In Too Deep (11 page)
It was probably childish, but I called Sawyer that very afternoon, asking if he wanted to join Sloane and me at the Yankees-Red Sox game. It wasn’t totally unusual – Sawyer and I often went to galas and events together while Jackson was away. Knowing that he could only look and not touch, Jackson never minded. In fact, he seemed to enjoy the fact that one of his friends was so willing to “babysit” me while he was gone.
But apparently, that had changed.
Too bad
, I thought as Sloane and I waited for Jake and Sawyer in our ground level seats along the first base line. Jackson had left me so livid my hands shook as I stood alone in the middle of our apartment. But I refused to let him ruin another day of mine while he went off to laugh and drink with new investors. So I called the two most fun people I knew – Sloane and Sawyer.
And because heat was still coursing through my body, I had Sawyer invite Jake.
“Okay, so here’s what I know about baseball,” Sloane announced, already tipsy off half a beer. “There is a ball, a bat, three bases and a bunch of guys wearing too much clothes for me to really evaluate their bodies.”
“Well, you can see a lot of forearm, and I know how you like forearms.”
“
Yes
, I do!” Sloane clapped excitedly, as if only just remembering this about herself. “I wish Caleb showed his off more often ‘cause the first thing I ever even noticed about him was his – oh my God! You know what they should invent? Suits for men that end at the elbow, so we can see more forearm.”
I snorted at her drunken rambling. “I don’t know about that one, Sloane.”
“Are you telling me you don’t want Jackson to wear a short-sleeved tux at your wedding?” she giggled, feigning shock. But the smile slid off my face as she mentioned my wedding. For some reason, the word “wedding” jolted me. I hadn’t thought about mine in what felt like ages. I’d also blown off a couple appointments to check out venues and had yet to reschedule my meeting with the calligrapher. The wedding didn’t even feel like something real to me anymore. Sloane frowned as she studied me. “Are you not excited for your big day?” she asked. “You can tell me. I’m the girl who’s been engaged to her fiancé for ten months with no wedding plans yet because neither of our families can agree on where to have it.”
I cracked a smile. “Thank you but don’t worry. It’s nothing, I’m just… stressed out. And Jackson’s been acting a little difficult lately so it’s making me a little less excited to spend the rest of my life with him,” I muttered. “But I think I’m just being a brat,” I added hastily, just to relieve Sloane. I could see her brows knitting as she mentally prepared to have a long pep talk with me. But now, she exhaled with a smile.
“No, I get it, babe. I’m a brat too. I don’t want to have this wedding unless it’s exactly like I imagined as a little girl but I also don’t have the energy to plan it myself but I also can’t pick a wedding planner to do it for me till I know if I’m getting married in New York or Kentucky. It’s such an ordeal.”
“Oh, fuck me.”
I sat up straight when I heard Sawyer’s voice behind us.
“You two aren’t going to be talking about your weddings all day, are you?” he asked, a big grin gleaming out from under the bill of his worn-in Yankees cap. “’Cause that’ll kind of kill my buzz every time I hit on you,” he cracked as he took the seat beside Sloane.
As he did, I turned around to see Jake charming the hell out of a trio of Long Island moms in the row behind me, fielding their questions about his height and whether or not he used to play sports, since they clearly weren’t going to let him pass till he did so. Holding back laughter, Sloane and Sawyer turned around to watch with me.
“Ah, ah, ah. Don’t you try to get past me till you put your number in this phone,” said the middle one, who patted her big hair as she held out an iPhone dressed in leopard print casing. I bit my lip as I watched Jake laugh that sexy laugh, instantly melting all three women.
“I’d love to but I don’t think my girlfriend would appreciate that,” he said.
“Well, she ain’t here, so who cares?” Big Hair asked boisterously.
“Ah, actually, she is here,” Sawyer cut in. His arm around Sloane, he pointed at me.
Okay then.
Realizing our game, my lips stretched into an awkward smile and I waved at the women.
“Oh,” Big Hair said, eyes on me. “Look at her.”
“She’s gorgeous,” her friend chimed in.
“Beautiful. Beautiful couple,” Big Hair nodded approvingly. “But you better watch it,” she pointed a manicured finger at me. “The second you break his heart, I’m swoopin’ in!”
Laughing, I nodded in understanding and helped Jake into the seat next to mine. My cheeks burned hot as he looked at me with a crooked smile. “Hey, babe,” he said, draping an arm around my shoulder, the way any boyfriend would his girlfriend. I bit my lip, silently thrilling in our little charade.
“Hi, sweetie,” I murmured, relishing the words that sounded normal but felt so naughty. “How was your day?”
Jake grinned something irresistibly cute. “It was good. Productive. Got a lot of work done at the office. Ordered all the material we need for the remodeling.”
“I see,” I nodded, trying to think of more lines for our game. “Well… the kids missed you while you were gone,” I blurted with a giggle. When Jake winced, I followed suit. “Sorry, was that too weird?”
“No, just too close to home. I’m sure you know my mom. She’s been asking me to give her grandkids since I graduated college.”
“Actually, she’s told me that she’s given up on you, which is why she’s turned to bothering me about them.”
Jake’s eyes glimmered with amusement as he bought four beers, two of which went to Sawyer since Sloane was already getting too drunk. “Well, that’s a relief but I do apologize about transferring the burden to you.”
“It’s fine. It’s not like I don’t want kids, I just can’t imagine having them anytime soon.”
Jake watched with amusement as I sipped carefully at my spilling beer. “Why’s that?” he asked, mindlessly wiping a drop that had spilled onto my lap. In shorts, my bare thighs reveled in his touch. But I tried not to be obvious about it.
“Um, I don’t know. My parents had me and my sister too young so it makes me wary ‘cause – ” My sentence cut short just as our shortstop hit a line drive down the first base line. I held my breath as he ran, Sawyer’s cheers piercing my ears as our man on third slid home. Grinning, I peered over and watched him sit back down and carefully explain what just happened to Sloane. Jake watched them for a moment, laughing too before picking up where I’d left off.
“It makes you wary because?”
“Oh. Well, they were twenty-one and twenty when they had Riley, and it just took a long time for them to get on their feet and learn to be the parents they are now. They were better with me but when Riley was growing up, they were still too young and self-absorbed. They definitely made a lot of mistakes with her that kind of… stuck.”
Jake frowned. “Is she doing okay now?”
I tugged on the collar of my old Jeter shirt. “Um. I don’t know,” I said, my voice higher pitched than usual. “She kind of… ran away when she was thirteen. Had a big fight with my mom and then walked out the front door and just never came back. She didn’t even pack a bag,” I said, realizing that a decade-and-a-half later, I still found that bizarre. Peering over at Jake’s troubled look, I tried to lighten the mood. “She was like a more extreme version of you,” I joked. “I mean I never talk about her much with Jackson but whenever I do, he brings up you.”
“Sorry about that.” Jake’s brow furrowed. “It’s not exactly comparable. You were a lot younger. It must’ve been harder to understand.”
“It was. She might not have loved my parents but she definitely loved me.” A smile touched the corner of my lip as I let myself remember Riley. “I know she probably stole half that stuff but she used to come back from seeing her friends and bring me random little gifts. Every time. Candy, lip gloss, stickers, earrings. She was like a pretty blonde Santa.”
Jake smiled. “When was the last time you saw her?”
“Six years ago. No – seven. According to her email, she lives in Hawaii now. On the Big Island. I think she’s married.”
“You’re not sure if she’s married or not?” Jake cocked his head.
I laughed, realizing how ridiculous that sounded. “Well, she kind of talks in code when she emails us her little updates. I think it’s her way of keeping us informed but at a distance. By giving us the bare minimum of information,” I said. My lips formed into a pout when I caught Jake still frowning so handsomely. “Don’t look like that. It’s not this dark part of my life anymore. I mean if she hadn’t left, I might not have ever gotten so close to Sloane, and if I’d never gotten close to Sloane, I would’ve never moved to New York and met – ” My throat closed up, as if only just realizing the end of my sentence.
“Jackson,” Jake murmured, finishing it for me. He squinted in the sun as he gazed out at the field. “Have you guys been okay?” he asked quietly.
“Not really. You two?”
“Haven’t talked much,” Jake replied, lowering his voice. “I don’t think my coming back to New York was what he imagined it’d be. It’s different than him visiting me in Australia or Nicaragua. It’s not a vacation when we’re here. It’s always business, whether it has to do with work or family. There’s always some drama when we’re both in this city. Because this is where it all started.”
“Why did you come back here at all?” I asked curiously.
“Jackson. He called me back because he said he was going through some shit and he just needed me around to talk him down from doing something stupid. But it’s like he changed his mind when I got here. He hasn’t told me anything about what’s going on, besides the hotel being unfinished. And honestly, it doesn’t feel the same between us, anyway. I feel obligated to him because he’s my blood but I also get the sense that I don’t know who he is anymore. Every time I go away and come back, it feels like he’s become more and more like one of those guys. The Dane McNulty types.” Jackson grimaced at his own words. “I mean I pray to God I’m wrong considering what a piece of shit Dane is, but that’s just what I’ve been sensing. And I guess it’s coming off of me because Jackson’s definitely been taking his time to warm up to me since I got back. I’m guessing he hasn’t rebuilt his trust yet since he hasn’t yet mentioned…” Jake trailed off, his eyes flitting past my shoulder.
“Gabrielle,” I whispered, shuddering at the sound of her name. I didn’t realize how disturbed I looked until I heard Sawyer’s voice.
“What’s wrong with Lara?” he asked Jake before turning to me with a devilish grin. “Is Jake being a shitty boyfriend? Since, you know, he’s your boyfriend today?”
I laughed and squeezed Jake’s knee. “He’s being the perfect boyfriend, Sawyer,” I answered, sucking my lip back as I felt Jake’s muscled thigh twitch under his jeans.
“He’s a better boyfriend than you are,” Sloane crossed her arms at Sawyer. “Since you won’t walk me to the bathroom.”
“We have two on and none out, why can’t you go to the bathroom yourself?” he sputtered.
“Because I don’t know where it is!” Sloane said. For a pampered girl, that was a perfectly logical reason. I grinned, watching them bicker like children.
“Sawyer, don’t be a shitty boyfriend. Take her to the bathroom,” I finally broke it up, blowing kisses when he groaned and took Sloane’s hand, dragging her out of the aisle like a begrudging brother.
When I turned back to Jake, I saw a wince twitching in his laugh. “What?” I asked, but I didn’t need an answer when I saw him spreading his legs to make more room for himself in his jeans. “Oh,” I breathed, realizing what was going on. “All I did was squeeze your knee,” I giggled quietly, my heart thumping as I let myself lean into him. The second I nestled closer, he kissed the top of my head.
“I know,” he murmured, a laugh in his voice. “But you can pretty much walk a straight line and get me hard as a rock.”
I smiled as he pushed my hair back and kissed my neck. Heat radiating my skin, I closed my eyes. “Jake, we can’t…”
“I have to.” He lifted his mouth to mine, kissing me so gently that I instantly needed more. “This is the only time I’ll ever get to pretend that you’re mine,” he whispered against my lips, kissing me again. A tingle darted between my legs as he slid his tongue between my lips. I knew I should but I couldn’t stop it anymore. I kissed him back – deep and passionate in a way that made me feel a release.
Cupping his jaw, I started over in my head. For those few seconds, I imagined that I’d met Jake after college, on some vacation. We had fallen instantly, hopping beaches, islands, different tiki bars. Aside from the constant traveling, we lived a low-key life. No drama, no cheating, no getting back at each other in strange ways. We were just a normal couple and this was just a regular day. After the game, we’d go home, make dinner and spend too long picking out a movie to watch. And at night, a massage in bed would turn into sex.
It was the simplest fantasy I’d ever had but it took my breath away.
I awoke the next morning to see Sloane next to me in bed. It took a second for me to remember that she had slept over last night. After the game, we’d gone to a nearby bar with the boys, where Sawyer had proposed a game of pool, girls versus guys. Every time a shot was made, the other team drank. And every time I went up, I felt Jake’s eyes on my backside. If I needed confirmation of it, I looked up at Sawyer, who’d be laughing or shaking his head at Jake over my shoulder.
“I know, brother. It’s painful,” he said during a shot that had me half seated on the table, angled in a way that pinched my waist and flared my hips. After sinking the ball, I glanced over my shoulder to throw a triumphant smirk at Jake, but before I could, I felt him yank me into his chest by my hips, pulling my ass against the zipper of his jeans. My eyes went wide as he whispered in my ear about how sexy I was. His erection pressed against me, I stared across the table at Sawyer and Sloane, my mouth wide open as they just laughed drunkenly.
“Damn, you guys are getting a little too convincing!” Sloane giggled. She was too gone to notice anything off but as I rolled out of bed to her sleep, I recalled a moment that struck fear in my heart. It was something Sawyer had said to me while we both watched Jake shoot for the eight ball. It had been quiet but the air had been thick and I could tell that he was waiting for the right moment to speak.
“If something were going on,” he finally started, his eyes glazed over from the whiskey, “I’d be behind you on it. I’d understand why,” he finished, his gaze sliding from Jake to me. As drunk as he was, I could hear something deliberate in the way he spoke. But by the time I asked what he was talking about, it was his turn to shoot. And in no time, the moment was lost amid all the shouting and drunken laughter.
“Speak of the devil,” I murmured to myself when my phone lit with a text from him. I opened it hastily.
You were probably too drunk to remember but the deal last night was that loser had to buy a massive hangover-curing lunch the next day. You lost. It’s noon. We’re hungry.
~
Lunch was in SoHo because Jake had crashed at Sawyer’s penthouse on West Broadway. Since it was close by, we went to Broome Street Kitchen, the place where I had first realized that
Max
was in fact Jake. It had been a gut-wrenching realization then but today, I could vaguely laugh about it. As Sloane and I approached the boys’ table, I wiggled my lips, trying to suppress my amusement as Jake sat beside Sawyer, his gorgeous eyes gleaming at me with a sexy hint of mischief.
“Hey.” His voice was still scratchy, as if he’d only woken up minutes ago. The sound of it made me long to be in bed with him.
“Morning, losers,” Sawyer greeted us jovially. “How we feeling?”
“It’s not exactly morning anymore,” I laughed, glancing at my phone, “but I feel fine.”
“Well, I feel like crap,” Sloane pouted. “And I’m so tired of this place. Don’t you boys ever go anywhere besides here and Buccieri?”
Sawyer blinked. “Not really, no.”
“Well, that’s stupid,” Sloane grumbled, ever the grouch when hung over or sick. I glanced at Jake, exchanging a little laugh as she continued to lament over the menu. “This isn’t what I want. I don’t want any of this. I want a burger. Or a bagel. I don’t want a
croustillant.
Did I even say that right? Oh, who fuckin’ cares.”
“Shit, she’s cursing,” Sawyer said seriously, knowing well that Sloane only swore when truly enraged. Heaving a sigh, he nodded out the door. “Well, if you’re really upset, go outside and get a bagel.”
“By myself?” Sloane asked, aghast.
“Yes, Princess. Or you know what – Jake will take you.”
Jake lifted an eyebrow. “I will?” He turned to look at Sloane, whose tantrum had her tossing a menu on the floor with boredom. “Yeah, okay, I will,” he nodded, flashing me a quizzical look before sliding out of the booth. I watched him go, feeling a little wary myself as he left me alone with Sawyer. Somehow, I had a feeling I knew what he was going to say.
“Pretty bad hangover?” I asked when he didn’t break the silence first.
“Not my worst,” he laughed, scanning the menu. “So, you remember anything from last night?” he asked after a beat of silence.
“The important things,” I replied.
Finally, Sawyer looked up, a serious look in his dark eyes. “Yeah. I don’t know if you know or if you figured it out but I saw you and Jake kissing at the game.” I had suspected as much but I swallowed hard, my eyes dropping into my lap. “But I’m not saying this to shame you, Lara. I doubt you remember, but I said something to you last night at the bar – ”
“That if something was going on between me and Jake, you’d be behind it.”
“Yes.”
I looked up at him, wrenching my hands under the table. “Why would you be behind it?” I asked, despite not really wanting the answer. I remembered what he’d drunkenly said on the yacht in Ibiza, right before Jackson proposed.
“I know a lot of things. Things that you’d wanna know
.
”
I always assumed he was talking about Gabrielle since he’d seen them that night, but suddenly, sitting alone with him, I feared that there was something more. After all, he had said that he knew “
things
,” which was plural.
Or maybe you’re just being crazy
, I told myself. “Listen, I know you know about Gabrielle,” I blurted, unable to take the suspense. “Dane told me you were there. But is there something else you know beyond that?” I asked, hating the desperate tone in my voice.
Sawyer ran a heavy hand over his stubble. There was a long pause before he answered, “Yes.”
I closed my eyes, shaking my head with mounting fury. Of course. Of course there was something else with Jackson. There always was and I’d simply found out too late. “What is it, Sawyer?” I asked, opening my eyes to find myself staring through tears.
Sawyer took a deep breath, rubbing his face with both hands. “I wanted to tell you but I wasn’t sure if it was true and I had to make sure before I made an accusation that could ruin someone’s – ”
“Sawyer. I know. It’s fine. Just tell me, please,” I said hastily, my heart beating faster as Sawyer’s lip began to curl with disgust. He pressed his fist against his mouth, as if needing to suppress his anger in order to speak. When he finally did, instant fear burned in my chest.
“You know the man who broke into your apartment?”
I stared. A cold sweat prickled my skin. “Yes,” I said, my voice dead, hollow. I waited for Sawyer to continue but he didn’t, once again choking back revulsion. “Sawyer, what about him? Who is he?” I pleaded for an answer but when he finally opened his mouth to speak, it snapped back shut, his fingers curling into a fist.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he muttered to himself as he stared past me.
Turning around, I expected to see Jake and Sloane but instead, I saw a stunning brunette in an impossibly short dress – joined by
him
.
Dane Fucking McNulty.
“No fucking way. Holy
shit!
” he clapped, his volume startling the adjacent tables. “Look at you two. Like fuckin’ deer in headlights,” he laughed, his grey eyes twinkling with true excitement as he strolled to us. “Sawyer.” Dane slapped a heavy hand onto his shoulder. “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or punch you in the fuckin’ head, you fuckin’ dog.”
“Get your hand off of me,” Sawyer flung him away. Dane held his hands up, feigning hurt.
“Really, dude? I was actually going to say good job on growing some balls and doing what you said you’d do that night we saw Jackson and Gabby together.” As Sawyer’s face reddened, Dane turned to me with mock sympathy. “Not to bring Gabby up again. I know it’s a sore subject. But I’m guessing it’s what made this coupling happen, right?” He pointed back and forth between us before looking at me. “By the way, I couldn’t be happier to know that you’re the cheating type.”
“This isn’t what you think it is, Dane,” I bit back. “I’m sure your sick mind disagrees but there
is
such thing as a non-sexual encounter.”
A slow grin spread Dane’s lips. “Goddamn, I’ve heard about that sharp tongue,” he murmured, eyeing between my mouth. He turned to Sawyer. “How was it, brother? As good as Jackson says?” When no words came out from between Sawyer’s gritted teeth, Dane returned to me. “You know, Jax brags a lot about you, sweetheart. Lots of stories but my personal favorite is the one about the time I went into his office to discuss some shit but you stayed kneeling under his desk and kept sucking on his dick like such a good little – ”
Sawyer jumped to his feet. “Listen, it’s time for you to shut your fucking mouth,” he hissed, inches from Dane’s face. “Don’t talk to me like that and don’t talk to her at all. This isn’t what you think it is but I don’t owe you an explanation so why don’t you walk the fuck away and go have lunch with that poor girl over there who doesn’t know what kind of disgusting fucking prick you are,” he muttered, walking forward and forcing Dane back. Dane only sneered.
“Fuck, you guys are such a drag these days. You, Jackson, all of you,” he shook his head. “Don’t worry, I’ll make things exciting for you guys again. I have a feeling Jax would love to hear about his fiancé fucking one of his oldest friends.”
Sawyer’s jaw twitched but he swallowed whatever words were on the tip of his tongue. Glaring, he watched Dane till he was seated across the restaurant. Then, he grabbed Jake and Sloane’s coat and nodded out the door. “Come on,” he said. "Let’s get the fuck out of here.”