JAXON (The Caine Brothers Book 4) (13 page)

She stirred next to him, snuggling closer and wrapping an arm around his chest. The sheet slipped down her body, revealing her rosy nipples and apple-round breasts.

“Mmmm,” she murmured. “Last night was wonderful.”

“It was.” He traced a lazy circle around her nipple and watched it tighten into a hard little bud. “This morning is pretty amazing, too. I like waking up with you in my bed.”

She pressed her hips against his thigh, the warmest part of her heating his skin. “I like it, too. I could get used to it.”

He caressed the slope of her shoulder. “Me, too.”

She opened her eyes and scrunched her brows together. “So where does that leave us?”

Where did it leave them? If he had to be completely honest with himself, he really liked Lily. Sure, he liked her body a lot, and the sex was fun and the orgasms were amazing. But the sex was better because it was her. He loved her fire and determination, her humor and heart, her depth and selflessness.

Was this what it felt like to fall in love? He’d never done it before so he had no idea. When he thought about going back to his life without her, a shot of alarm swirled in his belly. He didn’t want to just go back to the way his life had been. Now that he’d met Lily, he didn’t think he could anyway.

“Honestly? I don’t know, Lily. I know I’m crazy about you, though.”

Her pleased smile hinted at the same kind of uncertainty he felt, but she said, “I’m crazy about you, too.”

The unanswered question about the future hung in the air between them, but he had no doubt as they lay in each other’s arms, they were both thinking about it. He wanted both lives—to stay with Lily at the estate and become part of her purposeful life. To go to bed with her, wake up with her, help people, love her, have a family, and drown in the happiness of that life. But he also needed his creative life. His muse had disappeared, but he’d show up again eventually—at least Jaxon hoped so—and when he did Jaxon would go back to writing. He’d meant it when he told Lily that music fed his soul. He couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life without it. Besides, his band depended on him, and he needed them, too. Them and the adrenaline of being on stage, of performing and the symbiosis with the audience.

For the life of him, though, he couldn’t make those two lives blend in his mind. Which meant, he’d have to pick one. He didn’t want to think about that, because he didn’t know which one he’d pick. A tiny voice in the back of his head told him he knew damn well which one he’d pick, but he ignored it. At the very least, he didn’t want Lily to have expectations. It wouldn’t be fair.

He gathered her close, kissed her forehead, and said, “Look, Lily, like I said, I really like you, but…”

She interrupted him. “…Hush. I don’t want to talk about anything beyond right now. I’m not stupid. I know you’re not here to stay. But I want to enjoy the time we do have together.”

Her perception sent shivers down his spine. Nobody had ever been able to read him like she did. It scared him, when it didn’t make him feel warm and fuzzy that a woman cared enough about him to look beneath the surface.

“Okay. But we’ll have to talk about it eventually.”

“I know. Just not now.”

The next month flew by in blissful peace. Jaxon sank into the rhythm of Lily’s life of gardening, deliveries, and helping people. Her friends and associates got used to him and accepted him. Summer gave him an endlessly hard time about everything, and he loved just being a person again instead of an isolated celebrity.

Until he woke up one morning in the middle of September in Lily’s bed with an entire album in his head.

He lay wrapped up in Lily’s arms and legs, frozen for a moment with astonishment, and then he jumped up and whooped as he scrambled to find his pants.

Lily pushed hair out of her face and peeked up at him from one squinty eye. “What?”

“My muse is back,” he said.

He leaned down to kiss her, then tossed a shirt on and ran out of the room.

Downstairs in the music room Jaxon sat at the piano. He only hesitated a moment before resting his fingers on the keys and closing his eyes.

He played.

The music flowed through him. Not the new songs in his head. Not yet. He warmed up with his older songs, and music from other artists.

He played everything from Stevie Wonder to Mozart, and relief flooded his heart that he could hear the music again.

After he’d warmed up, he dug around and found some blank paper and a pencil, grabbed the guitar from its case, and went to work.

A while later—he had no idea how long—Lily showed up at the door.

“Breakfast is ready,” she said.

He sat in a chair, the guitar on his lap, a pencil behind his ear, and paper strewn everywhere. “No time. I’m in the zone.”

He felt like a rock god. Notes and music, ideas, words, themes all flowed through him like divine inspiration. This was the kind of rush he craved as a musician—the pure joy of the creative process.

“What are you working on?” Lily asked.

“My next album.” Like a fever breaking, he welcomed the healing relief of being able to say those words.

“You’ve been here over a month and this is the first time you’ve even come near this room. I didn’t know you even knew it existed.”

“I found it the first day.”

“Why now?”

He ran his hands through his hair, pulling it into a knot at the back and securing it with a band from his wrist. Now that his muse had returned, bringing Jaxon’s confidence with him, and he had songs on the page, he didn’t feel weak talking about it to Lily.

“I came here mostly because I lost my edge. I had to write new songs but I couldn’t.”

“But you can now?”

The way she said it triggered a sour burn in his gut—like she’d put all the pieces together that quickly and realized if he’d come to retreat because he couldn’t write, but now he could write, that meant he’d be leaving soon. Of course, she was right. With an album’s worth of songs and an appointment in the studio for next month, he’d have to leave.

“Yeah. My stupid muse must have just needed a vacation, but he’s back. I’ve got some good stuff here, too.”

“I’m glad. So when are you leaving?”

Her soft, sad voice broke his heart. Dammit. “We’re scheduled in the studio the first week of October.”

She nodded. “There’s a harvest festival event next week. We’ll have a farmer’s market, booths, games, dancing, music. Will you stay long enough to go with me? You can say goodbye to a lot of the people you’ve met.”

He stood, left the guitar in the chair, and went to her, kneeling in front of her. He took her hands in his and looked up at her. “Lily, I don’t even know what to say. When I came here, I had no intention of falling in…”

She interrupted him. “Don’t say it. If you’re not staying, don’t say it.”

“I can’t stay,” he said. He hadn’t been a hundred percent sure about that until the words had flowed like water onto the page and it had been obvious he’d have to go to the studio. He’d have to leave. “You helped me get my head on straight. I’ll never be the same, which is a really good thing. I’d turned into a real asshole, but you put me onto a better path. But I’m a musician. It’s what I’m meant to do.”

She nodded. Her eyes had become glassy with unshed tears. “I know.”

“You could come with me.” As he said it he knew she wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t even begin to imagine Lily on the road.

Her sad smile answered for her. “I don’t think so.”

“Well, then, let’s make the next week count for something.”

“Okay.” She sat up straighter and tried to summon cheerfulness, though when he looked closer dark smudges filled the space beneath her eyes. “So how about breakfast?” She asked.

He tucked a finger under her chin and lifted her gaze to meet his. “Are you okay? You look really tired.”

She leaned back away from his grasp and waved off his concern. “I’m fine. Just a little stomach bug.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. I’ll drink some ginger ale and take a nap and I’ll be fine. Do you want breakfast?” she asked, changing the subject.

“Save me some, okay? I want to ride it while I’m on a roll.”

“I’ll bring you some coffee, anyway.”

She stood and Jaxon plopped onto his ass to get out of her way so she could head for the door. She looked gorgeous in a short yellow sundress that flipped a little at her bottom as she walked.

What was he thinking? How would he ever leave her? When he’d started to say he’d fallen in love with her, he’d said it without intending to. It just came out naturally without any thought, because of the truth of it. But now he took it out and thought about it. He really did love her. He’d become so used to living in the same house with her, sharing her bed and meals, laughing and working together that his heart had accepted her as part of him. Part of his life. They fit perfectly together.

How could walk away from her?

But how could he walk away from his job?

It came down to music being his life. It always had been. It was a harsh mistress, but one he couldn’t help serving.

He went back to his seat, taking the guitar on his lap and fiddling with it, strumming a few chords until a new song started to take form. Excited, he grabbed a clean sheet of paper and went to work.

***

Over the next week, Lily functioned in a heartbroken fog. She and Jaxon still did everything together, except for the time he spent in the music room writing and working. Sometimes she listened at the door. Damn him for being so good.

They still worked, ate, and slept together. When they made love, she clung to him harder, trying to memorize the feeling of him inside her, and then beside her. Every time was one fewer she’d ever get.

By the time the harvest festival came around on Saturday, she was a wreck. They hadn’t talked any further about him leaving, so she had no idea what his plans were, other than he had to be in the studio in a little over a week.

She’d purposely avoided thinking about what her life would be like after he left. Every time the thought popped into her head, she worked harder at whatever she’d been doing, pushing the thoughts away.

Before he showed up, she’d loved her life. Now that she’d met him, she loved it more.

She loved him.

“Is that everything?” Jaxon asked, returning to the kitchen after taking a load of picnic stuff to the truck.

“Yes. Let’s go.”

They headed for Hermann Park, Jaxon full of happy energy, chatting and looking forward to the day. Lily didn’t really hear anything he said.

When they got to the park, the festival lifted her spirits some. All the booths, people, children laughing, colorful flags flapping in the lazy breeze, and the smell of everything barbecue made it impossible not to be grateful.

Jaxon slung his guitar over his back and helped Lily haul some garden stuff to Summer’s huge booth.

“There you two are,” Summer said. She wiped her hands on her apron, then hugged them both.

“Whatever you’ve got going there smells delicious,” Jaxon said

“My famous chili.”

Summer’s chili was literally famous in Houston. It had won awards. But today, the smell of it turned Lily’s stomach.

“Can’t wait to try it,” he said.

“Jaxon, could you go get that last box from the truck?” Lily asked.

“You bet.”

He kissed her cheek and patted her bottom before leaving for the truck. Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach.

“You look miserable,” Summer said, going back to stirring her pot.

“Yeah, thanks to you.”

“Me?” Summer’s voice squeaked with incredulity. “What did I do?”

“You were the one who suggested I let loose, have fun, sex it up with a stranger.”

“I stand by that suggestion. You’ve loosened quite nicely.”

“Maybe. But I didn’t anticipate falling in love with him. And now he’s leaving.”

“What?”

“He was only ever visiting for a while.”

“He should fall in love with you and stay.”

Lily didn’t say anything, just hung her head and fiddled with the hem of her tank top. Summer’s eyes narrowed as she scented a secret.

“What are you hiding?” she asked.

It was only a suspicion, and cold fear filled Lily’s veins every time she considered it. But pretending it may not exist wouldn’t make it go away. Summer was her best friend in the world. If she could talk to anyone, it would be Summer. She looked her in the eyes, took a deep breath, and whispered, “I think I’m pregnant.”

“What the fucking hell? Are you kidding?”

“No. Well, I don’t really know, but I’m not kidding about suspecting it.”

“So now he has to stay.”

Lily rolled her eyes, even though her heart wished he would. “He’s a famous rock star. You expect him to dump his career to stay here with me?”

“If you’re having his baby, I do.”

“I’m not going to use a baby to force him to stay.”

“You could go with him.”

Lily snort-laughed. “I’d last maybe ten minutes on the road. I hate hotels, and I’d go into a hot rage every time a woman hit on him. Besides, I’m a homebody.”

“Oh, right, that giant mansion you live in. It’s so homey.”

“Home is home.”

“So are you ever going to tell him?”

Lily lifted a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. She hadn’t worked that out yet. “I don’t even know for sure yet. I could just have the flu.”

“Pfft. Right,” she said. “You have to tell him.”

“Tell who what?” Jaxon asked as he showed up with the last box.

“Nothing,” Lily said before Summer could jump in and tell him exactly what they’d been talking about. “Let’s go check out some of the booths.”

“We’ll be back for chili,” Jaxon said, beaming at Summer.

Summer basked in it, but shot a worried glance at Lily as they headed into the rest of the festival.

Jaxon and Lily spent the day playing games and exploring the craft faire and buying a lot of things they didn’t need but couldn’t resist. Lily tried to shove the whole baby issue out of her head, but it seemed like now that she’d said it out loud to Summer, everywhere she looked she saw other women with babies, or pregnant women, or craft booths with baby clothes or cradles or other baby stuff.