Inescapable (The Premonition Series) (25 page)

“You can’t be serious,” I say numbly, just above a whisper. “I can’t go through this without you. I love you.”

“Don’t love me. I’m not for you,” he says harshly, gripping the wheel tensely.

“It’s too late. I already do love you and I can’t stop,” I reply sadly with tears filling my eyes.

Reed still wouldn’t look at me as he says, “You will recover as will I. We should avoid each other’s company for a while. I will be nearby if you need me, if the Fallen should come, but given our attraction, it would be best if we do not socialize with one another for a while. It will help us get over each other.”

“I don’t want to get over you,” I whisper.

“You don’t have a choice—I cannot love you,” Reed replies vehemently.

“But, I can’t be with Russell. I can’t be with anyone because I want you. I need you,” I say, trying to rest my hand on his cheek to get him to look at me.

Reed stops me before I can touch him by gently pushing my hand away from him. Color floods my cheeks as I realize that I have resorted to throwing myself at him. I feel shattered and broken inside.

“I see,” I say, understanding that he wants me to leave now. “You don’t have to bother being my bodyguard. Thanks for your help. I guess I’ll take it from here.”

I push my way out of his car. With my world crumbling, I stumble toward my room with tear-blinded eyes. I want to disappear from his sight before I fall apart. I manage to hold back every tear until I make it to my room; that is the only victory over my misery that I’ll have for a long, long while.

CHAPTER 16

Formal

I rarely come out of my room for the next few days, so I miss all of my classes. Buns and Brownie almost tear the hinges off my door to make me talk to them. I try to explain to them the reasons for my depressed state—why I can’t get out of bed, but it only gets worse when I realize that I have to withhold almost everything from them. I can’t tell them about the shadow man, or angels, or the fact that I’m not a normal person. I can’t tell them that I’m much more than human, or that I’m afraid to go home because I might lure something eerily inhuman home with me. They don’t know that Russell is my soul mate, or that Reed is an angel, or that my life is now one giant question mark.

After an entire box of tissues and incoherent, broken words, all that I can think to tell them is the silly cliché that my boyfriend dumped me. Even without knowing all of my reasons, they somehow seem to understand that I’m really hurting, and they want to help me. The girls postpone the theft of the Delt composite; under the circumstances, they know I can’t go through with it. They spend all of their free time trying to get me to do the essentials, like showering, eating, and going to class. After a few days, I get over my self-helplessness and begin taking care of myself again, and although it’s sort of mechanical, at least I’m making it to my classes.

Hockey practice is the worst, however, because I have to go to the field each night and ignore the fact that Reed is so close. The intense butterflies cause mayhem on my insides, but I can’t talk to him. When I try, he brushes me off like I’m some sort of pathetic, reject ex-girlfriend. He hardly responds to anything I say, and that’s if he gives me a chance to say anything at all, because mostly, he just walks away from me.

I realize quickly that I have to accept his decision because I can’t stalk him, no matter how much I want to. I’m trying every day to accept the fact that I’ve lost him. He was being honest when he said he wouldn’t be my love. He will not.

I know he’s around though, still watching over me, but it’s from afar. I feel him nearby now and then, especially at night. Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed, I feel fluttering in my stomach, and I know he’s checking on me. Maybe he is worried about me, since I have a feeling my heart isn’t singing anymore.

Freddie goes out of his way to try to cheer me up. He meets me outside of some of my classes and studies with me in our special spot in the library. I give him the same story, that Reed dumped me, and he doesn’t question me about it. I can tell he somehow knows that there is more to the story. We still sit at our table for meals, and I never notice if anyone else is around or not.

Contemplating a particularly runny bowl of oatmeal, while sitting next to Freddie, I look up when the chair next to mine is pulled out and occupied by a very large human. Russell is also eyeing my spoon, seeing the oatmeal drip off of it like soup.

“Yer not gonna eat that, are ya, Red?” he asks, wrinkling his nose. I stiffen in my chair. The last thing I want is the reason that I got dumped to come and sit down next to me. “Ya look like hell. Are ya okay?” he asks in a low tone, and I feel surprise and irritation at seeing concern in his brown eyes.

“Haven’t you heard? I probably
am
from Hell; well, half of me is anyway,” I mumble without much emotion. I see the look that Russell gives Freddie; it’s that guy mind reading thing again. “I’m awesome, Russell, thanks.” I snap, hoping that will be enough reassurance to make him feel his obligation to me is fulfilled and he can just go away.

“Ya don’t look awesome,” Russell observes. “Ya look like ya haven’t slept in weeks…and I saw yer last hockey game. Ya stunk, Red.”

“We still won,” I say dully.

“I’m surprised ya noticed. It looked to me like ya couldn’t have cared less,” he states matter-of-factly. “And that’s not like

I shrug. “Russell, I’m fine, and I’m sure that you have much better things to do than to eat breakfast with me. Look, there’s Mason, maybe you two can find a gnarly piece of hardware to go beat on,” I say with sarcasm as I point to the table where Mason is sitting, watching us. “I’ll see you later, Freddie.” I say, getting up from the table.

Russell catches up to me in the hallway outside and walks along next to me until I stop and face him.
“What?”
I bark.

“That’s it, Red, get mad. That’s the girl I know. I don’t know the other girl who walks around like a ghost,” he says angrily, “The girl who has given up everythin’ that was ever important to her just ‘cuz her boyfriend dumped her.”

“You know nothing!” I retort angrily, “And you’re one to talk. You haven’t even spoken to me since that night at the Delt House. Or, is this how you gloat? Well, go for it Russell, enjoy it!”

“No, this isn’t how I gloat. This is how I say,
I’m sorry!
” he yells back at me.

“What are you
sorry
about?” I shout back, not caring if I draw attention to myself.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been yer friend. I’m sorry I busted the firewall ya bought me…and I’m sorry yer heart got broken,” he replies tightly. My expression must’ve told him that I’m about to cry, because in seconds, my face is pressed to his chest, and he is holding it there with his hand on the back of my neck.

“Ahh, Red, don’t cry,” he says soothingly while I try really hard not to sob in front of all of the people witnessing our fight.

Russell leads me out of the crowded corridor with his arm slung protectively over my shoulder. Moments later, we are outside and hidden behind a wall on the side of the building. I can’t hold my tears in any longer. Russell’s arms go around me as I cry into his chest.

“He’s the stupidest…thing I’ve ever seen,” Russell whispers in my ear, which only makes me cry harder.

When I finally manage to pull myself together, I step back from Russell, using the sleeve of my shirt to wipe my nose and face. It’s colder today. The fall weather is beginning to make its presence known, so I shiver when the wind picks up and blows my hair back.

“I’m sorry, too,” I say simply, because I don’t want to start blubbering again. “Does this mean we can be friends again?”

“Yeah, Red, we can be friends again…but ya gotta take a shower ‘cuz ya look awful,” he says, giving me a cheeky grin. He kisses me on my forehead and gives me a quick hug.

“Thanks, Russell,” I say shakily. My throat still feels raw from crying. “Are you sure our friendship will fly with Candace? I got the impression that she’s not my biggest fan.”

“She’ll deal with it,” he shrugs in apparent unconcern.

“She won’t deal with it well,” I say, knowing that I’m going to be bringing the wrath of Candace down on me.

“Don’t worry about it, Red. I’ll handle Candace,” he smiles.

“I really don’t think anyone ‘handles Candace,’Russell,” I persist. He just smiles at me indulgently. “I have to get to class. I can’t miss any more if I want to do well. I’ll see you around.”

“Lunch? I’ll see ya at lunch, okay?” he asks me.

“Sure,” I say shakily.

So Freddie, Russell, and I begin eating our meals together again, but it isn’t exactly like it was before. Now, Russell and Freddie take turns nagging me about what I eat, or more specifically, what I don’t eat. They also take turns trying to make me laugh, with mixed results.

True to form, Candace has a major melt down over Russell’s friendship with me. She sees us walking together in the hallway, and she throws her books at Russell. Of course, I excuse myself so that he can “deal with Candace,” which I hear from a reliable source (Freddie) takes awhile. Since she eats at her sorority house, Candace doesn’t have many opportunities to dig at me. But whenever I do happen to see her in the union, or in the hallway walking to class, she always mouths the word “psycho” to me. I haven’t told Russell. What would be the point?

I’m getting better at faking being okay. I’m able to look presentable, listen in all of my classes, and get through hockey practices without drifting toward the lacrosse field involuntarily. When Uncle Jim arrives for the Homecoming football game, the instant he steps out of his car, I nearly break down in his arms. I’ve never had to hide my emotions from him. It’s a struggle for me to act like everything’s fine as I pretend to be adjusting to college life well. I take him to the football game, and we both try to figure out what is happening. Afterward, we walk together through campus to the catered event in the quad.

Arriving at the banquet tent, I see that it’s even more lavish than the one at the lake had been. The tent is not only set up for a sumptuous dinner, but there is also a band and a dance floor within the tent. My uncle and I wade through a sea of people, but we manage to make it to the food before it disappears. We find seats among a couple of other families, where we engage in small talk with everyone at the table.

In the dim light of the elegant tent, I glance at my uncle sitting beside me, and the pain in my chest eases for the first time in weeks. I’ve missed him so much. I haven’t been home at all to visit him because I’m afraid to go home——I’m afraid of the scary things I could unwittingly lure home with me.
Don’t think about that now…

I am distracted from the conversation at my table by a familiar laugh coming from a table nearby. Over my shoulder, I glimpse Russell smiling broadly at someone. He had taken a quick shower after the homecoming game and is now the center of attention, along with Candace, at her table.

“Who’s that?” my Uncle Jim whispers in my ear, following my line of sight to Russell.

“Oh, that’s my friend, Russell. I think I emailed you about him a couple of times,” I say, looking in my uncle’s warm eyes, which are searching mine. “You fixed his computer, remember?”

My uncle nods slowly, studying Russell at the other table. “Is he why you’re so sad, Eaves?” Uncle Jim asks me, intuitively picking up on my emotional state.

My fake smile wavers a little. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say evasively. “I’m completely geeked that you’re here, and Russell is my really good friend.”

“Hmm. If you say so, pal,” he says, but I can tell he isn’t buying it at all. “Boys sometimes don’t know a good thing when they see it. Just remember that you’re special. I think you’re the most wonderful person at this school.” My eyes fill up with tears then, because he has no idea just how
special
I am, but I know that, despite it all, I can always count on his love. Seeing my tears, he hugs me to his shoulder tightly. “It will be all right,” he says reassuringly, and I nod at his words, even though I can’t see how anything will ever be all right again.

It is starting to get late, and since Uncle Jim has to drive a few hours home, we decide it is time for us to walk back to my dormitory. I hold his hand as we walk toward the front of the tent, and when we are about midway there, I feel butterflies taking flight in my abdomen, which is now usually accompanied by a tight, constricting pain near my heart whenever I feel it. Keeping my head down so that I don’t have to see Reed’s beautiful face ignore me like I don’t exist, I keep walking behind my uncle, wishing that this pain will end soon because it’s getting hard to breathe.

“Genevieve,” Reed’s voice says ahead of me.

Glancing up, my eyes widen in surprise, hearing Reed speak to me after weeks of nothing at all. He’s standing near the entrance of the tent, just a short distance away. His face is unreadable, so I can’t tell how he feels about seeing me here. If the past weeks are any indication, I’m sure Reed won’t mind too much if I just keep walking. But Uncle Jim notices that Reed said my name, so he pauses in front of Reed politely, allowing me the opportunity to speak to him.

Summoning some of the pride I have left, I square my shoulders and try to smile at my uncle, who waits for an introduction to the young man in front of him. “Hi, Reed,” I say softly, feeling some pride in myself when my voice doesn’t break or crack. “How are you?” I ask him, trying to act as normal as possible.

“I’m well, and you?” he inquires, and I can tell he is reading every signal that my body language is giving off.

He is attuned to those kinds of signals, so I’m probably not fooling him at all, but I’m sure that he’d prefer lies to the truth, so I reply, “I’m good. Please let me introduce you to my uncle, Jim Claremont.” I turn toward my uncle and continue, “Uncle Jim, this is Reed Wellington, he’s my…” my brain stutters to a halt.