Jenny's Choice (Apple Creek Dreams #3) (17 page)

“Did you say Jonathan Hershberger?”

“Yes, he was killed almost two years ago in a boating accident.”

Samuel looked puzzled. “I heard about an outsider named Jonathan Hershberger who joined the church and lived in Paradise. He was married to
Bisschop
Borntraeger’s granddaughter.”

“Yes,” Jenny said quietly, “that was my husband.”

Samuel turned to Jenny with a look of surprise. “You are
Bisschop
Borntraeger’s granddaughter? But how can you be if you are the Springers’ daughter?”

“Mama found me in a great snowstorm many years ago. She saved me and kept me alive until Papa and my Uncle Bobby could rescue us. No one knew who I was, so Mama and Papa adopted me. Then when I was nineteen, I met Jonathan, and he and my papa helped me find out who my birth mother and father were. They were both dead, but my
grossdaadi, Bisschop
Borntraeger, was still alive. Jonathan studied
with him for two years to learn our ways, and then we were married and lived with
Grossdaadi
until he passed.”

Samuel took out his handkerchief and mopped his brow. “Perhaps I have been a bit hasty. Jonathan Hershberger and Lem Borntraeger gave very generously to their district for the support of the Amish community in Paradise. I heard about it even in Lancaster. Everyone said he was a very good man and one of the few
Englischers
who was able to truly assimilate into our community.”

“It was because his family was originally Amish,” Jenny said. “It was like he was born to be Amish.
Grossdaadi
often said that Jonathan took to our ways like a duck to water. When I was a research intern at the library in Wooster, I helped Jonathan discover his family roots. His family came from Switzerland with the first Amish who arrived in Pennsylvania. And interestingly, he was my mama’s very distant cousin. That’s one reason I want to write this book,
Bisschop
Samuel. I think it will help our people to come to a deeper understanding of their roots and the manner in which
du lieber Gott
has guided us and kept us in the midst of wicked and perverse generations.”

“But the book is fiction—how can it be a historical work?”

“A biography can be written as a novel and still tell a true story. My publisher says that many people who are not Amish will read it because it is written like fiction.”

“And who is your publisher, may I ask?”

“Jeremy King from Kerusso Publishing.”

A grim look passed over Samuel Lapp’s face. “Ah, the apostate, Jeremy King. Do you know that he once was Amish but left the faith many years ago and is under the
meidung
in Pennsylvania? So! Almost you convinced me to change my mind. But this is another matter entirely. King is under the
bann
. Therefore you cannot associate with him, especially in the matter of this book. If he was a man of honor,
he would have told you that himself. And now, I think we are finished here. Brothers, shall we go?”

Bisschop
Lapp and the others rose. Johann and James shook hands with Reuben while Lapp waited impatiently. Then Reuben escorted the three men to the door, leaving Jenny and Jerusha sitting at the table in stunned silence.

C
HAPTER
S
EVENTEEN

The Declaration
 

T
HE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED WERE
gloomy ones in the Springer household. Jenny sat at her desk looking at her manuscript.

This is it? A year of effort put into this book, and now I can’t publish it?

It was as though her whole world had come crashing down.

I rebuilt my life around this book. I found joy and renewed strength to go on. Now what?

Bisschop
Samuel’s visit brought everything to a halt, and now Jenny was drifting aimlessly through her days. She prayed and sought the Lord, but in spite of her importuning, she was slipping back into the terrible depression that had filled the first days after Jonathan’s accident. Then, a week after the meeting, she got a note from Jeremy.

“What can I do, Mama?” she asked Jerusha. “He wants to finish the book, which is perfectly understandable, but I feel like he’s been dishonest with me. I found out about his past in the most awkward way. It would have been much better if he and not
Bisschop
Lapp had told me he is under
meidung
.”

“
Ja
, it was wrong of him. You must talk with him and tell him that, for now, the relationship must be put on hold.”

Jenny was silent for a moment. “That’s what troubles me, Mama. I don’t want to put it on hold. I think…”

“What is it,
dochter
?”

When Jenny didn’t respond, Jerusha asked, “Jenny, do you have feelings for this man?”

Jenny flushed beet red and then went cold again. She had sensed a certain desire to be with Jeremy, but it had never occurred to her she might be developing “feelings” for him. The thought stunned her.

“I…I don’t know, Mama. I like Jeremy a lot. He’s kind and considerate, and I’m grateful for his friendship. I guess it could be that I have feelings for him, but then there are things that speak against it.”

“What would those be, Jenny?”

“First of all, I don’t have the same kind of feelings I had when I met Jonathan. The first time Jonathan took my hand it was like being struck by lightning. And after I got to know him, I could only always think about him.”

“And with Jeremy? What is that like?”

Jenny blushed again. “Mama, I don’t want to burden you with…personal things.”

Jerusha led Jenny to the kitchen table. “
Kumme, dochter, zetsen sie sich
.”

Jenny sat, wringing her hands. Jerusha placed her hands over Jenny’s to still them.

“We may be Amish, but we’re also women. We have feelings and
desires, and it’s all right to speak of them, just between us. Now…what about Jeremy?”

Jenny started out slowly. She trusted her mama, but still it was hard to share what was in her heart.

“It’s not the same as with Jonathan. I like Jeremy, and I feel safe with him. He’s very handsome and very pleasant. He likes me very much, maybe too much, and I can’t help but respond to that.”

“And what are the other things that speak against you being with Jeremy?”

“He’s not Amish.”

“But he
was
Amish, and if you two decided that
Gott
was putting you together, it would be a simple thing for him to repent of whatever he did to be shunned. We Amish are very forgiving.”

“I’ve thought of that, Mama, but there’s one more thing…actually, the biggest thing of all.”

“Yes, Jenny?”

“I’ve never told anyone this before, but…I don’t think I’ve ever really let go of my hope that Jonathan might still be alive.”

Jenny saw the expression of surprise on Jerusha’s face but went on anyway.

“I know Gerald told me that the explosion went right through the part of the boat where Jonathan was sitting with his father and that nobody could have survived. But, Mama, Gerald survived! And if he survived, maybe Jonathan did too.”

Jenny put her face in her hands while Jerusha sat quietly. Then Jerusha spoke.

“Jenny, Jonathan has been gone for almost two years. He couldn’t still be alive. You must reconcile yourself to that fact.”

“Then why do I still feel so…so married, Mama? Why do I feel like he is always with me?”

Jerusha took her daughter’s hand.

“You were given a very special gift when
Gott
gave you Jonathan. I remember telling you a time might come when you would meet a man whom you loved so deeply that you would gladly surrender everything of yourself into his care and protection.”

“Yes, I remember when you told me that. And I especially remembered it when I knew that I had given my heart fully and forever to Jonathan. And that’s the problem. I gave him my heart, and I can’t seem to take it back. Even though he’s gone, I can’t break my promise to him. And that’s my dilemma with Jeremy. I can’t release my heart to another man. I don’t think I ever can.”

“Jenny, it will not be a sin if
Gott
brings another man for you to love. It won’t be Jonathan. But if it happens, you can accept this man’s love just as you accepted Jonathan’s.
Gott
did not make man or woman to be alone.”

“Then it must be that I’m just not ready yet. But when I’m with Jeremy, I miss the closeness I had with Jonathan. And I’m troubled by it. Perhaps it’s a good thing if I don’t see Jeremy anymore.”

“Well then, if you really feel you’re not ready, you must tell him. It’s the only right thing to do.”

Jenny sighed. “You are right, Mama. As always.”

Jeremy looked at Jenny across the coffee-shop table. “You are forbidden to let me publish your book? Are you kidding? Are we back in the dark ages?”

“No, Jeremy, we’re not in the dark ages. I’m Amish, and that’s the way things are. You should have told me you are under the
bann
. It has made things very complicated for me. I really shouldn’t even be here today, but I felt I needed to at least tell you what has happened.”

“This is unbelievable. The Lancaster church has followed me here to Ohio and is imposing that ridiculous shunning on me again?”

“Jeremy, please tell me why you were shunned. I must know. Maybe it’s not as serious as they made it seem, and you can go to them and repent.
Bisschop
Lapp wouldn’t be able to keep you out of the church.”

“Lapp? Do you mean Samuel Lapp?”

“Yes, he came here to help our
bisschop
start a new church in Dalton.”

“So Samuel Lapp is behind this. I should have known. He’s the only one who would know about me out here. He’s the one who had me shunned—and unfairly so.”

“Is that why you won’t repent?”

“I won’t repent of something I didn’t do.”

“Jeremy, you are speaking in riddles. You must tell me what happened.”

Jeremy looked down at his hands and flexed them. Then he looked back at Jenny. “Samuel Lapp and I were in love with the same girl. She favored me. When we passed
rumspringa
and I was baptized, Sarah and I talked openly about beginning an official courtship. Lapp couldn’t stand it. He got two of his toadies to swear with him that I was visiting…well, women of the evening.”

“And were you?”

“Jenny, how can you ask that? Of course not. But Lapp got the men to swear before the elders. I think he had something on them and pressured them into it. The elders put me under the
bann
until I confessed and repented. I tried to defend myself, but the false witnesses would not recant. I wouldn’t repent of something I didn’t do. So they excommunicated me.

“After Lapp had me put out, he went to Sarah’s father and asked to court her. His large landholdings and his position as the
bisschop
’s son swayed the man, and he consented. They were married, and that was that. I had no reason to return to the church, so I left Pennsylvania and came to Ohio and started Kerusso Publishing. And now that I’ve been
out of the church for several years and had some success, I see no reason to return. I still love Christ, and I’ve found a way to glorify Him and help people come to a better understanding of Christianity and particularly the Amish church.”