Jaded (33 page)

“How does this feel, babe?”

His words sent just as many chills through her body as his hands tentatively roaming her body. “I don’t know if I have the words to describe.”

She felt his lips brush the part of her shoulder exposed from the neckline of her dress; it made her shiver.

“Me neither,” he whispered at her ear. He pressed her even closer to him at the small of her back.

She looked up at him; their eyes locked and time slowed around them, reducing the outside world to a muted buzz and a series of flashing colors.

“Thank you for the dance,” she said.

“Same to you, babe.” He pressed his forehead against hers and something felt heavy on her chest. She’d never been choked by her emotions before, but here it was, a resounding truth and desire that was so heavy and all-encompassing that she could scarcely breathe. Their breaths danced together for a few moments as they swayed to the music, lips hovering dangerously close.

Soon, though, their dancing slowed to a stop, and she could feel Luke’s hands gripping her hips as though scared she would drift away from him. Something important was occurring between them, something that needed no words and rendered both of them still. She sighed deeply, forehead pressed firmly against his. She could almost feel his lips against hers and she was dying for a taste.

“I want to kiss you,” he murmured, his breath hot against her lips. His hands squeezed her hips and she was tingling all over.

“Luke,” she whispered. “I can’t...” She didn’t have the breath to finish her sentence. She was going to say,
I can’t keep pretending I don’t want this,
but he must have taken her pause as a sign of the end of her sentence, because he stood straight and looked away.

Isabella felt crestfallen and buried her face in his chest once more. “That’s not what I meant,” she choked out. They resumed their lazy swaying, and she could tell his mind was as distracted as hers from the moment they’d just shared.

Just as the song was ending, Luke pulled away from her. Isabella felt a sudden draft of cold air and instinctively reached out for him. Her hand caught his and he looked at her, intense, a thousand emotions swirling behind his eyes.

“Follow me,” he said. His voice had a strange tone to it, an edge she’d never heard before.

“What? To where?”

“Come on. Just follow me.” He was leading her out of the reception area and down a maze of hallways, her heart thumping wildly in her chest. He finally stopped in a deserted area of the building. Everything was silent—even the thumping of the bass in the reception hall had diminished completely.

“We should get back,” she said. “You know how Kitty is...”

“Shh. I don’t care about her right now.” He turned and looked at her, eyes wide and imploring. A moment of silence passed as they stared hard at each other, and before Isabella knew what was happening, his mouth was over hers in a desperate, sloppy kiss. They kissed hard and fast, kisses melting away to more kisses, and Luke’s body was hard against hers, pressing her to the wall. Her hands were trembling as she reached up to grab a fistful of his hair. Luke cupped her backside in his hands and hoisted her to his level, groin pressed hard between her legs.

He paused, forehead against hers, breathing heavily. The ache between her legs was screaming, and she could barely find her voice to tell him to keep going.

“Babe...Isabella...” He lowered her to the ground, putting a few inches of space between them. His face had clouded over and the passion from seconds ago was replaced with something unreadable. “There are a few things I want to get off my chest tonight.”

Her heart clenched up, fearing the worst.
Oh, God, you’re still in love with him and he’s decided to give up on you.

She cleared her throat and straightened her posture, hoping to convey some attitude of confidence. “Like what?”

He wasn’t making eye contact with her. Instead, he began to smooth his shirt, adjust the collar, fix his hair. “I-I don’t know, maybe this isn’t the right time.” He bit his lip and looked up at her. “I should wait.” He cursed under his breath and turned away from her, running a hand through his hair.

“You dragged me out here to tell me something important and now you’re not even going to say anything?” Her heart slammed against her ribs. She was desperate to know what was eating him up inside.

He spun on his heels to face her. He looked her up and down, as though weighing a decision. “I should wait until we’re both...one hundred percent sober. I shouldn’t have done this. I’m sorry.” He took her elbow in his hand and tried to lead her away. She resisted.

“Luke.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Tell me. I don’t like this.”

He took a deep, shaky breath. She realized he was nervous, and that this was a stalling tactic. But she had to know, instantly, what was robbing him of his cool.

“Why are you acting like this? What could be so important?”

His eyes slid over to her. He watched her silently, and she couldn’t figure out what was swirling in his brown eyes. He smiled briefly, and then took her hand in his own.

“One more kiss,” he said, “and then I’ll tell you.”

Isabella pulled him into her, fearing that this might be their last intimate moment together. His pending news didn’t sit well with her and her mind was concocting all sorts of horror: relocation for work, sudden ex-girlfriend turned love of his life, a secret wife and kids he’d failed to mention for months? They kissed so hard that her lips went numb. When they parted, Luke leaned his forehead against hers, breathing hard.

“Feel this,” he whispered. He brought her hand to the area over his heart. Beneath, his heart was pounding wildly.

“Calm down,” she whispered, placing soft kisses along his neckline. “It was just a kiss.”

He looked up to the ceiling as though sending up a quick prayer to God, and then locked eyes with her. “I have to say it.”

“Tell me.”

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and when he looked at her again, the words fell from his mouth. “My feelings for you have changed a lot.”

She gulped.
Oh, God. It’s true
.
It’s just lust and nothing else.
Her stomach shriveled into a raisin and fell to her feet. “W-what do you mean?”

“I used to be in love with you,” he said softly. He paused and bit his lip, searching her face as though looking for an answer. His eyes were swirling with a thousand impenetrable emotions and all Isabella could do was hold her breath and hope.

She opened her mouth to ask him to continue—please, please continue and get whatever it was off his chest, but nothing came out.

“But now I am far, far beyond in love with you. I am completely, totally, head over heels for you, Isabella. And that’s never going to change.”

All of the air left her body and she collapsed against him. Tears pressed at her eyes, begging to escape. She gasped, feeling his arms wrap around her waist, encasing her perfectly.

“Say you love me too,” he choked out, his entire heart quivering on the edge of his words.

She looked up at him, tears clouding her vision. He watched her with an intensity that startled her. He loved her, and she loved him back. They needed to be together—they needed to solidify this union of two souls in love.

So many thoughts were swirling in her head, but only one was clear above all the others. It felt like hours had passed before she finally spoke. “I do, Luke. I love you.”

They gazed into each other’s eyes as a few breathless moments spun around their heads. A smile broke out on her face as Luke’s look went from surprised to overjoyed.

He let out a shout of happiness and pressed her into his chest. He held her so hard she thought she’d crumble into pieces. And when the hug was over, the kissing began.

His mouth covered hers perfectly, sealing every doubt and confirming every passion. Isabella couldn’t remember a time she had kissed someone so hard and so fervently, as though her very existence hung on the edge of the kiss. Her body was exploding with bliss; this was right, everything was right. There were no more games, no more lies, no more heartache and heartbreak.

She was in love, and she couldn’t deny herself the pleasure any longer. She needed to connect with Luke in the only way that felt right. She needed to open her heart to him and embrace him, faults and all. She could look past his fumble—Luke had changed. This man—who had previously been so rebellious and untamable—was
hers
.

“I knew everything would work out,” he choked between tears.

She wiped away some tears, unable to contain the fountain of emotion rushing forth from her heart. All she could do was cling to him and cry. Finally, the pieces of their messy puzzle had come together.

“I love you, Luke,” she whispered into his ear, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt the words reverberate throughout her body. “I love you so much.”

“Be with me,” he whispered, words shaky and choked. “Please, Bella. Be with me. Let’s try this.”

She pressed him closer to her as his words bounced like pinballs through her body, igniting every part of her with a happiness so profound that she almost didn’t have the breath to respond.

“Yes,” she breathed into his ear. “Yes, Luke, let’s do it. I want to.”

He let a whoop of excitement and looked at her with tears in his eyes, incredulous, hands cupping her face. “You have made me the happiest man alive.”

She laughed, loving his nearness, his warmth, his energy, his words, everything about him and more. “And I just might be the happiest woman alive right now too.”

He covered her mouth with his and they shared a long, deep kiss. Time was suspended once more and Isabella couldn’t remember ever feeling more right about anything in her life.

“Babe, come dance with me again,” he whispered in her ear. “Come dance with me as my one and only.”

She smiled up at him, hardly able to believe the turn of events. Despite her best efforts, love had found her, elbowed its way into her life, jaded and all.

***

The next day, Isabella woke up extra early. Luke knew it, too, because the sun peeking through his bedroom window looked like the sun he greeted when he woke up for a normal workday. Except this was Sunday, and he had no early call at work.

“You don’t want to sleep anymore?” he murmured, still undecided as to whether or not he should make the leap into waking up.

“I can’t.” She sighed. “Maybe the hangover will hit me at noon, but I don’t care. My brain wants to be up now.”

Luke swallowed, tongue sticking to the back of his mouth. He needed water. But not because of a hangover—he and Isabella had exerted far too much energy the night before for him to remain hydrated.

They’d stumbled out of the wedding a sloppy, blissful mess. Isabella had been giggly and a little drunk; he had been floating on air as if drugged or transcending into another realm, or perhaps both. And when the time came to make their way home...Isabella chose his place.

He’d been incredulous at first—
is she really suggesting this? Could this be real? Maybe it’s a dream—
then panicked—
is everything put away? Are any deal-breakers on display? Maybe it’s still a dream
—and then elated—
she’s really suggesting this. Deal breaker or not, this isn’t a dream.
Luke couldn’t remember a time when he’d driven faster—or more carefully—in his life. They’d arrived at his apartment as though in slow-motion. Isabella had been hyper-attentive to all the details of his building: the walkway, the tiny flower bed by the front door, the way his mailbox number was missing half of the eight and therefore looked like a three. And then they’d gotten to his front door and he’d pushed it open slowly, holding his breath and waiting for some sort of overarching reality to come crashing down on him like a wet blanket on a fire, and she sighed softly.

“I love it,” she’d said. She hadn’t even stepped inside, had scarcely glanced inside, and he realized that it didn’t even matter what his apartment looked like or what was on display there, because she had already decided to be with him.

Isabella turned to her side, facing him, and as his eyes acclimated to the bright light he caught blurry snippets of her smile. He reached up and smoothed his fingertips over her cheek. She sighed and snuggled closer to him.

“Good morning,” he murmured.

“Great morning,” she said. She pressed her lips to his. The soft scent of her skin clouded his senses and he felt that familiar tug on his heart, something akin to a squeeze and an explosion. She smoothed her hand over his chest, sighed softly, and then said, “I’m gonna go tinkle; need anything while I’m up?”

“Water.” His eyes had drifted shut again and he dragged his fingertips over her naked back as she rustled to stand.

“Since we’re at your place, does this mean I have to make you pancakes?”

“I wouldn’t say no to that, though I don’t think they’d be as good as mine.”

“Oh, really? Well I’ve been taking notes, mister; I know what your secret ingredient is.”

He cracked open an eye, grinning. “What is it?”

“Cream of tartar.”

“Wrong.” He pulled the covers more tightly around himself and rolled to his side. “I’d say keep guessing but it’s probably just a waste of time.”

She giggled and slapped him lightly. He felt her move off the bed, heard her footsteps down the hallway, into the bathroom, heard her press the door shut like he’d shown her the night before because the bottom part was warped.

And then he allowed himself to sink even further into the incredulous reality that all of this was really happening. He felt a lightness that he’d never experienced before, most likely a side effect of splitting his heart open throughout his time knowing Isabella and letting its contents pour forth. He wasn’t sure if he’d been hiding everything or nothing inside there, but whatever had come out, he felt like a new man for it.

He heard Isabella shove open the bathroom door and then wander the recesses of his apartment for a moment. Water ran and then was shut off. Her footsteps came nearer, then stopped. She paused a while, wherever she was in the apartment, and then finally his bedroom door creaked open.