Judy Mood And The NOT Bummer Summer (2 page)

“Listen to this. Instead of going to Grandma Lou’s — bor-ing! — let’s go to UN-boring… Borneo!”

“Borneo? Judy, that’s halfway around the world.”

“So? It’s got a rain forest. And lost tribes that need to get found!”

Stink came into the kitchen and headed for the fridge.

“Stink! Guess what-e-o! We’re going to Borneo! But we need money-o. Let’s have a yard sale! I’ll sell my pizza-table collection. You can sell your World’s Biggest Jawbreaker!”

Standing on his tiptoes, Stink pulled a bag of red berries from the freezer.

“No way. I’m busy. Are these cranberries?” Mom nodded. Stink zoomed out of the room with the bag of cranberries.

Judy looked down at her mood ring. Wait! It was
N-O-T
NOT
on her finger. Great. Now she’d lost her mood ring, too.

She, Judy Moody, was in a mood. And she did not need a ring to prove it was a bad mood. The baddest.

The next week was bor-ing without her friends. And the week after that. Even Frank got to go to Ultimate Adventures Day Camp. All Judy got to do was camp out on her bottom bunk and read the ultimate adventures of Nancy Drew.

Then one day, on the Fourth of July to be exact, Mom had some news. Maybe it was super-duper
GOOD
news. Maybe she, Judy Moody, could declare independence from a BOR-ing summer! Judy ran down the steps.

Mom put a hand on Judy’s shoulder. “Honey? I have something to tell you.” Judy plopped down at the kitchen table. “That was Nana on the phone. She and Gramps are moving to a retirement community, remember? But Gramps hurt his back, and they need some help. So we won’t be going to visit Grandma Lou.”

Judy bounced up in her seat. “You mean… we’re going to visit Nana and Gramps in California instead? Woo-hoo! That’s
almost
as good as Borneo!”

Dad stood in the doorway, holding a roller brush in one hand. He had a smudge of green paint on his face. “Did you tell her?”

“Not quite,” Mom said, glancing at Judy.

Judy looked from one to the other, confused.

“Listen, Jelly Bean,” said Dad, sliding in next to Judy. “Your Mom and I have to fly out to California to help your grandparents. You and Stink —”

Judy stared at him, her heart in her throat.

“— are staying here.”

“What?” Judy gasped. “You’re going to leave me? To die of starvation and boredom and Stink-dom?”

“But the good news is… Aunt Opal’s coming!” Mom said cheerily.

“Aunt WHO?”

“My sister,” said Dad. “You know your aunt Opal.”

“I met her when I was, like, a baby. She could be a zombie, for all I know!”

Just then, Stink clomped into the room wearing an old green blanket stuck all over with leaves, twigs, and cranberries. “Do I look like a berry bush?”

“Ummm…” said Dad.

“You look like a beaver dam,” said moody Judy.

“I’m trying to fake out Bigfoot.”

“Oh, in that case, then definitely,” said Dad. “Absolutely.”

“Great!” Stink skipped out of the kitchen.

“So,” Judy said, ticking off on her fingers. “I’m not going to Borneo. I’m not going to California. And I’m not even going to Grandma Lou’s?”

Mom and Dad nodded.

“This is the way-worst, double-drat, down-in-the-dumps summer EVER!”

Judy ran up the stairs and into her room, slamming the door. She flung herself onto her lower bunk.

“ROAR!”

Tingalinga, ding! Ding! Ding!
Outside, the happy tune of the ice-cream truck drifted through the window.

Stink called up the stairs. “Ju-dy! It’s the ice-cream truck!

Judy yelled back. “I am so
NOT
in the mood!” She rolled over and landed on something.

“Ow.” Pulling out the Magic 8 Ball, Judy asked a question, shaking it hard: “Dear Magic 8 Ball: Could this summer get any worse?”

The window cleared:
WITHOUT
A
DOUBT
.

A couple days later, Judy was on her top bunk reading Nancy Drew mystery #44 when she heard a
Honk! Honk!
from outside in the driveway.

Dad called up the stairs. “Stink! Judy! Aunt Opal’s here!”

Judy scrambled down from her top bunk and ran to the window. Just like Nancy Drew, she cracked the curtain to spy on this Aunt Opal person.

All she could see was a pair of short blue boots sticking out from under a giant suitcase. She dropped the curtain and ran to her computer.

bq.
Dear Amy,


Summer just got WAY worse. Aunt Awful has landed! Please come home ASAP. Or else send me a ticket to Borneo!


Judy paced around her room, talking to Mouse. “I bet she has warts, Mouse. And evil oogley eyes. And makes us eat fish guts for breakfast!” Mouse licked his lips.

Bam! Bam! Bam!
Stink stuck his head in Judy’s room. “Mom wants us downstairs. Now. To meet Aunt Opal.”

Judy pointed to the sign on the door. “Can’t anybody read around here?”

Stink read aloud: “‘Do not disturb. Judy Moody is spending the summer in her room.’ Really? The whole summer? What about food?”

Judy pointed to her window. “I have a basket. And a long rope. You can put food inside and I’ll pull it up.”

“What about TV?”

Judy held up a contraption made out of tin cans, toilet-paper rolls, duct tape, and mirrors. “What do you think this periscope is for?”

“Cool! What about going to the bathroom?”

Just then, a plume of black smoke wafted up the stairs. Judy heard a shriek, then a loud clatter and Mom’s voice. “Oh, no! Dinner’s on… FIRE!”

BEEEEEEP!
The smoke alarm blared through the house. Stink raced out of the room. Judy grabbed her dolphin water pistol and ran for the stairs.

“Fire! Where’s the fire? Help is on the way! Let me!”

Judy clattered down the stairs, her water pistol in one hand and a squirt toy in the other. Blazing into the smoky kitchen, she blasted water right, left, and center, hitting chairs, tables, Stink, Mouse, Jaws, and the smoky casserole that Mom was putting on the counter.

“Stop, Judy. It’s okay — STOP!” Mom said.

One final blast of the squirt gun hit Aunt Opal, right between the eyes.

“Oops.”

Aunt Opal shook her long red hair and laughed. “Judy!” Judy was instantly squished into a big bear hug.

“You’ve been here five minutes, Opal, and already the house is on fire!” said Dad, opening a window. Mom flapped a dishcloth over the black casserole.

“Let me look at you,” Aunt Opal said to Judy. “How old are you now? Twelve?”

“Nine. And some quarters.”

Judy eyed her aunt up and down, from her hippie shirt to her bright blue boots to her arms jangling with bangles and bracelets. “Wow. You’ve got more bracelets than Chloe, my math tutor, and she’s in COLLEGE!”

Opal twisted a braided bracelet off her wrist and handed it to Judy. “Here you go. This one’s made from yak hair.”

“RARE!” said Judy.

“I bought it from a monkey in Nepal for five hundred rupees. I think I got ripped off!” Opal rummaged through a large bag. “Here’s your
REAL
present.” She handed a small box to Judy and a book to Stink.

“For me? Awesome!” said Stink.

Judy flipped open the box. Inside was the mother of all mood rings — a silver snake that curled around a glowing mood crystal.

“A mood ring! How did you know?”

Opal winked. Judy slipped the ring on her finger. It turned bright blue. “Blue is for
Happy, Glad
,” said Judy.

Stink opened his book. “
So You Want to Catch Bigfoot?
Man, oh man, oh man, oh MANNN!”

“I think you’re a hit, Ope,” said Dad, putting an arm around her shoulder.

“I hate to interrupt, but what are we going to do for dinner?” Mom asked.

Judy and Stink didn’t miss a beat. “Pizza! Pizza!”

Before you could say
pepperoni,
Judy and Stink were racing past China (Speed Bump #1) and past Japan (Speed Bump #2) on their way to Gino’s Pizza.

“Let’s go to Fur and Fangs while we wait,” Stink said. “I gotta show Zeke, from my Bigfoot club, the new book. And prove to
YOU
that Bigfoot exists.”

“Righhht.” Judy rolled her eyes as Stink ran next door into Fur & Fangs. He rushed up to a tall, skinny teenager with hair in his eyes, waving his book.

“Hey, Zeke! Check this out!”

Zeke blew hair out of his eyes and let out a whistle. “Whoa. Sweet. It’s a first edition!” said Zeke, admiring the book.

Stink smiled proudly. “This is Judy. My sister. She doesn’t believe in Bigfoot. Can you believe that?”

“Seriously?”

“Mega-total super-seriously,” said Judy.

“Show her, Zeke. Show her the proof!”

“Do you think she can handle the
Cave
?” Zeke asked. Stink nodded.

“Follow me,” Zeke told Judy. He headed to the back of the store, past a red macaw on a perch. “Bigfoot lives! Bigfoot lives!” said the macaw.

Judy jumped, then quickly followed Zeke and Stink through a beaded curtain, past piles of cages, pet food, and pet supplies. Zeke’s head bumped a
BIGFOOT
BELIEVERS
sign as he ducked into a large “cave” made of old boxes and covered with spray-painted dog-food bags.

“What is this, a clubhouse for bats?” Judy asked.

“Welcome to the headquarters of the Bigfoot Believers Association!”

“Is this cool, or WHAT?” Stink said proudly.

Zeke pointed to a map of Virginia studded with pushpins. “These are all sightings of Bigfoot around here. We’ve been tracking his every move, and he is
DEFINITELY
headed our way.”

Stink snatched up a clump of gray hair lying on the table. “Holy Pluto! Is this what I think it is? As in
Bigfoot
hair?”

“Nah. Chinchilla,” Zeke said, laughing. “I had to brush one out this morning. Never mind that. Let’s get to the real proof. I keep it in cold storage.” Zeke stepped over to a fridge in the corner.

“Wait… . Did you say
cold
storage?” Judy asked. “Do you by any chance know a Mr. Todd?”

“Nope. Never heard of him.” Zeke opened the fridge. Very carefully, he took a photo out of a plastic pouch. “Here you go. A rare photo of Bigfoot. Look, but don’t touch.” He held the blurry black-and-white photo out to Judy.

Judy snorted. “Are you kidding? That’s just some guy in a fuzzy sweater! He doesn’t even have big feet!”

“You’re cracked!” said Stink. “They gotta be size fifty-nine at least!”

Zeke slipped the photo back into the pouch. “If you need more proof, come to one of our meetings. Tuesdays at six.”

Judy shook her head. “I’m busy on Tuesdays. From now till forever. C’mon, Stink. Pizza time.” Judy put her arm around Stink, dragging him out.

“Catch ya later, little dude,” Zeke called after him.

Stink turned and gave Zeke a happy thumbs-up.

The Moodys ate pizza at the picnic table on their back deck, under twinkly white lights and paper lanterns that Opal had strung up everywhere.

“Nothing left but crusts,” said Stink.

“And some tuna fish for Mouse,” said Judy.

“Tuna-fish pizza is the best!” said Stink.

“I hope you saved room for dessert!” Opal called.

Mom and Dad eyed each other. “Stink, it’s rude to read at the table,” Mom said.

“But check this out. Page thirteen. Bigfoot’s bed!” Stink held up his book.

Aunt Opal came back outside, carrying a platter of hot-dog chunks in one hand and a bowl of bubbly, burping, orange-colored glop in the other.

“Ta-da!” said Aunt Opal.

“What is it?” Judy and Stink asked at the same time.

“Tangerine fondue!” said Opal.

“None for us, thanks!” said Dad. “We have to finish packing.”

“Hot dogs for dessert?” Judy asked, her mouth hanging open.

“It looks like Bigfoot barf,” said Stink. Judy cracked up.

Opal stabbed a chunk of hot dog with a fork, dipped it in the glop, and popped it in her mouth. “Mmmm. I used to make this for your dad when we were kids.”

Stink peered into the bowl. “Are those Froot Loops?”

“Uh-huh. Dig in, guys!”

“You first,” Judy told her brother.

“But it’s so… oogley-boogley!”

“This? This is nothing. When I was in Bali, I ate grilled cockroaches.”

“GROSSSSS!” Judy and Stink yelled at the same time.

“Tell you what: if you
BOTH
take a bite, we can all be in the same club — the ‘I Ate Something Gross’ Club.”

Stink and Judy look at each other, bug-eyed. “Just one bite? And we’re in the Gross Grub Club?” Stink asked. “For real?”

“For real.”

“Pass the hot dogs!” Judy said, grinning.