Incredible Sex (52 Brilliant Little Ideas) (5 page)

13.
   
Advanced Rabbiting

G it up and get a multiple buzz!

The traditional vibrator was straight, but this doesn’t fit to the natural shape of your vagina or do much for your G-spot, whereas the Rabbit is specifically designed for dual stimulation.

Some Rabbits are specially curved, like the Fun Factory’s Twist &Shake, to help you find that elusive spot. A toy might help you because it gives concentrated pressure on the area you are trying to nudge. Sometimes the probe of a vibe helps you get there, but this could also prove distracting, so insert your Rabbit with and without vibes. Sex retailer Beth Goodale says, ‘A lot of women aged forty to sixty are just finding out about the G-spot now because in their era they didn’t talk about such things. And they’re realising they like both the clit and G-spot stimulation and they like it a lot!’ Another handy thing about your vibe is that it helps your partner to feel more comfortable about helping you locate the spot. Jill Evelyn-Hellwig from the Fun Factory says, ‘Some men feel uncomfortable inserting fingers into the vagina to feel for the G-spot so they can use a special G-spot vibrator instead.’

Here’s an idea for you…

Danish sexologist Helle Koldsø says, ‘Obviously if she’s had the first orgasm with the help of a vibrator, it’s going to be easier for her to get a second and third orgasm afterwards with her partner. Often women only need one orgasm to have more and it’s such an easy thing to use the vibrator to let her start before him, with him doing it to her.’

Once you’ve had one orgasm, try switching the vibrating pulses to a lower setting and start teasing your outer lips again. One of the advantages of vibrators is that it’s so much easier for a woman to get aroused and to climax using one. In addition, women tend to be more multi-orgasmic than men because once they’ve got there it takes them less time to hit the plateau stage again. Although not all women find it easy, some can have a second orgasm at the touch of a button. Many women take less than five minutes to climax the second time. Turn down the power for just a few minutes and leave the vibrator inserted where it is, then take it out and use it on the clitoris for a bit and it works again!

You might need to wait longer or keep the sexual tension focused on a secondary erogenous zone – like your nipples – that’s not so sensitive. The great thing is that vibes work well with partners, especially if your sex drives are mismatched.

14.
   
Solo player

One of the best ways to maintain your sex drive is to set regular pleasure sessions – with yourself.

If you know how to turn yourself on, you can point somebody else in the right direction. Some feel a little dirty when they indulge, others frig themselves frantically in front of their partners, but sex researchers estimate that around 80% of women of all ages masturbate, and that means most of us are doing it.

Open your legs wide; the sensation of air should feel pleasant. It’s best to wriggle your hips now and wait until your labia lips are swollen: this way they will swell, increasing sensitivity and moisture. Dip an exploratory finger just inside your vaginal lips; if you are wet, now is a good time to find out what turns you on. (If you are dry, then use a little lubricant like KY Jelly to get things running smoothly.) Use the dribble of moisture on your finger to run your finger around your vaginal lips. Feel for the outline of the labia majora (outer lips) and contrast this with your inner vagina (labia minora). You might want to experiment with the perineum – the skin between the vagina and the anus. Try circles, figures of eight, and even tapping motions with your hand. What feels good? You should be nice and moist. Perhaps your clitoris is already retracting from its little hood of skin.

Here’s an idea for you…

Before masturbating, try pressing your knees together and clenching your bum upwards in rocking movements. This helps to stimulate the flow of blood to the general area – after a few minutes you should notice a difference in your vaginal sensations.

Now is a good time to explore your clitoris. Some women prefer to have one finger in the vagina while the other searches for the right spot. Feel for the clitoris and see which way and what type of strokes feel good. The clitoris is bigger than previously thought and has ‘arms’ which are buried underneath the skin – experiment with the whole area to find your soft spot.

If it doesn’t feel sensitive, try using your other hand to pull your skin away from the clitoris. At the same time, look for a second erogenous zone to maximise your pleasure. This could be a finger or two in the vagina, massaging your outer lips, or some form of anal stimulation. You might want to use a vibrator, anal butt plug or some other toy to help you along.

Don’t worry if you feel that the earth hasn’t moved – we still haven’t worked out how to describe the female orgasm. The urologist J G Bohlen found there was little difference between the perception of orgasm by women and physiological signs of it as measured in the laboratory.

15.
   
Dressing up and staying in

Acting out fantasies takes a bit of practice, but can certainly brighten up a boring Saturday night.

First get into bed and talk dirty to one another. Read from some mildly pornographic books (or filthy pornographic books, if you like). Share some situations that turn you on mentally. Talk through the sorts of things you’d like to say or do.

Some people find costumes liberating and that they help them get into character. Some people find them inhibiting, not to say ridiculous. But don’t give up too early on them because they can help. Before you know it, you’ll be down the local fancy-dress shop for your Robin Hood or nun’s outfit. Here are some clichéd (and that’s because they work) fantasy role-plays.

Here’s an idea for you…

Crack open a bottle (or two). As with all fantasy games, alcohol helps loosen you up. A lot.

Doctor and nurse

It’s the end of another gruelling day on the wards. The nurse (either one of you) is looking exhausted. The doctor calls the nurse over and says, ‘You’re looking tired. Could you do with a complete examination?’ The doctor gets the examination table ready and asks the nurse to lie down on it. A complete medical later and the diagnosis is ‘nervous tension’. However, the doctor is conducting a scientific study into this condition, with some controversial treatment options. If the nurse is willing to take part in some medical experimentation and give feedback on how well the cure works, the doctor will demonstrate the technique…

Master and slave

One of you is the cruel master (or mistress); one is the gorgeous slave. The master is deciding whether to buy or not, which involves a thorough examination. The slave is wrapped in layers of clothes and drapes but is slowly stripped (or ordered to strip) so the master can confirm that the slave is in good physical condition – and that means that every bit of them is in good physical condition. Then, of course, the slave’s ability to follow orders and please the master will have to be tested…

Boss and interviewee

The interviewee comes to the office after hours to be interviewed for their dream job. The interview starts normally: the interviewee is anxious to please and the interviewer is gracious. However, when they start discussing terms of employment, some of the terms are quite unusual. Late-night working? Threesomes with the head of personnel and the boss? Finally, there is an initiative test – how well the interviewee performs determines whether they get the job…

Handyman and housewife

He arrives ready for work, but she insists he has a cup of tea and a chat. While she’s showing him the problem ‘with her pipes’, she gets into such a position that he can’t help noticing she’s not wearing any underwear…

Naughty maid and ‘master of the house’

She’s supposed to be cleaning the house when the ‘master’ comes home and discovers her ‘pleasuring’ herself instead. He’s furious and threatens her with dismissal. She is beside herself. She’ll lose her job. She has to think of something quick that will persuade him that sacking her is a bad idea…

16.
   
Sex on the brain

A good sex life is the key to being incredibly sexy, and fantasies have a large role to play in ensuring that.

For a lot of people, especially women, sex is as much in the mind as in the more obvious erogenous zones. To be sexy their minds need to be in tune with their bodies. And fantasy helps that enormously.

In terms of sexual fantasies men and women are very different. According to one survey men’s most common fantasy involves a close friend. Women on the other hand mostly fantasise about their partners. And they don’t even fantasise about them doing something perverted, they fantasise about them behaving totally normally in bed. Come on girls, you can do better than that! You shouldn’t feel guilty about fantasising about people other than your partner. Bringing someone new into your sex life, in mind if not in body, can help boost your libido without causing any waves in the relationship.

Here’s an idea for you

Research in the US has shown that short bursts of sexy thoughts throughout the day have a cumulative effect on your sex drive. Whenever you have a spare moment think about the last time you had sex, or what you plan to do with your partner that night. Priming your mind primes your body. It makes you want sex more – and that’s very sexy.

Here are some interesting ideas – see if any of them grab you.

One survey found that lying naked on a hot, deserted beach gets women going. Sex with an entire sports team excites many and women also like the idea of a stranger in the night who is going to take them to some seedy hotel room and pleasure them for hours. The most popular one though was the thought of being tied up and dominated.

For men the most popular fantasy is the age-old ‘sex with two women at the same time’. The most common scenario was having oral and genital sex at the same time. Another popular one is watching two women having sex. In fact anything to do with two women seems to work for most men.

There is no getting away from the fact that men love lesbian fantasies. And one survey concluded that seventy-five per cent of women had a desire to try out lesbianism at least once. Don’t forget that the lesbian thing could make you that much sexier in the eyes of your loved one. Sexiness is not just about looking good but about having the imagination and the confidence to break some boundaries.

For those of you who need to kick-start your imagination, use fantasies to give you a basic idea and build on that. Why not construct the narrative with your partner and see where it leads. Don’t forget to set boundaries beforehand so that you each know what the other is happy with (if thinking of someone you know is a total turn off for one of you, sort that out at the outset).

17.
   
Shivering with anticipation

Just the thought of your new lover or favourite fantasy can make you wet. Charge yourself up into an erotic good mood.

How you get emotionally psyched up into feeling sexy is a very personal thing. If you’re having problems getting going, think back and remember a time when you had great sex and try to get into that mindset. Try to put yourself on the couch and think about what situations are erotic for you. Or create new scenarios where you imagine yourself getting turned on. Most erotic images are narcissistic and show poses with models whose bodies effectively say ‘Look at me’. It’s rare to actually see someone captured in the throes of orgasm, literally carried away by their passions. Don’t think about how you look, concentrate on how it feels. Use the same covert rehearsal techniques that sports performers use to psych themselves up for sporting competitions. If you visualise yourself having a wonderful sexual experience, right down to the expression on your face and the perspiration dripping as you climax, it’s much more likely to happen. Positive thinking and sexual self-confidence are the most useful tools we can arm ourselves with.

Here’s an idea for you…

Get into the habit of writing down your dreams. When you go to sleep, think erotic thoughts and hopefully you’ll have raunchy dreams all night – which will mean you’ll wake up feeling wet and ready for a bit of love. The more you can train yourself to think sexy at odd times, like when you’re waiting in a supermarket queue, the faster you’ll be able to perform when it really counts.

Another trick is to devote a little time to just thinking about sexy thoughts: for instance, giving yourself a chance to daydream, browse erotica and the freedom to respond to sexual imagery. Try recording an orgasm with a tape recorder/dictaphone and playing it back; you’ll probably find it’s more subdued than you realise. Just practising coming in a louder, sexier way can help to free your inhibitions.

Many couples try to pep up a flagging sex life with more foreplay. However, there is something crucial that needs to occur before manual attempts at stimulation: we need to open our minds and psych ourselves up to eagerly anticipate sexual adventures. Clinical psychologist Peggy J Kleinplatz, in a
Womanspirit.net
article, cites a case where the female patient finds arousal easy when she masturbates, but experiences difficulty with her partner: ‘She says that the problem is that he touches her genitals in order to arouse her, prior to intercourse, but that there is no use in touching her genitals until she is sexually aroused. How does she become aroused? She becomes aroused in response to either non-genital touch or to the sense of erotic connection.’ It’s this mental spark that we need to cultivate, the elusive je ne sais quoi that captivates our erotic imagination.