Jumping Puddles (6 page)

Breathing out, I almost choke as Blake interrupts my internal meditation.

“Last night,” I reply quickly before I chicken out.

“I take it I freaked you out.”

“No. Not at all.” Looking over to Blake, I can tell he doesn’t believe me.

It could be the look on his face, his eyebrow is raised slightly, or it could be the purse of his lips. The fact he’s shaking his head at me while giving me his look of disbelief is a dead giveaway.

“Fine. It freaked me out a little.”

“I’m sorry I freaked you out, but I’m not sorry I kissed you. I’ve wanted to do that since the first day we met,” Blake confesses, causing my heart to beat rapidly in my chest.

“I’m not sorry you kissed me, either. I wish it wouldn’t have taken you so long, though. I have no idea where we go from here. It’s not like we live next door to each other anymore. We barely see each other every few months and—”

Blake takes my hand in his, causing me to stop abruptly. My words were starting to sound rushed, and I was beginning to ramble on.

“Slow down, Charlie. We don’t have to figure everything out right now. I’ll be home in a few months for the entire summer. We don’t have to jump into anything at the moment. Let’s just focus on enjoying the rest of this week and go from there. Okay?”

I nod my head in agreement, but something feels off. This moment, it feels… I don’t know. Too cliché, maybe? I can’t put my finger on it, but I have a bad feeling. Not about Blake or a relationship with him because that would be amazing, I’m sure. I have a bad feeling about not discussing what we are or what we mean to each other.

THE REST OF THE WEEK
went by in a blur. Blake introduced me to more people than I will ever remember. We went out to dinner almost every night, and he showed me the city during the day. My last night in town, he took me to a fraternity party. That’s an experience I’ll never forget. Girls stared at him, but he paid them no attention. When guys tried to talk to us, Blake made sure to touch me in one way or another. He held my hand, put his arm around my shoulder, and made sure I was safe the entire time we were there. It was the only time during the week I felt like Blake and I were an item.

My heart aches as I say goodbye to him at the airport. I wait for him to kiss me, but it doesn’t happen. I know he said we would figure everything out, that we had time, but I feel like time is going to be our demise. Relationships are built on trust and communication. More importantly, relationships can only work when you’re both all in. I’m all in, but I begin to wonder if Blake is as I walk down the tunnel, to board the plane that’s going to take me away from here, away from him, and potentially, away from our opportunity to be together.

THREE MONTHS AGO,
things were bright. The sun was beating against my face. Blake and I were talking every day, and it felt like we were moving in the right direction. Then, the clouds moved in, and the rain came pouring down on me. The phone call that changed everything came only a week before Blake was supposed to come home. My heart shattered into a million pieces as the reality of his words sank in.

“Hey, why are you calling so late? I thought you were supposed to be finishing up your final project so you could come home a day early.” I didn’t bother to hide the excitement in my voice at the thought of Blake coming home the next week. We were on Instant Messenger the day before, planning out most of the summer.

“I am…working on my project, that is. But, Charlie, there’s something I have to tell you.”

My stomach dropped, causing a dull pain to sink in. Something was wrong. I reached for it, rubbing the area where I believed the pain was stemming from to no avail.

“What’s the matter? What happened?”

“I got a phone call earlier. I applied for this internship a few months back, and when I never heard from them, I figured I didn’t get it. Turns out, I did.”

“And…” This couldn’t be good.

“And… I’m not going to be coming home right away.”

“Where are you going?”

“New York.”

“Why?”

“I got an internship studying under a photographer for a big fashion magazine.”

This was a huge opportunity for him—an opportunity of a lifetime for anyone who wanted to break into the business of professional photography. I wanted to jump for joy and tell him how happy I was for him. I stared at my feet and willed them to leave the ground, but they didn’t. For me, this meant I wouldn’t get to spend as much time with him over the summer.

“That’s amazing,” I managed to squeak out, holding back the tears.

I knew he could hear the disappointment in my voice because I didn’t bother to hide it. He had to expect this. Especially after all the plans we’d been making. All those plans just went down the drain.

“Charlie, it’s only for two months, maybe a little longer. I should be able to come home for at least a few weeks before I have to head back to school. I promise.”

Promises, promises. He really should learn not to make promises he couldn’t keep. Especially where I was considered. I was beginning to think his promises are meant to be broken.

“I get it, really I do. It’s awesome, the internship. You’ll be great and do great things and learn a lot. It’s going to give you an advantage and pad your resume.” My disappointment began to diminish, but it was being replaced by anger. I pushed it down, swallowed it, along with the lump that had formed in my throat.

“I don’t really care about my resume right now. I’m more concerned with the sound of your voice and the fact I’m pretty sure you’re trying not to cry.”

Leave it to Blake to see through the facade. “I’m fine. Promise.”

There was that word again. Now, I was the one throwing it around like it meant nothing.

“Look, as soon as I know when I’m coming home, you’ll be the first one I call.”

“Okay. Sounds like a plan. I gotta let you go. I have homework I need to finish,” I lied as I twisted the cord around my finger, trying to focus on anything other than the news Blake had just broken to me.

“Call me this weekend, okay?”

“Sure. Later.”

I hung up without waiting for him to say goodbye. I don’t like the word, I never have. Not since I lost my parents, anyway. There’s so much finality in it, yet it’s also filled with uncertainty. Is it goodbye for now or forever? How long before we talk again? Will we ever talk again?

That night, as I lay in bed, tears streaming down my face and dripping onto my pillow, I thought about the time Blake and I were going to lose this summer. About the time my eyes began to close from exhaustion, I realized I was alone. For the first time since coming here, since losing first my parents and then my aunt, I felt completely alone.

Blake had always been there for me, as a friend. Without him here, it felt like I was alone. He was off living his life, pursuing his dreams, and I was waiting for him to return. The truth was, he left me behind long ago. He went off to college, and I stayed here. One day, maybe we’d be on the same page, in the same city, wanting the same things.

That was three months ago. Today is a new day. Today, I get to see Blake for the first time since spring break. I get to hug him and stare at his beautiful face. There will be no static in our conversation. I won’t get wrapped up in the phone cord as I walk around the kitchen.

Maybe we’ll sit by the pool, relax for a while, and talk. I know he’s going to want to tell me all about his adventure this summer. We’ve barely spoken since he left for New York. Not because we didn’t try to make the time, but every time we thought we had five minutes to talk, his boss needed him or Alice needed me. Over the last few months, we may have spoken for an hour, tops. That’s not enough for me. Not even close.

So here I am, sitting on my front porch, allowing the sun’s rays to beat against my face, as I patiently wait for Blake’s parents to return from the airport. His plane landed almost an hour ago, so they should be here any moment, and I will be here waiting until I see their car approach. At that point, I imagine I’ll probably start running towards it and jump into Blake’s waiting arms.

I’m halfway across their lawn as they pull in the driveway, but I have to slow myself when I realize my timing was off. Blake opens the back door, and instead of jumping in his arms, I take a step back. If it weren’t for his amazing smile, I wouldn’t even recognize him. I see his mom watching us with a worried look on her face. I have a feeling Judy was just as shocked when she first saw Blake as I am right now.

“Charlie!”

His voice is shrill. He’s trying too hard. His excitement sounds practiced. More than anything, you can hear his exhaustion. It’s written all over his face, too.

“What happened to you, Blake?” I close my mouth quickly, realizing how I sounded. I didn’t mean for it to come across as rude, but it did. I can’t help but be taken back by the man standing in front of me.

He’s lost a ton of weight. At this point, I probably weigh more than he does. His hair is so full of gel or something, it looks greasy. His clothing is out of character for him, as well. I’ve never seen him wear dress pants before unless he was headed to church, and even then, he looked well put together. He might be able to accomplish that right now if he tucked his shirt in or buttoned it up at least one more button. Counting quickly, I see the top three buttons are undone. That’s two too many in my opinion. What kind of look is he going for?

“Whatcha mean, babe?”

Oh, hell no! This is not my Blake. This guy needs to go back to wherever he came from. I want my best friend back. Now!

“I’m going to go home, take a nap, and come back later. If you happen to see my best friend while I’m gone, tell him I missed him and I hope I get to see him later.”

Turning to walk away, I feel Blake approach quickly. He grabs ahold of my elbow, and I stop walking, waiting for him to say whatever is on his mind. After all, he listened while I spoke my mind. He should get a turn, too.

I don’t turn around. I don’t want him to see how upset I am. He waits a few beats before letting out a breath and clearing his throat.

“I’m sorry, Charlie. I think New York had more of an impact on me than I did on it. I didn’t even realize it until just now.”

There he is. The Blake I know and love. His sincerity rings loud and clear in every word he speaks. The truth of his words hits me as I turn to find him, shoulders slumped forward, looking at the ground.

“Consider yourself forgiven. I’m just glad to have you home,” I console him, trying my best to be enthusiastic.

“Wanna come in and watch a movie or something? I’m ready to relax for a while.”

“You look exhausted,” I say as we head toward his porch. “Did you forget to sleep while you were there or something?”

“I didn’t forget, I just didn’t have as much time as I needed.”

Judy pokes her head around the corner as we walk through the door. “Did you want something to eat, Blake?”

“I’m not really hungry, but thanks, mom.”

Her eyes light up for a brief moment before looking him up and down, the same expression she had in the driveway consuming her features. I can tell she’s worried about him, his weight especially. I am, too. I shake my head at her, mouthing the words “I got this” as I usher Blake toward the stairs and up to his room.

I have two weeks to get my best friend back—all of him.

“So, what’s up with the crazy clothes?”

“Dean bought them for me. Well, he bought them and then took the money out of my paycheck. He said I needed to look the part. You don’t like them?”

“I’m sure they’re fine for New York. Here? Not so much, and you don’t look like you at all. I almost didn’t recognize you when you got out of the car.”

Plopping down in a bean bag, I power up the Nintendo and insert the first cartridge I see. Blake, on the other hand, drops his bag next to his dresser and flops backward on his bed, exhaling what sounds like a sigh of relief. I’m sure he’s excited to be home. Maybe he’s even excited to be done with his internship. Most of all, I think he’s relieved he doesn’t have to answer to someone else all the time anymore. His time is his own. No one controls it but him. He is now free to do whatever his heart desires. Right now, I hope it desires a game of Mario Bros.