In the Name of Love (31 page)

‘Daria says that we’ve just missed Felipe. He’s gone to meet up with the Chef d’Équipe.’

Charlie knew that this was the person who managed the national eventing team.

‘How’s Audaz?’ she asked.

Luis quickly rattled something off to Daria and her downbeat expression said it all.

‘It’s not looking good,’ he told Charlie. ‘He will need at least twelve weeks’ rest. And that means …’

‘Felipe can’t ride him in the Olympics.’

He stopped talking as if expecting that Charlie would want to leave then, but she carried on walking to the end stall.

A magnificent chestnut stallion was standing in the corner; his hind fetlock was strapped up with a bandage and bent forward to take the weight off it. He looked very sorry for himself, as if he knew that he wouldn’t be taking part in the competition of a life-time.

‘Poor boy,’ Charlie said out loud. At the sound of her voice Audaz lifted his fine head and limped over to the door. She found herself closer to a horse than she had been since the accident. By now Luis had joined her and made a great fuss of Audaz, gently pulling his ears and patting his neck while the horse whickered in appreciation. Charlie stood rigid, hands clenched, trying to keep herself together. Audaz gently butted his head against her side. Ace was always doing that, ever hopeful that there might be a Polo coming his way.

‘It’s all right,’ Luis commented, noticing Charlie’s tense expression. ‘He’s just looking for treats, he’s a big softie.’ Somehow she managed to unclench her fists and stroke Audaz’s head, where there was a brilliantly white blaze down the middle of his face. He had huge brown intelligent eyes, just like Ace. Before Charlie could stop herself she was remembering the last time she had seen her horse, his eyes rolling in terror as he looked to her for
help.
And suddenly she felt the insidious, wretched feeling of a panic attack, building up inside her. She felt as if she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t get enough oxygen into her lungs.

‘Are you okay?’ Luis was asking. His voice sounded a long way away.

Charlie tried to speak, but couldn’t get the words out. Then she was running out of the stables, desperate to get away. She tripped and fell in her haste, grazing her knee on the concrete. Luis quickly helped her up. ‘Take my arm, we’ll go to the house. It’s all right, Charlie, you’re safe.’

She was overcome with despair as she slumped back on the sofa, struggling to get her breathing under control, while Luis anxiously asked her if there was anything he could do. She had been so convinced that she was strong enough to overcome her fear, but it was hopeless, she was never going to get over what had happened. What an insane idea to think that she could even watch Felipe compete at the Olympics.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she said finally, when she could speak, ‘I really thought I could do this for Felipe.’ She put her hands over her eyes and sobbed, ‘But I can’t, I just can’t, not even for him.’

Luis sat next to her and put his arm around her. ‘Charlie, have more faith in yourself. You suffered a terrible trauma, and these things take time to get over.’

That’s the one thing I haven’t got
, she thought. The idea of being with Felipe suddenly seemed as fanciful as a fairy tale. His mother had been right, it was
incredibly
selfish of her to get involved with him. He needed to be with a partner who could share his passion for riding, not someone who practically went into melt-down at the mention of … never mind actually seeing … a horse. She thought of what Paloma had said at the party about how involved she had been in Felipe’s riding. How he must have valued her support. What good was Charlie to him?

‘Please don’t tell Felipe about this, will you?’ she pleaded with Luis. ‘He has so much to deal with right now.’

Luis frowned. ‘Charlie, he would want to know, he would want to help you.’

‘I beg you, Luis, please don’t tell him. You saw how exhausted and stressed he is.’

Luis looked at Charlie. She was beautiful even when she was distraught, but she seemed incredibly vulnerable. He didn’t want to make such a promise but knew he would have to, for her sake. ‘Okay,’ he said reluctantly, ‘I promise I won’t tell him.’

Charlie stood up; she still felt shaky but she didn’t dare stay here any longer in case Felipe returned. Even in her distressed state she registered how beautiful the house was. It was stylishly and comfortably furnished with big squashy sofas and armchairs strewn with brightly coloured cushions, gorgeous silver Arabian-style candle holders, richly patterned Oriental rugs scattered on warm terracotta tiles. It was designed to be cool in summer with all the downstairs rooms opening on to the courtyard or terrace, and cosy in winter with wood-burning stoves in all the rooms. She
could
just imagine Felipe and herself here, snuggling up beside the fire in the winter. It was far more to her taste than the achingly chic Marbella apartment. But somehow she didn’t think she would be seeing it again.

Charlie wanted to wash her face and Luis directed her to one of the bathrooms upstairs. She passed what had to be Felipe’s bedroom on the way. It was a lovely room with a four-poster bed in the centre hung with white muslin drapes, and windows overlooking the fields and hills in the distance. She couldn’t resist walking in. On the beside table she saw that he had framed a photograph of them together, taken on the beach in Barbados. They had their arms round each other and were smiling away at the camera. Her heart ached to see how happy they both looked. It had been a fairy tale meeting. But it felt to her as if the fairy tale was over.

Luis insisted that she have a glass of water before they leave and Charlie followed him into the kitchen. There, by the door, she noticed a recycling box full of empty wine and whisky bottles. She had no idea that Felipe even drank whisky. Luis noticed what she was looking at, and sighed. ‘When Felipe gets stressed he has a tendency to drink. I try and keep across it as much as I can, but I can’t be with him all the time. And lately it’s been getting bad again.’

‘I bet Paloma stopped him, didn’t she?’ Charlie said quietly.

Another sigh from Luis. ‘Charlie, don’t do this to yourself. Felipe wants to be with you.’

She didn’t reply.

*

Felipe ended up staying at his house. He told Charlie that he needed to ride Valiente. He sounded despondent. All riders at his level had several horses that were trained to take part in the Olympics and other important competitions, but Audaz had been special and Felipe needed time to adjust. True to her word, Charlie didn’t tell him about her panic attack at the stables. She just hoped that Daria would have more important things on her mind than telling Felipe that she had seen Charlie.

She spent a quiet night with Mariana and Luis. After supper, which Charlie had no appetite for, she pretended she had a headache and went up to her room very early. She knew that Mariana and Luis were concerned about her and wanted to talk to her about what had happened, but she couldn’t deal with their sympathy. They would only tell her that everything would be okay. It wasn’t and it never would be.

Once in her room she booked herself a flight for the following morning and a taxi to pick her up at half-past six. She felt awful making the arrangements behind the couple’s back, but she knew if she told them they would only try and stop her.

She hardly slept for agonising over what to do. She was in love with Felipe, but she couldn’t be with him. It was no use pretending otherwise. If she told him about the panic attack he would insist that it didn’t matter. But at what price to himself? Anyone could see the enormous pressure he was under. Her phobia was adding to that pressure. She couldn’t do that to the man she loved, she couldn’t be that selfish.

She got up around six, just as the sun was rising and it was promising to be another beautiful day, and let herself out of the house to await the taxi at the end of the drive. She had left Mariana and Luis a note saying that she’d had an urgent call from the studio and had to get back to the UK. She sent Felipe a text, saying the same thing, just before she boarded her flight.

When she arrived back in London Felipe called her and she carried on her pretence that something had come up at work. While he was surprised by her sudden departure, he was so preoccupied with training that he didn’t press her for details. He sounded so down. It broke Charlie’s heart knowing that she couldn’t help him, and that made her even more determined. She took off the diamond pendant, put it in its case and shut it away in the bottom drawer of the jewellery box, which she rarely opened. She knew what she had to do. All the same she felt sick when she sent TFB the message.

Chapter 21

DREW HADN’T CONTACTED
Darcy for over a month and she had been so happy with Kris, she hadn’t given him another thought. So it was a shock on Sunday night, as she and Kris were snuggled up on the sofa watching
True Blood
, to receive a booty text from Drew.
How’s my head girl? Fancy coming over? x
The thought of it made her skin crawl.

She ignored it. But half an hour later there was another text.
Are you coming?

This time she turned her phone off. Kris hadn’t commented on the texts, and nor had Darcy told him about Drew. But suddenly she felt the need to wipe the slate clean and be completely honest with him. ‘Those texts were from my ex.’

‘Should I be worried?’

Darcy shook her head. ‘After we split up …’ She hesitated. No, she was going to be totally honest. ‘Okay, after he dumped me, he’d call me every few weeks
wanting
to have sex. And I always ended up saying yes. I guess I hoped that he would want me back.’

‘And that’s what those texts were about?’

She nodded, wondering how she would feel if Kris suddenly received such texts from an ex.

‘Are you tempted?’ he asked.

Darcy looked at him, taking in the handsome face and the brown eyes that were so full of warmth. ‘Not in the slightest.’

‘Then I’m not worried. And tomorrow you’ll be meeting my mum as she’s staying at Charlie’s. I would have hated to disappoint her by saying that you’d dumped me.’

Darcy kissed him. ‘That is never going to happen.’

They were in bed when the doorbell rang.

‘D’you want me to see who it is?’ Kris asked.

‘No, it’s okay, I’ll go.’ Darcy had a suspicion that she knew exactly who it was. She slipped on a tee-shirt and padded over to the front door. Sure enough when she looked at entry-phone screen there was Drew.

She picked up the phone. ‘It’s after midnight, Drew, what are you doing here?’

‘Why didn’t you answer my texts?’

He sounded pissed.

‘Because I was busy.’

‘Can I come up? I really need to see you, Darcy. Everything’s shit at work.’

Was he expecting her to be sympathetic? ‘I’m sorry, I can’t.’

Drew couldn’t have looked more surprised if she had slapped him. ‘Why not? Oh, is
he
up there with you?
Yeah,
your sister told me you were seeing some guy who’s just got out of prison. Enjoying your bit of rough, Darcy?’

‘Good night, Drew.’ She hung up the phone and turned to go back to bed. But Drew had other ideas and rang the bell again. In fact, he kept his finger pressed firmly on it. Fuck! What was she supposed to do now? Kris came out of the bedroom. He’d pulled on some jeans. ‘Do you want me to go down and tell him to go?’

‘Let me deal with him,’ Darcy replied, knowing what a mean drunk Drew could be. She opened the front door and ran downstairs to the main entrance. Drew was still ringing the doorbell; at this rate he would wake the entire block. Then again, consideration for others had never been his strong point. She opened the door and glared at him. ‘Will you stop doing that!’

‘Can I come up then?’

Whatever had she seen in him? It was one of his off days so he hadn’t shaved and he’d put on yet more weight. He looked bloated and unhealthy.

‘No, you’ve got to go. I’m seeing someone else. I don’t want to see you any more.’

Now he decided to switch tactics, ‘Please Darcy, I’ve really missed you.’

Yeah, right! He missed someone who would drop everything for him, including their knickers, and be there when he wanted them – and out of sight when he didn’t. She had played that role for too long.

‘Like Darcy said, it would be better if you left.’ Kris had come downstairs. He stood on the doorstep, arms
folded
across his chest. He was at least four inches taller than Drew.

‘Is this him?’ Drew demanded, jabbing his finger at Kris. ‘Why don’t you fuck off, mate? We’re having a private conversation.’

‘No, we’re not,’ Darcy replied. ‘I don’t want to see you any more and that’s it.’

‘You’d seriously rather see him than me? He’s just a chavvy nobody with a pumped-up body. Do you know what your family think of him? How upset your mother is because you’re seeing a criminal?’

Kris stepped forward, causing Drew to shout out, ‘What are you going to do? Hit me?’

Darcy put her hand on Kris’s arm, as if to restrain him.

‘Don’t worry, Darcy, I wouldn’t touch him.’

In spite of the tense stand-off, she stood on tiptoes and kissed Kris’s cheek. ‘I know. He isn’t worth it and I completely trust you. I know that you would never do anything to hurt me.’

Suddenly Drew seemed to realise that Darcy meant what she said. Muttering, ‘You’re making a fucking huge mistake, Darcy. Don’t expect me to be around when he’s finished with you,’ he turned and walked unsteadily away.

The following day Darcy had to have the fitting for her bridesmaid’s dress. She met up with her sister at a chic and wildly expensive boutique on the King’s Road in Chelsea. As she was shown upstairs to the fitting room, she thought yet again what a pity it was that she wasn’t
close
to her sisters. Then this would have been a fun event, whereas now it felt like a chore. Bunny and Perdita were already there. Perdita was dressed in her bridesmaid’s dress and the designer was making last-minute alterations. Bunny was going for a very traditional wedding. Her attendants’ dresses were long, strapless creations in ice-blue silk taffeta. As cold as her family relationship, Darcy reflected.