Indestructible Desire (7 page)

Within a few minutes we are making our way through the busy streets of Houston. Dr. Willow has an office in one of the buildings down the road from Kayden’s Beaumont Offices Building. I am hoping to catch him after my appointment to let him know how everything went, instead of sending it through a text or waiting until tonight to tell him.

My phone rings, making me jump. It’s playing one my mom and dad’s songs, so I know instantly it’s one of them. Looking down I see my mother’s face on my screen. “Hey, mom.”

“Hey, honey. How are you feeling?”

Resting my head against the back seat I gaze out the window. I am five minutes away from my shrink’s office. Now I have to talk to my mom before I get there. I will probably show up a blubbering mess. Every time I talk to my parents about how I’m doing I end up a crying.

“I’m doing alright, just left my appointment with Dr. Willow. She said everything is healing well. Now I’m on my way over to Dr. Wilcott’s office.”

“Well I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better, sweetie. I’m going to try and fly back in next week for a day or two.”

“Sounds good, I can’t wait to see you. Hope the tour's going well. I’ve been stalking your website and twitter. The fans seem to love the new single.”

“Yeah, we’ve sold out at every event! We’re having a blast, but sad we can’t be there with you.”

I talked to her a few more minutes. I’m grateful she kept the conversation light. I think she knew if she asked about anything else I would lose it. I’m nervous enough about my first appointment with Dr. Wilcott. I don’t want to walk into her office looking like a complete and utter mess.

Pulling up to the curb, Alec parks the car and comes around to open the door for me. Taking my hand, he helps me out. My pain medicine is starting to wear off so the pain in my ribs is increasing. As soon as we enter the towering building, I excuse myself to use the ladies room. Shutting myself into one of the bathroom stalls, I dig my bottle of meds out of my purse. Washing it down with my bottle of water, I walk over to the mirrors to check how I look.

Gently I run my fingers through the wig, smoothing my loose red ringlets. I apply a fresh coat of lip gloss, and head back out to the lobby. Standing at the elevators, I find Dr. Wilcott’s name. She’s on the twelfth floor. I hate having Alec following me around everywhere because it draws attention to me. I appreciate it because I feel safe with him around, but I hate the feeling of everyone’s eyes on me.

It doesn’t help that most people already know who I am, and now, because of the new broadcasts over the last week, everyone now knows what happened to me. So seeing me heading up to a psychiatrist office will definitely cause rumors to spread quickly. Stepping into the elevator, I make my way towards the back, away from everyone. I am a ball of nerves right now. I just keep staring at my cell phone, scrolling through my text messages with Kayden this morning. Doing anything to distract myself from what I’m going to be dealing with the moment I step into her office.

***

Chapter Five

***

Walking into Kayden’s office building, I feel a little less anxiety. My appointment with Dr. Wilcott went better than I expected. She’s actually really easy to talk to. After a good long cry in her office, I feel rejuvenated. She understands my fear of taking medications, so didn’t push the subject of antidepressants. She said the more I get out during our sessions, the better I’ll feel, which I for one am happy about because I just want to get back to my life.

Waving to the front desk, I make my way towards the wall of elevators. With Alec right behind me, we head up to Kayden’s office on the twenty-fourth floor. I was thrilled when I texted him on my way out of my appointment and he said his schedule was open for the next hour. He’s been on work overload the last few days catching up from being out last week.

Stepping off the elevator I’m bursting with excitement to wrap my arms around Kayden. After such a stressful morning, I need to be in his arms so I can feel safe and like everything will be okay. Kayden is like my life preserver right now, the only thing keeping me from drowning in a sea of

gloom.

“I’ll let Kayden know you’re here.” Dionne, his secretary says cheerfully, smiling up at me from her immaculate desk.

“Thanks.” I flash a small smile and turn to follow Alec into the waiting area. Taking a seat in the far corner beside Jerome, Alec picks up a magazine and flips it open. He looks up at me over the magazine, “When you’re ready to go, Miss. Livingston, just let me know.”

“Thanks Alec, we’re having a quick lunch. If you’re hungry we can have something brought up for you also?”

“That’s okay; I’ll eat when we get back to Sugarland.”

Leaving Alec to his travel magazine, I head to the large oak double doors, which lead into Kayden’s office. He and Dixon both have offices on the twenty-fourth floor, each on opposite sides of the building, with a conference room between them. I wonder if Brooklyn’s ever been here to see Dixon? I doubt it since he’s so hot in the bedroom and cold in public.

Turning the knob slowly I pop my head in and see Kayden standing in front of the floor to ceiling glass windows. He looks so sexy and ready to take on the world. He’s wearing black dress slacks, a crisp white shirt, and a mint green tie that I picked out for him last night; I love that tie. His jacket is lying on the couch and he’s pacing in front of the windows overlooking Houston while speaking French to someone on his ear piece. It amazes me how he can speak four different languages. I could barely pass high school Spanish. I know just enough to get me margaritas in Cabo.

Setting my purse down on the white plush contemporary couch, I slowly make my way over to where he’s standing, trying my best to surprise him. He has both hands in his pockets, totally oblivious to me being in here. Walking up behind him, I slip my arms through his and wrapping them around his waist.

I can feel his breathing increase as his abdomen begins to rise and fall quickly. Removing his hands from his pants pockets he rests them over mine, spinning around to face me. He says something in French and then taps his ear piece ending his call. “Hey, baby.” Leaning down, he takes my face into his hands and kisses me so sweetly that my stomach does flip flops and my heart is racing.

“Hey yourself, sooo what do you think of the new do?” I ask, flipping my red hair.

“You still look as hot as ever. But I’m happy it isn’t permanent because I love you blonde.”

“Believe me; I love my blonde hair just as much as you do. I
will not
be dying my hair any time soon, so you can rest easy my love.” I say playfully patting his chest.

Taking my hand, Kayden leads me over to the small white couch. Sitting down he pulls me onto his lap and wraps his strong arms around my waist. Curling up against him, I can’t help but smile as he kisses my temple lovingly.

Holding me tightly against his chest, he finally asks, “So how did your appointment with Dr. Wilcott go?” I feel his body tense beneath me as he asks.

Turning and locking my eyes with his I smile at him, trying to ease his worries, and show him I’m okay. Lacing my fingers with his, I pull his hand against my heart, taking a deep breath before answering.

“I’m actually feeling better since my session with her. It went rather well. I had a good cry and talked about everything that I can remember from that night. She reassured me that everything I’m feeling is completely normal. She tried to prescribe me anti-depressants but I told her for now I want to see if I can get better just from our therapy sessions.”

“Well, I for one am happy that it went well. I’ve been a nervous wreck all morning; it's been difficult to focus on any of my work. I made an appointment to go with you next Monday. Hopefully, talking to her will be beneficial for us both.”

“Mya and Brooklyn suggested maybe we get away for a few days. They think it may help us both relax. Maybe getting away from all of this,” I say swirling my hand around in the air, “will help us both feel a little bit better.”

“I think that’s a great idea. I have to go to Hong Kong on Wednesday for a business meeting. But I’ll be back in Houston on Friday. We can meet at the tarmac and fly wherever you wanna go baby. We can even have Brooklyn come along too, if you’d like?”

Tapping my chin, I think about where I would like to go for a nice weekend getaway. “Hmmmm…well I have been dying to see your private island. All the photos of you there around the house has definitely peaked my interest.”

Slapping my thigh playfully, Kayden smiles from ear to ear. “Well then it’s settled. Bahamas it is!”

Seeing Kayden smile right now is making my heart flutter in my chest. It hurts seeing the man I love stressed all the time. He’s putting all this guilt onto his own shoulders, blaming himself for not looking into Zak and Jacob when they first moved in next door. They never once made me question their intentions. They seemed like genuinely nice people. Brooklyn, Mya, and Braxton all said the same thing. Hopefully this vacation will help us both get over everything that’s happened.

“I think that sounds perfect.” Lifting our hands, I kiss his knuckles and rest our entwined fingers back on my lap. I glance at him momentarily before dropping my eyes back to my lap. “Promise me you’ll stop blaming yourself, Kayden. We need to try and put all of this behind us and move on. Thinking about it, and dwelling on it is only going to stress both of us out.”

Pulling my wig off, he tosses it on the table beside the couch, letting out a loud sigh he rests his head against mine. “You don’t understand what almost losing you did to me Savannah. Because I love you so much, I cannot help but blame myself. I want to move on from this, but I just don’t know how.”

“Well no matter what, Knox, I’m going to be by your side. Together we’ll get through this. We can promise each other right now, our little getaway this weekend will be a fresh start. We're putting the past behind us and moving forward with our future.”

Kissing me sweetly on the lips and then on the tip of my nose, Kayden whispered, “Sounds like a plan, baby.”

We sat there for a long time just enjoying being in each other’s arms. Finally, his assistant arrived with our lunch. I’m happy I decided to stop in and see him before heading back home. I think Kayden needs as much love and support from me right now as I do from him to deal with the fear plaguing our lives right now.

***

The remainder of the week has gone by fast. I continued to have sessions with Dr. Wilcott throughout the week. I saw her on Wednesday and again this morning. Kayden flew to Hong Kong on Wednesday evening and is flying back this afternoon. Brooklyn wrapped up filming yesterday, so she’s flying into Houston today, too. I’m so excited for all of us to go to the Bahamas!

Jax and Jerome are going to accompany us on our trip as a precaution, and Alec is staying back at the house to monitor things. Kayden asked him to stop by the beach houses also to be sure Zak hasn’t been there either.

We’re all going to be boarding Kayden’s jet this afternoon to fly to his private island. We’ll be staying down there for three days, and heading back to Texas Sunday evening. I think getting away for a few days is just what the doctor ordered. For the first time in two weeks I’ll actually be able to truly relax. Kayden invited Dixon to come along with us so it will definitely be interesting for Brooklyn.

Every day my body is healing a little more. My bruises are all pretty much gone now; just pale yellow spots are remaining. My wrist has been healed since the end of my first week out of the hospital. My ribs are still pretty sore; Dr. Willow told me it can be a few weeks to a few months depending on the extent of the bruising to my muscles surrounding my ribs. My hopes are sooner rather than later.

I’m just happy to only be taking ibuprofen now so I’ll be able to drink and let loose with everyone this weekend. I can already hear a glass of coconut rum calling my name. 

Zipping up my suitcase and setting it beside Kayden’s, I yell to down the stairs, “Jerome, our suitcases are all ready to be brought down to the car.” Grabbing my purse, I head downstairs to grab a snack to munch on in the car. I toss some chocolate covered pretzels into my purse and a bottle of water from the fridge and head out to the Audi.