Intentional (18 page)

I can’t remember ever having been so damn nervous! It’s not like I haven’t done this before. Mattie is different, though. All my past experiences have been short relationships without a lot of emotion. Emotion is all I feel with Mattie. I’m in love with her, which makes tonight so meaningful.

I wake up the next morning and watch Mattie sleep. Is it possible to love her more than I did yesterday? Last night was so much more than I could have wished for. It was everything. An overwhelming feeling of possessiveness comes over me. I tell her I love her, that I want her to be mine forever. She nods her head, but I want her to say it. She looks up at me and says, “I’m yours forever, Jeremy.” I say,
Thank you, God
in my head and hold her close. I don’t need anything else in this life.

Chapter 28

July

Jeremy

It’s been three weeks since the Sarah incident. I need to stay calm and methodical. I haven’t seen Sarah at all. I’m worried. I’m worried that she is certifiably crazy, and I don’t know where she is or what she plans to do. Do I dare try to talk to her? Will she go nuts on me again?

Maybe she’s had time to calm down. Maybe she really knows where Mattie is after all. I weigh out the benefits and the risks. I’m going to confront her. I know where she lives—I’ll just make sure to stay at a healthy distance. I didn’t like the wild look in her eyes during our last encounter. I don’t know what she’s capable of.

I make the ten-minute drive out to Sarah’s house. She’s rented a house similar to the one she shared with Mattie. I think of Mattie. Sarah has taken so much from both of us. All I can think about is holding Mattie again. I want to feel her warm breath on my skin, to hear her tell me how much she loves me. I’ll get her back. I know it. I can feel it.

With resolve, I go to the door. The first thing I notice is that it’s partly open. That’s strange. I push it open farther and call in, “Anyone home?”

I see a heavyset man come from around the corner. He’s pissed as hell. “Who the hell are you? Are you a friend of Sarah’s? I want to know where she is. Look at this! She destroyed my house and took off. If you know where she is, you’d better tell me, and now!”

He’s shouting. I feel the blood leave my head and limbs as I look upon the total destruction that Sarah has left behind. Normally, I would be concerned about the person living here—I might have thought it was a crime scene, and the person living here possibly harmed. Not in this case. This looks like a jealous fit of rage and anger. I know when this happened—three weeks ago. I’m certain of it. I look at the landlord and say, “That’s exactly what I want to know. And no, I’m no friend.” He shakes his head, disgusted.

I leave Sarah’s house with more questions than answers. I’ve got to ramp up my search for Mattie. I know Sarah is looking for her. Maybe she even knows where she is. Can Mattie be in danger? Would Sarah hurt her? After looking at the inside of Sarah’s house, I have the sinking feeling that the answer to both of my questions is yes.

I go immediately into my office. I know what I have to do. I’m going to do what I should have done months ago. I’m going to take a leave of absence—indefinitely. I’m not giving up until I find Mattie. It will be my full-time job.

Chapter 29

July

Sarah

Trying to find someone who doesn’t want to be found isn’t easy. Luckily, I’ve saved enough money to get me by for a good long time. I’ll have to use some of it on a detective, though.

Damn, I’ve had no luck at all searching for Mattie. She hasn’t contacted my parents. She probably doesn’t want to burden them. Miss perfect Mattie. My parents keep asking over and over, “Where’s Mattie? Why hasn’t she contacted us?” I remind my parents that Mattie isn’t really their daughter and they should just go about their business. They are upset. They worry about Mattie. What about me? They are so consumed with locating Mattie, they haven’t even asked how I am doing. This is so typical. I don’t care about them anyway. Really, what have they ever done for me? They think they’ve been great parents, but they are just like everyone else. People are so self-centered.

I’m in Las Vegas now. It’s miserably hot. At least there’s a pool at my rental home. Las Vegas is the cheapest place I could find. Everything is cheap here, even the people. I need to save money.

I know Mattie isn’t anywhere near this place. She has too much “class.” I like it, though. It’s just the sort of place where I can get an inexpensive detective without a lot of morals. With that thought, I decide it’s time to buy a gun. I’ve got a good security system at my rental home with the “decorative” bars on the windows. I like the idea of owning a gun. It makes me feel powerful, and who knows—maybe someone will try to break in and I can use it.

I sip on my margarita. I’ve been drinking a lot lately. It helps calm the rage boiling just below the surface. I don’t want the rage to go away. I want a reminder of my purpose. I just need to manage it a bit. I will keep it together until I manage to find Mattie—then all hell will break loose.

Chapter 30

June

Jeremy

I wanted my leave of absence to be immediate. I’m so damn frustrated! All these stupid loose ends keep popping up. My partner, Don Schweet, has been very understanding. We started this law firm from scratch four years ago. We’ve spent countless hours making it a success. It must be hard for him to have me bail like this. I owe it to him to finish up my cases and hand over the rest to the attorney whom we hired two years ago. David Anderson is a talented defense lawyer. I know he’ll do a good job in my absence.

After an especially long day at the office, I hear a knock at my door. I’m surprised; I didn’t know anyone else was hanging around. It’s David. “Come on in,” I say.

David looks perplexed. “Hey, Jeremy, do you remember a guy you defended a couple years ago, a guy named Jim Catlin?”

I think about it for a moment. The name sounds familiar. “I’m not sure—what’s up?”

“Well, you got him off a date-rape charge. There was insufficient proof. The girl later recanted her testimony.” My tired brain comes back to life. Yes, I remember the guy. He gave me the creeps. It was one of the times I wished I was a prosecutor instead of a defense attorney. I’ve never been totally comfortable with “Everyone deserves a defense, even if they’re guilty.” I had my doubts about this guy. He was way too smooth.

“Yeah, that guy was a real douche. Has another girl come forward?” I cringe inwardly. I’m praying it’s not the case.

“No. He came by the office today. He wanted to know if any of us wanted more Rohypnol.”

I’m shocked. “What the hell? What you do mean? Did he imply that we would want a date-rape drug? What kind of game is he playing?”

David looks upset. “I don’t know. He said about six or seven months ago, an attorney from this firm contacted him and purchased the drug. He described her as a leggy blonde. I told him we don’t have any attorneys that match that description. After he left, I was thinking—do you think it could have been Sarah? She’s the only one
who fits the description. But I can’t figure out what she would want with a drug like that.”

The pieces of the jumbled picture start clicking into place. I put my head down on the table. My entire body goes limp. “Yes, David. I know exactly what she wanted with that drug.”

I’ve finally wrapped up my caseload. I have just one last thing to do before I can focus on finding Mattie. I have to track down Jim Catlin. It shouldn’t be too hard. He left his contact info with David, hoping to score a sale. I’ll just need to apply a little pressure to get him to fess up to his little side business.

I drive to the trailer park that sits on the outskirts of town. For a trailer park, it’s not bad. It looks like most of the owners, or renters, take pride in their little homes. They are clean, with only a few bikes and trikes littered around the outside. I notice that a few have window boxes with flowers.

I look for the trailer where Jim Catlin lives. I find it. Of course it’s the only trashy trailer in the park. I bet his neighbors just love him. I approach his trailer with apprehension. We didn’t part on bad terms; I got him off the date-rape charge, so he shouldn’t have any type of
negative attitude toward me. I knock. Nothing. I try again. I don’t hear a sound. I start pounding until my hand starts hurting.

That’s when I hear someone groaning. I hear a scratchy voice. “Hang on, hang on. Don’t break the door down! I’ll be there in a minute.”

I let out the breath I’ve been holding. Finally, I’m going to get some answers. The door opens; it’s Jim. “Hey, Mr. H, what are you doing here?”

I put on my friendliest smile. “Hey, Jimmy—I just had some questions for you. Can I come in?”

He looks around. It’s a mess. It’s disgustingly dirty, with an inhuman smell coming from the kitchen. It looks like he hasn’t done dishes in months. “Sorry about the mess. I’ve been workin’ real hard, Mr. H. It’s not easy staying out of trouble.”

I try to look sympathetic. “Sure, Jimmy, I understand. I’m just trying to take care of a problem I have, and I’m hoping you can help out.”

He looks surprised. “Me? Help you? Sure, what do you need?”

I know I have to approach this carefully. If I word it wrong, he’ll go hiding under a dark log somewhere. These types can smell
potential trouble, and when they do, they run for cover, just like the cockroaches they are. “So, Jimmy, I’m having a little problem with the ladies.”

His face brightens up. “Oh! It was you that needed the honey sweetener. That’s what I call it. Isn’t that funny? Oh yeah, the ladies become very agreeable after they get a little.” I’m just staring at him. I’m trying desperately to keep the disgust from my face. The little shit is looking at me carefully. He adds, “Of course, I don’t use it on anyone. But I was happy to sell some to your friend. Man, she’s a looker, that one!”

I force a smile onto my face. “Unfortunately, she’s the problem I’m having.” I put my hands up. “It’s not your fault. You aren’t in trouble. I don’t plan on telling anyone you sold her the drugs. It’s just that she used it in such a way that it caused some problems for me. I just need you to tell my fiancée what happened. Can you do that?”

He looks hesitant. “So, I won’t get into any trouble? You won’t turn me in?”

“Nope. The only thing I want from you is the truth. I want you to tell my fiancée that you sold it to Sarah, and when. If you do that, I will put into writing that I won’t bring charges against you. You’ll
have immunity. I will also need you to sign a document stating that you will never sell this drug—or any drugs, for that matter—again. If I hear about you keeping up your little side business, I will come for you. Understand?”

He looks disappointed. “Okay. So I’ll go and talk to your girlfriend. Are we going now?”

Now it’s my turn to look disappointed. “I wish. I can’t find her. She left seven months ago. When I find her, I want to take you with me.”

I know I probably could have just taken a deposition or made a video, but I want to make sure all of Mattie’s questions are answered when I tell her what happened. Once I find her, I’m not sure she’ll believe me. I’ve got to put my best foot forward, I’m not leaving anything up to chance.

I let Jimmy know that I’ll pay for all of his expenses. This cheers him up. “Really? Like a vacation?”

“Sure, think of it as a vacation. I’ll need you on standby, though. Can you do it? Can you be available on a moment’s notice to fly out of here?”

“Sure, Mr. H! I’ll do that for you. You helped me stay out of prison. I can help you with your gal pal.”

I groan inwardly. I can’t believe I’m going to have to travel with this pathetic excuse for a man. I hope Mattie is somewhere close.

Chapter 31

July

Mattie

I stare at the vase sitting on my kitchen counter. I can’t believe I purchased these particular flowers. Daisies. A vivid memory of when I first met Jeremy’s parents enters my mind. I remember now, Jeremy’s mom loves daisies. I miss her and Kaye so much. I wish I had had the courage to say good-bye to them. I fell in love with them right along with Jeremy; I considered them my family. A jolt of pain overcomes me once again. My coping mechanism has been to push these memories back as far and as hard as I can. I don’t want to acknowledge the things that I’ve lost. I know this hasn’t been working for me, because the pain I feel is still so raw. I decide to focus on work and worry about it later.

I have a few meetings with clients lined up for the next couple days, but for the most part, I’m doing the majority of my work from home. I don’t mind. When I need to get out, I just walk right outside my door and I’m in the center of town. I’ve met many interesting people on my random walks.

When I moved to Mercer Island, I made a vow to myself to reach out and really get to know the people who live and work around me. As a result, I’m finding that I’m truly feeling like this is my home. The people here are kind and helpful. I think there’s something about living on an island—being surrounded by water—that makes it feel like a big family. I see the same people shopping at our local QFC grocery store most days. People recognize each other and smile and nod a greeting. Sometimes I’ll ask people about events, or things to do around the island. The responses are always positive and welcoming.

Mercer Island is indeed beautiful, filled with natural wildlife, parks, beaches, trees, and native flowers, but there’s also a history here. The people who live here really take pride in their town. Each year in July, Mercer Island residents celebrate the formation of their city by hosting a fair and parade for the kids. It’s a full weekend of food, rides, and entertainment. They call it Mercerversary. Islanders bring their picnic baskets, blankets, and chairs to Luther Burbank Park to enjoy a fireworks show that the city and local businesses put on. I’ve been told that Luther Burbank Park is always packed from one end to the other during this celebration. It sounds like so much fun! The event is a few days away, and I’m very excited.