Jenna's Consent (34 page)

“Once the bruises faded, I needed something with me. I felt
so lost. I carried your collar with me, wore it as a bracelet or kept it in my
purse to have something to keep me grounded. I couldn’t fall back in that hole.
I wouldn’t be able to climb out a second time. I knew it, even then. And that’s
how it went, until I found rope again. I needed it with me when I tied,
because… I just did. I turned it into the mask. It was the last several ounces
of hope I had left that I’d be okay. That I could find my way.
My
way.
Because I had no one else to guide me.”

She shook her head, lost in the past, staring at his chest.
Her eyes flipped up to his, locking on his brooding gaze.

“So, yes. I’ve worn that piece of leather for years to
remind myself of what I lost and how I survived. I did that. Not you and your
‘I am an island’ bullshit excuse for walking away.”

Nick had walked up next to her and placed a hand on her
shoulder. She shook him off and stepped away.

Being comforted by him wasn’t something she could handle.
Not as the tremors of defeat had already begun in her knees.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. It wasn’t my intention.” He actually
believed the verbal diarrhea that came out of his mouth.

“The decisions you made were designed to do nothing but hurt
me. Just because you were too stupid to know the difference is no longer my
concern.”

Saying the words, blaming Ian for everything—she’d always
expected it to make her feel better. It just…didn’t.

She scooped her purse up off the ground and headed for the
door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Nick called from behind
her.

She flipped them the bird. Actually thought about calling
them cocksuckers too but she figured her middle finger stood loud and proud
enough for all three of them.

“You’re still mine for the rest of the month.” His growled
ownership was right next to her ear. How in the hell he could move so fast for
how big he was, she had no idea.

Instead of waiting for him to grab her, she stopped in her
tracks. It was probably inevitable anyway.

Whirling around on him, she had to look up quite a ways
because of how he towered over her. A moan almost slipped out when she saw how
he stared at her. Sex appeal rolled off him and her panties grew damp. She’d
never gotten to have angry sex before and she decided that was one checkmark on
her bucket list she wouldn’t mind ticking off. “I no longer have your collar around
my neck, so you don’t own any—”

“I’d watch that smart mouth if I were you.”

“Make. Me.”

Topping from the bottom had never been her style but she
full well knew how to play the game.

This would be her goodbye and she was going to take every
single second of it. If it had to last her for several more years until she was
brave enough to try again, then so be it.

It was going to suck either way when she walked out this
time. But at least it would be on her terms, not his. Not Ian’s. Not either of
theirs. She just hoped the damage wouldn’t be as severe.

“Ian, a little help? The cuffs are in the closet. Two pairs.
It seems Jenna needs to learn a bit of a lesson tonight.”

She rolled her eyes, her expression dripping with bratty
hostility. “And who’s going to teach it to me? You two? Please.”

Nick jacked a shoulder in her abdomen and hoisted her up so
fast it knocked the wind out of her. Her purse clattered to the floor and she
thrashed around. She tried to kick him and his forearm became a vise grip
around her lower legs.

“Grrr…” Her rumble finally broke free. Emotion turned to
anger like lightening and it burned bright.

Steadying herself with one hand, she pounded on his back as
he walked across the dungeon space to a flat table.

She shut off her feelings and lashed out because it was
either yell or cry and she’d cried enough over them both to last a lifetime.

“This is your fault. You let Ian into our bed. Into my body.
I did not consent to that. Not ever.”

Yes, he tried to call her. Yes, she’d ignored him. But he’d
left her to drop on her own and that was an emotional trigger she’d never been
able to get over.

He flipped her over onto the table as soon as he stood over
it and it was a bit lower than she expected. The top that her head rested on
reminded her of the horseshoe-shaped, padded section on a masseuse table. Ian
shed her shoes and tried to place a cuff on one of her ankles. She kicked at
him but missed. He latched on to the top side of her knee, squeezing down on a
pressure point that had to be attached to three thousand nerve endings she
didn’t know she had.

“Oooo, ooohhh.” Strange noises came from her chest as she
tried to process the pain. Her overwhelming desire to submit to them flipped
something in her head. She had to fight to maintain the anger.

The cuffs were attached to her ankles and wrists while she
processed in silence. Ian clipped her cuffs to the bottom corners of the table
and Nick followed suit.

One glance up at him told her he hadn’t forgotten the
problem she posed to him before he walked away.

Her throat tightened and fear settled in, digging its claws
in deep.

Shh click.

Ian’s knife. He never went anywhere without it but hearing
the noise as if he were more than ready to use it were two very different
things.

Her gaze went back to him and he started at the bottom of
her clothing.

Slicing away the fabric a few inches at a time did something
for her she couldn’t explain.

She shivered, tugging at the cuffs, thankful for the corset
she hid behind.

Nick moved up to her head and never looked away. Even as she
snarled at him, biting at him if he moved closer. He grabbed a handful of her
hair, making her pant. The fist in her hair tightened until she moaned from the
delicious pain. “He was already between us. You never revealed that. You think
I consented to
that
? So I don’t see what the difference is here.
Semantics. Nothing more.”

He had a gag in his hand that she hadn’t seen and he shoved
the large ball between her teeth, strapping it behind her head before she could
shake it loose.

But he was right.

Ian had always been between them. Nick had an inkling there
was something she wasn’t telling him on the day she’d agreed to be his
submissive. He’d asked why she’d finally agreed to him and he’d known. Not the
who or the what, but that something had triggered her need to submit to him.

She was thankful for the gag. Words were pointless. Nothing
was going to be solved by them talking about their feelings about the past or
their nonexistent future. She rolled her eyes, so damn sick of being emotional
about Ian. And Nick.

Fucking?

That she would at least get something out of.

Several orgasms would be a completely acceptable parting
gift for having her heart throat-punched over and over again.

Regret she tried to ignore clawed at her.

Getting what she wanted by acting the part wasn’t her.

She’d always taken her pleasure in submitting to the needs
of the man she was with. Taking what he needed her to take because it brought
him pleasure is what had always gotten her rocks off.

Orgasms for the sake of taking them left a bad taste in her
mouth.

She closed her eyes, willing the disappointment away and
tried to focus on the two men she wanted. The two men she wanted to love her.

A flutter of fingers stroked her cheek and her lashes
fluttered open. Nick stared down at her with something like concern on his
face. “Where’d you go?”

He unbuckled the strap holding the gag in place and slipped
it from between her teeth. “You were with us and then you were just gone.”

Warmth registered on her calf and she glanced down. Ian
stood beside her, a hand on her lower leg.

It was more than she could handle.

“I can’t do this. I want to but I just can’t.”

“Okay.” The simple acceptance came from Ian. They released
the cuffs and sat her up. Ian grabbed the comforter off the bed and wrapped it
around her.

Her pants lay in a pile of torn fabric next to the table and
she couldn’t look away from them. “Sorry, Nick. Red. Ian. Fuck. Whatever,” she
mumbled, unable to say anything else. In all her years in kink she’d never
stopped a scene. Not ever.

She thought about it, glancing up at Nick who leaned against
the table next to her. She’d actually safe worded. She’d said “Ian” to Nick in
the middle of a scene.

Maybe that was why she couldn’t continue.

Or maybe not. Could have been her lack of sleep or
heartache.

I hate disappointing you.

Need to say it clawed at her insides. She opened her mouth
to say it—

A knock on the dungeon door shattered the moment.

“I’ll get it.” Ian turned and headed to the door, opening it
only a crack so she couldn’t see who was there.

Nick hugged her close, stroking her hair and he kissed her
on the top of the head.

“Nick, it’s for you. Jackson sent Skye. There’s a problem on
the main stage. They need your help on something before a scene can start.”

Jenna wondered why Jackson would have told Skye to come
interrupt but then she remembered the cameras. He would have known she’d
stopped everything.

Nick nudged her chin up and pulled until she looked at him.
“Are you going to be okay if I leave you with…Ian?”

His hesitation sucked but it was what it was. “Yes. I’ll be
fine.” He kissed her mouth, pegged Ian with a hard stare as they passed each
other to switch places and then was gone.

Ian walked toward her, his attention on her with laser-sharp
focus.

He wanted to talk and all she wanted to do was run.

“Why’d you call it off? Did Nick say something when I walked
away?” He wanted to keep quiet but just couldn’t do it. Yeah he and Nick talked
about working her over together but if that dick did anything to hurt—

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

He stood beside her, wanting to take her hand, stroke her
hair, lick every inch of her. She couldn’t handle them together but… “I grabbed
this.” He tossed a cuff on the table. He’d used it as a stress ball of sorts as
he’d tried to get his temper under control.

“Oh. Right. Uh, no. He didn’t say anything. Nothing you
couldn’t have heard from over there.” She glanced toward the closet and didn’t
look back.

“You were supposed to leave the lifestyle.” That sure as
hell jacked her head back around. “You were supposed to find a vanilla to
marry. Make your aunt and uncle happy. They were good people, even if they
never liked me.”

“Are you mental? They adored you. And I couldn’t ever leave
this lifestyle. It’s a part of me, just as it’s a part of you.”

“They hated me.” He didn’t want to process the rest of what
she’d said, especially when it made his somewhat altruistic choice to leave her
so long ago moot. Anger bubbled up inside even before she spoke about her family
again.

“They pushed you to be better than you thought you were
capable of. That’s what people do when they love someone.”

He had nothing to say to that so he changed the subject.

“I’m sorry you lost them. They were pretty cool.” He’d never
been all that good with death so he didn’t really have anything else to offer.

“Thanks. I miss them. I lost them so quickly, it was quite a
blow after…well. You know. They did love you though. A lot.”

“Who did you learn to self-tie from? You had some knowledge
before we started but now…” He knew a fair amount of awe was in his voice and
he couldn’t help it. “You seriously rock it in rope, Jenna. Good…job.”

Her eyes warmed for a moment and then went cold again.
Surely his praise didn’t mean that much to her, with everything she’d said the
past hour.

“Nawa Goshujin-sama.”

“What?”

She jumped with his shouted question. “You introduced me to
him.”

“No shit, Sherlock. He’s one of the best, if not the best
Japanese rigger out there. He’s insane when it comes to jute and only trains
the best. I’ve only heard of him training one woman before. Surely… Surely that
couldn’t have been you. There’s no way you’re his nakayoshi. Is there?”

His disbelief clearly pissed her the fuck off. She climbed
off the table, tossing the comforter back on it so she could stand there with
her fists on her hips. It would have looked fierce if she hadn’t looked so
adorable in her corset and panties.

She opened her mouth a couple times and nothing came out but
she threw her hands up and stalked to the door, wrenching it open.

“Of course not. There’s no way I could possibly be worthy of
his time. You asshat.” She stormed out of the room and then another voice
filtered through as the door started to close.

“You okay, Jenna?”

“Fine.” Which, of course, was female speak for “No I’m not,
but if you ask again I’ll cut your baby maker off.”

“Good to know,” came a deep voice and Chris caught the door
and stood there as Ian walked toward him.

“Are you the asshat today? I thought it was Nick’s turn.”
Chris’ sense of humor left him a bit flat.

“Did you know she trained under Goshujin?”

“Several years, off and on. He’s the one that recommended
her to Jared and I when we were looking for someone to wear a lot of hats
around here. Best recommendation he’s ever made. Nick and you were the other
two.”

“Other two what?”

“Recommendations he made for the people we were looking for.
Swear he’s going to start charging me like some kind of fucking head-hunter.”

Ian could do nothing but stare. “He recommended Nick and
me?”

“Yep. Small world, huh?” Chris clapped him on the back when
he was close enough, then walked away, letting the door shut in his face.

A few minutes later Nick headed to the bar to talk to Oscar.
Jenna wouldn’t respond to his texts and now he couldn’t find her. And with how
many cameras he had access to, that was saying something.

Before he could ask Oscar anything, Ian walked up.

“You’re like a staph infection. Every time I think I’m rid
of you, you just show up in a different place.”

Oscar slammed two glasses on the bar in front of two stools
that Nick and Ian were squaring off in front of. “Sit down and shut up.”

“What the fuck, dude?”

Oscar glanced at them, more than a tiny bit pissed off. He
took a deep breath while they sat down and filled their glasses with alcohol.
What kind? Didn’t matter.

Nick tossed it back and Ian did the same.

It burned all the way down and he clenched his jaw, worrying
about Jenna.

Oscar’s palms slapped against the bar and he glared at them,
apparently forgoing the “make nice” phase of the discussion. “Jenna’s one of my
best friends. I trust her judgment. But when it comes to you two, I think she’s
totally fucked in the head.”

Nick narrowed his eyes in Ian’s general direction.

“Not just him, Casanova. You’ve being a raging asshole,
too.” Oscar poured two more shots, put the bottle back on the counter and then
stared at Nick. “You, I at least know well enough to expect better.” He looked
over at Ian and curled his lip. “You. Hurting one of our own isn’t the way to
make friends around here, especially people you have to work with. Trust is a
two-way street and boy, are you chewing up that road right and left.”

Ian swiveled in his seat, staring Nick down. “Shouldn’t
someone with the last name of Love, Nick, have a clue in that department?”

Nick knocked his shot back, slapping it down again harder
than the first time. His free hand tightened into a fist and he barely
contained the urge to leave.

He got good and comfortable, unwilling to give Ian or Oscar
the satisfaction of getting to him.

“Shove it,
Bryan
. It’s amazing how misleading names
can be, don’t you think?”

Ian opened his mouth and Oscar snapped his fingers between
their faces.

“Both of you need to lose the attitude that the universe
owes you anything, especially something as precious as Jenna. She’s amazing and
you’re killing her.”

“We haven’t hurt her. Not like what you’re suggesting.”

“Her heart is involved.” He glanced between them. “With both
of you. I don’t know the whole story but I know enough that if you two wreck
this, she’s not going to be the same. So fix it.”

He stormed down to the other end of the bar, making the
mistake of leaving the bottle of Scotch between them.

Nick grabbed it, helped himself to another shot.

Ian did the same.

It didn’t take long for the effects of the alcohol to hit
his system. Nick’s temper mellowed to something less than volcanic. He filled
the shot glass one more time and then held it. He knew he didn’t need another
one, but a bit more liquid courage to talk to the fucker sitting beside him
sounded like a good plan.

He opened his mouth to tell him to get the fuck out. “How
did you meet her?”
Huh?
Where the hell had that come from?

Ian cast him a suspicious glance but finally spoke. “Five
years ago we met at Shibaricon, big bondage convention in Chicago.”

“I’m familiar.”

He nodded and continued in his clipped tone. “We both lived
there but hadn’t met before that kink con. Chemistry. Immediately. Jenna was
with a guy, I was with another girl but quickly both of those relationships
fizzled. When we were both free we met at a local dungeon. We hit it off.
Negotiated a scene.” He closed his eyes, remembering something pleasant from
the look of ease that changed his normally broody expression. “The first time I
tied her, man. It was…”

“Like the entire world just stopped.”

“Yeah. That was it for me. She was it for me. We were
together every day, until…”

“Until? Come on man. Give me something to work with here.
I’m trying to understand. Just give me a clue why I shouldn’t kick your ass for
hurting her.”

Ian glared at him, clutching his shot glass tight, as if he
were going to use it as a bludgeoning device. “Why should I tell you shit when
you’re not willing to level with me on anything? I’m sure as hell not going to
be the only one with everything hanging out swinging in the breeze.”

“Fair enough.” Nick took a deep breath and his last shot.
“My mother left when I was barely old enough to remember her. My Dad? He was
wrecked. Not just mad but he checked out. From a shitty-ass broken heart. So I
fended for myself. I vowed then and there I’d never let a female in like that.
That close.”

“And then Jenna.”

“Yeah. Jenna.”

Ian nodded, thankfully not asking for any more details. He
poured another shot, tossed it back, then placed the shot glass upside-down on
the wood surface.

“The last night. I asked her what her ultimate fantasy was.
When she told me she wanted a ménage, and the look of longing that lit up her
face… Fuck. I was a self-serving asshole then. I freaked out and decided
leaving was the best option. I’d like to think I’m different now. Changed. I
want her. I’ve always wanted her. Never stopped. Knowing she was here, I
uprooted everything to move my entire company. I relocated to have her again.”

“I’m not giving her up.”

Oscar stepped up again holding out his hand. “Can I see both
of your Library cards?”

Nick lifted an eyebrow but Oscar didn’t look away. Didn’t
act as if he were going anywhere.

They pulled them out, handed them over.

He stared at them for a second. “Oh yeah, see right here it
says, ‘Master’ on both of them. So act like it.” He slapped them back on the
bar and spoke low and menacing. “Being a Dom doesn’t mean it’s all about you.
It’s about your sub and her needs. If you two both go FUBAR on this, someone
else will swoop in and pick her up right from under your noses.”

He said it as if he knew something they didn’t and Nick eyed
him.

Oscar was gay, at least he thought he was. Hadn’t ever seen
him with a guy though. Or a female, but—

“Grow a pair—both of you—and it’ll all work out.
If
she decides to forgive your sorry asses and give either of you a chance.”

He walked away again and Nick knew he’d said his piece.

Oscar left the bar entirely and Douglas walked up.

Seeing him and thinking about what Oscar has just said, a
plan formed in Nick’s mind. He caught Douglas’ eye and then turned to Ian.
“What are you doing next Wednesday?”