Jezebel (25 page)

He seemed to be considering her words.

“You know how the members feel about divorced pastors,” she murmured.

The look Traynor gave her was deadly. “Don't try to manipulate me, Jessie Belle. I'm tired of you doing that—I can't take it anymore.”

Jessie Belle sighed in resignation. “All I'm asking for is another chance. Regardless of the mistakes I've made—we're a great team. Won't you at least admit that?”

“I can't really say that we were a team, Jessie Belle. That's a lot of our problem.”

She didn't respond.

Traynor turned away from her and made his way downstairs.

Jessie Belle resisted the urge to follow him. Nothing would be accomplished tonight.

J
essie Belle was on her best behavior.

Traynor couldn't deny that he still loved his wife, but she infuriated him by being so deceitful. He resented the way she schemed and manipulated him—he felt betrayed.

My dad and Aunt Eleanor were right about Jessie Belle
.

He wanted to confide in his aunt but was too embarrassed to do so—the last thing he wanted to hear was “I told you so.” Traynor punched his pillow before tossing it across the room.

Traynor climbed out of bed and headed straight to the bathroom to shave and shower. He brushed his teeth, and then went back into the bedroom to find something to wear.

After getting dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a polo shirt, Traynor made his way towards the steps. He paused briefly outside the master bedroom, thinking of happier times.

How can we ever get past this?

They were still sleeping in separate bedrooms and hardly spoke to each other at home, but on Sundays and whenever they were at the church, they took great care to hide the fact that their marriage was in trouble, which made Traynor feel guilty.

Now we're deceiving the church members
.

Traynor reasoned that it wasn't necessary to announce that they were going through a rough patch in their marriage. It wasn't anyone's business and he didn't want to give the church gossips something to talk about.

He heard Jessie Belle and Holt singing as they came downstairs. When they joined him in the kitchen, Traynor noted the dark circles under her eyes.

“Your breakfast is on the stove,” she said.

“Thank you,” he replied stiffly.

He and Jessie Belle tried to put on a cheerful facade for Holt.

She soon stood up, saying, “C'mon, sweetie. It's time we got you dressed. Let's go upstairs and find something for you to put on. Tell Daddy bye-bye.”

“'Bye, son,” Traynor said. He was secretly relieved that Jessie Belle had decided to leave. As much as they tried to hide it, there was still too much tension between them.

Traynor left home nearly an hour later but found he couldn't really concentrate. His mind stayed on his marriage.

He spent the better of the morning behind closed doors in prayer. When Traynor emerged from his office shortly before noon, he felt better—more at peace.

Traynor didn't leave for lunch, instead working until three.

He stopped at his secretary's desk, saying, “I'm leaving for the day. I'll see you tomorrow.”

Jessie Belle was lying on the couch when he arrived home.

Holt rushed into Traynor's arms.

As Traynor picked him up, his eyes strayed to Jessie Belle. “You okay? You don't look well.”

“I didn't get much sleep last night,” she murmured in response. “I had a lot on my mind.”

“I'll make you a cup of tea,” he offered. “I'll give this little guy his bath tonight and keep him occupied so that you can get to bed early.”

Jessie Belle broke into a tiny smile. “Thank you, Traynor.”

“Why don't we order out?” he suggested when she walked over to the refrigerator. “Don't worry about cooking.”

“I don't mind—”

Traynor cut her off. “Jessie Belle, it's okay. Let's just order a pizza or some Chinese food for dinner.”

Traynor rolled around on the floor with Holt while she called in their pizza order. Every now and then, he would catch Jessie Belle wiping her eyes.

She's crying
.

Traynor struggled to rein in his emotions. He couldn't let Jessie Belle get to him—too much had happened and he was still wary of her. He needed space to think clearly about what he wanted—Traynor needed to receive direction from the Lord, but in order to hear Him, he had to be still.

The pizza was delivered and they sat down together at the dining table to eat dinner.

Jessie Belle was quiet throughout the meal.

Afterward, she helped him clean the kitchen despite his insistence that she go on up to bed.

Traynor took Holt upstairs and gave him a bath, although he ended up just as wet. Laughing, he managed to get his son all dried off and into a pair of pajamas.

Jessie Belle was in Holt's bedroom turning down his bed when they walked inside.

“I thought you were in bed by now,” Traynor stated.

“I promised to finish the story I read Holt last night.”

“I can do that.”

Jessie Belle shook her head no. “Traynor, I'm trying to keep my word even with the small things.” Lowering her voice, she added, “I really want to be the wife you deserve.”

It hurt him to see her look so sad and forlorn, however. A part of him wanted to wrap his arms around her, but Traynor couldn't do that. He couldn't allow his emotions to take over.

He'd done that when they first met and look at all that happened.

Traynor stood in the doorway a few minutes listening to the story Jessie Belle was telling their son.

He eased away and went to the guest room where he'd been staying.

Traynor still loved her and he missed being with Jessie Belle. He hated this tension between them just as much as she did, but he couldn't just dismiss her schemes. She'd deliberately set out to hurt people and that was not something a Christian did.

Jezebel
.

That's what James had called her. It was a name synonymous with wickedness. Although Traynor believed Sampson had defused the situation and proved the rumor false, he wasn't sure whether James wholeheartedly believed otherwise.

The two men had talked since then and James apologized for spreading gossip instead of coming to him directly, but Traynor knew the truth and it still sickened him.

Jessie Belle had him lying and covering for her.

Traynor was disgusted with himself.

He closed his eyes and began to pray.
Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your grace and for Your mercy. Help me live in a way that honors You. Help me find a way back to my wife. I pray that she will seek Your face and that she is truly repentant of her sins. If this marriage is to be saved, Father, we need You….

Jessie Belle didn't know how much more she could take.

The distance between her and Traynor hadn't lessened any in the past three weeks. Her hopes for reconciliation were slowly evaporating.

I'm losing him,
she thought with growing dismay.

She confided her feelings to Mary Ellen during a phone conversation.

“I really think Traynor's gonna leave me. He's still sleeping in the other bedroom and he barely talks to me.”

“Your husband loves you, Jessie Belle, but Traynor probably just needs some time to work all this stuff out.”

“I've apologized to him, Mary Ellen. Over and over again. I've even worked hard to prove that I'm not the same person. What else do I have to do?”

Jessie Belle had done everything she could to prove to Traynor that she was trying to make a change in her life. She had even become more active in church.

“He's had a lot to deal with,” Mary Ellen responded. “Just give him some time.”

“I miss my husband.”

“Jessie Belle, you're my friend and I thought we were close friends. Even I had no idea that you were running women. I have to be honest with you—I'm not so sure how I feel about that myself, so I can certainly understand your husband's hesitation. He's a man of God. What if your church members found out? Jessie Belle, something like this could ruin Traynor's career.”

She was growing irritated. “Don't you think that I feel bad enough, Mary Ellen?
I was wrong
. I admit it.”

Mary Ellen had no idea that Jessie Belle used her name to rent the apartment. She prayed that her friend would never find out. Their friendship would end—Jessie Belle was sure of it.

Jessie Belle felt like Mary Ellen was judging her and she didn't like it. “I can't undo the past, but I'm trying so hard to make up for what I've done. I just need a chance.”

“We love you,” Mary Ellen stated. “Jessie Belle, I hate what you've done, but I'm your friend for better or worse and Traynor is your husband. I'm sure everything will work itself out—at least that's my prayer.”

Mary Ellen had to get off the phone because she had a meeting scheduled. Jessie Belle hung up and settled back on her sofa to watch television.

Traynor had to go out of town for a couple of days to preach. Jessie Belle was grateful for the time alone and she suspected her husband felt the same way.

She missed him, though, and looked forward to his return.

When that day finally arrived, Jessie Belle picked him up from the airport. They stopped and had dinner at a restaurant before going home.

Traynor seemed pretty happy to see her as well, so Jessie Belle felt encouraged.

Later at home, she and Traynor put their son to bed together. Afterward, they went downstairs to have some of the lemon pound cake Jessie Belle had baked earlier in the day.

“This is delicious,” Traynor said between bites.

“Thank you.” Jessie Belle longed to say more, but she didn't want to ruin the evening.

For now, she was content with the way things were.

July rolled into August and August into September.

Things were still tense between Jessie Belle and Traynor. They were barely talking to each other, leading her to worry whether her marriage would ever recover.

Traynor surprised her by sitting down beside her on the porch.

“The house was so quiet, I wondered where everybody was,” he said.

“I was just about to take a walk with Holt around the neighborhood,” she told him.

“I'd like to join you both—that's if you don't mind.”

“I don't,” she murmured, trying to disguise her surprise. “Holt and I would love it, actually.”

They got up and walked down the steps with six-year-old Holt skipping around in front of them.

“I'm very happy with my life,” Traynor blurted. “I need you to understand that, Jessie Belle.
I'm content
. I want you to raise our son and love me the way that I am—I'm a simple man and I won't apologize for that.”

“I won't interfere, Traynor. I promise.”

“I'm really struggling with whether or not to stay in this marriage. I'm so disappointed in you, Jessie Belle. I still haven't gotten over everything that's happened.”

She nodded in understanding. “I'll never do anything like this again, Traynor. I promise.”

He wrapped an arm around her. “I do love you, Jessie Belle.”

“I love you, too.”

They stopped for ice cream when Holt spotted the ice-cream truck.

“Holt's starting first grade tomorrow,” Jessie Belle murmured. “Are you coming with me to take him to school?”

Traynor nodded. “I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world.”

Jessie Belle sent up a quick prayer of thanks. Traynor wasn't going to divorce her. She vowed to be the type of woman that he wanted. She would be the perfect wife and mother.

The next day, Jessie Belle went to see Sabrina and Karla. She hadn't seen them since the conference fiasco. She had delayed this conversation with them pending the outcome of her marriage.

“I'm sorry this is short notice, but I need y'all to pack up and move out of here by the end of the month.”

“Why?” Sabrina wanted to know. “What did we do? Are you still upset about Chrissy?”

“Because of that witch, my husband knows all about you and I want to save my marriage. I'm sorry, but it has to be this way.”

Jessie Belle handed each of them an envelope. She didn't want to just leave them out in the cold, because they'd been very loyal to her. “Here's a little something extra to help you find suitable living arrangements.”

“If I ever see Chrissy again, I'ma give her a serious beat-down,” Karla uttered. “She really messed stuff up for us.”

“I don't even want to hear that girl's name ever again in life,” Jessie Belle uttered.

“We'll be out by the end of the week,” Sabrina said quietly.

Jessie Belle embraced her. “Thank you for being so loyal to me. I want you to know that I really appreciate everything you've done. Because of your hard work, I have a nice little nest egg.”

She hugged Karla next. “Thanks so much.”

“I hope everything works out for you and your husband,” Karla stated.

“Me, too,” Sabrina contributed.