Indestructible Desire (6 page)

But in reality, I feel like a fraction of myself. My nerves are shot, I can’t sleep...I still can’t get over the fact that I actually shot someone, taking their life away from them. I don’t think Zak or Jacob would have ever hurt me if things had played out as they had planned. I know they did it for selfish reasons; maybe I'm naive, but I believe the friendship we made was real. I’m just afraid me killing Jacob pushed Zak over the edge. I know if someone hurt Kayden, I would want to seek revenge and not stop until I succeeded. That’s what terrifies me the most. I’m scared Zak won’t come after me, but instead go for Kayden so he can punish me.

Sipping on her sweet tea and popping a chunk of cantaloupe in her mouth, Mya sat staring at me with curiosity twinkling in her eyes. “You look a lot better today. Was that big ass smile on your face when you walked in here from you and Kayden breaking the doctor’s orders and bow-chicka-bow-wow?”

My mouth falls open at her straightforward question, which makes her and Brooklyn burst into a giggling fit. I slap my hand over my face, knowing I am redder than Brooklyn’s nail polish.

Brooklyn screams out at me, “Oh my God! You little slut! You
so
fucked Kayden, I can see it written all over your face!”

“Geesh! Kayden must be an animal in the sack if you’d risk hurting yourself.” I can’t look Mya in the eyes. It’s so embarrassing, talking about my sex life in front of three beauticians I don’t even know.

Shooting them both a look and motioning my eyes towards the three women working hard at pampering our toes. I finally muster up the courage to speak. “You two are
unbelievable
!”

After two hours of pampering the beauticians packed up their things and we thanked them for an amazing job. My fingers and toes look bright and cheerful now with my neon yellow and hot pink polka dots. Now if these damn bruises would go away I would actually feel good about myself again.

We all slipped into our bikinis and made our way out to the hot tub. My body is aching all over, so a nice long soak in the hot tub sounds amazing right now. Plugging my iPod to the stereo system, I set it to play outside on the patio. Hemsworth brings us all glasses of white wine to drink. I’m not supposed to drink while on my pain pills, but right now I need a glass of wine to calm my nerves.

Kayden texts me off and on all day, which eases my mind. I’ve tried hard not to think about Zak and damper my girls day. It’s just so hard, especially with Kayden not here. I will feel better once he’s back home and in my arms again.

Lying against the wall of the hot tub, I let my legs float on top of the bubbly water. The jet flowing into my back is like heaven to my sore muscles. Brooklyn and Mya are already onto their second glasses of wine. I’m savoring my one glass I’m permitting myself to have.

I’m snapped out of my thought when water hits me in the face. Brooklyn splashes me again. “Stop stressing, Savannah. Relax girlfriend! You’re safe here. Kayden has this place so freakin’ guarded you’d think the goddamn Queen of England lived here!”

“Oh my God, I know!” Mya says dramatically. “I thought they were going to frisk me when I got here earlier. Not that I would mind it, because damn, some of those guards are hot!”

“I appreciate all the security, but seeing what he was able to do to Beaumont Industries security system, it scares the shit out of me! Who’s to say he can’t find a way around all of this?” I wave my hand around, pointing to the house and surrounding miles of land.

“Kayden has done everything to keep you safe. Why don’t you talk to him about maybe getting away once you feel better? Maybe a trip a few thousand miles away, some place warm and tropical is exactly what you need to truly be able to relax and heal?” Mya has a point. Maybe getting away is exactly what I need.

Brooklyn is bursting with excitement next to me, splashing water all over. Her eyes are sparkling as she grips my arm and grins mischievously at me. “That is a kickass idea. You and I lying on a white sand beach, basking in the sun!
Perfect
!!”

I can’t help but laugh at her excitement, and smile right along with her. “I couldn’t agree more bestie. I’ll bring it up to Kayden when he gets back tonight. A week away sounds fan-freakin-tastic right about now.”

***

The remainder of the weekend went by quickly. On one hand, I’m happy it’s flown by because its one day closer to me being finally healed up; I can get back to my life. On the other hand, I wish it would have gone by slower. The longer it took to get to Monday morning the better. I am dreading leaving Kayden’s house and going to Houston for my appointments.

While here in the house or outside on the grounds I feel safe because of the security system and all of the guards we have monitoring everything. Just the thought of leaving the house puts me into a full blown panic attack.

I have a doctor’s appointment this morning and then a meeting with Dr. Wilcott, my new psychiatrist.  My doctor suggested her to me and thinks she’ll be able to help me with my issues that I’ve had since the accident.

Kayden had to head into work at six this morning to try and finish getting caught up on work. He took a few days off to be with me at the hospital. So I can just imagine the work load he’s tackling today. Jax went to work with him to watch over things, which makes me feel better.

I won’t be able to truly relax until I know they’ve caught Zak. Only then can I start the process of dealing with everything. After a long soak in the Jacuzzi tub, my ribs are feeling a little better. I put on some jeans, sneakers, tank top, and zip up hoodie. Tossing my hair into a messy bun, I brush my teeth and head downstairs. I find Brooklyn in the foyer handing her bags to Jerome. He’s taking her to the airport this morning. She’s flying out to Vancouver for her last week of filming.

“I hate that you have to leave; it’s going to be lonely around here without you.” I say, pulling her in for a small hug. Every little move I make is excruciating. I cannot wait for my ribs to heal. I just took another pain pill an hour ago, but it doesn’t feel like it’s helping much.

“You would be sick of me within a few days, and you know it! I’ll text you when I land, then you can tell me all about your appointments today.” 

Letting out a sigh, I roll my eyes at her. “I cannot stand the idea of going to my appointments. What if something happens? I hated the idea of Kayden going to work. I keep having these awful nightmares that Zak attacks him at work and me at the hospital.”

Taking my hands into hers, she smiles at me, but I can see the pain in her eyes. She’s just as scared as I am. “Believe me Savannah, nothing will happen. You have security watching over you. I’m scared too, how do I know he won’t come after me? That’s why I’m allowing Jerome to drive me to the airport. I don’t think Zak can get through that two hundred and fifty pound beef cake out there.” She lets out a nervous laugh while reaching for a gift bag on the floor.  Handing it to me, I notice it’s from one of the hair salons in Houston.

“What’s this?”

“I got you a little present when I was out getting us coffee yesterday. I think it will help with your anxiety about going into the city.”

I quickly open the gift bag and am shocked when I pull out a red long-haired wig. “A WIG?”

Taking it out of my hand, Brooklyn adjusts it on my head, and pulls my hand leading me to one of the large mirrors on the wall. “Here, look. See now, when you are out and about in Houston, if creepo Zak is lurking around somewhere he won’t recognize you because he’ll be looking for long blonde hair. Am I not a freakin’ genius?”

Playing with the hair I smooth it out around my face. Its crazy how just changing my hair color makes me look so different. It looks so realistic you can’t even tell it’s a wig. Taking in a few deep breaths, I try to fight back the tears welling up in my eyes, but I can’t. Turning, I pull Brooklyn in for another hug.

“Oh no! You hate it don‘t you? I knew I should have gone with the brunette one.”

Wiping away the tears running down my cheeks, I try to calm myself down. “No, I like it. I just can’t believe you did this for me. I never would of thought of this.”

“Kayden is going to love it, Savannah…the sexy redhead.” Letting out a loud laugh, Brooklyn plays with the fake locks resting on my shoulder.

“The only thing is the car, not too many people drive an orange Audi SUV, Brooklyn. That will be a sure giveaway that it’s me or Kayden.”

“Come with me.” Brooklyn says dragging me outside. When we step out I see Alec standing beside a black Audi Q7. “See, Kayden is already one step ahead. He and Jax left in his truck this morning. He told Jerome to bring me to the airport in the orange Audi, and Alec will take you to all your appointments today in the black car. So, between your new hair and new car, no one will ever know it’s you.”

Knowing that helps me relax a little. I sadly say goodbye to Brooklyn after grabbing my purse, then with Alec‘s help, climb into the back of the car. Buckling up, I stare out the window trying to calm my nerves. My phone beeps, alerting me of a new text message. I’m grateful my phone wasn’t damaged in the accident.

Fishing it out of my purse, I open the new message, instantly smiling when I see it’s from Kayden.

Kayden:

Hey baby, just wanted to tell u I <3 u

I’ll be home around 7, so order whatever you want for dinner.

~Kayden

Me:

I <3 u more ;) I’ll surprise u w/dinner. I’m so nervous about today :-/

<3 the new car btw, u r a life saver! OHH I got a surprise for you!

xoxo Savannah

I send the text to Kayden along with a picture attached of me wearing my new wig. He is going to be totally shocked when he opens the picture. Within seconds Kayden has text me back.

Kayden:

U didn’t dye ur hair did u?! And glad u like the new ride ;)

<3 ur shocked boy toy

As I'm laughing out loud at Kayden’s text, Alec looks back at me and smiles. “Kayden just texted me.” I say, holding my phone up. All I need is my body guard thinking I’ve lost my marbles and sitting back here laughing at myself. I quickly type a reply to Kayden’s text. I know exactly what he’s doing. He’s distracting me with these text messages, helping take my mind off the car ride. I have to admit, its working.

Me:

Nooooo I didn’t dye my hair! Brooklyn bought me a wig, she said u will love having a wild redhead in the bedroom. I will love the new car more once we christen it like the orange one ;)

xoxo<3 ur naughty nympho

***

My doctors’ appointments went okay. My surgeon Dr. Willow said my stitches are dissolving and my incision is healing up fine. She said my ribs could continue to be sore for weeks. She said my memory loss is nothing to be concerned about. It’s expected with a head injury and after experiencing something as traumatic as I have.

She refilled my prescription for my pain medicine and told me to come back in two weeks for another follow up. She thinks seeing Dr. Wilcott will help me with my anxiety, and to cope with everything. Putting my wig back on, I step out of Dr. Willow’s office and spot Alec waiting against the wall in the hospital corridor. “Ready, Miss. Livingston?” Nodding his head at me, we make our way out to the parking lot.

As we approach the doors to leave, my feet freeze in place. I spot a man around Zak’s height, build, and same hair style walking in through the hospital doors. Panic shoots through my body making my entire body numb.

“Is everything okay?” Alec asks resting his hand on my arm. I can’t speak, my body is shaking, and I can’t get my mouth to work. My heart is beating so hard and fast, it feels as if it’s going to explode.

The guy walks by and smiles at us. I then realize it’s not Zak and find my body beginning to relax. Looking over at Alec, my head is spinning from the panic attack I just experienced. “What? Sorry. I’m okay, I just thought…” my words trail off as I watch the man step onto one of the elevators.

“We don’t want to be late to your appointment, so we best get going.” Before I can answer, Alec is walking through the doors, so I pick up my pace to keep up with him. My chest is still extremely sore, so the fast movements are not the best thing for me to be doing right now. Holding my hand over my abdomen, I follow Alec through the parking lot to the new car.