Inky (16 page)

The song was all about never seeing your face again, moving to a town where the people are nice, and so on. I can’t imagine the pain that Finn guy must’ve been going through but it’s a heart-ripper and great for the creative/healing process. I stepped back and laid my brush on the pallet. I took my wine glass from the table, covered in paint and sank into my lush velvety sofa. Its huge over-stuffed pillows felt like a hug – a good investment. I was pleased.

Thump
. I could barely hear over the final piano outro of the song.
Thump, thump, thump
.

“Inky!!” I took out my headphones.

“Come on in.” I knew it was Aimes by the way she pounded the door... it wasn’t the first time.

“Geez, Ink, it’s really not safe to have that so loud you can’t hear anything. What if someone broke in?”

“Not likely since Gus turned this place into Fort Knox. I’ve never felt safer in my life.”

Aimes took notice of my newest painting, “Dude, Ink…it’s…”

“Finished.” I said with satisfied pride.

“Fuck me drunk, Inky, it’s incredible.”

“Here, listen to the song and watch it, you’ll get the full effect.” She took the headphones and I restarted the tune for her. I looked on, allowing it to play in my head from memory, taking a sip of the single glass of wine I’d poured three hours ago. When the song was over, I waited for Aimes to turn around and look down at me. When she did, I saw her eyes were wet, her face just as tear-stained as I’m sure mine was.

“I want you to know” she said quietly, “that this, this process right here is the absolute hardest part of being your friend. It takes sympathy to empathy. Even if I hate the song you’ve chosen as your muse. The pain is almost unbearable sometimes.”

“I’m sorry Aimes,” I said panicking. “I had no idea you felt that way. I just thought, I always thought you’d wanted to share this with me. I didn’t know it was this hard for you. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t want to hurt her or cause her pain. She’d been the only consistent support I’d ever had.

“No, no, no. You misunderstand me, Ink. I love you. It’s just hard to experience the same pain you do. This is pure heartbreak and betrayal. Are you gonna take it to the gallery?” She asked, wiping her face and taking my glass.

“I’m not sure yet. I think I need to spend some time with it.” She handed me the glass after taking a sip. “Here, have a seat. This couch is the whack.”

“I want sugar. I’m gonna go open some marshmallows or something. Do you want anything?” She started toward the door.

“No thanks,” I said as she retreated from the room hastily.

“Inky?” Her hands gripped the doorway as she spoke.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t ever feel like you can’t share this with me. I just want you to be happy, that’s all.”

“Aimes, I... ”

“What?” She asked abruptly. She wasn’t pissed off but I could tell she needed to regroup from the emotional surge she’d just experienced.

“I hope I can return the favor someday. The friend you’ve been to me…I feel like it’s one-sided.”

“Are you kidding me?” Now she seemed kinda pissed. “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be with Gus right now. You gave me that gentle nudge in the right direction. I love you, Inky. You’re my girl.” With that, she closed the door behind her, ending the conversation.

Deciding that I needed to socialize with my roommates, I put on a bra and made my way to the kitchen. I preferred to wear my jeans and wife beater, sans bra to paint. I loved the raw emotion it made me feel as well, anything that would get me in touch with those feelings. It sure beat going to therapy.

As soon as I opened the door, an aroma of garlic hit me. Gus was cooking something that smelled delicious, Aimes was uncorking a bottle of red and I was barefoot, covered in tiny paint splatters witnessing a tender moment between lovers.

“Darlin’” he said into her ear, moving her hair from her neck, “Why don’t I turn this off and you and me take this in the bedroom. Whaddya say?” She didn’t have to say anything. They were gonna make new memories right there in the kitchen so I felt it best to get out of their way.

I decided to get out of the house. The completion of my painting left me feeling pumped. The more time that passed, the less Evan’s absence from my life hurt. I missed Evan every day. But he’d really only been a consistent fixture for a few months. I almost missed Lisa more. It was us three girls for so long. But her betrayal was something I just couldn’t forgive. Even if she had done me a favor, I hated that they’d both gone behind my back like that. I knew they wouldn’t last though. They’d started their affair with lies and deceit, just like Evan and I had. This was his pattern and I recognized it too late, thinking I was the exception.

***

I didn’t bother with a shower. I threw on an oversized thin sweater and black ballet flats and called a cab. It was only eight on a Thursday night. I wanted Gus and Aimes to have the house to themselves. I wrote a note, grabbed my mace (Gus made sure I was equipped with some new self-defense moves as well) and made my way to Rusty’s. Lisa worked day shift on Thursday’s and Evan was normally in L.A. so I would be free from running into them. I wanted to see my regulars and Rusty. There was also the off-chance I’d run into my ex, Gerry, and his new girlfriend, Jess. We were friendly now which was a relief.

More than anything, I needed to leave the pity party. I’d never wallowed like this before. I was mostly pissed off at myself for being so naïve. I supposed I was entitled to some wallowing, I was meant to be getting married next year. But the more I thought about it, the more at ease I became. I found myself thinking that I
loved
Evan, past tense. Probably a good thing since I couldn’t stop thinking about Cole. Every day he seemed to inch inside my life a little more. That thought bothered me more than anything. Even if I did attempt a relationship with him, he was obviously wealthy and I wasn’t sure I fit into that world.

Rusty now had security at each door to the bar. I promised Gus and Aimes that I would always leave and enter through the most crowded entrance. Whether it was a grocery store or a gas station, Gus explained that the more people there are around, the less likely it would be that someone might attack. Unfortunately, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I would see Papa Joe again. If at first he didn’t succeed, he would try until he did.

As soon as I walked in, I was approached by a couple of regulars who asked where I’d been hiding. Jesus was bartending tonight. Aimes mentioned he’d been promoted to a few bartending shifts during my absence which made me happy. He knew what he was doing; he just needed more experience. The sound system was pumping Skynard throughout the bar. I ordered a Corona from Jesus and turned around to see I was flanked by Gerry and Jess.

“Hey, Ink, how’ve you been?” Gerry was being very enthusiastic. I felt an ulterior motive coming on. He always wanted to tend bar, maybe he felt like this was his chance.

“How are you guys? How’s school, Jess?” She’d been training to be a nurse.

“It’s great actually. So much to remember but I’m super good at that. I can still remember the Periodic Tables from high school. I watch other people really struggle so I consider my nifty little talent a blessing.”

“That’s great.” I said. They hadn’t budged; they hadn’t ordered anything…why were they still here? Then I remembered something. Gerry had always told me he wanted to have a threesome with another girl. By now, I’m sure everyone knew that Evan and I had split up. They were gonna ask me together and if I wasn’t mistaken, they were actually closing in on me. Jess and I weren’t exactly friends, I knew her as a customer and Gerry’s girlfriend, that’s all. Now, her entire body was pressed against me, her boob actually against my elbow and Gerry had put his arm around my shoulders.

“Okay, what is it?” I demanded with a small laugh. “You can ask me, but I think you know the answer. No offense, I’m just not into that sort of thing.” They both started laughing.

“Inky, did you think we were gonna proposition you to sleep with us?” Jess asked. “Is there anyone you haven’t told you want to do that, Gerry? Inky, is that what you thought?”

“Well, yea, I kinda did…weren’t you?” Oh God, how embarrassing.

“Why would you think that, Ink?” Gerry pulled away slightly but still had his hand on my shoulder. I looked from his hand to his face.

“Well, you’re both kind of mauling me and, Jess, your boob is totally pressing against me.” I started to laugh and so did they. But another laugh broke through our exchange and I caught Lisa’s reflection in the mirror behind the bar. Her head was thrown back and Evan was nuzzling her neck. They were having a great time dancing. Gerry and Jess moved and gave me some space.

That’s when I realized what Gerry and Jess had been trying to do.

“Thanks, both of you for trying. Especially you, Gerry. I don’t deserve it after what I put you through.” I didn’t care that Jess was there. I was sure Gerry would’ve told her what happened between us.

“Ah, Inky, don’t be…and besides, Jess and I are a good fit.” They smiled at each other in that secret language that couples have. I envied them. I also realized that Evan and I never really had that. What
did
we have? It all seemed so superficial now.

“Inky?” Jess said in warning through her smile. She pretended she was laughing at something I said, “Lisa is on her way over here with Evan.”

“Thanks for the warning Jess.” I tried and failed to act cool.

“Should we go?” Jess asked.

“Only if you guys want to but I’d love it if you stayed.”

“Well, look what the cat dragged in. If it isn’t The Evictoress.” She was ready for a showdown. I’d seen this side of Lisa but I’d never been on the receiving end.

“I didn’t expect you guys to be here. I just came for a beer and to give Aimes and Gus some alone time. As soon as I finish this, I’m leaving.”

“Oh, don’t leave on account of us.” Lisa stated. I turned to meet Evan’s eyes for the first time since the night in the kitchen. He was apparently staying out of it. Lisa was eye-fucking him purely for my benefit.

“Can I get you another beer, Inky?” Rusty had made an appearance behind the bar. He didn’t usually work the front but either he was supervising Jesus or he was afraid there was gonna be a fight.

“You know what? I would love another. Thanks Rusty.” Take that you bitch. I had no intention of having a physical altercation with Lisa or anyone for that matter, it wasn’t my style. But I didn’t mind making her uncomfortable. As far as anyone was concerned, I’d done nothing wrong. I was the woman scorned. Well, I wasn’t exactly filled with rage and fury but any more taunting and I would be.

“I thought you were leaving?” She hissed.

“Am I making you uncomfortable, Lisa?” I asked smiling, trying to hide the fact I was anything but cool and calm.

“No. Am I?” She turned around and stuck her tongue down Evan’s throat. Gerry’s mouth dropped open, Jess let out an uncomfortable giggle and Rusty shook his head back and forth. I turned back toward the bar and tried my damnedest to ignore my feelings of disgust. “Gonna ignore me now are you? This was not my fault. Evan and I have been involved for months. I just forced him to make a choice, that’s all. What did you expect, Inky? After all the crazy shit that happens to you…”

“Lisa,” Rusty warned, “That’s enough.”

“It’s a free country, Rusty. I’m not doing anything wrong. She should know the truth. Everyone walks on egg shells around you. ‘Don’t upset her; she might have another panic attack. Make sure someone walks her home. Don’t let her out of your sight. I can’t tell her now; she’s been through too much.’ Jesus! It’s like you’re a fucking child. This is why Evan never gave you a fucking ring, Inky. You’re fucking nuts.”

“Lisa baby, come on, that’s enough. Let’s go.” Finally the man with no spine speaks up.

“Are you really gonna protect her after all she put you through?”

After all I put
him
through?

“What are you talking about, Lisa?” I asked.

“You couldn’t even be honest with him, Inky. You lied to your closest friends about your past.”

“I didn’t lie. I didn’t want to burden anyone with it.”

“Right, but as soon as something happens, we have to fucking bathe you, and watch you get some sort of stupid ritual leaf tattooed on your back. You’re probably making the whole thing up to get attention.”

Oh, now that one did it. I grabbed the lip of the bar with my hands and felt Gerry and Jess move aside to give me room. Rusty jumped over the bar and came around behind me, waiting for whatever was going to happen next. Lisa wanted to get a rise out of me. I’d kicked her out of our apartment. I’d turned not only Aimes and Gus against her, but probably other people at the bar. Without turning around I addressed Evan.

“Did you mean it when you proposed?”

“We don’t have to talk about this here Ink... ”

“Answer the question, Evan.” I spoke so calmly, I even thought I was scary.

“I thought I did. We’ve been such good friends for so long, it just seemed right.”

“You mean I was a convenient fuck for you?”

“Lisa and I had only been dating on and off... ”

“So when you proposed, you were fucking Lisa?”

“Well, technically... ”

“So, that’s a yes?”

“Yes.” He relented.

“And I suppose if I hadn’t been attacked, you would’ve broken it off pretty much right after you asked?” I finally turned to watch him as he answered the last question. He hung his head. He couldn’t even look me in the eye. I saw Gus and Aimes approaching. God Bless Rusty, he must’ve called them.

“Yes. It was a mistake, Inky. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you but the more time that passed and the more shit that happened, it just got harder and harder.” We had quite the gathering to witness this little exchange.

“Come on, Evan, let’s go. I can’t wait to get my hands all over you.” In front of our audience, as if she was marking her territory, she slid her hand, bright red acrylic nails and all, down to his crotch and grabbed him. “Have a nice life…Annie.” Immediately I felt the blood rush to my face in a torrent, my ears were throbbing with sound, my grip on the bar tightening.