Incredible Sex (52 Brilliant Little Ideas) (14 page)

   Go to amateur night at your local comedy club together. Stand up and be funny.

Finally, actively trying to instil a sense of danger in your lives should not only act as an aphrodisiac, but should also strengthen the bond between you and not just the sexual energy. Look at the totality of the life you’re building together. As a couple, are you building the sort of life you want? Is it time to stop playing at being dangerous and start taking some genuine risks with the intention of improving your life? Is it time to move to the country, move to the city, move jobs, have a child, adopt a child, travel round the world, give up work and live off the land, start a new business, live on a beach? Sure, it’s frightening. Sure, it might backfire. But if you can agree on a huge life-changing, scary-as-hell decision together and you succeed, your satisfaction with each other should be sky high. And there’s nothing like feeling that you’ve worked hard and succeeded at something with your soulmate for giving your libido a bit of a boost.

49.
   
Eyes wide shut

For a different buzz, try cutting off one of the senses – it can intensify the others. Just when you thought you’d tried it all, discover the sublime art of sensory deprivation.

If you think blindfolds are just for a bit of kink, think again. A simple blindfold can give you hours of fun, heighten your erotic potential and even doubles as a party game. Although almost anything can be used as a blindfold, try to use something appropriate. Use a double knot to prevent the blindfold from slipping, although if your partner is lying down you can use a single knot in a cotton scarf which is more comfortable. You can experiment with different coloured cloth, wet blindfolds or textures such as playdough wrapped in plastic. Alternatively, professional leather-lined blindfolds are sold in most sex shops, and are inexpensive. Going one step further you can use a blindfold and a hood, and even disposable plastic earplugs to block out two senses in one go.

In this state you can really appreciate erotic massage, being fed a range of raw fruits or being kissed by someone who alternates between drinking something hot and cold. It’s all about surprise and anticipation and you can use this to prolong your foreplay. Sensory deprivation technique is especially good for couples who have got used to each other a bit too much and need something new. When you’re feeling helpless, the introduction of ice-cube play feels out of this world. Or if he’s blindfolded you can pretend to be two women, and role-play any fantasy you care to enjoy. You can use different voices, clothes and sexual moves on him and pretend to be someone else.

Here’s an idea for you…

For the ultimate in sensory deprivation, try a floatation tank experience. It’s a way of getting the deepest relaxation possible, and one hour of floating is equivalent to four hours of sleep. Search online to find somewhere you and your partner can book adjoining rooms and I’ll leave it up to you what happens afterwards…

You can take this play as far as you like (some dominatrixes specialise in cutting off all the senses one by one using gags, hoods, earplugs, menthol vapour rub – and then bringing them back). Alternatively you can use the blindfold to give someone a surprise; it’s great when you want to heighten the suspense for present giving or whisk someone away to an exotic location. It’s easy, safe and fun – you’re only limited by your imagination.

50.
   
Say it loud, say it proud – the art of talking dirty

I know. You can only bring yourself to talk dirty when you’re drunk. Very drunk. So drunk that next morning you can’t remember what you said.

Done right, a few lewd and lascivious words is the simplest way of making your sex life sing – no props or cost involved. If your shagging style has been silent of late, don’t suddenly unleash your potty-mouth persona without some warning otherwise your partner will be perplexed at best, turned off at worst.

Four ways to add value to your verbal

1 Give feedback
The most basic form of dirty talk is to describe what’s happening to you and what it feels like. For example, ‘I love it when you kiss my collar bone like that.’ Or ‘It’s such a turn-on watching your breasts from this angle.’ Giving a running commentary on what you’re feeling and appreciating also serves to keep you ‘in the moment’ making it less likely you’ll start wondering who’s going to get that promotion at work or if you have enough milk for breakfast. So encourage, praise, comment.

Here’s an idea for you…

Talk dirty with conviction. Commit to your talk. Talking dirty comes easily when you’re in the first few stages of lust, purely because talking dirty is easier with strangers. But when you’ve shared countless school meetings, and fights over the remote, it’s a lot harder. The other side of this is that you must try extra hard to support your lover’s efforts. Don’t undermine them with inopportune sniggering.

2 Build anticipation, make them beg
Tell your lover what you’re going to do to them just before you do it. Ask them if they like it. Ask them if they don’t. Ask them to ask nicely for what they want. Ask them to ask not so nicely. You get the idea. Before you know it, they’re talking dirty, too. However, use this tactic with discretion. Endless questioning can swiftly move from the sublime to the downright annoying!

3 Role-play makes it easier – a lot easier – to talk dirty
Think how much easier it could be if you were pretending to be someone else…

4 Read bedtime stories to each other
It’s not inhibition that gets in the way sometimes – it’s lack of inspiration. After another hard day at the coalface making up a dirty scenario is just too much like hard work. That’s when it pays to have a porn mag kicking about under the bed. Women are often turned on by stories geared towards men and soft porn will supply most couples with some inspiration for reading aloud.

51.
   
Seeing is believing

Are you doing the grown-up thing – looking at each other enough during sex? Here are some ways to position yourself so that you can see how you feel.

Literal ‘love making’, with lots of eye contact and tenderness, heightens the connection between you and your partner. You might want to start by looking at your partner more when he’s naked. Chat to her when she’s in the bath or shower. Can you appreciate his body visually when you’re not feeling horny? Learn the little gestures, like the small hand and facial movements she makes, so that you can read her expressions.

Here’s an idea for you…

Try making love in positions where you spend more time gazing into each other’s eyes. The Inverted Embrace from the Kamasutra is ideal. The woman is on top, and lies prone against the man’s chest, pressing her breasts to his body, then she moves her hands down to grip his hips. With your upper body flat down, you can rock to orgasm and exchange loving glances all the way.

Once you have this intimacy, you’ll know how to read your partner the next time you get flirty. Find out what things turn him on (does he like lacy undies, stockings, leather, a hair-free zone?) and get him to wear those things that please you. Perhaps he looks good in that tight T-shirt or wearing just a leather jockstrap. Being able to turn each other on visually is a short cut to arousal. Then you can move on to sensual snogging. Look into each other’s eyes and kiss deeply. You want to see the effect your passion has on your lover. If you do oral sex, choose positions so that you can see each other. If he licks you, pull your knees up so you can see his face, and get him to look up at you every so often. Likewise, pull your hair back so he can see you fellating him. Keep kissing each other on the lips every so often, and return to face and eye contact as your main position.

The missionary position is the classic one for keeping lip and eye contact, but there are other face-to-face positions that feel more personal. The Fitter-In from the Kamasutra has both of you sitting facing each other with your legs over his hips. Grip each other’s arms and rock in position and connect with your eyes. For even cosier variations, sit up in his lap (still facing each other) with your legs around his back. An alternative is to lie side-by-side in a gentle, relaxed position, your legs intertwined and holding hands, and it’s easier to control the thrust of penetration like this, too. All these positions allow you to cuddle, caress, and look lovingly into each other’s eyes as well as have sex.

52.
   
Coming over all touchy-feely

Learn to express sensuality with your whole body.

Here are some ideas to keep you both sensually orientated throughout the next week.

Step 1

Give your lover a surprise this week. Wait until it’s good and steamy in the shower. Strip off, step in and start soaping them down.

This only works if you have a powerful shower. A pathetic dribble where you are both edging the other one out to get a share of the water is a dead loss. If you’re looking for a good reason to install a decent shower – make it your love life.

Note for women: put on some gorgeous wispy underwear and step into the shower with him when he’s not expecting it. Naked’s good. Naked’s great. But the feel (and the look!) of the wet fabric plastered against your slick body and the rush he’ll get from pushing it aside to get at you should make for a different kind of experience.

Here’s an idea for you…

Men: instead of using your hands to massage her body, use the sensitive inside of your forearms – it will feel new for both of you.

Step2

Look for different ways to surprise each other with unexpected sensations:

Wear something different from the norm. If you sleep naked, try silk pyjama bottoms. If you always wear a nightdress, change to a simple white cotton brief and vest set.

Introduce a feather into lovemaking. Ask your lover to close their eyes and trail it over their bare skin. Some people hate it, some love it, but it sensitises bare skin and makes it more reactive to other stimulation.

Take an ice cube and rub it over your lover’s bare back or nipples while you’re making love until it melts. Take in the sensations, from shock through enjoyment. Couple with some gentle slaps if you want to get kinky. Heat then cold is very sensitising.

Step 3

Marilyn Monroe’s sexual signature note had nothing to do with her looks (her partner couldn’t see her) or his degree of sexual satisfaction (he didn’t even come) and everything to do with the electrifying power that touch can have on your average adult male.

Marilyn, so the story goes, would ask her lover to lie on his front and remain very, very still. Once he was in position she’d straddle him from behind and whisper in his ear that he was going to help her to come. Then she’d liberally apply oil on his back and her body and start slithering up and down on him, rubbing her vulva and clitoris against his back and buttocks, over and over again, finding just the right spot to grind her hips to give her the right pressure, whispering all the time about how turned on she was, how hot she was, how close she was…until, finally, inevitably, she came. The bloke probably quite enjoyed it too.