Jude's Salvation: This Love Series (8 page)

I had overheard my father talking to my doctor once after an appointment. He had told him that he believed one of the side effects of the medications I was on would subdue my emotions. He wanted to warn my father that it is best I don't become too excited or worked up over anything. I wonder if the medications have affected me more than I thought.

I glance back down at the text and realize that this is the first time in my life that I have ever been nervous, excited, sad, extremely happy and insanely orgasmic, all with Jude and without my meds. I text him back.

Me: I'm waiting.

I reply, feeling afraid, another new emotion for me. I stand up, walking towards the big window and look out from the sixth floor of my room again. The building is old, seeing as it is in the Latin Quarter. There is an elevator though, which is good. If I need to make an escape there are two possibilities now. Escape, why am I thinking of escaping? I don't want to escape from Jude. I'm not frightened of Jude, just my feelings for him. But something or someone else is frightening me. It's probably just my reactions to the nightmares I've been having.

I sent a text to my parents earlier to tell them I've arrived in Paris and the first thing my father responds with is, 'Have you been taking your medication as prescribed?'  I can't help but wonder why he's asking me this. Did he find the full bottles in my closet? I wouldn't put it past him.

I tighten my robe around me again. I know Jude will demand I get naked but until he’s here I don’t want to feel that vulnerable. I want to do as he says but only when he’s here to protect me. I drop my face into my hands, angry with this fear that won’t subside. What am I so afraid of? Why am I afraid? I can feel a vision coming on, another memory to shake me and I’m not sure I can handle anymore tonight. I sit down on the sofa, staring at the door. The walls are moving and the lights are flickering. Digging my fingernails into the sofa I hold on as I keep my eyes glued to the door.

“
Jude, please hurry,” I groan before the room swirls around me. I close my eyes, trying to stop the dizziness. The moment my eyes open again I’m in a different room, it’s cold and empty. The gray concrete below me hurts my bare legs. I’m only wearing a short summer dress, exposing my scraped knees and bruises on my ankles. My arms are covered in goosebumps, dried blood and more bruises. Why is there blood on my arms? I try and wipe it off but it has stained my skin. Tears are falling down my cheeks but I’m not making a sound. I hear a door open and I try to turn my head to look up but it feels so heavy.

“
Eden, look at me. You’re safe now, I’m here,” he tells me. The concern in his voice surprises me. He sits down beside me on the cold, hard concrete and wraps his arm around my shoulder. He is warm and his beating heart calms me. I listen to the rhythm of it and I attempt to look at him again. He is the same boy that tried to feed me earlier.

“
I won’t let them hurt you. I promise you, my beautiful girl, I will keep you safe,” he tells me, his voice confident and angry. He isn’t angry with me he’s angry with them. I slide down his chest, resting my head on his lap. He brushes the hair from my face and rubs my shoulders. I like his warm touch, savoring the feeling while I can because I know he’ll be gone again soon. He never stays the night, when I need him the most. I look up into those eyes, his deep ocean blue eyes. Jude’s eyes.

I sit up quickly, gasping for air and realize I’m alone. A knock on the door causes me to jump up, knocking over a lamp in my sudden panic. I have tears streaming down my cheeks when Jude walks in, holding me within a breath. I should have asked how he had unlocked my door or more specifically how he managed to get a key-card for my room but I don’t. Instead I wrap my arms around him as the tears pour out of me. I want to scream for all these memories, all these nightmares to end.

“
I’m sorry Jude, I can’t stop these damn tears. I swear I never cry. I never have and I’m so scared when you’re not here. I need you and I don’t know why,” I confess to him. He almost seems to understand. He pulls me tighter into his embrace.

“
I’m here baby. You’re safe with me, my beautiful girl, it’s okay now,” he tells me, kissing my forehead and I know he’s the boy from my vision but I don’t know if it’s a memory or just my imagination. If he knew me before he would have told me by now, wouldn’t he?

CHAPTER EIGHT

Just Before Midnight

Jude

"Daniels, I'm in Paris as per your request," I inform him, keeping my voice emotionless which is difficult now. I am consumed by guilt and fear. I can’t keep lying to her but I can’t let her run from me either. Her father can’t know I’ve crossed the line. I’ve spent the day on a job Byron asked me to do for him. I almost refused but he said he'd keep an eye on Eden for me. I’ve never had reason to doubt him before but I’m surprised he knew Eden was here. I agreed because that is what I have been trained to do, follow orders. My father and Byron control me, I work for them first although Eden’s safety will always be my number one concern. I’m sure Byron isn’t thrilled about this but he wouldn’t hurt her.

"Good, she's well I presume?" Daniels asks, sounding distracted.

"Of course she's fine, she’s under my watch isn’t she? I should inform you though that Byron is aware she is here. He asked me if I was protecting her or if you had someone else. My concern is that if Byron found out she’s traveling out of the country without you then so could Lexter Lewis," I say hoping to get his full attention now. He makes a noise, clearing his throat, seeming to excuse whoever he was with. Once I hear a door close near him he responds.

"I’ll look into Lex's whereabouts here and see if there have been any rumblings about him going to Europe. Just keep a closer watch on her. Did Byron mention how he knew she was there and why would anyone tell him? Is he still doing business with Lex?" he asks, sounding either annoyed or angry with this. I hear the fear in his voice even though he’s trying to mask it with indifference. He has questions but he won’t ask me them now. He tries to hide his weaknesses but they are plain as day. He is afraid of Lex Lewis and anyone Lex does business with. The fact that he didn’t dare ask me how I knew about Lex tells me more than any words spoken. He is now afraid of me.

"No he didn't tell me how he knew and as far as I can tell they haven’t been in business together since, well for six years now. I'll find out who told him she was here and why. I’m staying across from her in the hotel for added security. I do have another question for you. I noticed she's been taking medication. Is she sick? Does she have a weakness I should know about?" I ask, hoping for an honest answer. He knows I am aware of all the details of that night her mother died. I have Eden’s cell transfigured so I get her incoming texts, just in case she gets any threats from Lex. I saw the text from Daniels to Eden, asking her if she is taking her medications. I couldn’t ask Eden about it without causing her to question how I knew. The medical reports I had uncovered before were dated, I wasn't sure if she was still being medicated or the real reasons why, since it is obvious now it isn’t to make her memories return.

"She's been taking medications for several years, experimental if you must know, to keep her memories subdued from the night her mother died. I'm only telling you this because I think she may have left them here. She told me she's still taking them but I'm not sure I believe her. If you saw her taking them then that's a good thing. I couldn't imagine what would happen if she get's her memories back while traveling. I'd have to find a hospital there to hold her until Dr. Michaels could get to her. Let me know if she's showing any symptoms of those memories possibly returning," he informs me. I'm shocked, speechless even. I knew she had a form of permanent amnesia but to be drugged to keep those memories buried in her psyche sounds wrong. It sounds dangerous.

"I will. Are there any side effects to these meds she's been taking?" I ask, hoping not to cause any suspicion on his end, but for Eden I need to know more. He breathed out heavily, as though he feels guilty himself.

"All I will say is that the side effects are not physical, as far as I have been told. She is just kept in a very non-excitable state. She doesn't show her emotions very well. Damn it, I hate talking about this. She is my daughter and I feel like she's a guinea pig for big Pharma but what choice do I have. If she remembers what happened, if she remembers her life before I took her in then she will hate me and she'll be in worse danger if Lex finds out she remembers him. Just make sure she's safe and medicated," he orders before hanging up.

I take a deep breath, putting my cell back in my pocket. If what Daniels said was true then she has been off the meds, because she has shown a lot of emotion to me over the last few days. I need to know more about these medications and how long she's been off them. If she remembers things while I'm with her I'll need to be prepared to handle her. She'll go off the deep end for sure. She may even hate me for lying to her. I can sympathize with how her father feels now. I'm worried about the same things. If she can identify Lex in court then she is in more danger then I thought too. He'll take her. Maybe even kill her if he doesn't use her for his personal benefit. Lex is one of the vilest men I have ever met in this life. He kills without a second thought, he killed Marisa and she was his favorite toy. If he knew how beautiful Eden is now there would be no stopping him from acquiring her.

Walking into her room and seeing her falling apart did something to me tonight. I never want to see her cry again. I have too many memories of her falling apart. I want new memories of her. I want memories of her laughing and smiling like we’ve created in the last few days. I want to make her happy every day and I need all her sad memories of her past to vanish again. I understand that she has to remember the life she used to live before she can move on but I can’t handle seeing her cry anymore. If we are ever to have a future she has to forgive me for being a part of her nightmare and hopefully put it behind her, bury it again, if that’s possible. She can’t do that unless she remembers everything, including how we met. All I can do is hope that in time she’ll come to forgive me. A man can always hope.

I fill up the ice bucket and walk quickly back to her room. Opening the door, I see her crying softly again. I breath in, holding back my frustration that I can’t just make this all go away. I place some ice in two cups and pour a whiskey for myself and some Amaretto for her. I know she has a sweet tooth so she might prefer this. I walk to her and place myself softly beside her on the sofa. She takes the drink and grins, I can see her embarrassment through her puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. She is a dignified, stubborn woman and falling apart in front of me is not something she’s proud of I’m sure.

“
I don’t know what’s wrong with me Jude. You're probably thinking you shouldn’t have followed me here. You should never have asked me out for breakfast. I’d understand if you want to leave. No one needs this,” she mumbles through her tears. She thinks I’ll leave her like this. She really doesn’t know me. It would take a lot more than this to scare me away from her.

“
I’m not going anywhere my beautiful girl, I promise you that,” I tell her, kissing her trembling lips. Even through her despair she kisses me back. Her full red, luscious lips consume me for a moment, almost breaking me down and letting my body take what it needs from her but reluctantly I pull back. We need to talk now, I have to know what she’s remembering. I gently hold her cheeks in my hands.

“
Tell me what you think is happening Eden? What is scaring you so much? Why are you crying?” I ask her, needing her to open up to me. We have to start getting all this out if we are to go through it, then hopefully pick up the pieces on the other side. She stares at me, looking me in the eyes as though she’s considering letting me in. She’s debating how much she wants to tell me. Afraid she’ll sound crazy. I can tell all this from her expressive eyes and her soft hands covering mine with a slight shake.

“
I think I’m having flashbacks of a time I can’t seem to remember. At least I think they are flashbacks, maybe they are visions, maybe it’s just my imagination playing tricks on me. I don’t know, it’s confusing, kind of hard to explain really,” she says, sitting up straighter. I release my hold on her and clasp my hands tightly on my lap, trying to hide my own nervousness. She turns on the sofa and looks into my eyes. I nod for her to continue because I can tell she’s going to tell me more.

“
Jude, I don’t have memories of my life before I turned sixteen,” she tells me. I knew this but her telling me is confirmation that the medications she was taking worked. I gulp, afraid to ask her what her last memory is of.

“
Was there an accident? Some kind of head trauma?” I question her, wondering how her father explained this to her. She nods, as though she doesn’t believe it. Her eyes close and she lowers her head before she speaks again.

“
I was told I was in a car accident. I was also told there was a fire in our home and all my baby and childhood photos had burned but miraculously all Beth’s photos were fine as well as my parents wedding photos and other memorabilia from the past. I believed them Jude. I bought all their fucking stories,” she tells me, her breath sounding shallow. Eden doesn’t swear so I’m shocked by her words unless more of the real Eden is coming through. The one that grew up where she did and didn’t think anything of getting a tattoo at fifteen. I can tell she’s putting pieces together as she speaks for her own rationalization.

“
It has always been all black but lately it seems like those memories are pushing through the fog. I'm remembering people I have never met and places I have never been,” she says with a shaky voice and I reach for her, holding her hands in mine again. I can’t image how this is going to hurt her when it all comes back. She leans away from me and looks into my eyes. I know what’s coming. My heart is racing. I can’t lose her, not now, not again.

“
Sometimes I think I see you, when you were younger and I feel like we have met before. It almost makes me think you have taken care of me, fed me, protected me, held me in your arms,” she smiles at the memory and so do I. She stills as she watches my face.

“
It’s true?” she asks, her voice trembling. I hold her hands tighter praying this isn’t the moment she tells me to go. She hesitates, I can feel her pull back slightly before she relaxes and allows me to hold her there.

“
It’s true Eden. I have taken care of you before, six years ago. At least I tried to, I wanted to. When you remember it all I will be here for you but I won’t give you any details. You need to remember on your own so that my words don’t create a distorted memory. I don’t know much about amnesia but I think this is something you have to bring back carefully,” I explain to her, hoping she won’t demand that I tell her how we met. She seems to accept this, her gaze settling on her hands clasped tightly in mine, resting on my knees. I need her closer but I won’t push.

“
Do I want to remember Jude? Do I want to remember my past? Do I want to remember meeting you?” she asks, already knowing the answer to those questions. Her eyes lift and settle on mine. I don’t know how to answer her. I want to tell her that she doesn’t, that the memories are going to tear her apart. Her life will never be the same, her foundation will crumble below her and I am the only one she can grab on to but I don’t say any of this. I shake my head and hold her against my chest. She wraps her arms around me and I kiss her hair, trying with everything in me to comfort her, to keep her.

“
You found me again, were you looking for me or was finding me just a fluke?” she asks, her voice sounding rough.

“
I looked for you Eden. I could never forget you but I didn’t think
we
would happen, I swear I didn’t plan this. When I saw you I just couldn’t resist. I told you I go after what I want and I want you. I’ve always wanted you, from the moment I first saw those eyes I wanted to keep you,” I tell her, hoping she’ll understand. I almost let it slip that I love her but I have to keep that in. I could lose her at any moment. I can’t let her know I’ve loved her for six years, followed her and protected her. She would never forgive me for the lies and the deceit. She’ll hate me for invading her privacy, even if it was only to protect her.

She surprises me when she suddenly climbs onto my lap, straddling my hips. I am a bad man for allowing this. She is my salvation but she will ultimately kill me in the end.

I can’t deny that I love the weight of her on me. She fits perfectly as she wraps her arms around my neck and her lips land on mine. I know we’ll talk more later but right now she wants my love and I have every intention of giving it to her, all of it.

“
I need you,” she whispers against my lips. I kiss her, hard and with passion. I slide my tongue through her open lips, groaning as she devours me. Her taste is liquid sin and I’m intoxicated the moment she slides her tongue over mine. Gripping her legs, I stand, easily carrying her with me.

“
I need you too, so much my beautiful girl,” I groan, carrying her quickly to the bed. I lay her down and slide up her nightgown, over her head and dropping it to the floor as I look down at her. She’s perfect, her skin and her curves in the moonlight dissolves my fears. She’s breathing slowly but I see goosebumps on her arms. She’s anticipating my touch and I’m so hard looking at her desire me like this. I plant my face between her warm creamy thighs, my favorite place as I lick and suck on her until she cries out my name.
She loves the flick of my tongue, my dark kiss.
I sink my throbbing cock into her and begin my assault. I can’t go slow and loving with her. It’s a maddening passion that takes over when I enter her. I thrust hard and deep, my hands leaving bruises on her hips as I possess her. I never want her to tell me to stop. I never want to hear her tell me to go slow because I know I can’t. I pound and thrust into her until I feel the world disappearing around us, until there isn’t any memories but us, fucking. I hear her scream out her orgasm and I follow. My head rolls back and I pump hot cum into her until I’m empty. I reach down and wrap her in my arms. My eyes close as I feel her arms tighten around me. She is mine and I am hers, forever.