Jenna's Consent (37 page)

Nick moved back and she sucked in a quick breath.

He fucked his cock past her lips in shallow thrusts and she
breathed him in each time. His scent enveloped her and she closed her eyes.

One of them palmed her breast, then dug their fingernails
into the wax, peeling it off.

The table shimmied for a second and then she felt it.

Ian.

Naked, climbing between her thighs as he shoved them wide.

He dragged his cock through the wetness along her core and
then plunged into her.

There was no push and pull, nothing gentle about the way he
took her.

He was staking ownership on her.

She knew it in every thrust and arched her back.

Nick fucked her throat and she struggled to breathe.

It was too much and not enough.

An orgasm flared out of nowhere when she realized she was
getting exactly what she thought she’d never have.

A ménage with two men she loved.

They didn’t know that yet but there would be time.

Nick clamped his hands on the side of her head when she
tried to shake him free to ask for permission to come.

“Come, Jenna. I know what you need. Come for me, with my
cock in your mouth. Swallow and I’ll come with you. Fuck yeah. Fuck. Yeah.”

His semen shot into her throat as her release ignited in her
core.

She clamped down on Ian, making him grunt and her fingers
strained for something to keep her grounded.

“You’re pussy’s so tight. So perfect. Come on my cock. So
damn tight.”

That was what she needed. His words. His voice.

Both of them.

She didn’t need something to hold on to.

She needed them to hold on to her.

To keep her safe as her body twisted and jolted through an
orgasm she didn’t know if she could survive.

They were her rocks.

She needed them so desperately, wanted them so completely it
scared her.

Ian jerked inside her, coming inside a condom.

Nick pulled out with a rush and she swallowed and sucked in
a breath, shaking from the lack of oxygen and loving it.

Her limbs trembled as he held her head, allowing her to lick
the rest of the cum from his shaft. It jerked several times, gracing her with a
small amount more that she could suck into her mouth and into her body.

Ian dragged his fingernails through the wax again. “Damn. I
forgot how much I liked wax.” After several more strokes of his cock, he pulled
out.

“Mmm…” she half whined, half groaned as Ian moved off the
table. He scooted her body lower on the table so Nick could set her down on the
padded surface. Maybe so she could relax her sore muscles.

She lay there, shaking and convincing her body to keep
breathing. She grinned, knowing how pretty her marks were going to be after
they removed all the cuffs.

One piece at a time, they unlatched the cuffs and blood
rushed into each limb.

She tried to move but Nick stopped her. “Just be still.” His
voice was harsh, growly. It made her shiver and she cracked an eyelid to look
at him.

She expected him to look as happy as she felt or nearly.

But he didn’t look happy at all.

Ian didn’t either.

They both looked angry.

Panic flared inside her.

“What?” she croaked.

Neither of them looked at her and Ian walked toward the
closet. She tried to pick her head up but she just didn’t have the strength.

“What’s wrong? Nick? Ian? Please talk to me.” Ian carried a
robe and Nick helped her sit up. Ian draped the terry across her shoulders and
belted it nearly before she could get her arms through the holes.

She got the impression it wasn’t for her comfort.

They didn’t want to see her—at least Ian didn’t. As if she
were dirty? Nick wouldn’t meet her gaze either.

“Choose.”

“Wh-what?” She looked over at Ian, who had uttered the
ultimatum she hadn’t see coming. “What?” She asked again because she couldn’t
think of anything else to say.

“Choose.” Nick said it this time. “One of us. We gave you
what you wanted, now choose.”

The look on his face. Fierce. Possessive. Everything she
wanted but…

“We won’t share you.” Ian’s voice sliced clean through her
and she clutched the lapels of the robe tightly to her chest. “This was a
one-shot deal.”

Ice flooded every cell in her body and shivers racked her
spine.

Sub drop had never hit so fast.

Nothing had ever happened to wreck her so completely after a
scene except—

She glanced at Ian again.

He crossed his arms over his chest, shutting her out.

Nick shoved himself away from her, moving the table several
inches in his fight to get away from her.

For a second, she wondered if she’d been shot.

The pain.

Emotion swamped her, sweeping her legs out from underneath
her and sucking her into a cesspool of black so extreme she’d never find her
way out.

Never.

What had she been thinking?

She thought they were going to give her a ménage. Full-time.

She knew better than that. They couldn’t make that work.
They’d already had a fist-fight over her.

Fairytales didn’t come true. They just didn’t.

The faces of two of her best friends flashed in front of
her.

Cyn’s situation with Chris and Jared was unique. They had a
massive history together. They grew up together. Faced things together she
couldn’t imagine, forming a bond that couldn’t be broken.

Haleigh’s dynamic with Kyle and Scott? It would never be
like that for her.

Never.

“I choose neither of you.”

“Huh?”

“What?”

She slid off the table, holding on to the side to make sure
her feet would hold her. They fucking better and she wasn’t going to cry.

Not in front of them. Not ever again.

Her heart lay in pieces at their feet. A heart she would
have gladly given them but it wasn’t good enough.

It would never be good enough.

“I do not consent to this.” She looked between them, holding
their stares. Then she bent to pick up her corset and ripped panties. She put
the lacy thong in the pocket of the robe, clutched the broken shell of her
armor to her chest and walked toward the door.

“You can’t leave. Not while we’re in the middle of talking
about this.”

“This is not a discussion. This is nothing more than an
ultimatum. I rip out half my heart, as you both stand there hoping it’s the
other guy who loses. I do not consent.”

She made it to the door and into the hallway, letting the
door close behind her.

She didn’t want them to follow her. She didn’t want to talk
or answer questions or discuss how cruel they were. They didn’t even know it.

A door opened behind her and she cringed.

“Jenna, you okay?”

A female voice asked from a few feet behind her.

She turned around and Jillian strode up to her in her
leather pants and vest with her high ponytail. She was beautiful and Jenna felt
dirty.

“Been better. Gonna call it a night. See you later?”

Jillian wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her
back toward the main bar area. She knew something was wrong because she asked,
“I’m here if you need me, okay?”

Jenna forced her lips to curl up on the edges because that
was what you did in that situation. But it wasn’t a smile. Her face felt as
brittle as her emotions were. “Thanks,” she added as an afterthought.

Jillian gave her one last squeeze and a worried glance as
they went in separate directions.

Jenna knew she should call the girls. Being alone wasn’t the
best state of mind for her tonight but she felt trapped. Almost as if she were
dying in her own body with nothing physically wrong with her.

She changed upstairs and grabbed her stuff, calling it a
night on account of a broken heart.

The drive home passed in a blur.

She glanced at her broken corset beside her in the passenger
seat and felt sick.

She parked her car, got out and walked toward her front
door.

“You know how to keep an old man waiting.”

Jenna jumped as an older Japanese man unfolded himself from
her chair on the front porch. “…Nawa?” Disbelief shut down what tiny sliver of
her brain was still kicking and she just stared at the man who was the closest
thing she had to a family.

“Yes. Has it been so long you have forgotten me?” He smiled
and took a step toward her and then he must have seen her face or her aura or
something that told him everything was very wrong. He held his arms out to her
and let her come to him.

A sob broke free as she moved toward him.

Another as she wrapped her arms around his solid chest.

Her heart splintered in two as he held her and all of her
sorrow spilled out into the still, dark night.

He kissed the top of her head and patted her hair.

“What have those men done know?”

When she woke up the next morning, Nawa was still there,
cooking at her stove.

She stood in the doorway watching him move about her kitchen
as if he’d been there before, but he hadn’t.

The last ember of eternal hope flared in her chest when she’d
woken in her bed instead of curled up in his lap on her couch.

Nothing was out of place in her bathroom, surely meaning no
one had been in there. Right?

But that wasn’t the case.

He was there and making food. The rest of last night had
happened as well.

The auction.

Her owners.

And then…afterward.

Exhaustion pulled at her and she slunk away as if she were a
cat burglar in her own house.

“You’ll feel better after you eat. You can set the table.”

She froze, out of his sight, hoping he had only guessed she
was there.

“Don’t make me burn the food coming to stare you down. Set
the table.”

How did he do that?

“But I’m not hungry,” she confessed as she stepped fully
around the corner and onto the cool tile.

He smiled at her petulance. “You don’t have to eat all of it
but you must eat. You have an appearance tonight, yes?”

She hurriedly glanced at the Care Bears clock above her
fridge.

Three.
In the Afternoon?

When she crashed, she really crashed.

She scrubbed her eyes and yawned. “Yes, I have an appearance
tonight. An interview. On a satellite radio show. Need to be there by eight to
get prepped. It’s about…”

The plates rattled against one another when she grabbed them
out of the pantry. She set the table like a good—

Tears welled in her eyes but she dashed them away.

They wouldn’t help. Not with anything.

Anger followed close on the heels of her emotions and she
ripped paper towels off the roll and snatched silverware out of the drawer.

“Glad I cooked the food.”

Responding didn’t seem real bright because anything she said
was going to be toxic so she poured juice for both of them and they sat down
together.

It was simple food but her favorite. Grilled cheese and
tomato soup.

No one made it like he did.

The ooey-gooey triangle fit perfectly in her hand as she dipped
it in the soup.

It tasted even better than she remembered.

Nostalgia filled her senses and she closed her eyes,
remembering being in his home, kneeling at his table as he served her the same
meal. When she was lost over the same man.

I wonder if he’ll make me two sandwiches this time?

“Of course. As many as you like.”

Her eyes flipped up to his and found him staring at her.

“Tell me. What is the interview about?” He picked up the
second half of his sandwich, making it easier for her to talk.

“Kink in general, my guerilla shoots, rope, the shops.
Everything.”

“Why did you stop speaking about it before?”

She took another bite of food, wiping her mouth with the
paper towel. “She wants to hear about the positive side of kink. The happy
stuff. The finding someone that gets all of you, even the dark and gritty
sides.”

“This sounds good.”

“It is but I’m not exactly in the best frame of mind, if
that boo-hoo fest on your shoulder last night wasn’t a clue.”

His warm hand on her forearm, spread warmth up her arm. “You
told me nothing of what went on last night. Why don’t we clean up and then we
can go sit in the living room and you can tell this old man. I might even have
something wise to share.”

Her hand fit perfectly on top of his.

“I don’t want to talk about them. But a wise old man told me
once that we should face our fears head-on if we expect to change them into
accomplishments.”

“Wise man. You should listen to him sometimes.” He flipped
his hand over, capturing hers. He gave it a squeeze. His nod toward her food
was slight but effective. “Eat. You need it. Putting on a few extra pounds
wouldn’t hurt you any.”

“Yes, Nawa.”

They finished eating their late lunch and cleaned up the
kitchen, giving Jenna plenty of time to get her thoughts in order.
Unfortunately, by the time they sat on the couch she still had no clue what she
wanted to say.

“I love them.” Oh. Fuck. That definitely wasn’t what she’d
wanted to start with.

Panic grew inside her but he took her hand, keeping her
grounded when all she wanted to do was pace. Or flee.

“Start at the beginning and we’ll see where you end up.”

She talked for hours.

It poured out of her, nonstop until her mouth was dry and
her eyes were wet.

Everything she’d kept closed off just tumbled into the space
between them.

Agreeing to be with Nick and all of the reasons behind it.
Him bringing in Ian. How she felt. What she wanted. Everything. And he listened
to every word, nodding in encouragement when she faltered and finally he
uttered one word that stopped her in her tracks.

“Fear.”

His voice shook her out of her staring across the room.
“What?”

“You asked why they would do this. Why they would make you
choose. Fear.”

She stared at him, but nothing else was forthcoming. “Fear
of what? Me?”

“Of course.”

“But…I love them. I wouldn’t hurt them.”

“Do they know that?”

“Umm…”

“So you are guilty of not being completely honest with them.
Don’t you think it could be the same from them?”

“No. No,” she said again a bit harsher. “They’re the big
strong alpha males that make me weak in the knees and want to kneel at their
feet with nothing more than a word. They couldn’t possibly be scared. It’s
ridiculous.”

“What have I always told you about submission? Three
things.”

“Choose wisely, love completely and…” Hope bloomed inside
her again as she remembered something she’d almost forgotten. Something he’d
told her years ago. Apparently, she hadn’t truly believed it until this moment.

“Finish it, my magomusume.”

“Choose wisely, love completely…and always remember, no one
has more power than a submissive on her knees.”

“
Hai
. She can always call a halt to anything. She can
stop a scene, end a dynamic, slice the threads of a power exchange with a
single word. Ian hurt you once. He walked away, again, fear. Fear that you’d
walk away so he did it first. Fear that he couldn’t be enough for you or equal
to someone else. You said it yourself. They are called alphas for a reason.
They yield to no one. Yet what you are asking is counterintuitive, at least to
one of the men you want.”

“But Nick. He was okay sharing me. Was more than okay with
it. But last night he wanted me to choose as well. Where did that come from?
Fear. Okay, I know that’s what you’re going to say but I don’t get it.” She ran
her fingers through her hair, tugging at the ends.

“Not fear. Love.”

“Huh? You lost me again.”

“You call him Casanova for a reason. Others call him a kinky
Cupid. He’s helped how many people at The Library find love?”

“And he’ll tell you it was all about the sex. Not love.”

“And all men are good at communicating their feelings? No
one is perfect.”

What he said had a slim possibility of being true but she
wondered if he was just saying these things because it was what she wanted to
hear. And not the actual truth.

Jenna’s brow drew down into a V and she shook her head. “How
do you know so much about these men? You couldn’t have picked up all of this
from one conversation. I know you’re familiar with Ian but I asked if you knew
Nick. You obviously do. Why didn’t you tell me before? Why didn’t you tell me
you taught him? Our styles are so similar, I should have known you taught both
of us. Just at different times.”

“You weren’t ready to hear the answer.”

“What?” She bit it out. “And now I am?”

“Yes.”

Well, okay then.

“You can just blame it on my being old, if that makes it
easier on you.

She rolled her eyes and he pulled her into a hug. “You’re
not old.”

“Says you.”

“All that matters.”

He chuckled again. His warmth and affection and love seeped
inside her, pulling her frayed emotions back together. “
Hai
,
mago
.”

He held her close for a moment and then moved her back. “And
you said something as you spoke, about not being a good girl because Ian can’t
say it. You are a good girl. Never let a man—any man—take that from you. Your
worth should never originate in the hands of another.”

He pulled the stern face she rarely saw, out but she knew
immediately that he meant business and paid attention.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Close your eyes.”

She did and felt the tip of two of his fingers against her
sternum.

“Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat in your head. ‘I am a good
girl.’”

He breathed with her, chanting the handful of words she
desperately wanted to believe.

Several minutes went by and her riotous emotions settled a
bit.

He hugged her close and settled against the couch. “You said
something about your corset coming off and you feeling like a butterfly. Yes?”

She nodded against his chest. “Yes, that’s exactly how I
felt.”

“But? I hear there is something more.”

“Yes, Ian put me in my corset. But I allowed it to happen. I
wasn’t strong enough to move on without him, so I hid in my corsets, not
allowing anyone to touch me. Not the important parts.”

He nodded and let her gather her thoughts.

“When he cut the corset off, it was sexy and I loved it.
But… when butterflies have help being born, their wings aren’t strong enough to
carry them.”

Pride shown in his eyes and he leaned forward to kiss her
forehead. “That is exactly correct and something you need to think very
carefully about.”

She couldn’t make sense of that, just as she couldn’t the
night before. “I put myself out there—to both of them—and all I did was get
hurt.”

“The important things are worth putting yourself out there,
knowing you could get hurt. You never know what you’re going to get back. You
can’t know what is in someone else’s head but you can know what is in their
heart if you listen hard enough. You’ve received so much more than hurt and I
hope you can see that.”

She had nothing to say after he finished. He’d said so much
her mind swam with things to think about.

“Go get ready. You need to be there in a bit more than an
hour. Shower. Dress the part tonight. You have an opportunity that you do not
want to squander. Grab it and make me proud.” He stood, helping her off the
couch and she walked toward the hallway leading to her bedroom.

She paused, turning back to ask him something. “How long are
you staying? How long do I get to keep you?”

“Several days. Then I must get back.”

“How did you know?”

“What? That you needed me?”

She nodded once.

“I received a phone call from a friend. He thought it might
be about time I visited the States again. Your name possibly came up as an
incentive.”

She smiled and her heart fluttered in her chest. “I’m glad
my name came up. I missed you. Even more than I thought I did.”

“
Hai
. Me, too.”