Into the Deep 02 Out of the Shallows (8 page)

I’d given him away.

“Oh shit,” Claudia said, “it just got worse.”

I blinked, tugging my eyes from the car crash that was my relationship with Jake, only to find my focus zeroing in on the beautiful brunette walking toward me.

Melissa.

Yup. It just got worse.

I flinched at the sympathy in her eyes as she came to a stop before us. “Claudia, Charley.” She gave us a pinched smile.

“Hey,” Claudia answered, her tone wary.

I gave Melissa a nod, not sure I was able to speak past the burning lump in my throat. It took everything within me not to look over Melissa’s shoulder at Jake and the redhead.

Melissa looked over her shoulder for me. When she looked back at me, her expression was unreadable. “Jake told me you guys broke up.”

Another score across my chest. I only just stopped myself from touching it, to see if there was an actual wound.

Jake was friends with his ex? He was confiding in her? Since when?

Her eyes softened, like she’d caught something in my expression that tugged at her compassion.

I quickly wiped my face clean of emotion.

“This is just what he does,” she said, gesturing behind her. “When he’s hurting. Specifically when he’s hurting over you.”

Why was she telling me this? What did she expect me to say? That I was sorry Jake turned into an assholey manwhore when his heart was broken?

So I didn’t say anything at all.

Melissa shifted uncomfortably. “Just try not to be too pissed at him. He really loved you.”

He really
loved
me? Lov
ed
.

By some strength of will, I didn’t let her know that hearing those words was like taking a bullet.

“Why do you care?” Claudia suddenly stepped toward her, her eyes glittering with suspicion. “He dumped you for Charley, so why would you give a crap about him or Charley?”

Melissa shrugged. “Time heals, I guess. And I don’t care about Charley. I care about Jake.”

The uncharitable thought that perhaps Melissa was hoping history was about to repeat itself raced across my mind. Maybe she thought Jake would whore around for a while and then end up running back to her.

Apparently that occurred to Claudia. “He’ll never care about you the way he cares about her, so do yourself a favor and get over it.”

Jake’s ex looked like she’d been punched. She stared at Claudia incredulously before looking to me for help. All I could do was stare back at her, stunned Claudia had enough bitch in her to say that. Melissa shook her head and wandered back into the crowd.

“You do realize I’m to blame for her heartbreak,” I said to Claudia.

“Yeah? Well, that right there wasn’t her being nice, Charley. That was her kicking you when you were down. Oh look, Charley catches her ex-boyfriend flirting with another girl and is obviously gutted by it. Why don’t I stick another knife in her by telling her Jake is my friend again and I clearly have plans to go after him once he’s done sampling the redhead.”

I smirked sadly at her. “I don’t even need to tap into my rage. I’ve got you to do that for me.”

“Well, ye-uh,” Claudia said, still looking agitated.

“Claudia.” I grabbed her hand. “I’ve got no right to be mad at him.”
Right?

My friend’s eyes misted over. “It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt you.”

I blinked at the rush of tears heading straight for my own eyes and turned around so I had my back to the room and to Jake. “It’s self-inflicted. Doesn’t count.”

She sighed but let it go.

“Guys, you made it!”

Looking over my shoulder, I saw Lowe grinning broadly as he made his way across the room. I was immediately enfolded in his hug and I found my arms tightening around him without even meaning to. Tears stung my nose. “Happy birthday.”

His own arms tightened and when he pulled back, he searched my face in concern. “Babe,” he murmured.

Not wanting to make his birthday about Jake and me, I forced out a smile and stepped back to let Claudia greet him.

“Happy birthday, Lowe,” she chirped a little too cheerily as she hugged him. “Great party!” She looked across the room where a beer pong table had been set up. “Oh, I see Matt.” Sure enough Matt lounged against the wall, talking to some chick with his eyes glued to the table.
Way to show your interest, Matt
. “Why don’t you take Charley to get a drink while I go say hi.”

Lowe frowned as he watched her walk away and then I saw him stiffen when he caught sight of Jake across the room, still flirting with the redhead. Lowe looked back at me and I did my best to keep my face blank. I got the impression he wasn’t buying what I was selling. “Let’s get you that drink.”

I grabbed hold of the hand he held out. He led me into one of the quieter dorm rooms.

“Beck’s friends with three of the guys that room here. They opened their dorm rooms to us for the party.” He grinned over his shoulder at me as he led me toward a desk littered with beer. “How he talked them into that, I have no idea.”

“Here.” I held out a small gift-wrapped box.

His eyes lit up as he took it. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

I shrugged. “It’s just a little thing.”

“A
wee
thing, Row would say.”

I flinched at the mention of our Scottish friend Rowena. “I haven’t spoken to her at all since I left Edinburgh.” Another thing to feel guilty about. “Have you guys?”

He nodded as he unwrapped the box. “She actually joined us for a couple of weeks this summer. She’s fine. And she gets that you’ve got a lot going on.”

“Still, I’ll email her when I get back to Purdue.”

Lowe opened the box and lifted out the small item inside. He turned it over and his eyes flew to mine.

“I saw it and thought of you.” I gestured to the guitar pick in his hand, my eyes on the words written across it:
Play It Fucking Loud
.

“Bob Dylan,” he answered quietly. “You remembered.”

Back in Edinburgh, back when I was with Jake, back when everything was good, we’d all sat around the kitchen one afternoon, talking about everything and nothing. We’d gotten onto the subject of favorite quotes, and Lowe had talked about the reported incident when Bob Dylan was playing in Manchester and someone in the crowd called him “Judas” for playing electric guitar. In response Dylan told his band to “play it fucking loud.” Lowe said he got it—Dylan’s anger, yeah, but mostly his conviction in himself and his music.

“Girls remember shit.” I shrugged it off.

Lowe surprised me by cupping my cheek and leaning into me. My breath stuttered and warning bells chimed in my head. “You make it really difficult, you know that,” he said softly, his eyes on my mouth.

“Lowe…”

His gaze flicked to my eyes. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I whispered.

He dropped his hand and took a step back. For a second or two he just stared at the pick before pulling his wallet out and sliding the pick safely inside. Once he tucked the wallet away, he handed me a beer.

“I’ve got to admit, I’ve been kind of pissed at you.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised by the comment, but still, I was taken aback by how much I didn’t like that Lowe had been angry with me.

“The way you treated Jake…”

“It was bad, I know.” I took a sip of my drink. “I told him sorry. I don’t know how else to apologize. I handled everything… well, I didn’t handle it. I let it all just crumple around me.”

Lowe sighed. “I’ve got to ask… I was there. When you walked in and saw Jake with that sophomore just now… I saw your face, Charley.”

My eyes flew to him. “So?”

“Well, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lied. “Obviously breaking up was the right thing to do.”

“Charley, I know you’re lying.”

“I can’t be with him. Okay? Simple as that,” I hissed, all the hurt pouring out of me. “It doesn’t mean I’m not in pain. Or that I don’t care. So yeah… you saw my face when I saw my ex-boyfriend clearly getting ready to bed down with a leggy redhead. Did I look like I’d been slapped? Because that’s how I felt just then. Now… not so much. See, I can move on, knowing how easily it is for him to be a typical guy and start fucking his way through the sorority houses, if he hasn’t already.”

Lowe looked suddenly panicked. “Charley, that’s not what’s happening here. Just talk to Jake—”

“No, I’m done. I don’t want to talk about him anymore.” I took a shuddering breath, trying to calm my throbbing pulse. “Let’s just go enjoy the party.”

He didn’t look so sure.

“C’mon.” I started heading to the door with my beer. “You can introduce me to people I won’t remember in the morning.”

It was the first day of March and spring was technically a few weeks away. Could’ve fooled me.

As I stepped out of Old College onto South Bridge, an icy wind blew through me. I shuddered, hurrying to button my coat while trying to juggle my bag and notes.

That morning I’d woken up with the same concerns that I’d been waking up with for the past few weeks. I worried about my family. I hadn’t spoken to Andie since that fateful phone call and once my dad found out about it, he also refused to talk to me until I apologized to my sister. Since I wouldn’t apologize, it was turning into a long and very silent stalemate that weighed on me more and more each day. The only one talking to me was Mom and even then it was strained.

After catching a glimpse of Melissa in Old College for the first time in weeks, I found myself feeling guilty for not worrying more about her. I wondered if she was doing okay these days.

“Need a hand?”

I glanced up at the familiar voice and straight into Beck’s striking light gray eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I just finished class. I was heading back to the apartment.” He took my bag and notes while I finished fastening my coat. As he slipped my notes into my bag, he smiled. “Walk with me?”

When Beck wasn’t winning Brooding Hero of the Year and messing with my best friend’s heart, he was actually the most laid-back, nonjudgmental person I had ever met. He was soothing and funny and kind, and I loved hanging out with him. Unfortunately, I was actually heading in the opposite direction. “I’m meeting Claudia at the Library Bar for coffee.”

His expression lightened at the mention of Claud. “I’ll come with. I haven’t seen her in a few days. She’s been busy with school.”

I nodded but didn’t say anything. The truth was Claudia was taking my advice and trying to wean herself off Beck in the hopes of getting over him.

“You and Jake seem good?” Beck looked down at me, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, the fabric of his T-shirt flapping in the wind. He wore a long-sleeved thermal under it, but still…

“Aren’t you freezing?”

“It wasn’t this cold yesterday.” He shrugged. “I’ve stopped guessing how to dress for the weather here.”

“True.” It
was
a perpetual guessing game. One second it was chilly but the sun was out; the next second brought torrential rain and winds.

“So you and Jake?”

I so did not want to discuss my relationship with Jake’s best friend. “We’re good.”

He nudged me. “You’re not going to break his heart, are you?” His voice was teasing but I knew better.

“Are you going to break Claudia’s?”

A muscle in his jaw ticked. “Fair enough.”

“Hey, here’s a question that won’t get either of us punched: do you know how Melissa is doing these days?”

Beck raised an eyebrow. “Melissa?”

“Melissa. You know, dark hair, legs forever, one hundred percent drop-dead gorgeous and one hundred percent nicer than me.”

He grinned. “She may be nicer, but she is way less fun.”

I smirked at him. “As much as I enjoy getting my ego stroked, I’m serious. Do you know if she’s doing okay?”

“Melissa’s a nice girl but we’re not close. We never were. She’s one of the few people who doesn’t understand that underneath this roguish charm is a heart of 80 percent gold.”

“Come on, don’t undervalue yourself. It’s at least 82 percent.”

Laughing, Beck wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. “This is why I was rooting for
you
.”

“Well, I appreciate that.” I hugged him back but frowned up into his gorgeous face. “So you really wouldn’t know if she’s okay?”

Beck pulled out his phone, fingers flying over the keys. “I texted Maggie. She should know. They’re friends.”

“Maggie, my roommate Maggie?”

Catching my hesitant tone, Beck gave a reassuring smile. “I wouldn’t go there. I do have
some
control over who I sleep with.”

“That’s good to know, I guess,” I said, sounding a little doubtful. The last thing I wanted was Claudia returning to the apartment one night to find Beck stumbling out of Maggie’s room. I think that might just be the straw that would break the camel’s back. About to stick my nose in and ruin our pleasant camaraderie, Beck’s next question halted me.

“So, why do you want to know if Melissa is okay?”

I shrugged, feeling that familiar gnawing guilt. “I’d think that was obvious.”

As we climbed the steps to the student union, Beck fell silent. Once inside, he turned to me, a small smile playing on his lips. “Jake is right. You and Claudia are not like other women.”