Judy Mood And The NOT Bummer Summer (3 page)

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Authors: Megan McDonald

Tags: #Children, #Humor

BOOK: Judy Mood And The NOT Bummer Summer
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At bedtime, Aunt Opal sat next to Judy on the top bunk, painting Judy’s toenails in a rainbow of colors. “So
then,
after the Peace Corps, I trekked across the Sahara and after that I moved to Bali. Where I lived until about a month ago.” Aunt Opal waved a fancy fan to dry Judy’s toes.

“MEGA-cool! Is that where belly dancing’s from?”

“Bah-li, not belly.” She laughed. “It’s an island.” Judy wiggled her toes. “So what’s up for summer?”Aunt Opal asked. “Any exciting adventures I should know about?”

Judy twirled the new mood ring on her finger. “Well, I
was
gonna have the best summer ever, but my friends wrecked it.”

Opal climbed under the covers of the bottom bunk. “I hate when that happens.”

“Seriously! We were going to do all these way-exciting dares and get thrill points. But Rocky’s at circus camp and Amy went to Borneo.”

Opal turned off the light. Moonlight flooded the room. Judy snuggled down in bed with Mouse on her stomach.

“I
LOVE
dares,” Opal said between yawns. “In Kenya, someone once dared me to ride in an ostrich race.”

“Did you win?”

“My ostrich won — without me! I fell off at the starting line,” Opal said sleepily.

“You know what, Aunt Opal? You just gave me an idea.”

Konkkk-shu.
A light snore drifted up from the bottom bunk.

“I mean, what if we
STILL
did the dare chart, but made it into a race? Me, Rocky, Amy, and Frank?”

Konkkk-shu.
More snores.

“We could each do our own dares and keep track of our points! First one to get to a hundred wi —”

KONKKKK-SHUUU!

Judy hung her head over the side of the bed. “Geez, Mouse, Aunt Opal snores louder than a blender.”

Just then, Judy leaned over too far and fell off the bed. “Aghhhhhh!” She knocked into her desk chair, which tipped over a floor lamp, which crashed into a tower of all fifty-six classic Nancy Drews.

Stink came running. “What’s going on?”

“Shhhhh! You’ll wake Aunt Opal!”

They tiptoed over to the bottom bunk. Opal was sleeping like a baby. Judy gently pulled up her blanket.

“She slept through that?” Stink whispered. “Weird.”

“Okay. Back to bed, Stink.”

“Hey, I was just reading… . Did you know that Bigfoot is scared of just two things?”

“Enough already with the Big Feet!” Judy whispered as she pushed him out the door.

“But don’t you want to know what they are? Guinea pigs and —

“— car horns!” he whispered as Judy shut the door on him.

She grabbed her computer and quietly tucked into the closet, plopping down on a heap of dirty laundry.

bq.
Dear Amy and Rocky (you too, Frank!),

UBER-RARE IDEA! Let’s do a dare race, starting right NOW! First one to get 100 points WINS! What do you say?

Judy

Judy waited. She peeled off a Band-Aid. She picked at a scab, hoping she could save it for her scab collection.

Ding!
An e-mail. From Rocky!

bq.
A dare race? I am in. Check out what I did today!

Judy clicked on a photo of Rocky in a leotard, walking on a tightrope high up in the air, holding a long pole.

Ten thrill points, for sure, don’tcha think? Gotta get some ZZZ’s now — tomorrow is sword swallowing! Byeeeeee…

“Just you wait, Rocky Zang,” Judy whispered. “Just. You. Wait.”

Thrills And Spills

It was time. Time to say good-bye to Mom and Dad. The cab waited at the curb while everybody hugged a million and one times.

“Can you bring us back some California bubblegum?” Judy asked.

Dad ruffled Judy’s hair. “Better yet — how about I chew some and stick it on the official Wall of Gum, in your honor?

“RARE! Promise?”

“Cross my heart.” Judy’s parents climbed into the cab.

“Can we have candy for breakfast?” Stink asked.

“No,” Mom said. “Bye! Be good!”

Judy and Stink ran after the cab. “Call us every day, okay?”

“Can we have candy for lunch?”

“Bye! Byebyebyebyebye!”

The cab was gone. Stink’s lip started to tremble. Aunt Opal put an arm around him.

Just then, Frank came running up the sidewalk. “Is it time?”

“It’s time,” said Judy. “Synchronize watches. As of 2:12 p.m., Thursday, July seventh, the thrill race is ON.”

Frank bounced with excitement. “So what’s the first dare?”

Judy waved the picture of Rocky on a tightrope in Frank’s face. “This.”

“We’re going to dress in leotards?”

Judy grabbed the paper back. “NO. Don’t you see? He’s walking on a rope. A TIGHTrope? Above the ground? It’s DEATH-DEFYING!”

“Ohhhhhhh… yeahhhhh!”

In no time, Judy and Frank stretched a thick rope from a large tree in the backyard over the creek to a tree in the woods. Judy tied it tight and gave it one more twang just to make sure. Perfecto!

Just then they heard a
bang.
Then a
clatter, thunk,
and
thud.
Stink. He emptied a wheelbarrow load of boards by the base of the tree.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Judy asked.

“I’m building a trap for Bigfoot!” said Stink. “I’m gonna lure him here with peanut butter. Bigfoot
LOVES
peanut butter — page fourteen of my book — then
boom!
A net will fall out of the tree and land on his head!”

“Not out of this tree. It’s mine. I called it.”

“You can’t ‘call’ a tree,” Stink said.

“Oh, yeah? Watch me. Mine.” Judy tapped the tree, smiling smugly.

Stink tapped the tree back. “Mine.”

“MINE!” Judy said, louder.

“MINE!” Stink wrapped his arms around the tree.

Judy wrapped her arms around Stink and tried to pry him off. “MINE!”

Frank tried to pry them
both
off. “Stop it, you guys!”

Tingalinga, ding! Ding! Ding!
“Ice-cream truck!” yelled Stink.

Everyone tumbled to the ground. Stink raced out to the street. “I scream, you scream, we all scream for Old King Kold ice cream… .”

Judy bear-hugged the tree. “Yay! It’s mine!”

Frank took off after Stink. “Frank, where are you going?” Judy called.

“To get ice cream!”

“But now’s our chance. Before Stink gets back! C’mon! What’s more important? Ice cream or thrill points?”

“Oh, all right.”

Judy stuck out her bare foot, and Frank cupped his hands. She put her other foot on the rope, grabbed the tree trunk, and…

“TA-DA!” said Judy. “Now the high-flying, death-defying Judy-a-Rini will cross, um, Niagara Falls! One slip, and she’ll fall to her doom!”

Arms outstretched, Judy inched across the rope. “Check it out! I’m doing it. I’m crossing the Crashing Cataracts of Niagara!” She wibble-wobbled.

“Whoaaaa!” yelled Frank.

“Don’t worry! The great Judy-a-Rini will not fall —
aggh
!”

Frank had stepped onto the rope. “Get off, Frank! One. At. A. Time!”

Tingalinga, ding! Ding! Ding!
“Hurry up! I wanna get ice cream!”

Judy picked up her pace. “Ten thrill points, if only I can finish —”

Just then, the rope jerked super hard. “Mosquitoes! Incoming!” yelled Frank.

Judy’s arms windmilled wildly as Frank flailed at the air around his head. “Stop
WOBBLING
me!”

“I can’t help it! There’s a mosquito on my — ahhhhhh!”

Splash! Crash!
Judy and Frank sat up, spitting water. Judy was dripping in mud and plastered with wet leaves. Frank pulled a salamander out of his hair.

Stink waved a large ice cream in front of them. “Ha, ha, you missed it!”

Frank glared at Judy. “When we go to ride the Scream Monster, I am getting
TEN
ice creams!”

Puke Monster

On Saturday, Judy was waiting for Frank. His older sister, Maddy, was going to take them to Scaredevil Island. Pieces of colorful old dishes, plates, bowls, and cups were spread all over the back deck. She watched Aunt Opal smash an old teapot.

“Hey, can I smash something? I usually get in trouble when I break stuff! What are you making, anyway?”

“I’m not sure yet!”

HONK! HONK! BEEEEP!
Frank and Maddy pulled up in a blue
MINI
Cooper with a racing stripe. “Hey, Judy!” Frank’s sister called. “Ready to rock and roller coaster?”

“Scream MONSTERRRRRRR!” yelled Judy. “I hate to smash and run, but… bye, Aunt Opal.”

“Scream a little scream for me!” Opal waved as Judy ran to the car.

Hopping inside, Judy got a mouthful of something poofy and pink.
Pff!
“What’s with the clouds of pink stuff?” she asked, blowing it away from her face.

“It’s my prom dress,” said Maddy. “I have to take it to the cleaner’s.” Judy wrestled the dress, pushing it to one side.

“No way would I be caught dead looking like a gigunda poof of pink cotton candy,” said Judy.

“Speaking of cotton candy,” said Frank, “what are we gonna eat first?”


FIRST
we go on the Tilt-a-Whirl,” said Judy.


AFTER
we get ice cream, right?” said Frank.

“Right. And snow cones.”

“And corn dogs. And gobs of gum.”

“RARE! We’ll be ready for the Scream Monster, for sure.”

The car drove past the Frog Neck Lake Swim Club. Judy and Frank snapped their heads around. “STOP!” they both shouted.

Maddy slammed on the brakes, screeching to a halt.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Frank asked.

“MR. TODD!” they said at the exact same time. “Cold water!”

Judy and Frank zoomed inside. They searched in the pool, around the pool, under the lifeguard, at the food window, even inside the Little Loo Loo. P.U.!

Frank’s head popped up from inside a giant bin of pool noodles.

“Frog! I was
SURE
he’d be in here.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll find him. We have
ALLLLL
summer.”

Judy and Frank craned their necks, staring up, up, up at the twisting, turning roller coaster. Screeches and screams filled the air.

“Super-cali-fragi-listic-expi-thrill-a-delic!” said Judy.

Frank’s blue tongue hung out. He was holding two double-scoop blue-raspberry ice-cream cones in one hand and a purple snow cone in the other. Sticking out of his back pockets were cotton candy and a corn-dog-on-a-stick. “Geez LOUISE! How many thrill points is that?” said Frank.

“Ten. Plus bonus points for NO HANDS!”

The ride glided to a stop. People staggered out of their seats, eyes glazed, hair gone haywire. Judy handed twelve tickets to a guy with a Mohawk haircut and a T-shirt that said
SURRENDER
TO
THE
SCREAM
.

“No food on the ride, kid,” said Mohawk Man, pointing to a trash basket.

“What? No way am I throwing this stuff out!”

“Then step outta line, mister.”

Frank stepped out of the line. “Frank! We’ve been waiting for an hour!” said Judy, dragging him back. “Surrender the snow cone!”

“Are you cracked?” Frank took a giant bite and crunched on the ice.

“Seriously! We gotta earn thrill points! So far we have a big fat
ZERO
.”

“Okay, okay!” As Judy ran for her seat, Frank hurried up and stuffed his face with one last bite of everything.
Munch! Crunch! Slurp!

“FRANK!”

Frank dumped the rest of his stuff and jumped into the lead car beside Judy.
CLANK
.
A bar came down, locking them into their seat.

“This is it!” Judy said.

“Thrill points here we come!” Frank yelled.

With a loud
whirrr,
the train of cars lurched forward, inching up the track.

“Hands up!” Judy told Frank. “Every second counts!”

Frank lifted his hands. He started to look a little woozy.

“I’m not so sure about this,” he told Judy.

“Too late now,” Judy yelled. The car slowed as it reached the tippy-top of the first big hill. “Because here we goooooOOOOOOO!”

Wheee!
The coaster zoomed down the hill at lightning speed. Just before hitting the ground, it shot back up in the air, twisting and turning in a sickening somersault of spirals.

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