of the three friends, arms round each other, laughing. Felipe looked so carefree then.

Mariana saw what she was looking at. ‘Don’t worry, we airbrushed Paloma out of all the pictures. She’s so tiny that it was very easy.’ She intended it to be a joke, but it barely raised a smile from Charlie.

‘Felipe looks so happy,’ she said quietly.

‘That’s because he knew that I would have killed him if he didn’t look happy at my wedding!’

There was still no smile from Charlie.

Mariana linked arms with her. ‘Come on, let’s go outside and you can tell me all your news.’

They settled down at a table on the terrace, under the shade of a large white parasol. Mariana wanted to hear how Charlie’s brother was getting on. She answered the questions as best she could but it didn’t take Mariana long to realise that there was something wrong.

‘Has something happened, Charlie? You don’t quite seem yourself.’

She thought about pretending that everything was fine, but she hated not being honest so she told Mariana about running into Paloma and her revelation.

‘Oh, Charlie, you mustn’t be upset that Felipe didn’t tell you. He had the best of intentions.’

Charlie felt even worse. Clearly Luis and Marianna too had known about Audaz. Everyone had known, except her.

‘Felipe should have been able to tell me, though. I feel that I am letting him down.’

‘Don’t be so hard on yourself.’ Mariana smiled warmly. ‘Things will work out, I’m certain of it. Felipe is very happy with you. Truly, I’ve never seen him so happy in a relationship before.’

Luis and Felipe came out of the house to join them and Charlie noticed that Felipe still seemed subdued. The heart to heart with Luis clearly hadn’t helped much. Luis was carrying a tray with the bottle of champagne, glasses and a jug of water. He poured a glass for Charlie and was about to pour a glass for his wife when she stopped him. ‘Oh, yes, water for you, of course!’ he exclaimed. He beamed at her.

Charlie and Felipe exchanged glances and Charlie wondered if he was thinking what she was, but they didn’t have to wait long as Mariana rolled her eyes and said, ‘Luis, you are the most unsubtle man I know! You could have poured me a glass of champagne and I could have pretended to sip it. But instead you make a big performance and draw attention to the fact that I’m not drinking.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Luis said again, ‘I’m just so happy. I feel as if I will burst if I don’t say something.’

‘I thought we weren’t going to tell anyone yet,’ Mariana replied.

‘Tell anyone what?’ Charlie asked, though she had a pretty good idea.

Luis put his arm round Mariana. ‘We’re having a baby!’

‘Congratulations!’ Charlie and Felipe exclaimed, and hugged and kissed their friends.

‘We wanted to wait until after the twelve-week scan, which we’ve just had. You two are the first to know,’ Mariana told them.

Felipe proposed a toast to the couple and conversation focused on when the baby was due (November)
and
whether the couple wanted a boy or a girl (they didn’t mind). Charlie was thrilled for them and their good news did something to disperse the dark cloud that had been hanging over her since her earlier encounter with Paloma. But she couldn’t help noticing as the afternoon progressed that Felipe seemed increasingly distracted. He didn’t want to go in the pool and barely said a word. He half-heartedly helped Luis with the barbecue, but seemed to prefer having a cigarette at the far end of the garden. Charlie guessed he was worrying about Audaz. He had barely touched his lunch when suddenly he stood up and announced, ‘I’m going over to the stables to check on him. I won’t be long.’

‘I’ll come with you,’ Charlie said quickly. ‘I could always wait in the car or in the house.’

‘No, no, I won’t be long, I promise.’ He kissed the top of her head and practically jogged to the front of the house, clearly desperate to leave.

‘He’ll feel better once he’s seen Audaz,’ Mariana said sympathetically, seeing the strained expression on Charlie’s face.

‘Be honest with me, how bad is it?’ she asked Luis.

He looked as if he wished she hadn’t asked the question. ‘It’s not good is all I can say. The vet thinks that there is only a fifty-fifty chance that he will be fit for the Games.’

‘Oh, God, Felipe didn’t tell me it was that bad!’ Charlie felt even worse. She should be with him, supporting him.

*

Two hours went by and there was still no sign of Felipe. Charlie insisted on clearing away all the lunch things and loading up the dishwasher. She couldn’t handle inactivity while she was so anxious. She tried calling Felipe but there was no reply. Mariana and Luis did their best to distract her but Charlie couldn’t stop thinking about him and wondering where he was. Finally, when she couldn’t take it any longer, she turned to Luis and said, ‘Would you drive me to the stables?’

He and his wife exchanged worried glances. ‘Are you sure that’s a good idea, Charlie?’ Mariana said gently. ‘You said yourself that you hadn’t been near a horse since your accident.’

‘I know, but I have to do this for Felipe. Please take me, or if you’d rather not, could you call me a taxi?’

The couple saw that Charlie had made her mind up, and Luis agreed to take her.

She called Felipe again on the journey over but he still didn’t pick up. It was a half-hour drive to his house through spectacular countryside with rolling hills and clusters of picturesque white-washed villages on the hilltops. They were called
Los Pueblos Blancos
, Luis told her, or the white towns of Andalusia. He kept on making conversation, trying to distract her from where they were going. The breathtaking, unspoilt scenery was a world away from the busy, built-up Costa del Sol. But Charlie was oblivious to the beauty. I can do this, she was telling herself over and over again. There is nothing to be afraid of. As if sensing her mood, Luis stopped talking and instead put on the radio.

But by the time he stopped outside the
impressive
wrought-iron gates leading to Felipe’s estate and equestrian centre, Charlie was sweating and her mouth felt cotton-wool dry. As Luis keyed in the security code she looked out at the fields surrounding the house and centre. There was a mare and her foal in one, several horses grazing in another, a series of jumps in another. Felipe’s
cortijo
was a beautiful honey-coloured building built around a bougainvillaea-filled courtyard. It was elegant but also looked homely. Not offputtingly grand like his parents’ home.

Luis parked alongside a vast silver horse lorry which looked as if it could fit at least six horses and which Charlie knew from experience would also have a kitchen, living-room area and bathroom.

Luis said, ‘Are you sure you want to go through with this? We could leave now. Felipe wouldn’t have to know that we had come.’

‘I’ll be okay, thanks,’ Charlie replied, feeling anything but as she opened the car door.

Luis linked arms with her. ‘Come on, Charlie, it’s this way.’ Everything, from the freshly painted wooden fences to the yard floor, was in pristine condition. There wasn’t a speck of manure or strand of hay to be seen. Ahead of them was the impressive stable block, built in the style of an airy American barn. They passed a smaller building which Luis told her housed an office, and living accommodation for five grooms. Then they passed a tack room, filled with saddles and bridles, each and every piece polished and gleaming and perfectly arranged. Charlie used to adore the smell of leather, preferred it to any perfume, but since the
accident
it aroused very different feelings. Almost immediately she felt a prickle of anxiety as she breathed in the familiar rich smell of freshly polished leather.
Keep going
, she urged herself, desperate to prove that she could do this one thing for Felipe.

Luis paused outside the stable building. ‘Are you sure you want to go in?’

Charlie could hardly trust herself to speak. In spite of the blazing sunshine and a temperature in the mid-twenties she suddenly felt freezing. But she nodded and followed Luis into the stables. These were far and away the grandest she had ever seen. There were stalls to either side, accommodating some twenty horses. As she and Luis approached, several of the occupants stuck their heads over the doors, curious to see who the visitors were and whether they might have any treats with them.

Pre-accident Charlie would have gone straight up to them without hesitation, now she could hardly bear to look at them.

‘Audaz is at the end,’ Luis told her, adding, ‘you’re doing fantastically well.’

That wasn’t how Charlie felt. A young woman in jodhpurs and a green polo shirt with the equestrian-centre logo came out of one of the stalls and called out something in Spanish to Luis.