In the Name of Love (34 page)

Vittoria remained where she was. ‘Felipe, something
must
have happened to make Charlie behave like this. She had strong feelings for you, I’m sure – anyone could see that.’ She hesitated. ‘And I know what you felt for her.’

‘Really?’ He was sarcastic now. ‘Well, all I can see is that you never liked her. She was devastated after your party. And then there was that story in the press … I wouldn’t put it past you to have ordered your lackey Enzo to have leaked it.’

His mother was silent and Felipe took that as an admission of guilt. She had indeed got her lawyer to tip off the British tabloids.

‘Please go now,’ he repeated.

‘Are you sure I can’t get you anything first?’ she asked. He shook his head and was relieved when she finally left.

Charlie cried for much of the rest of the day. She had phoned in sick to work – she had never done that before. At this rate she would lose her career as well as her relationship, but everything about the job that had once seemed so important to her, now didn’t seem to matter at all. Kris was out, so she had the flat to herself and her misery. She ignored all calls from Zoe, her mum, Luis and Aaron. Every time she thought of weakening and calling Felipe to tell him that it was all a mistake, she thought back to the incident at the stables. It was killing her but she had to do this for him. He had told her that he loved her and that made her even more determined, because she loved him and she was making this sacrifice for him.

When Kris returned home, Charlie pretended to be asleep in bed. The following morning she got up earlier than usual, wanting to get to work before he woke up. Once there she went straight to Nicky’s office. Her boss was already at her desk, hard at work at her computer. She looked up when she noticed Charlie in the doorway,

‘Oh, hi, Charlie. Are you better now?’

She sounded concerned and Charlie felt even worse about lying. She was lying to everyone. Her whole life was one big fat lie.

‘I’m fine. Nicky, I need to tell you something.’

Nicky looked faintly embarrassed – she was great on work issues, not so good on the personal stuff. ‘If it’s about you breaking up with Felipe, I saw the papers and it’s none of my business. It’s no one’s business but yours.’

‘It’s not that. I should have told you this before … I can’t work on any of the Olympic equestrian events. I had a bad riding accident a year ago and since then I haven’t been able to ride. I’ve developed a phobia.’ Shit, she had a horrible feeling that she was going to cry! She clenched her fists and dug her fingernails into her palms.

Nicky gave a small cough and fiddled with some of the documents on her desk. ‘Actually, Charlie, I already knew. I read about the accident when you joined the channel, and I saw the press picked up on it last week. I would never ask you to report on any riding events until you’re ready.’ She smiled at Charlie. ‘Is there anything else?’

Charlie shook her head.

‘Good. Well, I’ll see you at the planning meeting.’ And Nicky turned her attention once more to her screen.

But as Charlie walked back to the office, she didn’t feel relieved. She felt numb. Darcy was sitting at her computer; she smiled hesitantly at Charlie. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yes, why wouldn’t I be?’ Charlie replied coolly.

Darcy looked embarrassed. ‘Um, well, I saw the story in the
Sun
this morning. They’ve blown something out of nothing, right?’

Here goes. Time to lie again. ‘Wrong. I’m back with Aaron. It’s over with Felipe.’

Darcy couldn’t have looked more stunned if Charlie had slapped her. ‘But why? You seemed so good together. You seemed so happy.’

It was killing Charlie to pretend, but somehow she managed to shrug as if this was all boring to her. ‘Like I said before, the spark’s gone.’

‘Do Lori and Kris know that it’s over?’

God! Was Darcy ever going to give up?

‘Not yet. Go ahead and tell them if you want.’ And then because she couldn’t stand another minute of Darcy’s interrogation, Charlie made an excuse about needing to talk to a researcher, and locked herself in the disabled loo and sobbed.

Somehow she got through the live show in the afternoon. Aidan took on all the interviews. Usually Charlie would have made sure that she did as much as he did as she didn’t want to be seen as a piece of eye candy for sports fans, but today she was grateful that Aidan
carried
the show. She checked her phone as she hurried out of the lifts – more missed calls from her friends that she had no intention of answering. But she had reckoned without Zoe’s persistence. Just as she was about to leave the reception area through the revolving glass door, she saw her friend sitting on one of the sofas, obviously waiting for her. Reluctantly Charlie walked towards her.

Zoe stood up. ‘What’s going on, Charlie?’

She bit her lip. The last thing she wanted to do was fall out with Zoe, but she couldn’t handle her questions now.

‘Nothing’s going on. I split with Felipe; I’m seeing Aaron. It’s no biggie.’ She hated herself for sounding so cold.

‘It fucking is a biggie!’ Zoe exclaimed, her voice echoing round the glass-walled reception area so everyone could hear. Great, that was all Charlie needed.

She reached for Zoe’s arm. ‘Can we at least go outside?’

Charlie led the way to a bench where she sat down and folded her arms, steeling herself for the conversation.

‘I haven’t got long, Zoe. I’m going out tonight and I need to get ready.’

Zoe curled her lip. ‘You’re not seeing
him
, are you?’

‘If you mean Aaron, then yes, I am. He’s taking me to Hakkasan for dinner.’

‘I’m surprised you could have any appetite at all sitting opposite that wanker. Come on, Charlie! What’s happened to you? It’s like
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
– you look
like
Charlie, but you’re behaving like a total stranger. Felipe adores you, and you adore him. I know you do.’

Somehow Charlie forced herself to meet Zoe’s gaze. ‘I did. I don’t any more. Why can’t you accept that the spark has gone for me? It’s not about you, Zoe, it’s about me. Now can we drop this?’ She looked at her watch. ‘I’ve got to go. D’you want a lift anywhere?’

It was a shock when Zoe shook her head. ‘No, thanks.’ She stayed sitting on the bench while Charlie hurried away, desperately trying to blink back the tears.

Chapter 23

FELIPE DIDN’T GIVE
up and called her every single night, leaving urgent, pleading messages which Charlie didn’t return. She felt as if she was sleepwalking through her life, her head felt thick with misery, but somehow she found the strength to continue with her plan. She met up with Aaron for another date and made sure the paps were there to photograph them. The pictures then duly appeared in the press. Her friends and family were stunned by this turn of events. No one could believe that she had broken up with Felipe. But Charlie insisted that she was in love with Aaron, that she always had been, and that was that.

It will get better, she kept telling herself. But she cried herself to sleep every night. As if to vindicate her choice, the nightmares about the accident returned as badly as they had in the days immediately following it. These surely were the proof that she couldn’t be with Felipe.

Aaron kept hassling her to sleep with him. But
whatever
Charlie might pretend to her friends, there was no way she wanted to and every time he kissed her it took all her will-power not to run away. She came up with yet another lie – after such a big lie to Felipe, what were these smaller ones to Aaron? – that she needed time before she could trust him again. If after a month he could prove that he wasn’t seeing anyone else, then they would take their relationship further. She was sure that by then Felipe would have given up on her, and she could come up with some excuse to Aaron and end things quietly.

It was a Friday night in the middle of May and she was meeting him for dinner at Sanctum Soho hotel. As she hurried through the lobby, she saw a familiar figure. It was Felipe.
My only love!
She longed more than anything to throw her arms around him and bury her face in his shoulder. To feel his arms around her. She had missed him so much. He looked shattered, unshaven, with dark shadows under his eyes. She steeled herself for what was coming next as he strode towards her.

‘I had to see you, Charlie. Zoe told me you would be here.’ His beautiful brown eyes were burning with intensity and passion. He was close enough for her to smell his familiar aftershave.

‘Zoe had no right to tell you anything,’ Charlie replied, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.

‘She told me because she cares about you. And Luis told me about your panic attack at the stables. Is all this something to do with that? Because you know I will do whatever it takes to help you overcome your fear.’

He sounded so sincere, so heartfelt. She forced herself to reply, ‘I’d already forgotten about that thing at the stables. It isn’t about that.’

‘Tell me to my face that you don’t want to see me any more because I don’t believe you, Charlie.’

Every fibre of her being was calling out for him, longing for him, dying for him. ‘I’m sorry, Felipe, you’ve had a wasted journey. It really is over.’ Charlie didn’t know how she was keeping it together.

He took a step towards her. ‘I don’t believe you. You can’t just turn your back on the connection we had and pretend it was nothing – just a fling.’

She shrugged. ‘To me it was. I didn’t feel it as much as you did, I’m sorry.’ Charlie didn’t think she could go on with this pretence a moment longer. But then Aaron walked into the lobby and made a bee-line for her. He looked cocky, arrogant, a jack-the-lad. She had never disliked him more than when he put his arm around her waist, claiming possession, and kissed her in front of Felipe.

Somehow Charlie managed to smile and slide her arm around his back, aware of Felipe’s hawk-like gaze still fixed on her. ‘This is Aaron. Aaron, Felipe.’

Aaron put out his hand, but Felipe ignored the gesture and said, ‘If this is really what you want, Charlie, then I’ll go and you’ll never have to see me again.’

No, no, no!
Charlie was screaming inside.

‘It is.’ She felt as if she had turned to stone as Felipe gazed at her one last time then strode away, violently shouldering open the glass door.

He was lost to her now.

‘Bit of a coincidence him pitching up, wasn’t it?’ Aaron commented. ‘Looked a bit rough, didn’t he?’ He was never the most perceptive man when it came to emotions.

It was taking all of Charlie’s will-power not to run after Felipe. Her heart felt as if it was breaking. She knew then that she loved Felipe more than she had ever loved anyone before, and that she would never love like this again. Ignoring Aaron’s remark, she said, ‘Let’s get a drink.’

Felipe was in a daze all the way back to the airport. Zoe had called him and begged him to come and stay with her, but he couldn’t face anyone, seeing the pity in their eyes, dealing with all the questions. How could he have got it so spectacularly wrong with Charlie? She had looked at him so coldly and seemed so glad to see that idiot footballer with his diamond earrings and stupid designer jacket. And she was even dressed differently, like a WAG, in a tight white low-cut dress, with far more make-up on than he had ever seen her in before. She had still looked beautiful, but so hard.

He downed several whiskys on the flight back, even though he had vowed that he wouldn’t drink again until after the Olympics. He craved some respite from the agony of knowing that Charlie was lost to him.

He walked through arrivals with his shoulders hunched and his head lowered, trying to ignore the happy scenes of couples hugging each other, the smiles on the faces of families being reunited. He had waited for Charlie here so many times; he remembered the feeling of
anticipation
before she walked out, the sheer joy of seeing her, their passionate embraces. Suddenly he realised that someone was waving at him. It was Paloma.

‘Felipe, I just wanted to see if you were all right.’ Her beautiful face was aglow with sympathy. He thought about giving her the brush off, pretending that he was fine, but then the prospect of returning to an empty house with only his thoughts of Charlie for company was too much. He could do with a friend right now.

‘Not really. I don’t understand what has happened. I don’t know why Charlie has broken up with me. Nothing makes any sense.’

Paloma reached out and lightly touched his arm. ‘Come, let me drive you home, you look exhausted.’

He was silent on the drive back to his house. It was strange sitting next to Paloma. She had driven his car many times in the past, and seeing her at the wheel almost made him feel that they had never split up. Maybe they never should have. Life with her would be easy and straightforward. Also dull, but at least he wouldn’t hurt the way he did now.

Once they arrived at the house she made him a bowl of spaghetti Napolitana, refusing to listen to his protests that he wasn’t hungry. ‘I know you won’t have eaten anything all day. And you must keep your energy levels up.’

Felipe managed a couple of mouthfuls, before pushing the plate away. He had no appetite. He longed to drink, anything to numb the pain, but when Paloma saw him pour a glass of whisky, she said, ‘Felipe, that is not the answer. You’ve already had some on the flight.’ She
clearly
expected him to obey her, like a good little boy, and he remembered how infuriatingly bossy she could be, wanting everything to be done her way. He picked up the glass and took a large gulp of whisky.

‘Thank you for your concern, Paloma, but I will be the judge of what I do or don’t need. And right now, believe me, this is what I need.’

Paloma looked as if she had plenty to say, but managed to stop herself. She adopted a different tactic. Sitting down on the sofa next to him, she smoothed back his hair.

‘Would you like me to give you a massage?’ Her hands moved to his shoulders. God knows he was tense. He closed his eyes as Paloma’s slim fingers skilfully kneaded the knots in his shoulders. What was Charlie doing now? he wondered, torturing himself with images of her with that stupid footballer. Was he unzipping that slutty dress, kissing her breasts, caressing her between her legs, fucking her? The images were like scorpions in his head. He couldn’t bear it. He opened his eyes. Reaching for Paloma, he pulled her on to his lap and began kissing her, forcing his tongue into her mouth, caressing her breasts, sliding his hands along her thighs. Her skin felt cool to his touch. Against his will he remembered the heat rising from Charlie’s body, the way she always responded to his touch. Caressing Paloma was like touching a beautiful statue. But maybe this would help him break the hold Charlie had over him.