Jumping Puddles (9 page)

My relationship with Blake is a puddle. I’ve been dipping my toes in it for years, afraid to step in, the fear of being completely consumed too real to imagine. If I want this to work, I have to jump in. Screw fear. Screw the unknown. As long as I remember how to swim, should the puddle pull me completely under, I’ll survive.

ONE. MORE. DAY.

Alice and Scott are taking me out to celebrate tonight. There are things we need to discuss according to them. I’m not sure what’s up, but I have a bad feeling about it. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook, but Alice has been different for the past few weeks. I’m sure everything is going to be fine. Plus, I’ll legally be an adult tomorrow. Finally.

We’re shown to a booth at the back of the restaurant. Normally, Alice and I will share a side but tonight she scoots in beside Scott. I try not to think too much about it, but it’s nagging at me. After the waitress takes our order, I break the tension that’s surrounding our table. I’m pretty sure the waitress even noticed.

“So what’s going on? Both of you are acting weird.”

Looking to Alice before speaking up, Scott says, “There are some legal things we need to discuss, Charlotte. I know this is bad timing, but we have to get it all taken care of before tomorrow.”

“What kind of legal stuff?”

“Tomorrow, the state will consider you an adult. Technically, you won’t be a part of the foster care system anymore. Unless you want to be.”

“I don’t understand. Are you kicking me out?” I push down the lump in my throat as the last word slips off my tongue. I don’t know what I’ll do if they kick me out. I have no money, nowhere to go, and an entire semester before I graduate. What do they expect me to do?

“No,” Alice practically shouts. Lowering her voice, she continues, “You are always welcome in our home. It’s your home now, too.”

“I don’t understand, then.”

“Well,” Scott begins, clearing his throat, “we need you to sign a few papers saying you would like to remain in our care until you graduate. It also means you will remain a ward of the state until then.”

“Okay. Where are the papers?” I don’t have to think about it. I want to stay with Alice and Scott. Even if I had somewhere else to go, I would want to stay with them.

“It’s not that easy, Charlotte. We have to meet with Beth in the morning to review your case, and you need to make a decision by then.”

“I don’t need time to think about it. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

“Because it is a big deal. You’re free to do as you wish now. You don’t have to stay with us, and we don’t want to influence your decision.” Scott’s voice cracks, giving away the fact he’s concerned I may change my mind.

“Okay. I’ll let you know in the morning, then.” I smile at Scott, but he doesn’t seem to get my sarcasm. “I’m kidding. Let me make myself clear. You are stuck with me as long as you’ll let me stay. I love you guys, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Scott breathes a sigh of relief, and Alice lets the tears fall. The conversation turns lighter as our food arrives followed by a group of singers with our dessert. As embarrassed as I am that the attention of the entire restaurant is on me while a handful of people sing to me, I couldn’t be any happier, either.

After our meeting with Beth in the morning, Alice takes me out for a girl’s day, letting me skip school, a tradition, now that it’s happened two years in a row. We go to the salon, where we get our hair and nails done, before Alice drags me to the mall and forces me to pick out a few new outfits. The place is almost empty, so it’s not nearly as scary as it was the last time we went shopping.

Thinking about it makes me realize Blake hasn’t called me yet to wish me a happy birthday. I check my cell phone to make sure the ringer is up just in case he does call. We’ve talked a few times since he and Emily went back to Santa Barbara after Christmas. A few short conversations here and there. I’ve managed to avoid talking about anything important. Important meaning us or my declaration at his parent’s Christmas party.

After stopping for ice cream, Alice and I head home to start dinner. She’s cooking my favorite tonight, spaghetti with homemade meatballs, and she’s letting me help. Actually, she’s going to teach me how to cook. I’ll need to know how when I leave at the end of the year. I’m still not sure where I’m going to end up, but I know, for sure, I’ll have to eat. Eating out is expensive, and I probably won’t be able to afford it.

I’m surprised to find Blake sitting on the front porch when we pull in the driveway. So surprised, in fact, I blink a few times, expecting him to disappear. When he doesn’t, I leave my bags and run to him, jumping in his arms. He wraps them around me tightly, lifting me off the ground and spinning us in circles.

“I see you were able to keep my secret, Alice. Thank you,” Blake says as Alice walks past us and up the steps.

“You’re welcome. I expect her home at a decent hour.”

“You knew! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” I holler at Alice, and she walks away from us.

“He wanted to surprise you,” she replies, turning around. I see Blake smiling at her out of the corner of my eye just before Alice winks at him. “Now, you two, go have fun. I’ll leave your bags in your room.”

I mouth the words ‘thank you’ to Alice as Blake drags me away. I have no idea what he has in store for us, but I’m sure it’s going to be a blast.

“I can’t believe you’re here.”

“It’s your birthday. Where else would I be?” His smile warms my heart. After everything we’ve been through, the ups and down, I’m so lucky to be able to call him… Damn! I still can’t answer that question.

“Did Emily come with you?” I tread carefully as I climb in the passenger seat of his mother’s car.

“Um, no.”

He’s hiding something from me. I can tell. He’s avoiding eye contact, and his grip tightens on the steering wheel the farther we get from the house.

“Does she know you’re here?”

“Who?”

“Emily!” I exclaim. I hate it when he plays dumb with me.

“Oh. Probably not.”

He broke up with her. He’s not going to tell me. He’s going to make me ask.

“When did you two split?”

“What makes you think we split?”

“Well, for starters, she doesn’t know you’re here. Then, there’s the fact you were surprised I asked if she was here. Or it could be the fact you seem so carefree about all of it.”

“Perceptive aren’t we, Charlie?”

“What happened? It seemed like things were going pretty well. She was nice.” I try to sound sad about his break up. Maybe, too sad. He glances in my direction and flashes me a knowing grin.

“She is nice. It just didn’t work out.”

“That’s all you’re going to say about it?”

“Yep. Nothing more to tell.”

I’m not buying it, but I don’t think he cares. There’s more to the story, and I’ll find out one way or another. It won’t be today, though, unless…

“You know, you never did tell me why she reminded you of me. Care to fill me in now?”

“You didn’t figure it out for yourself?”

“I wouldn’t be asking if I had.”

“Have you looked in the mirror lately, Charlie?”

“Every morning. Why?”

“Imagine if your hair was brown instead of blond.”

I picture myself with brown hair and see a bit of a resemblance. “Okay.”

“Now, on top of that, picture yourself in the dress she was wearing at the Christmas party.”

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in that dress. Correction. I would be dead if Scott caught me in that dress.”

“Humor me, will ya?”

“Fine,” I reply, disgusted at the thought of me in Emily’s short dress.

I attempt to imagine what I would look like, my hair down and flowing along my shoulder, a chestnut shade of brown to match Emily’s. I see it. I see the resemblance. Aside from the fact I have two inches on her, and at most ten pounds, someone might mistake us at a glance.

“So we look similar if you distort reality. That can’t be it.”

“It’s not all of it, but that’s what drew me to her at first.”

Letting his words sink in, the car goes silent. When he left here at the end of the summer he was angry with me, I was angry with him, and we weren’t speaking. He met Emily, and she was my substitute. It was his way of seeing me every day in his own screwed up kind of way. I want to be flattered, but I’m not. I’m annoyed. He could have just come home or called me, and everything would have been fine. We wouldn’t have wasted so much time apart, mad at each other. There wouldn’t have been a need for Emily in his life.

“That’s messed up. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, but I couldn’t help it. I met her when I was missing you, and it just sort of happened. Then I started to notice there were these little things she would do that reminded me of you. I think, after a while, I kept her around so it felt like you were there.”

“Okay, I’m going to ask this, but I’m not sure I really want to know the answer. What changed things?”

“You. I saw you over Christmas, and once we were back in Santa Barbara, those same things that reminded me of you were a constant reminder she wasn’t you. I didn’t want Emily. I wanted you.”

My heart stops beating completely for at least a few seconds. I replay his words over and over again in my mind, certain I didn’t hear him right. He wants me. Finally, he wants me.

“Did you hear what I said, Charlie?”

“Yeah. Just trying to process everything. I need a minute.”

“Please, don’t tell me you changed your mind.” Suddenly Blake is in full-on freak-out mode. He pulls the car to the side of the road and throws it in park.

“I haven’t changed my mind, Blake. I just need to process your proclamation. Just like you needed a moment to process mine. Why can we never be on the same page at the same time?”

“Okay. Process. Do your thing, and I’ll drive.”

After wiping the sweat from his palms down the front of his jeans, Blake maneuvers the car back onto the road. I watch as tall buildings come into view and then the Bay Bridge.

“Where are we going?”

“I wanted to take you somewhere special, so I made reservations at a place across the Bay. I hope you’re in the mood for spaghetti and meatballs.”

Squinting my eyes at him, Blake grins at me before focusing back on the road. Alice knew more than she let on. I have a feeling the two of them have been planning this for a while.

The tiny Italian restaurant is perfect. An array of scents floats on the breeze as we walk up to the front door. After being seated at a table, Blake orders our drinks and an appetizer. It has a fancy name, something I’ve never heard of before, but I’m excited to try it.

We keep the conversation light over dinner. Blake finds a way to touch my hand or brush his foot against mine every once in a while. His touch causes me to shiver and goosebumps to appear on my arms. My body is on sensation overload by the time we’re headed back across the bridge.

Pulling into Blake’s driveway, I’m sad the night has to end. I was hoping to have more time to talk about important things, like us. I wanted to avoid the conversation earlier because I wasn’t sure how I felt about everything. I know I love him, and I want to try, for real this time. I just don’t know how to say the words without sounding stupid.

“Want to come in and watch a movie?” Blake asks as we approach my front steps.

“I’ll have to ask Alice if it’s okay. Give me a second.” I take the steps two at a time and burst through the front door with more enthusiasm than necessary.

Alice is sitting in the living room, reading a book. She smiles up at me as I walk in, a curious look on her face. “How was dinner?”

“It was good. Blake was wondering if it was okay if we watched a movie at his place.”

Looking up at the clock, Alice nods her head in agreement. “Make sure you come back right after the movie, though.”

“I will. Thanks, Alice.”

I shuffle through Blake’s movie selection twice, making suggestions, before we finally manage to agree on one. Judging by the fact we’re watching
Pretty Woman
, I have a feeling Blake gave in because it’s my birthday. Either that or he was sick of debating about which movie we should watch and why.

“Come up here,” he suggests, patting the spot next to him on the bed.

Crawling up on the bed, I place a pillow against his headboard and settle in just as Richard Gere drives away in his lawyer’s car. Blake drapes his arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him, his hand dangerously close to my breast. I stare at it limply hanging there for a moment. My attention is drawn away by his other hand on my chin, turning my face to meet his.

Without warning, Blake’s lips meet mine. There’s a sense of urgency, a passion behind this kiss I’ve never felt from Blake before. Our first kiss was amazing. This kiss is out of this world. After a few minutes, Blake’s lips begin to wander, traveling down my chin and grazing against my neck.

A moan escapes me, causing Blake to smile against my skin. I smile, too. As nervous as I am right now, knowing we are alone in his room, in his house, I’m perfectly comfortable, as well. I need to know what he expects, though. I need to mentally prepare for this moment if this is going to be that kind of a moment.