Into the Deep 02 Out of the Shallows (5 page)

The muscle in his jaw flexed. “Why does it have to be an either-or situation? We can work on bringing them around. That was the plan all along.”

“It’s not anymore.” I made myself meet his eyes, forcing all the conviction I could into mine. “I hurt them for you, Jake. I put you first and now I’ve damaged my relationship with them. Maybe irreparably. I have to try to fix that, so…” I shrugged unhappily, every part of my body screaming at my mouth not say it. “You and I are over.”

He lowered his gaze from mine as he rubbed a hand over the scruff on his jaw. I felt a little punch to my gut as I realized his hand was trembling slightly.

“Jake?”

A couple of kids pushed past us and Jake took that opportunity to turn his back on me, staring out across the street with his hands locked tight behind his head.

I gave him his space but waiting on his reaction was excruciating.

Finally he turned back to me. The anger in his eyes was there for all to see but his words were careful, controlled. “I thought if I came here and you had to face me, then you’d see what a colossal mistake this is. But that’s not going to happen, is it?”

“No…” I shrugged helplessly. “I’m sorry.”

“So that’s it?” he said, and I found myself growing confused by the anger and pain in his eyes and the calmness of his tone. “We’re no longer fighting for us?”

I waited until an approaching couple had passed out of earshot before I said, “We’ve hurt each other. Maybe we could get past that, but right now I have to work on myself and my relationship with my parents. You and I are a lot, Jake. You know we are. We’re drama. I can’t deal with that. Plus, I’m taking the LSATs this year so I’ll be too busy—”

“You’re what?” he said, surprise written all over his face.

I ignored the stab of disappointment I felt. I wasn’t interested in analyzing whether it came from him or from within myself. “I’m not going to be a cop.”

Jake stared at me silently for a few seconds. There was a confused and wary aspect in his eyes as he gestured to me. “You really aren’t you right now, are you?”

Frowning, I looked away. “I’m me. I’m just not yesterday’s me.”

For a while we didn’t say anything. My body was eager to get away from him. Somehow around Jake, I felt stripped bare in front of a mirror and I wasn’t too fond of the reflection staring back at me.

“Can we still be friends? Your parents were all right when we were friends.”

Now it was my turn to be surprised. “You want to stay in my life? After what I’ve put you through these last five months?”

That little tick of muscle in his jaw and the glitter in his eyes gave away his anger, but the words tumbling out of his mouth belied it. “You forgave me once. I’m forgiving you. I want us to be friends. You don’t have to shut me out of your life, Charley.”

I knew it would be easier to do just that. Last time it had been too hard to be around him and just be friends.

Yet now that I had him in front of me again, I couldn’t find the words to deny him. It would be easier this time. He went to Northwestern, I went to Purdue. We were almost three hours apart. Our friendship would fizzle out on its own without me having to be the one to sever the undeniable connection between us. Time and distance would do that.

“Okay,” I agreed.

We walked for a little while before deciding to make our way back to the bar. I asked about his family, about school, about his summer touring with The Stolen. His one-word answers didn’t exactly scream, “Let’s be friends,” which made me even more bewildered by his attitude about our breakup.

He was visibly upset, clearly pissed off, and yet his words were strangely calm and accepting.

I had no idea what was going on.

Stepping into the bar, I saw the stage was empty. The band had finished their set and the jukebox was playing Arcade Fire.

My Claudia radar found her pressed into the near right corner of the bar. Beck had his hands on the wall at either side of Claudia’s head, his own head bent toward her. By their body language and the look on Claudia’s face, I’d say they were arguing. Their reunion apparently was going as well as Jake’s and mine had.

“Charley!”

I walked toward the shout of my name, smiling at Lowe as he stood up from the table the guys were sharing with Alex and Sharon. I hugged Lowe, taken aback by how happy he was to see me. Denver and Matt equally so, their hugs just as long and tight. In all honesty, I’d been preparing myself for their defection. It would’ve made sense if they’d taken Jake’s side in this whole thing.

I did notice a look passing between Lowe and Jake, however, and Lowe got a little quiet with me after that. Matt and Denver, not so much.

“You should’ve seen the tail I picked up this summer, Charley.” Matt smirked, as he leaned back in his chair.

I smirked right back. “Tail?”

“I could’ve said worse. That was me censorizing myself.”

Denver snorted. “You need to stop with the weed, Matt. It truly is killing your brain cells. And your vocabulary.”

I laughed. It was like we’d never been apart. “I take it the mini-tour went well.”

Denver nodded. “It was great. We got permission to film in a lot of the bars and our live sets are getting a lot of exposure on YouTube. We’re just waiting for a label to see it.”

I frowned, turning to Lowe. “No luck on the demos you sent out?”

Lowe shook his head and took a drink, his eyes on the table and not on me.

I sighed.

Great
.

I opened my mouth to speak to Alex, knowing I’d get eye contact out of him, when Claudia’s shriek filled the bar. “Asshole!”

We all turned around, watching as she shoved a pissed-off Beck aside and stormed toward the exit.

I instantly pushed my chair back at the same time Alex held out Claudia’s purse. I gave him a grim
thanks
and glanced around at the guys, carefully avoiding Jake’s gaze. “I’ve got to go. Bye, guys. It was nice to see you.”

It was wrong that I was glad Claudia and Beck had a fight that got me out of there. I knew it was wrong. But still… I was grateful.

“You look wiped,” Jake said, his expression sympathetic as he stood to press a soft kiss to my lips. “Did the tutorial go okay?”

I slipped into the seat opposite him as he sat back at the table. “I didn’t even have to say a word,” I grumbled, stifling a yawn. “I don’t know why I bothered.”

He shot me a mock frown as he gestured to a nearby waiter. “Why, to accumulate great knowledge, of course.”

I grinned at his faux uppity accent. “Oh, is that what I’m spending all this money on?”

“That, and a little piece of paper that proves you’ve spent thousands and thousands of dollars on an education
Good Will Hunting
got for a dollar fifty in late charges at his public library.”

Rolling my eyes, I gave the waiter my coffee order and turned back to my boyfriend. “You’ve seen that movie way too many times.”

Jake looked at me like I was nuts. “There’s no such thing.”

“I guess not.” It was a pretty damn good movie. “How was class?”

“Uh-uh.” Jake shook his head. “None of that. How did last night with your parents go?”

Before I could tell him of the discussion that had left me bone weary, my phone rang. With a sigh, I pulled it out and winced at the caller ID. “You’re about to find out,” I mumbled. “My sister. I’ll be a sec.”

Jake nodded, eyes curious, and I stood, answering my phone. “Hey, Andie,” I said quietly, moving through the small café to an empty spot in the corner.

“Don’t you ‘Hey, Andie’ me,” my big sister snapped. “I just got off the phone with Mom and Dad. When were you going to tell me you were back with Jake?”

“Today. I was planning on telling you today.”

“Oh, now I feel better,” she replied. “It’s not like you haven’t been dating him for the past two months!”

“Five weeks.”

“Yeah, that makes it better.”

“Andie, please—”

“No, listen. I can’t let you make such a huge mistake. What the hell are you thinking?”

My blood heated. “You can’t
let
me?”

“Don’t get snotty. Charley, you’re not thinking clearly around this guy. Don’t you remember what he did to you? Don’t you remember how heartbroken you were?”

Trying not to get mad in a public place, I bit my nails into my palm. “I’m not a silly child, Andie. I’m perfectly capable of making rational decisions—”

“But—”

“No ‘buts.’ He was seventeen and he made a mistake. I’m giving him a second chance. It would be nice if you’d support me on this.”

“Support you?” Andie’s voice had quieted. “Supergirl, all I ever do is support you. However—and note that was not a ‘but’—I can’t support this decision. I
don’t
think you’re in a position to think rationally around Jake.”

Not at all happy with her reaction, I felt queasy as well as angry. “Stop being condescending. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Your whole family doesn’t agree with this, Charley. Doesn’t that tell you something? Mom told me how last night’s conversation went down.”

Yeah, that had not gone… well.

Mom and Dad stared at me with completely bemused expressions.

I shifted uncomfortably on my bed, watching the Skype screen.

Finally, I said quietly, “Well?”

I’d just told them about Jake and the police academy in one big rambling speech.

“I don’t even…” Mom shook her head, dazed. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

My dad stood abruptly so I lost sight of most of him. He disappeared off screen and I stared after him in disappointment.

Mom looked in his direction and from the way she swallowed, I knew my dad was all kinds of mad.

“Mom?” I whispered.

Before she could say anything, Dad was back on screen, slamming down on his chair and glowering at me. And Jim Redford gave good glower. “Are you crazy?”

“Jim,” Mom admonished.

“I’m sorry I had to tell you like this,” I hurried to explain, “but I need you to know what’s going on with me. I need you to support me.”

“Support you?” Mom narrowed her eyes. “Support you? All we ever do is support you and up until now, you’ve never given us reason to doubt your decisions. But getting—”

“Back together with that boy is a mistake,” Dad finished for her, his voice rising in temper. “And the police thing? I can’t believe that one hasn’t got to do with the other. A few months ago you were settled about going to law school. He comes back in the picture and suddenly you want to be a damn homicide detective all over again. It’s morbid, Charley!”

Despite the severity of the situation, I struggled not to laugh. He didn’t mean it to be funny, but it kind of was. Especially considering I hadn’t mentioned anything about becoming a homicide detective. Clearly, our discussion about it when I was sixteen had never left my father. And I knew it was purely because he worried about me.

“Dad, Jake has nothing to do with my decision to apply to the academy. I’ve always wanted to be a cop—I just didn’t want to disappoint you and Mom.”

“Then don’t,” he grumbled.

I snorted. “Dad, I’ve got to do what makes me happy. That’s all you and Mom have ever said I should do.”

“Since when,” Mom snapped, “does happiness and mortal danger go hand in hand?”

I released a beleaguered sigh. “Since when did becoming a police officer become such a big deal? Rick is one.”

“Rick’s not my daughter,” Dad growled. “I’ve done everything in my power to keep my kids safe, but you seem intent on thwarting me.”

“Thwarting?” I teased.

Mom gave me a look. “This is not the time to be a smart-ass.”

“When you were five, I caught you trying to turn a coyote into a pet,” Dad reminded me.

“He was wounded,” I argued. “He needed my help.”

“He was a coyote!”

“Jim.” Mom rubbed his shoulder. “Chill.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Chill?”

They glared at me.

“Dad—”

“When you were ten, you almost drowned in the creek trying to save Lacey—”

“Technically, Lacey almost drowned.”

“If Roger Pearson hadn’t been walking his dog nearby, the two of you would’ve gone under! And let’s not forget the time you shoved your sister out of the way of a moving vehicle!”