Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship (75 page)

and mind-mapping,
57
–58

as one aspect of differentiation,
88
–89

overview,
47
,
65
,
69
–70,
71
,
73

personal differentiation,
86
,
93
–94

reflected versus,
41
,
42
–44,
46
–47

from self-confrontation,
127
,
128
–129

for stability in long-term,
26

See also
Four Points of Balance; Four Points of Balance weakness-related problems

species differentiation,
85
–87

stability

balancing growth and,
243
–244

ebb and flow of,
254
–255

from solid sense of self,
26

stable forms of instability,
238

STDs (sexually transmitted diseases),
380

Stern, Daniel,
59
,
405
n
71,
406
n
91

stress,
328

stress and biology of the human brain,
265
–266,
411
n
155,
412
nn
163–165

subjugation to tyranny,
136
–138,
408
nn
116–118

Symons, Donald,
165

synchrony,
119
–120,
122
,
130
,
407
n
104

T

Tannahill, Reay,
137
,
408
n
117

Tantric Buddhism,
351
,
418
n
210

Taylor, Timothy,
403
n
48,
403
n
51

tender loving sex

benefits of,
333
–334

creating moments of meeting,
323
–325

overview,
319
–322,
343

and sexual potential,
336
–343

testosterone,
24
,
399
n
25

theory of mind (ToM),
404
n
60.
See also
mind-mapping

therapist, finding a,
376
–379

Third Chimpanzee, The
(Diamond),
409
n
130

ticklishness

benefits of addressing,
297
–298

and biology of the brain,
296
–297

cure for,
295
,
316

dynamics outside the bedroom,
298
–299

to genital stimulation after orgasm,
315

“I’m going to tickle you” play,
299
–300,
313

impact on sexual desire,
313
–315

from noxious touch,
306
,
307
–308

overview,
292
–295,
318

resolving with a collaborative alliance,
303
–308

time-limited aspect of other-validated intimacy,
113
–114

ToM (theory of mind),
404
n
60.
See also
mind-mapping

torture,
213
–214,
313
,
410
nn
136–137

traditional sex therapy

couples’ failure related to,
249

five views,
xvi

“Just do it” theory,
5
–8

LDP and asymptomatic partner,
397
n
5

as one partner’s way of controlling the other,
242
,
244

security enhancement through behaviors,
234
,
239

and talking about the past,
75
–76

transformative experiences,
126
–127.
See also
moments of meeting

two-choice dilemmas,
197
–202,
207
,
213
–214

U

ultimatums and blackmail,
79
,
244
–245,
251
,
367

unrealistic expectations,
114
.
See also
emotional gridlock; other-validated intimacy; reflected sense of self

V

vasopressin,
24
,
398
n
14

W

wanting

anxiety from,
188
–189,
193
–196

choosing as part of,
186
–192,
195
–197

exclusivity versus,
409
n
129

as motivation,
194

mythical quest feelings,
192
–193

not wanting to want,
192
,
193
–197,
239

overview,
183
–184,
207

personal growth from,
204
–206

vulnerability from,
221

wanting to want,
192
–193

wanting your partner versus wanting sex,
182
–186

See also
choosing your partner; sexual desire

weakness versus power,
367
–368

“Why do we have to talk about it?” topics,
162
–163

Why We Love
(Fisher),
23
–25

Wider Than the Sky
(Edelman),
401
nn
33–36,
401
n
38

Wild Justice
(Bekoff and Pierce),
401
n
36

Wilde, Oscar,
63

Willi, Jürg,
32

win-win solutions,
198
–199