Independent Jenny (7 page)

Chapter Sixteen

The next morning I woke up to the sound of chickens clucking outside my window. I took Wentworth out for a bathroom break. He looked at them warily at first but then wagged his tail amicably, before dropping his head disappointedly as they ran away in the opposite direction.

After a nice hot shower, I spent a considerable amount of time looking at my wedding and engagement rings before finally deciding to take them off. I tucked them inside my toiletries bag and then stared at the dent they had left on my finger for a while. It was kind of liberating to have them off. Was this me making the decision to end it with Ross, one step at a time? It didn’t feel like a conscious thing, but maybe I was slowly distancing myself from my marriage.

I made scrambled eggs on toast, ate it, then took my book to the bench outside and alternated between reading the words on the page, staring out at the view, and looking at my naked ring finger. I was just wondering if Hayley would ever get up when she came out and joined me, mug of tea in one hand and the cold eggs I’d left for her in the other.

“Morning!” she said, bright and breezy.

After some conversation about how we both slept, she started looking agitated.

“I’ll get ready and we’ll go to Guy’s house, yeah?”

I agreed although I still wasn’t convinced this was the best plan. But as we were here I agreed we may as well go and find out. There’d be no talking her out of it anyhow. I took Wentworth for a walk up a farmer’s track and enjoyed the views while I waited for her. I realised I hadn’t thought half so much about Ross since I’d arrived. My head was clearing and it felt good.

As we came back, Hayley emerged at the cottage door completely over-dressed. She’d put on a full face of make-up, straightened her normally wavy hair to perfection – something she usually only reserved for a night out – she had her favourite skinny jeans on, her leather boots with three inch stiletto heels, and a black top that I knew she would have figured was casual but sexy. Not the sort of clothes you’d wear on a walking holiday in Skye, or, more importantly, what you’d wear to meet an ex-boyfriend when you were engaged to another man. Still, I didn’t want to argue so I just smiled and suggested she fetch the hiking boots I’d forced her to buy before we left home. If Guy wasn’t to be found, which I suspected was the case, then we were going off walking and exploring for the rest of the day. She promised me a nice walking holiday and that’s what we were going to have.

“You want me to drive?” I asked her, sensing how anxious she was.

“Yes please. I’m too nervous.”

She got into the passenger seat as I stowed Wentworth in the back. He let out a big sigh and put his head down to sleep. I envied him; I wish I could have a nap instead of taking part in Hayley’s drama. I suddenly felt like I was the accomplice to her crimes against Kieran and felt a pang of regret and sympathy for him. But there’d be no talking her out of this now; I just had to hope we couldn’t find him, or if we did, that he’d be bald, fat and grumpy.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been so focused on seeing Guy again – I know, I know, I might not – that I haven’t asked you how you’re feeling about everything?”

“I’m good,” I told her truthfully. “I’m glad to be away from home, get some fresh perspective, forget about Ross for a while, you know?”

“Good,” she squeezed my arm. “I’m glad you’re doing okay. I noticed you took your rings off?”

“Yes, well … I guess I don’t want to be married right now.”

“Fair enough. I think you’re making your decision, albeit slowly.”

“Maybe.”

I put the radio on and we drove along, following the sat nav to the last known address Hayley had for Guy’s parents. She didn’t say much, only the occasional remark about the scenery, which continued to be beautiful. It was a clear, warm day and I couldn’t wait to go and explore, take some photos, and let Wentworth have a good run about.

A few miles down the road, we saw a sign for Greene Farm and Hayley sat up, alert, like a meerkat looking for predators. “That’s it!” she pointed.

I turned off down the track and she sat back.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to say to him?”

“I thought I’d probably play it cool, just say we were in the area, thought we’d drop by. Do you think that’s a good plan?”

“I think admitting we came all this way especially to see him might be a bit strong, so yes, good plan.”

She gave me a stern look. There was a gate so she jumped out and opened it, and then we were driving down a long, windy, bumpy track and all I could think of was poor Kieran, sitting at home, oblivious to what Hayley was pursuing. If I was her accomplice, didn’t that make me no better than Ross? Or the girls he’d done it with, at the very least.

“You sure this is a good idea?” I asked Hayley as a house came into view.

“Of course. I have to do this. I can’t marry Kieran until I know.”

“I just think, if you love Kieran…”

“Please don’t judge me, not now Jenny. We’ve come all this way!”

“Okay, okay.”

There were no vehicles around, but there was a young lad in dirty dungarees walking away from a barn near the house and towards us. I turned the engine off and we got out.

“Hello, what can I do for you?” he asked, looking at Hayley’s outfit and frowning. She walked through some mud and grumbled as her heel got stuck.

I looked at her, waiting for her to explain, but she just looked back at me with a frightened expression and nodded.

“Hi,” I said, smiling. He looked about sixteen. “We’re looking for Guy Harris. He lived here a long time ago with his parents, and we were just wondering—”

“Guy’s taking a day off, he’s gone to Portree to meet a friend,” he told us. “He’ll be back later tonight.”

“So he’s still here?” Hayley asked, her voice excited.

“Yep, took over the place when his dad got sick a few years back.”

“We’ll come back tomorrow then!” Hayley said, grinning from ear to ear.

“Okay.” The boy shrugged.

“Is he married?” she asked.

“Guy? No, not married.” He gestured to the house behind him. “Lives here alone. Me and a few others work for him.”

“Okay, thank you,” I said, turning to go.

“Thank you!” Hayley told him happily. She turned and gingerly made her way back through the mud.

Chapter Seventeen

“Well, there you go,” I said, turning the car around and driving back down the track we’d come down.

“Oh my goodness, I’m going to see him tomorrow! Do you think he’s changed? I bet he’s just the same. I really didn’t expect to find him. I’m so nervous!”

“Just calm down, okay? He might be bald, fat and grumpy for all you know.”

I hoped so, anyway. For Kieran’s sake.

“I don’t mind if he is!”

I gave her a stern look.

“Honestly, I just want to see him again and say hi. I’ll get closure, we can spend the rest of the holiday mooching around the hills and lochs you love so much and then we’ll go home all refreshed. You’ll figure out what you’re going to do, and I’ll plan my wedding.”

I nodded and smiled, hoping she was right more than believing it.

While she babbled on, I just drove. I’d already picked a spot I wanted to walk through. We passed fields and ocean views and after a while we came to a hotel car park with a trail leading off to the side, towards mountains.

“Shall we walk here?” I asked her. I eyed the sign. “We’re in the Cuillins now.”

Hayley was on such a high, I think she’d have agreed to anything. We changed into our hiking boots, I got wrapped up in a fleece and pulled out a big backpack to carry our lunch and water, while Hayley was still in her best jeans and chattering on about old times.

“God, we were so happy back then, weren’t we? Carefree, young, free of responsibilities.”

“You have such a warped memory,” I told her, laughing. “We were emotional wrecks. I wouldn’t want to be a teenager again.”

She shrugged. “Guy and I … we were so amazing together.”

“So are you and Kieran.”

She didn’t answer but followed me along a stony path which led towards a beautiful valley. Wentworth bounded off happily, thrilled to stretch his legs. He ran along the path, sniffing the purple heather, running up the slopes and back down the other sides. I watched him like a proud parent, pleased to see he was enjoying himself. Hayley and I walked in silence for a while.

“So, have you heard from Ross?”

“I haven’t had any signal.”

“Me neither at the cottage but I noticed in the car that we did.”

I stopped and pulled out my phone. No signal, but I must’ve had one on our journey as I had a text from Aiden.

Hi. Giving you space, but just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you and there’s no pressure and whatever you do, we’re friends, right? So please don’t feel weird. Have a great time and clear your head! Last text from me unless I hear otherwise. Have fun! Aiden x

He had texted me plenty of times before, but never had a text from him made my heart thud like this before. What was wrong with me? I put my phone away and then looked up at Hayley.

“Ross?” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“No.”

“I knew it! Who?”

“Knew what?” I turned and continued walking.

“That it was someone else. Don’t be cagey. Tell me.”

“Aiden.”

“I thought so. You had a little happy smirk on your face. You really like him huh?”

We continued to walk.

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think about how Ross and I were, back when we got married, and I just wish we could go back to that. Then I think of what he did … and I just can’t picture us together anymore. Then I think about Aiden, and … well, I just want to kiss him again.”

“Sounds like you’ve decided. You want Aiden.”

“But it’s not that easy. I still love Ross. And they’re brothers. And there’s everything else to consider – the house and Wentworth … And I don’t think I should be rushing into a relationship on the rebound. Aiden could get hurt, and I can’t quite picture myself with him in many ways. It’s like he’s my brother. So … I don’t know really.”

“Oh, Jenny. What a mess.”

“I know.”

“Do you love him? Aiden I mean?”

“I don’t know. I only just realised I was attracted to him. But I think I could fall for him, yes.”

“Are you sure you’re not feeling that way because he likes you?”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, you just got rejected and a few days later another man tells you that you deserve better and that he loves you. Of course he’s going to be attractive.”

“That’s true, I suppose. And I feel a bit under pressure now he says he loves me. I can’t be with him unless I know for sure I feel serious about him too.”

“You don’t want him to be a rebound, I get it.”

“Exactly. It’s complicated and awkward. He’s family, really. I don’t want to hurt him if I realise he’s not for me. And what would their parents say?”

“Who cares?”

“I do! I’d still be a part of their family. It’d be weird.”

I hadn’t even told my family about all this. I wasn’t sure what to expect from my dad but I didn’t think he’d be particularly helpful, and mum would get all emotional and try to convince me to come out to LA and stay with her. I’d avoided both their calls for the past few weeks and had only sent texts about being busy.

“Well, yeah. Okay and do you love Ross still?”

“Of course I do. I just don’t respect him right now, or trust him. I don’t know how we can go forward, or if I want to. It’s a mess.”

“I say leave him and shack up with Aiden.”

“Can we change the subject?”

This gave her the perfect opportunity to start chattering on about Guy again. Somehow, she’d remembered everything very differently than I had. It’d all been so perfect back then according to Hayley. She’d forgotten about fights with parents, homework, and the bitchy girls at school who made us feel inferior. She’d even forgotten Guy’s acne and lack of cash. For her birthday one year, he’d bought her a Twix, yet now she was going on about how romantic he’d been, how much he spoiled her, how attentive he was…

“You know, Kieran is also very attentive.”

She sighed.

“I know. How much further do you want to walk?”

We’d only gone a few miles, but I knew this wasn’t her thing. Too bad for her that Guy wasn’t living in New York or Paris. She’d have been content shopping all day, dragging me around from store to store. I suggested we take a break and we sat on a large rock and ate our packed lunch.

Several egg mayo sandwiches, crisps, and cherry bakewells later, a swarm of midges were starting to bug us. Hayley kept tutting and swiping them away angrily. I got up to go and she looked back towards the way we came.

“Can’t we go back now? I’m so tired.”

“Sure, if you want.”

“I know you’re the outdoorsy type but I’m just so worn out. And I want the sofa. And the TV.”

We could have endless sofa time and TV back in Bath but I knew better than to argue and agreed to head back to the car. The midges were annoying me anyway and I was still tired from yesterday’s journey.

We rambled back in relative silence. It rained a little and Hayley complained about her jeans getting wet and the mud and the cold, but I was just grateful that it kept the midges away and I blocked out her moaning. Wentworth splashed around in the puddles that were forming and I smiled at him as he occasionally looked back to check we were still within sight.

I loved it here, even more than I’d expected to. I loved not worrying about looking my best this morning to go out and meet clients. I’d just thrown on some old jeans and a comfy t-shirt. I loved the views, I loved the quiet roads and most of all I loved the fact that I was far, far away from my troubles.

It didn’t stop me thinking about them, though. How hurt would Ross be if I were with Aiden? I liked to imagine he’d be devastated but then I thought about the girls again and considered that he might not give a damn. And I certainly didn’t feel I owed him any sensitivity.

Back at the cottage, Hayley made us her signature dish: risotto with chicken and mushrooms. It was rather scrummy and we ate it in front of the TV before I went to bed to read. Just as I slipped under the inviting duvet, my phone lit up and I realised I had a small signal. Ross had texted me.

Hi. Hope you arrived safe. I’m home, thinking of you. I can’t live without you, it’s so hard. Love you babe x

I read it a few times then typed a few messages of my own.

Hi Ross. We did arrive safe, thank you. Jen.

Next, I wanted to touch base with Aiden, just let him know that he was in my thoughts.

Hi Aiden. Thanks for your text. I hope you have a good few days. It’s beautiful here. Really lovely. Talk to you when I get back. Take care. Jenny xx

I reread both messages. I’d been so cold to my husband yet so warm to his brother. I pictured myself returning to Bath and knew which house I’d rather go to, but I wasn’t sure if it was because Aiden didn’t make me feel hurt and rejected or if I had real, genuine feelings for him. Ugh, what a mess.

And then there was Hayley. Who knew what tomorrow would bring with Guy. I could only hope he wasn’t going to be as amazing as she remembered.