Interim Goddess of Love (14 page)

He was, wasn
't he? She even called him her boyfriend that one time. He had all these memories of her, and there were witnesses to prove every single one, but they were like scenes he remembered from a TV show. Vida never stopped him from doing things, but whenever she was around he felt… distracted.

The haze in his head was there again, as he accompanied Vida to the Bash. As soon as he arrived he scanned the crowd, but he forgot who he was looking for. But the feeling was persistent, and it occurred to him again as soon as Vida stepped out to find a clean bathroom.

Jake was looking for someone. Kathy? Right, Kathy. Why again?

He sent her the photo and asked her to come tonight. What photo was it again?

The ancestral home, the one he saw when he took a summer trip down south to Bacolod. He was playing around with a new camera, and took a heritage tour of the area's old houses.

Why did he take a heritage tour again?

Because it was on Kathy's five things. #3 -- "I collect photos of ancestral houses. One day I'd like to write a book about them." He was particularly proud of one of the photos and sent it to her as a gift, anonymously. With an invitation to be her date to the Bash. Why did he do that again?

Because of #4 --
"I have never had a boyfriend."

He felt that he should at least try.

The posters said that the Bash would end at nine-thirty but that was obviously untrue, because the basketball players only started arriving at ten. Vida seemed to be taking a while. When he turned in the direction she'd gone, he saw her arguing with Quin Apolinario. Jake never really heard her raise her voice, much less lose it, but Vida looked
angry.

"
Self-righteous bastard," she told the captain of the basketball varsity. "I can see right through you and I won't let you do this!"

"
You think you can do anything about it?" Quin retorted. "It's happening."

Jake wondered br
iefly if he should come forward and defend his supposed girlfriend, but something else called out to him. Inside the crowded club, rising above the music and the normal noise, some cause for alarm: he heard the sounds of a scuffle, bottles breaking, girls shrieking, fists hitting skulls.

Diego Simon was in the middle of a fight, an actual fight, and panic was rippling through the crowd.

A hundred or so people started rushing for the exit, and suddenly something in Jake snapped. He wasn't part of the fishy-smelling panicky mob. Instead it was like he had awakened with a start, and he made his way against the tide with purpose.

Toward the girl with orange shoes.
He just knew where to find her. She was on the wrong side of the room when Diego started his caveman assault, and had managed to climb up onto the makeshift bar instead of join the stampede. It wasn't going to keep her safe for long, though, because the other guy's friends started joining the riot, and no chair or table was safe from being toppled over.

Jake had to piece it together after, because he wasn
't sure how it all happened. First was the mystery of how he saw her right away, despite the mob. Then the matter of how he was able to weave through that crowd (the worst of his injuries was a scratch near his elbow) and get to Kathy despite being arm's length from most of the punches being thrown. He was surprised how she didn't hesitate when she saw him, jumping right into his arms, landing with a little bounce with both feet on the floor.

And it was clear to Kathy, right then, that he did indeed care, and Jake realized that he shouldn
't have been so afraid of letting her know.

I heard Diego's voice. He liked to start with some stupid, juvenile thing like "What
the fuck
was that about?" and throw a punch that would take three people down all at once, and when I heard that again, my heart sank. I had put Kathy in his care, damn it! He couldn't have restrained himself for just one stupid night?

I was right in the middle of what passed for the dance floor at Basement right then, halfway to the rest room until I saw that it was out of order. When I heard Diego, I wasn
't even scared. I was just annoyed. But then I got elbowed just above my left boob by one of my literature classmates -- running right at me -- and realized that this was not the time for goddess of love stuff.

It was time for getting the hell out of there.

The jab had me reeling back in pain, and I thought I was going to fall until another running person jolted me back upright. My eyes immediately searched for Quin, and I knew where to look because I just saw him by the door, fighting with Vida. I yelled, lifting an arm to grab his attention, but he was already halfway to the center of the fight. Because he was always babysitting Diego.

I did think about heading for the closest exit but needed to steady my feet before I got hit again.
I yelled his name even though he probably couldn't hear me, and then I felt someone lift me by the waist. It was like I was flown out of there.

Saved by Robbie.

Basement was trashed. Shards of glass, broken chairs, and trampled nachos added to the layer of litter. As things began to settle down, Robbie and I were adopted temporarily by one of the wet market's poultry vendors (no joke) who wiped her plastic chair with an oily rag before offering it to me. He didn't want to leave me, but he wanted to make sure his friends at the fight were okay too, so waiting it out with Aling Idang at stall #54 was a suitable compromise.

Local cops were
swarming around but none of the perpetrators got hauled away in handcuffs. I didn't see any ambulances either, and it looked like the hurt and injured were being driven off in various RK private vehicles.

"
It's always like this, every week," Aling Idang was saying. "The police just have coffee down the corner and wait now. Drunk rich kids always getting into a brawl. No offense -- you two look like you're rich."

"
I'm not," we both said, and I must have done a bad job at hiding my surprise.

"
Half scholarship," Robbie explained, as he probably did more than once already. "And it's not for basketball."

I had to laugh at that, despite everything. Of course our school didn
't offer basketball scholarships. If they did, they'd have to ask for their money back from the spectacularly lousy team. "I'm on full scholarship for psychology," I shared.

"
Yeah I know," he said.

We watched from our poultry station as Quin spoke to everyone who claimed to take charge of the situation -- from Basement
's manager to
barangay
officials to local cops. Each time, a short talk and a handshake seemed to suffice, and they would be on their way. Eventually only Quin, Diego, and a few other guys who took their own cars to the Bash remained.

"
I think the worst is over," Robbie said. "Can I just go check? Wait for me here."

"
It's not safe out for a girl this hour," Aling Idang, my self-appointed new guardian, said. "I'll make sure she stays here. With me."

She was checking out my rescuer as he left her stall, though.
"Is he your boyfriend?"

"
No," I said. "He's just a friend."

"
How old are you, dear?"

"
Eighteen."

"
You're very young. Boys who take care of you like this aren't just friends."

Maybe Aling Idang would do a better job at goddess of love than me.
"I know," I said instead, sighing.

I didn't get to talk to Quin for the rest of that night, and by the time Robbie took me home past midnight, I had numbed myself to the idea.

The lights were out at home. Tita Carmen was either in bed or not home yet
, but even if she were home she didn't fuss over me. I actually liked that I was living with someone who had a life.

"
Thank you," I told Robbie, when we got to the front door. I said that because I wanted to start the goodbyes outside. It didn't feel right to invite him in.

"
It's not a problem," he said. "So… yeah. That was the Bash."

"
My first."

"
It's
always
this horrible."

"
Why do they keep having it then?"

"
I don't know. People forget easily."

We paused, both looking at the door.

"What did you think it was going to be like?" he asked.

I thought I was going to be there with Quin.

"I thought there would be good food and nice music, and maybe I'd get to dance with someone," I said.

Robbie smiled.
"Like a prom?"

I threw my hands up.
"I'm sheltered."

His next thought was transmitted straight into my mind:
Ask her to dance. Right now.
It was so quick that I didn't have time to form a response. By the time I thought about saying good night, he had already taken my hand in one of his, and lightly rested the other on my hip.

She
's not saying no
was his next thought, transmitted again at the speed of light. I wanted to, I really did. But… it wasn't unpleasant, and it seemed to mean
so
much to him…

I stepped a tiny bit closer, and raised myself up toward his ear.
"Where's the music?" I said.

He started to hum something, and it sent a nice and comfortable feeling from my ear down to my toes. I relaxed and closed my eyes even. As
soon as I calmed down, his own heart started to race.

I just might have a chance with her,
he thought.

You can have a chance with anyone,
I thought, trying to project it into his head. But I wasn't letting him go either. I could see how he was remembering this moment and I didn't want to ruin it.

Because, though I
'd seen and felt just a fraction of all the love in the world, I knew that when people thought of love they thought of moments. Whether or not a marriage worked out, or if they stayed together after graduation, or if they did go to the big dance together, the story's end mattered less, and the highlights in between mattered more. Those are what lingered, and what people can go back to, even when they had nothing left.

Rob
bie and I deserved this moment, regardless of how our story would end.

After humming an entire song, he kissed my hand and said good night.

I am balancing perfectly on a small square of a raft. It's made of bamboo and it's keeping me from sinking into the dark green water.

I would normally freak out at this.

But h
e and I are there together. He's holding me close, and somehow it feels right, and natural, and I am not hyperventilating from shock. We are again in the middle of a conversation and my voice is just as steady as the arms entwined around his neck.

We are talking about going into hiding.