Independent Jenny (12 page)

Chapter Twenty-Five

The more the evening went on, the more we giggled. I surprised myself by realising I was having more fun with Will than I probably would have had with Hayley. She’d have moaned about the walking, and would have been shattered each evening from the exertion. Back home we were great friends because we saw each other in small doses, but this holiday served to remind me how different we were when it came to choosing how to spend our free time.

“You want to know something sad?” I asked after a while of superficial chatting about Skye and the cottage and our dogs.

“What?”

“I’ve probably done it more times with you, than with Ross.”

Why did I keep returning to talk about our previous sexual relations? Even with the wine in me, I knew having sex again was unlikely and not a great idea, yet here I was bringing it up.

“No, you were together eight years. Surely not?”

“Okay,” I admitted, “maybe not.”

He laughed. “It’s been fun, seeing you again.”

The sofa was small, only a two-seater. I turned to look at him and our faces were alarmingly close again. I swallowed and then looked away. “More wine?”

A few hours later we were laughing at everything: Fern and Wentworth, our crazy teen experiences, even the bad state of our respective marriages seemed hilarious. I hadn’t laughed this much in weeks, maybe even months.

“I mean, how could I think we should get married when we couldn’t even agree on where to go on honeymoon? We’re too different!” Will laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.

“We had the same problem, how funny!” I said, giggling. Ross had wanted to go somewhere hot, lie on a beach; I wanted to go hiking somewhere with an amazing view. He’d won, of course. “I always let him have his way,” I said, shaking my head. “Maybe that’s where I went wrong; I was a pushover and so he walked all over me.”

Will stopped laughing and looked at me seriously. “I gave in, too. We went to Cyprus and lay on a beach all week. My preference was the south of France, I fancied going to Saint Tropez or Nice, eating cheese and drinking wine.”

“Oh my god, I would love that.”

“Me too.”

“Let’s make a pact to go there together if our marriages don’t work out. Just as friends, of course.”

He looked at me and grinned.

“Sounds great. As friends, of course.”

We smiled at each other. The same goofy teen smiles we’d given each other way back in the day, when we weren’t married to other people or living hundreds of miles apart, when we had no responsibilities and life was simple. Being a teenager is so simple and yet you don’t realise or appreciate it at the time.

About the same time that Will announced we’d drunk all the wine in the cottage, I realised we hadn’t heard anything from Hayley. Annoyed and concerned, I found my phone and sent her a text asking if she was okay.

“I suppose I’d better ask Guy to come collect me,” Will said, glancing at his watch. He looked disappointed.

My phone beeped to alert me of a new text message. It was from Hayley.

So sorry I haven’t been in touch… Don’t judge but I’m going to stay the night. Nothing funny going on, honestly, just knackered and we’ve had a few drinks. Are you going to drop Will off, it’s late? Is something going on with you two? xx

I read it out to Will, and we both burst out laughing again.

“I reckon they’re getting naked,” Will said, smiling after we calmed down.

I almost replied with, “As should we, don’t you think?” but stopped myself just in time.

“You want to stay the night?”

He looked alarmed for a second.

“In Hayley’s room, I mean” I felt myself deflate as the sensible part of me that added that last bit.

“If you don’t mind, I guess that would work. The bed must be comfier.”

“Well, I can’t drive you home and I doubt Guy is going to stop screwing Hayley to come get you.”

We both laughed again, but it seemed false this time. We texted them to communicate the plan and then sat back on the sofa. I felt myself sober up a bit as I faced the reality of us spending the night together, albeit in different rooms.

“So…” Will said, shifting nervously.

“So…”

“Do you think you’re going to go back and say you want a divorce, or you want to give it another go?”

“The more I think about it, the more I think I’m going to end it. What about you?”

“I don’t know.”

“You said you don’t love her, so why would you stay together?”

“Because I made a vow, and I don’t want to go back on my word.”

“What do you think she’s doing right now?”

“Same as you.”

“Getting drunk with her ex-boyfriend?”

“Contemplating whether she wants to be with her husband or not.”

“I think I’m done contemplating.”

“What about the brother-in-law?”

“Oh, I don’t know about him. He’s lovely. Really, really lovely. But I didn’t find him attractive until after things went wrong with Ross, so that’s the confusing bit.”

“You know what?”

“What?”

“Let’s make a promise to not talk about our messed up loved lives the rest of this week. It looks as if you’ve lost Hayley to the farm so how about we hang out together, enjoy the hills and views and get the space we came here for, instead of agonising about what we’ll do when we get home.”

I smiled. “Sounds like a great idea.”

“Wow, that feels kind of liberating.”

“It sure does. Want a cup of hot chocolate?”

“Yes!” He got up to help me as I put the kettle on. “You remember bonfire night? The marshmallows and hot chocolate?” He passed me some mugs.

“Best hot chocolate I’ve ever had. And I remember kissing under that tree while we huddled together to keep warm.”

He stopped and looked at me and I looked right back and it took all myself restraint not to wrap my arms around his neck and re-enact that kiss. I wasn’t sure if it was rose-tinted glasses coupled with red wine haze, or fact; but now that I thought about it, that’d been one of the best kisses of my life.

“You want milk in it?” Will said suddenly, spinning away from me and opening the fridge.

Fern and Wentworth were both hovering in the hall.

“Yes please. I’ll let the dogs out while you fix the drinks.”

The air outside was cool and I pulled my jacket around me while the dogs wandered off to find somewhere to do their business. I knocked on the kitchen window and waved at Will and he grinned back at me. I turned back to the view, looking out at the few lights on the horizon and deciding I’d keep my pact not to talk or think about Ross while I was here. I felt relieved at the prospect.

I decided I’d go in, have the hot chocolate, then we’d go to bed – separately – and continue with the week like he said; helping each other out as friends to get some space. No worrying about home, no flirting if possible, and no more talk about our past, either. I thought Hayley had been crazy expecting to pick up with Guy again and yet here I was, doing the same thing with Will. And we hadn’t been as close a couple as they had, even back then.

I called the dogs over and we went back inside, where Will had taken off his jumper and was sitting down on the sofa with the hot chocolates. Wow, he looked good. No, no, no, I told myself. Friends only.

We drank our drinks, washed up the cups, and then I said:

“Right, well then, good night.”

“Good night Jenny,” he said. “I had fun today, thank you.”

“Me too.”

“Hug?”

He held out his arms and I wrapped mine around his torso. He smelled divine; a mixture of aftershave, a light sweaty masculine odour and sweet red wine. We hugged longer than friends would – friends who didn’t know each other really anymore, at that – and I pulled apart begrudgingly and turned away without looking him in the eye. I was pretty sure I’d give in and go for a kiss if I looked directly at him again, which would either end with us in bed together, which seemed grossly unfair on Mandy, and maybe even Ross, would open a can of worms, potentially ruin the rest of my week … or, he’d shake me off, tell him I’d read the whole situation wrong, he didn’t find me attractive at all and I’d be left humiliated, disappointed, and feeling awkward as he couldn’t very well leave in the middle of the night after plenty of alcohol.

So, reluctantly, I called Wentworth, went to my bedroom door and called good night one more time without looking back.

Chapter Twenty-Six

The next morning I opened my eyes and wondered where I was for a moment. Ah, the bed in the cottage. I was still in Skye and … oh, and there was someone else in the bed with me.

I turned slowly and saw Fern there, sleeping peacefully, looking adorable. I felt something move and looked down to see Wentworth also on the bed with us, lying across my feet. Fern lifted her head, wagged her tail, and moved up closer to me. I wrapped my arms around her and she licked my hand.

Then I remembered. Will was in Hayley’s room.

I looked up at the ceiling and felt myself light up, remembering the fun we’d had together last night.

Frick on a stick, I wanted him. In only a few days, we had somehow connected. That harmless infatuation I’d had as a teenager had faded and come back to smack me in the face. Except now it wasn’t so harmless but in fact pretty dangerous. I wanted to tell him how I felt but didn’t know how on earth to go about it, and would that really be fair to everyone involved? And what if he didn’t feel the same way? Yet, the way he looked at me … The kind words he’d said about our time together before … Surely he did.

I got up and took the dogs out for their morning comfort break in my pyjamas, then took a shower. When I came out, with a towel wrapped around me, Will was coming out of the other bedroom. Oh wow, he was even more gorgeous than I’d remembered from the night before. He had a t-shirt and boxers on, his hair was a mess … and all I wanted to do was drag him back into his bedroom.

“Hey,” he said, looking as embarrassed as I felt. I held the towel a little tighter.

“Good morning.”

“Dehydrated?”

“A bit.”

“I’ll get us a drink.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you fancy going for a drive today, seeing as the weather isn’t going to be so good? I’ll take you on a tour of the island, show you some nice spots to take photos?”

“I’d love to. I’m not sure what Hayley’s plans are.”

“More time with Guy I expect.”

“Yes,” I said, trying to hide my disapproval. We got ready, downed some orange juice, then drove over to Guy’s place to check in. They were up and making breakfast, no signs of them being anything more than friends.

“So are you guys off out again today?” Guy asked as we cleaned up. Hayley had gone off to change into some fresh clothes I’d bought along for her.

“I thought I’d take Jenny on a bit of a tour.”

“Hayley said she’ll help me here again. She did well yesterday, once she got over her fear of getting her fingernails dirty.”

I laughed. “I’ll just go and tell her goodbye.”

I went upstairs and found her coming out of the bathroom. She pulled me into Guy’s room.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t sleep with him because I won’t believe you,” I said, looking at her blush with shame.

“I know it’s awful and I hate being a cheater, but I love him Jenny. It’s like losing a limb and getting it back again.”

“What? You don’t even know him anymore.”

It seemed pretty hypocritical of me to accuse her like that; I felt I knew Will pretty well after the last few days.

“I do, Jenny. He’s just the same as before.”

“So what are you going to do about Kieran and going home?”

“I’m going to talk to Guy, tell him I love him, tell him everything, and say if he wants me here, I’ll stay.”

“Seriously Hayley? On the farm?”

“I love it here. I know that sounds hard to believe, but I do.”

“And what about Kieran?”

“Kieran’s a great man, but he’s not the one for me. I hate to hurt him, but I can’t help how I feel.”

“Oh Hayley. He doesn’t deserve this.”

“He’s a big boy, he’ll move on.”

I sighed. “And what about your job, you can’t just quit?”

“I haven’t figured all that stuff out yet.”

We debated for a while longer before Guy called up and asked if we were ever coming down.

“I need to get back to work ladies.”

“Just a second!” Hayley called. She asked for details and I told her the truth about me and Will; that we were just friends. I neglected to mention that I’d like to be much more. Her behaviour didn’t warm me to her right now, and although I was quite happy to be with Will, she was still abandoning me on what was supposed to be our holiday together to spend time with her lover and cheat on her fiancé.

She could tell I wasn’t impressed but continued getting ready. I went down to find Will waiting for me in his Audi with the dogs already in the back.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Will’s tour around Skye was amazing. We drove all over, talking and laughing. A highlight for me was Kilt Rock, where I took photographs of the cliffs and a waterfall which fell 170m from the cliff into the sea. The sun came out for a few moments and I was quite pleased with my shots.

“You’ve captured it really well,” Will told me, putting his arm around me as he guided me away and to another viewing point. It felt nice to be part of a twosome again, even if it was only platonic – and temporary.

“My photos are only good because of the amazing scenery you’re showing me,” I told him.

A coach full of tourists turned up and we moved out of the way to let them look at the waterfall. I asked one of them to take a photo of us together with Fern and Wentworth sitting at our feet.

Then we drove for miles, over hills, through valleys, past lochs. I kept asking Will to pull over so I could take more photos and we snacked on crisps and sweets, and talked about the old days, and the days between then and now.

As we drove on, it started to rain. I told him about my mother’s last couple of husbands and he told me about his father dying. I told him about some of the more interesting weddings I’d photographed, and he shared anecdotes about the animals he treated, and their owners. It was easy to be with him, and I kept thinking about what it might be like to kiss the older, more mature version. Would the man’s kiss be much different to the boy’s?

Yet, he was just behaving like my friend. A few times I caught him looking at me, and he’d been quite affectionate, putting an arm around me here and there, but no more than the way Shane treated me. Friends, that was all. I was both disappointed and relieved at the same time. I didn’t want to be the other woman to his Mandy … but it didn’t stop me daydreaming about it, either.

Eventually, we came to Elgol – a beautiful little village on the shore of Loch Scavaig, with a view of the Cuillins opposite, a few fishing boats and the odd cottage scattered here and there. The rain was decreasing and the sun came out, casting a rainbow. I grabbed my camera. As the rainbow faded and the rain eased off, we went and sat on a blanket on the rocks while our dogs ran in and out of the water.

“I love it here. I’m officially declaring this as my favourite spot on Skye,” I told Will.

“It’s quite something, isn’t it?”

“Beautiful! And so quiet. So remote.”

“You like remoteness?”

“I like being far away from crowds of people. Does that make me antisocial?”

“Not at all. I like the peace and quiet myself. But it can get a bit much, sometimes. You’d probably miss the city if you lived here.”

“Maybe.”

I’ll miss Will, when I leave, I realised. The thought of leaving left me with an ache and pain that I couldn’t describe. How come I managed to deal reasonably well with our parting back when we’d been boyfriend and girlfriend for over a year, but now after just a few days as friends I couldn’t cope with it?

I’d miss this comfortable feeling around him, as well as the nervous flutters I felt every time he looked at me or touched me. If only I didn’t have to return to Bath the day after tomorrow and face reality.

I shivered.

“Chilly?”

I nodded my reply.

“Lean against me,” he offered and I did, and he put his arm around me and he had no idea how comfortable it was or how I longed to be able to ask him if he’d hold me like that every day. Ugh. Stupid Skye and stupid Hayley for dragging me here.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?”

“Can we come back here?”

“Of course.”

“Maybe bring a picnic, just sit and talk and read?”

“Sounds perfect.”

I relaxed back into his arms and started wondering if I should suggest that we both just quit our jobs and move to Elgol. I wasn’t sure how we’d earn enough money to get by. I really must start buying those lottery tickets, I thought.

“Hey, I think I know that guy over there,” Will said, getting up. A man was pulling up in a fishing boat. “You mind staying here with the dogs while I go say hello?”

“Of course not.”

I watched him walk off, admiring his rather cute and firm behind. If only life could be as simple as it’d been the past two days. No work to do, hanging out on this beautiful island with a man I both found attractive and enjoyed being with, with no expectations, no chores … just relaxing, walking, reading, drinking wine, talking, laughing … I sighed as my phone beeped, bringing me back to the reality of my life back home.

I hadn’t looked at my phone all day and found I had several text messages. I read and replied to each:

Ross:
How are you babe? I’m missing you. You’re home Saturday, right? Can’t wait to see you. Love you x

Me:
Yes, home Saturday. Please don’t be there when I get home, I’d like a little time to get unpacked without you hounding me. I’ll call you when I’m ready.

Shane:
Hey, how are you? What’s happening? No decision as yet on Maidstone. I need to hear about your drama, drama, drama!

Me:
Hayley’s shagging the farmer and I’ve got a huge crush on a man who’s not interested and married – I’m having a great time but don’t want to come home, except to see you of course. Enough drama for you? x

Aiden
:Hi Jenny. How’s it going? I’ve been thinking about you a lot. But still no pressure. Love, Aiden x

Me (after taking a deep breath … the thought of his kiss still gave me the warm and fuzzies but I hadn’t thought about him much in the past few days):
I’m having a lovely time, thank you. Hope you’re having a good week. Maybe we can get together and talk on Sunday? Jenny x

I had no idea what I’d say to either Ross or Aiden when I got back, but I still had a few days and a long car journey to figure that out. I’d kind of come to the conclusion that I needed to find somewhere to live, and maybe after a few weeks, if we felt like it, Aiden could take me on a date and we’d see how that goes. Maybe it’d be worth giving it a shot, I didn’t really know.

But right now, I didn’t want to think about all of that, only about the lovely Will who was still chatting to his friend.

My main concern while I was still here was Hayley, and what she was going to do, and how she was going to go about it. Kieran was such a lovely guy, and I remembered now with a jolt of surprise that I’d been jealous of Hayley when she’d first met him. He was good looking, sweet, and so kind and generous towards her. Much more so than Ross had ever been with me, and certainly for quite some time.

She’d seemed so loved-up, and he’d wined and dined her, then asked her to move in, and then proposed less than a month ago. I thought of him at home alone, wondering why she’d not been in touch, completely unaware that the woman he thought would become his wife was cheating on him and about to break his heart. She was just as bad as Ross, and I didn’t like her too much right now. I’d always loved her fickle, spontaneous side, but this time she’d gone too far.

Will was headed back towards me with a big smile on his face, and the two lovely dogs ran towards him as he whistled at them. It was like we were this temporary little family unit, and I realised I could get used to the sight of the three of them walking towards me like this. I could quite happily see this every day.