Jumping Puddles (24 page)

Picking up my phone, I say the first thing that comes to mind. “I’m on my way. I’ll be there in two hours, tops.”

“No. You’re getting married in what, ten minutes? I’ll be here for a week or so to help my mom. As soon as I know when the funeral is, I’ll let you know. I just wanted to apologize for not making it down today and explain why.”

“Blake, I know you’re trying to be the bigger person right now, but you need to stop. Stop thinking about everyone else and start thinking about you. What do you need right now? You need me. You need your friends and family. I’m packing up, and I’ll be there soon.”

“Charlie—”

“This isn’t up for discussion. I’m hanging up now.”

I wait for him to reply, and when he doesn’t, I end the phone call and focus on changing and packing. There’s a knock at the door just as I’m about to open it, my bag slung over my shoulder. On the other side is Scott, looking more excited than I’ve ever seen him. His smile falls when he takes in my appearance.

“Where’s your dress, Charlotte?”

“It’s a long story. Mr. Collins died last night, or this morning, I’m not sure. I’ve gotta head home.”

“What about the wedding? What about Zach?”

Zach. Shit! I didn’t even think about him. He’ll understand. I hope. If I tell him now, though, he’ll try to change my mind. I’ll call him later.

“Can you tell him for me, please?”

“What do you want me to say? You’re about to leave him at the altar. For Blake.”

Ugh! When you put it that way it sounds horrible. It is horrible. I should tell him myself, but that would require me to walk up the aisle in front of all our friends and family in the jeans and tank top I just changed into. I think it would make it worse if I told him myself.

“I want you to think this through. If you leave, Charlotte, he may never be able to forgive you. This might be the end of your relationship. You’ll lose him over this.”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.” The words leave my mouth before I even realize I’m saying them.

“You’re about to choose Blake over Zach. You do realize that, right?”

I do. I realize exactly what I’m about to do. I think this has been coming for a while now. Thankfully, it’s happening before I said my vows. I didn’t have to think twice about leaving Zach when Blake called. My gut instinct was to go to him, and I’ve always trusted my gut.

“I do,” I say as I walk past Scott and head for the back door of the church. “I’ll call you when I know more, okay? I love you.”

“We love you too, Charlotte.”

The drive home took longer than expected. I hit traffic getting out of LA and then again outside San Francisco. By the time I pull into Blake’s driveway, it’s been almost four hours since we last spoke. I tried to call him a few times while I was on the road, but he didn’t answer.

Throwing the car in park, I grab my purse and head for the front porch. Knocking only once, I let myself in and holler for Blake. My voice echoes through the halls, but no one answers. Dropping my purse at my feet, I dial Blake’s number and wait for him to answer.

When his voicemail picks up, I leave a message, letting him know I’m here and he can find me at a hotel downtown. I’m worried about him. He always answers when I call. I can’t imagine he’s trying to avoid me right now. He needs me. If I’m being honest, I need him, too.

As I turn to leave, Mr. Collins recliner catches my eye. My feet carry me the fifteen feet to where the recliner rests in the living room, directly in front of the television. I run my hand over the fabric, starting at the top and moving my way over each curve down to the worn armrest. He loved this chair. It was the only place he would sit in the living room. I never saw him let anyone else sit in his chair. They didn’t even try. It’s as if they knew how special it was to him. It makes me wonder why he let me that once.

I check my phone six times to make sure the ringer volume is on high before I even get to the hotel. I’m worried about Blake. I’m scared Zach will call. Aubrey hasn’t even called me yet. Something doesn’t feel right about this.

As if he knew I was thinking about him, my phone rings just as I step into the elevator. “Hey. Where are you?” I ask, doing the best I can to keep the sadness out of my voice for

his sake.

“I just left the funeral home. Sorry I wasn’t there to meet you. I waited as long as I could before leaving, but you didn’t show. I thought maybe you decided to wait until after the wedding.”

“I got caught in traffic, lots of it.”

“Oh. So…”

Blake pauses. I know what he’s asking; he doesn’t have to say the words.

“No, the wedding didn’t happen.”

“I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean to ruin your big day. Really.”

I can’t get past the devastation in his voice. If I didn’t know better, I would think he really was sad I didn’t marry Zach. I know his father’s death is the only thing weighing on his mind right now, though. He’s talking about everything else and talking around it, but he can’t avoid it.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” I reply, a half-hearted attempt to convince him as I open the door to my hotel room and toss my bag on the couch.

My suite is huge. I have a sitting area right when you walk in. There’s an adjoining room that looks like it has a king size bed.

“But I did. I shouldn’t have called. I just thought you would want to know. I didn’t want you to walk down the aisle and see I wasn’t there. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t support your decision.”

“I’m glad you called. I think this was your dad’s way of keeping me from making a mistake. I don’t think I’m ready to get married. I’m only twenty-five years old.”

Blake goes quiet on the other end of the line at the mention of his dad. I shouldn’t have said that. That was inconsiderate.

“Do you want company?” he finally asks.

“Of course. I’m in room 312.”

“Okay. I’m going to make sure my mom gets home and settled, and then I’ll head that way.”

After hanging up, I start the shower and begin unpinning my hair. It seems like Aubrey put over 100 bobby pins in it. One after another, I set them on the counter until the pile is overflowing. My hair falls down, slipping past my shoulders. Staring at myself in the mirror, I see the image of someone who closely resembles me. I recognize my eyes, as puffy as they are from crying today. My hair is the same as it always has been, long and flowing around the middle of my back.

What I don’t see is the girl I used to be. I haven’t seen her in years. She’s long gone by now, stripped bare by the life I’ve been living. As steam starts to fog the mirror, I strip out of my clothes and step under the scalding hot water. I let it burn my skin, washing away the layers of makeup and sweat.

Flipping channels on the television, I wait patiently for Blake to arrive. I’m almost asleep by the time he knocks on the door. He steps past me as soon as I open it and flops down in the closest chair. Giving him a moment to collect his thoughts, I raid the mini-bar, cracking open a bottle of vodka and a bottle of rum, pouring each of us a shot.

Taking a seat in the chair next to him, I hand Blake the glass with vodka in it. He takes it, downing it in one gulp, before handing me the empty glass. He didn’t even flinch.

“Okay. I can’t help you from over here.” Standing, I move to the couch, pushing my bag onto the floor. “Come sit next to me.”

I pat the cushion next to me but Blake doesn’t move. He doesn’t even look up. His eyes are focused on the floor. It’s as if he’s scared to let me see the look on his face. He’s allowed to cry. He’s allowed to be torn up, devastated. His father just died. He lost one of the most important people in his life. I’ve been there. I may have only been six years old when it happened, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember feeling lost. I know what he’s going through. I understand it better than he probably does. I also know his father would want him to go on with his life. He wouldn’t want him to stop living.

“I’m only going to say this once, Blake. Come sit next to me. If there’s anyone that understands what you’re going through right now, it’s me. I’ve been there. I’ve been through this. I’m here to help you understand it. You just have to let me.”

“I don’t want to understand it, Charlie. I want him back. I want one more day, one more hour, one more stupid conversation with him. I want to be able to tell him I love him one more time.”

“He knew. I promise you.”

Breaking eye contact with his spot on the floor, Blake looks up and directly into my eyes. “It’s not fair, Charlie.”

I remind him that life’s not always fair. If it were, I wouldn’t have lost both of my parents when I was so young. I wouldn’t have lost my Aunt, the only person I had left, when I was sixteen. None of that was fair to me. I was alone, thrown into the foster care system with no one on my side. I got lucky, though because I never would have met Blake if my life had been fair.

“If life was fair, I never would have met you. The thing is, Blake, life goes on. It’s going to suck for a while and things are going to change, but in the end, it keeps going, whether you want it to or not. I think about my parents every day. I miss them every day. I also thank God for bringing Scott and Alice into my life. I thank God for bringing you into my life, and your parents. I got lucky, Blake. Through the darkness, I found the light, and in that light, I found you.

“It won’t happen tomorrow or even next week, but eventually, you’ll see the light. You have to keep going, even when it feels too hard to continue. One day, you’ll see the light, and in that light will be the beginning of the next chapter of your life.”

Blake lets every word sink in before moving to the seat next to me and wrapping his arms around me. We sit, holding each other, for the rest of the night. No other words are spoken. Neither of us sleeps. It’s silent in the room for hours until Blake finally succumbs to the emotional toll his dad’s death has taken on him, passing out on my shoulder. Letting him sleep for a few minutes, I finally wake him and we move to the bed.

Waking up in Blake’s arms the next morning, I’m overcome with emotion. He’s still fast asleep, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I haven’t woken up this way since the night we fell asleep on my couch. I remember waking up that morning feeling the same way I do now. Warm and comfortable.

ASIDE FROM MY FAMILY,
I haven’t been to many funerals in my lifetime. I remember feeling sad at them, but Mr. Collins’ funeral about wrecked me. Maybe it was the tears Blake was shedding or the cries that kept escaping Judy, but something caused me to break. I said my goodbyes quickly after the service and jumped in the car. I wasn’t planning on heading back to LA for another few days, but the need to get away was overwhelming.

The closer I get to LA, however, the more I’m dreading it. After waking up next to Blake, I called Zach to apologize. He was less than receptive but promised we would talk about it once I was back in the city. I’m hoping that coming home early will warm his heart a little. Or at least, allow us to part amicably. After all, he’s still my manager. I’m under contract for at least two more months if I remember correctly.

Unlocking the door, I get an uneasy feeling. Zach’s car is out front, so I know he’s here, but the apartment is silent. It’s close to sundown. I can’t imagine he’s in bed already, but all the lights are off, and I don’t see him anywhere.

Slowly, I turn on lights as I make my way to the bedroom. The closer I get, the more anxious I become. My stomach is in knots. My heart is racing. I’m dreading the conversation I know is coming. I’m not in the mood to yell, and I don’t want to fight with him. I don’t know if we’ll be able to make it work after I left him at the altar, but I would like to part as friends if possible. I think it would be best at this point.

“Zach,” I call out as I push the bedroom door open.

“Oh. My. God!”

“What the hell! You have got to be fucking kidding me!” I scream as Aubrey scrambles to cover herself.

“What are you doing here, Char?” Zach, calm, cool, and collected, hops out of bed and pulls on a pair of boxer briefs.

“Are you kidding me? I fucking live here. This is my damn apartment.”

“Right, but you weren’t supposed to be coming back for a few more days.” Zach takes two steps in my direction before the look on my face stops him in his tracks.

“So, because I was out of town, at a funeral, you decide to sleep with my best friend? Are you shitting me? How long has this been going on?” I direct my question to Aubrey. She’s now sitting up in
my
bed with the sheet pulled up over her chest.

“Do you really want to know?” she asks, a cynical grin on her face.

“No, I thought I would ask for shits and giggles,” I reply sarcastically.

“Since before you two started dating,” she replies, pushing the sheet off of her and standing.

“What the hell, Aubrey? I thought we were friends.”

“You thought wrong.”

Her words strike deep. All this time, it’s all been a lie.

“Why?”

Looking me straight in the eye, Aubrey asks, “Truth?”

“Please. I’m not sure I can stand any more lies.”