Inky (15 page)

“Whether I did or didn’t doesn’t matter. I wanted to Abe. I really, really wanted to. There’s something between us. Some kind of, and don’t laugh because it’s gonna sound so stupid…spark. We literally have that thing, like an energy that jumps between us. It’s exhilarating.” I stared off for a moment dreamily.

“So he took me home, gave me assurances that it was all him. He made the move on me and I had nothing to feel bad about. I was all over the place emotionally; between seeing my painting at the Gillies, Evan not being there, walking out of the exhibit hand in hand with Cole, feeling guilty about that…I was a mess. But more than anything, I wanted to share my big night with my friends and my fiancé. I pulled myself together, got a bottle of wine out and five glasses, thinking Aimes, Gus and Lisa would be home from the bar soon and Evan never got back later than two or three from recording. I checked my face and then I heard something in the house. For a good five minutes, Abe, I thought for sure it was Joe coming back to finish what he started.”

“Oh, Inky.” He squeezed my hand and held it still. He could see it written all over my face, the memory of Joe and the fear that came with it.

“I hid in the pantry. You know how it has those slats? I stood back a bit and tried to calm down. Then the sound got closer and closer and I heard Lisa, gasping for air. I thought she was being strangled. I started looking around for a weapon. In hindsight, I’m thinking the soup cans that I eyed wouldn’t have helped. But then, I saw why she was gasping; Evan was fucking her in our kitchen. Then he gave her oral and all I could do was hide in the pantry and watch.”

“Jesus, Inky. You really did have a rough night. I was only joking.” He laughed awkwardly.

“Yeah, well, then Aimes and Gus walked in and you know how the front door looks right into the kitchen there? Aimes went crazy. Oh, and speaking of crazy, Lisa made some comment about me being crazy and Aimes flew at her. She did this whole Dukes of Hazard move across the kitchen island and walloped her. And she pulled a chunk of her hair out.”

“Wow! Go Aimes!”

“Well, kind of. Anyway, I asked them both to get all their stuff and leave. I gave Lisa her first and last in cash and then I slapped Evan across the face and thanked him for what I’m sure was a huge favor.”

“You slapped him?” Abe’s grin was infectious. I was torn between being sad about the fresh wound of my break-up with Evan and my awesome slap for the Sisterhood of scorned women.

“Yea, it was like I’d challenged him to a duel. All I was missing was a white glove. But you know how they do it in the movies? I swear I can still feel the sting on my hand. It killed. But at the time, it was great. I didn’t premeditate it. I just reacted.”

“Wow, Inky, what a night!” He casually took a sip of his coffee that had been forgotten until then.

“Well, then yesterday of course, I didn’t have much sleep. Aimes took me to Denny’s and we waited it out until Gus said it was all clear to come home. All I had was a grand slam breakfast and tons of coffee before I went back home, slept for maybe two hours and got ready to come here. I was pretty strung out.”

“I’m sorry, cookie, I really am. But like you said, he did you a favor. Lisa, what a bitch. I used to think she was pretty but not now. Ugly on the inside, you know?” But God how it still hurt.

“Yep, I know. So what did Cole want to know about me?”

“Honey, what didn’t he want to know? How come you didn’t tell him you were single yesterday?”

“Honestly, he’s the guy you say forever to, Abe, not Evan. With Evan, I could hide the real me, the pain of my past, my little quirks that come with it. We were already doomed because of that, I think. But Cole, he makes me feel exposed but doesn’t make me feel ashamed of it. The pain of my having my heart broken by Evan would be nothing compared to it being broken by Cole.”

“I think he adores you. If your heart got broken, it wouldn’t be from anything he did. I’d bet my balls on it, and you know how fond I am of my balls.” His bright blue eyes sparkled. Abe was so good to me.

“I asked him to give me time.” I said softly.

“Well, he’s requested work from you. He said he has a space that requires your unique style. He wants you to go to his home and get a feel for it. He also said he doesn’t want it to complement the space; he wants the space to complement the painting. That’s as it should be, really.”

“I can’t, Abe, not yet. Please, please put him off for a while. It’s too much. I’m just not ready for it, for him. I don’t know if I want to…”

“What do you mean?” He searched me for the truth. Abe, like Aimes, had a pretty good understanding of who I was and what made me tick. He knew when to back down but this time, I knew he wasn’t gonna let this go.

“I mean…a couple of months ago I was so happy, or at least I thought I was. I remember Aimes and I were talking after work one night and I was freaking out, worried about when my little bubble of happy was gonna burst. It did, Abe. I didn’t see it coming. I’ve been totally blindsided by this whole thing. I don’t want to feel like this again.” I hung my head and looked at my feet. It was all I could do to not start crying again. Once the tears started, it was hard to stop them.

“I hate this. I hate feeling weak like this. I shouldn’t have let Evan in. As long as I kept that part of me closed off, it was fine. It kept my heart safe. If I see Mr. Cole Carlyle again, like this, it’ll be too easy for him to sweep me up and take every last piece of my heart with him when he’s gone. I can’t do it, Abe. I just can’t.”

Putting his coffee down, he took my hand and held it to his chest, “Look at me, Anika.” He never used my proper name. Never. “You just got royally screwed, fucked over, by two people you trusted. There aren’t any guarantees, but I can assure you, in fact I’d almost guarantee that if you did open yourself up to being loved the way you deserve, you won’t be sorry. Even when a great love ends, it had its purpose. You know what I mean?”

I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Thanks, Abe.”

“No problem, pumpkin. Now, after you’ve cleaned yourself up, ya wanna talk business?”

“Okay.”

I took a little break and decided to walk down to the same place I went with Cole the day before. The sand was cold; the sun hadn’t hit it yet. No matter the weather, I would take off my shoes and sink my feet into the sand. Looking up to the cliff above me, I saw my dream house again. Actually, it was quite hidden from the public, only the large deck could be seen from the beach. My imagination told me all I wanted to know. This house was a place I went to in my mind, a little escape when I wanted to see beautiful things. I didn’t focus on the idea that it would always be out of reach for me. I would never be one of the uber-wealthy that could afford the house and the lifestyle that went with it, a lifestyle that didn’t interest me at all. I just wanted to watch the ocean in all its majesty, the sky, the clouds; I wanted to have a window that framed this changing beauty.

After my pity party, I returned to work. Abe was patiently waiting, going through some kind of file.

“Hey there, Beauty Queen.” He sat the file down on his desk. “Better?”

“Much. So, is Alicia pissed I just took off like that yesterday?”

“Honey, who could be pissed at you? She was interested in your attire, though. Where did you get that gussied up Ramones t-shirt?”

“I made it.”

Aimes. It was a Wednesday night. Gerry and I had just split and she wasn’t dating anyone. Lisa was always secretive about her love life. Now I know why. The three of us decided to go to the dollar store and see if there was something fun to do; a project or a game. We hit the craft area which had these boxes of something called Bedazzlers. In the next aisle we found rock t-shirts of all sorts of bands, only white and black with the band logo. She chose Metallica. That would’ve been my first choice too but instead of being twinsies, I chose The Ramones and Lisa chose Led Zeppelin. We couldn’t believe our luck. We found other items; ruffles, rick-rack, velvet trim, buttons…anything we could use to decorate the shirts. When we finished, it was decided they were truly rock and roll abominations but all three of us wore them and every time we did, someone always wanted one.

“Well, you could make a killing, selling those on the side. Remember when all these women were paying a couple of hundred bucks for a hodge-podge cigar box purse? If you build it, they’ll buy it. Okay, so here’s what Alicia wants me to discuss with you. First off, do you remember those three men she was having a talk with when you arrived at the exhibit?”

“Yeah.” They were handsome as well.

“Well, they all run Evist Hotels and Resorts. They’re cousins or brothers and cousins. Anyway, rich, young and smart. The eldest is Olaf. He’s forty-something, too young for Alicia or I think she would’ve divorced Eli on the spot. I’m not sure if he wants something for his personal collection or something for one of the hotels but either way, they would like to commission something from you.”

As Abe continued to explain the ins and outs of building a portfolio of my work, my mind went wandering. I once again stood in the Gillies Exhibition, watching the men in their tuxedos looking at my painting. The excitement of it and the feeling of warmth that bathed me when Cole stood beside me…incredible.

“Inky? You with me?” Abe interrupted my daydream.

“Sorry, Abe. You were saying?”

“Here’s where we need to decide some things, Inky. He wants something original. He also wants what he saw at the exhibit. He tried to outbid Cole for it. So, do you want to show him something else you have, work on another painting, and ask him if he had some ideas…that’s up to you. We can also arrange a portfolio of work for him to choose from. You tell me how you want to proceed but let me tell you this is a very high price commission. You’re going forward into strange waters here. For some, this is an artist’s dream but it can also be a curse. You’re not just creating for the sake of your passion; know what I mean? But you’re the boss. You find what works for you.”

I knew exactly what he meant. I’d been prepared for this day. “How long will he wait?”

“For a painting?”

“Yeah.”

“Boo boo, I think he’ll wait as long as it takes. Now, our second order of business, what’s your studio situation like? Alicia thinks we’re wasting your time here. Unless you really want the hourly rate, but I don’t think you need it. What do you think?’

“I need the mental break it gives me but I guess right now I don’t need the money. I don’t want to stop working altogether. Rusty’s was my break. I’m taking a month off from there but then I plan to go back. It keeps my feet planted firmly in reality. I don’t want to get too used to fancy exhibits and thousand dollar dresses.”

“I don’t think there’s any chance of that happening. You’re one of the most real people I know.” His smile warmed my heart.

“Stop it, Abe, you’re gonna make me cry. I might have to take my potty mouth for a spin if you don’t stop it right now.” He took my small laugh and looked around the gallery.

“Well, I know you work quickly. Alicia would like to give you two walls to feature you whenever you have the something ready. We would take the normal commission of course but I’ll take top dollar for whatever you bring in. Why don’t you take the next few weeks and paint? You have free reign of my little studio.”

“Actually, Gus said he was setting up my old room as a studio today. It seems he and Aimes have planned my life out for me. It’s sweet how they’re both trying to rid the place of any memory of Evan or Lisa. They’ll probably have sage burning to ward away any remaining evil by the time I get back. Anyway, I should have something for you in the next couple of weeks. Are you gonna be okay without me?”

“I’ll manage, doll face. Let’s go have lunch and then I’m sending you home. Grab your purse.”

“We just had coffee and muffins, Abe.”

“That was just a light snack, Inky.”

“Fine. When I’m five hundred pounds I’m blaming you.” I said grabbing my purse with grin.

Chapter 16

The next three weeks flew by as if nothing had happened. Gus and Aimes were great at erasing any evidence or memory that Evan and Lisa had sullied our home. We’d had what Aimes called
family dinners
each night, with the exception of Friday and Saturday when she worked. Those were the nights I spent in my old room; Gus had transformed it into the perfect art studio and arranged little hooks to display my works in progress. Sometimes I’d be bombarded with ideas and I needed to get the bare bones of them on the canvas.

The one thing I have always wanted was a love seat in my imagined perfect studio. I envisioned spending hours, a glass of something in hand, my painting jeans and wife beater, staring at my work in various states of completion. Then I would sit down and tuck my legs beneath me, sinking into a plush two-seater. I’d been saving to move out with Evan for our home together. I didn’t want to go on some crazy shopping spree, but I wanted to give myself a present; my very own chartreuse green sofa.

During the day I listened to country music. It drove people crazy but I loved the humanity of country lyrics. To me, there’s no hidden meaning in a country song. Most of the time, there’s a story. I loved the songs that talked about working the land, the smell of the dirt and going to church on Sunday, praying for rain and loving a woman, sitting on the porch and watching your grandchildren. They were songs about family, loss and love. I also loved that all your misdeeds could be blamed on the Genie at the bottom of the Jim Beam bottle. Awesome. I envied what those songs represented: family.

When night came, my painting style changed. Darkness meant headphones and whatever I needed to reach my demons and get them out through my brush strokes. For six months I had a Nine Inch Nails mix that Aimes made me. When I was really depressed, it was a toss-up between Tom Waits and The Wall. Then she bought a Radiohead album and I played the same two songs on repeat at least a thousand times to keep me in that zone. Currently, I listen to a Split Enz song called I Hope I Never. I’ve played it over and over and over again, my shirt damp from the tears. Each line would bring a fresh wave of emotion, allowing me to purge myself from the current heartache of my life.