Innocence (21 page)

“Erm…Clint, Christopher…Caine…it began with C. I am so sorry.”

“How about Calvin,” Anne said.

Kacey stared into her eyes, shocked.

She froze. Her chest tightened, her jaw dropped. “No…Oh God, no,” she said and remembered.
No way is that him…God no…he was familiar and she had sworn she had seen him before, but Calvin…no, it couldn’t be.
The conversation from last night came to her mind…telling him about the abortion. “The party…”

“In the barn…we know,” Anne said, as they both stared at her mortified.

“Oh God…no, it can’t be,” she said placing her hand across her mouth, horrified they knew…they knew about the barn. Anguish rushed through her. “I told him…oh no…I told him…I didn’t know… I didn’t know it was him…oh no,” she cried out and broke down.

The sheer horror took over as she wept in sorrow. Her heart stopped beating.

What had she done?

Chapter Nine

Calvin, could not digest the recent information he had discovered, not only was he beside himself, he hadn’t a clue what to say or do. All he could think about was what Kacey had dealt with over the years. How on earth had she managed to cope with everything herself? One thing was eating at him, why on earth hadn’t she come to him when she found out she was pregnant? He would’ve helped her, after all he helped create the life. He would have supported her, made sure they both were okay and well looked after. There was no good thinking that way, the baby was gone, dead, and had no chance at life whatsoever, and that made his heart tender.

“Bloody hell, Calvin, when the hell did she tell you that information?” Ross said, passing him a glass of water.

“Last night. I wanted her to be honest with me. I needed a better understanding to why she hated her mum. Yet, it was her mum with the cold shoulder, probably pissed off she couldn’t control Kacey anymore, and then spread lies about her daughter.”

“Yes, but did her mum know the real reason why she left home?” Ross added.

Calvin shot him a glare, maybe having a point. “Can I finish?”

“Sorry. I am just trying to work all this out in my head.”

“You are? What about me? Hell, I’m at the thick of it and had no idea. Anyway,” he snarled. “She got upset and I could tell she didn’t wish to talk about it, but I needed her to tell me to help her. Instead, fuck, how the hell did this happen? I found out she had been expecting my child. I made love to her in that barn. I made fucking love to her in that barn,” he screamed.

He stood and walked over to the kitchen window where the barn was just out of sight due to the hall. He composed himself for a few minutes, his heart beating in his eardrums. He cried at the memory of Sophie and him making love, having sex in the barn, he took her innocence. “I made love to her, Ross. I took her virginity and she felt amazing,” he said lowering his tone, his heart sinking into his stomach.

He felt drained, lost, and filled with anguish. “I mean, why the hell didn’t I recognize her?” he said annoyed.

“She does look different being heavily pregnant.”

Calvin turned around to look at his best friend. “I am the reason why her life got tipped upside down,” he bellowed hitting his chest.

“No, stop blaming yourself. You didn’t know,” Ross said approaching him. “Now stop with this nonsense, how could you have done anything when she’d never mentioned anything to you, or come to you for help.”

“She killed my baby,” he screamed in horror.

“She killed a foetus.”

Calvin snarled at him. “A baby. She had choices and she should have come to me. I hate abortions, don’t believe in them.” His stomach flipped upside down and the pain in his chest crucified him.

“Well, it happened ten years ago, and you cannot bring the past back.”

“No, but my past is coming back to life!”

“Calvin, she was young, scared and no doubt under her mother’s influence. I am sure she didn’t do it to be malicious.” Calvin glared at him. “Look, there is nothing you can do about it, it happened accept it.”

“Yes, but in the meantime Kacey…Sophie has been getting involved with the wrong people, homeless and all because of what I did.”

“Stop,” he shouted. “What you both did.”

“Did you force her into the barn?”

“No.”

“Did you make her have sex with you?”

“No, and we made love.”

“Then none of this is your fault.”

“Yes, but I should’ve checked on her…I should’ve…”

“Calvin, stop, just stop. You can blame yourself until the cows come home. The reality is you both were intimate. She fell pregnant and had an abortion, there is nothing you can say or do to change those facts.”

Calvin felt his world collapsing as tears streamed down his cheeks.

“Calvin,” his mum called out, coming from the back door.

She appeared and gazed at him, looking sheepish. Then behind his mum he saw a shadow and presumed it was his father, only he saw…Sophie. Tears were running down her cheeks, eyes red and blotchy, snivelling and cowering behind his mum, looking horrendous, keeping her head low.

His heart ached and he couldn’t take the pain they both endured and the reality was they both had suffered the same fate. Only he’d had no idea until now. They both discovered devastating news and worked out who one the other was. She was Sophie Richards the girl he fancied, and still did, from all those years ago. He inhaled a deep breath, watching her huddle behind his mum undoubtedly ashamed of what had happened or had been discovered.

All he could do was stare at her. He watched her lift her head through his tears. Their eyes met. He was shaking, frozen to the spot, squinting in pure disbelief. His stomach flipped in agony. The room became sombre.

“I am so sorry I had no idea it was you,” Sophie whimpered.

He tried to hold himself together and hold back his tongue before he spoke out of turn. The truth was his soul was dying, he ached in severe pain and all he could picture was her living on the streets after she’d left home because of him. His stomach and chest tightened.

He had to say something, even if his throat held a large lump.

“No, and neither did I know it was you,” he said lowering his tone and couldn’t believe the situation either. “Why didn’t you come to me…I would have helped?” he said, needing to keep calm and try and clear the matter up.

“Not now, Calvin, the girl is stressed enough without bringing up the past. However, I have something we need to do, go and get in the car,” his mum ordered him.

“What?”

“Get in the car,” his mum said abruptly.

Calvin stared at his mum, followed by Kacey…Sophie, not believing what his mum called her. He could hardly breathe and felt his world had been tipped upside down within minutes.

“Ross, can you look after Sophie please,” she said in a calmer tone.

“Of course,” Ross agreed.

Calvin saw he was left with no choice other than to follow his mum. He made his way around the island and arrived feet away from Sophie. He looked at her.

“I am so sorry, Calvin. I was young and scared, I didn’t know what to do,” she explained.

Calvin had no idea what to say to her. The last ten years had been his fault and he had no idea how to get over that, or the fact she had killed his unborn baby. He looked down to her belly, admiring the swollen tummy. He wanted to place his hand on it, but he couldn’t, it wasn’t his, and yet ten years ago that could have been them, leading a very different life as he would never have neglected her.

He walked past Sophie without saying a word. He had nothing to say. His heart throbbed and his stomach churned, sure he was going to be sick. He had lived a normal life, a bachelor having money, affording the fine luxuries, going out, expensive holidays, living in a nice apartment and there was Sophie living a nightmare, because she fell pregnant because of him. He tried to think back to that night and how he remembered putting a condom on,
I did, I know I did.
The night had been almost ten years ago, how the hell could he remember what he did and didn’t do?

Slowly he walked out into the courtyard his legs life jelly. He had to compose, pull himself somehow together. He dragged his heels, head low. His stomach curdled, unable to control the cramps when suddenly he ran to the grass verge, and brought the contents of his stomach up, wrenching badly.

His mum rushed to him.

“Oh, son…”

He waved her away, there was no way he wanted anyone close to him. His insides were in agony. Calvin remained doubled over, clenching his stomach as sharp pains came and went, being sure he was going to vomit again.

“Here, Calvin, drink this water,” his mum said, passing him a drink.

He took the glass from her. Calvin filled his mouth with the ice-cold water and swirled it around and spat the nasty taste out.

“Tissue, son.”

Calvin reached behind taking the tissue from his mum and wiped his mouth.

Boy, did he need some time and space to reflect on what had happened today. He had to try and get his head around the mess and understand how frightened Sophie must have been at the time.

He looked up and saw his mum and dad waiting at the car. He had no idea where the hell they were going and to be honest he didn’t care. What bothered him was the fact Sophie had ruined her life, due to him. Calvin climbed in the car and buckled in while his father drove the car off the grounds and drove back down the lane toward the village. His mind was blank. All he could taste in his mouth was vomit. Every limb in his body felt weak. He stared at his hands not having a clue what to think or how he should react to the devastation he had endured. There was no fight in him to ask where they were heading. He was sick to the core. He held his head in his hands, wishing the nightmare was a dream and he would wake up.

He noticed his father had stopped the car. He lifted his head and noticed the house belonging to Sophie’s parents.

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” he said as his mum climbed out the car.

“No, it’s about time that woman took responsibility for her actions.”

“What, but Sophie will kill you.”

“Aren’t they the reason she’s in the village. Aren’t they the ones who slammed the door in their daughter’s face, when she needs help? She’s the one who took Sophie for an abortion all those years ago,” his mum said, glaring.

His father climbed out of the car and he watched him making his way to the main door of the house. His dad was on a mission, holding his body firm and solid like he was about to start a world war. He closed his eyes wishing the mess would go away, but that was only wishful thinking. He desperately wanted out run and hide only what would that achieve? Nothing, absolutely nothing, it certainly wouldn’t change Sophie’s past.

He sighed, not liking what his parents were making him do. Why?
Isn’t there enough for me to deal with without her mother, kicking off? Jeez, burying me somewhere where I cannot be found.

Calvin reluctantly opened the car door and climbed out. He made the dreaded walk to the main door. His father was already knocking loudly on the wooden door and then pressed the bell a number of times, eager to get attention. Calvin thought about Sophie doing the exact same thing, knocking and ringing the doorbell only to have the door slammed in her face. He stood and looked at the surrounding area, looking for a direction to run wondering if he ran now would his parents notice.
God you’re a grown man, grow balls
. He grimaced.

His stomach swirled around while his heart could not stand the pain.

The door opened and he instantly hid behind his mother not needing to be the centre of attention, shame it wasn’t going to stay that way. His mum hated abortions as much as he did.

“Anne, hello, how wonderful it is to see you and Gordon. Please do come in,” Rosalind said, inviting them in and greeting them with a kiss on the cheek. “Good Lord, this isn’t Calvin,” she said, shocked by the fact he had grown up.

Yes and I managed ten years ago to get your daughter pregnant!

“Good Lord, how he has grown into a handsome young man,” she said, smiling.

Yup, and got your daughter pregnant!

“So can I get you all a drink?” she asked making her way down the wide hallway of the house.

“No, we’re fine,” his mum said.

Calvin decided to keep well back. He had no idea why they had insisted on him coming, but he guessed they had their reasons like always.

“Oh, right, no problem. So what do I owe the honor,” she said, smiling and wearing a blue short-sleeved blouse and a pair of black trousers.

Calvin stared around the country farmhouse kitchen, with a large agar, large island, and pans on wooden beams hung high above, so many cupboards and so much workspace, tiled walls and a large dining table and beyond an open plan living space. He had visited the house before but many years ago, only Sophie had been on a school trip.

“I have a guest at my house,” Anne said.

“And who is that?” Rosalind asked miffed.

“Sophie,” Anne told her.

Calvin watched Rosalind’s eyes widen.

“Is she still here? I told her to leave,” her voice dripping with disdain.

“Unfortunately, Calvin has been helping her out, trying to help with getting her a house in the city…however, I have to admit today I have learned some astonishing news, that to be honest has made me feel repulsed,” his mum said while he stepped backward to the door getting ready to run.

So typical of his mum to get straight to the point, but then again, the news had broken his family.

“Oh, and what is that. Has she been telling lies?” Rosalind asked, placing her hands on her hips smug.

“You really have a low opinion of your daughter. I think you’ll find that girl is at rock bottom and needs help to climb back up, and your attitude to be honest is shocking. How can you allow your daughter, heavily pregnant, to walk the streets of York, without having a heart? What the hell has happened to you? You told us she left home because she had a foul attitude.”