Just Crazy (14 page)

Jemima pulls a picture off the wall and frisbees it at me.

I reach out and grab it as it flies through the air. It's a photo of me when I was a little boy. I look like such a nice little kid — not an out-of-control brat — not like them.

I put the picture down and start up the stairs again. But Jemima opens the door of a display case hanging on the wall. Mum keeps her crystal animal collection in there.

‘No, Jemima!' I say. ‘Don't touch that! They're Mum's!'

Too late.

She flings a small sparkly object at me.

I catch it. It's a little crystal mouse. Mum treasures those stupid animals. If anything happens to them I'll be in big trouble. Even bigger trouble than if anything happened to the girls.

Eve grabs one as well and throws it.

I catch it in my other hand.

‘No more,' I plead. ‘No more! I've got no hands left!'

Jemima smiles and then lobs a third one.

I watch as it arcs through the air towards me.

This is the greatest challenge of my life. But I have to do it.

I position myself underneath it, tilt my head back and open my mouth as wide as I can.

The little crystal animal drops onto my tongue. Safe and sound. All that practice throwing bits of food up into the air and catching them in my mouth at the dinner table has finally paid off.

The girls stand at the top of the stairs and giggle.

I'm going to kill you!' I scream, although with my mouth full it sounds more like ‘WYMEGWANAILLOO'.

I spit the crystal animal out of my mouth and put it and the other two in my pocket.

I look up towards Eve and Jemima but they're gone. No doubt to find something else to throw.

I run up the stairs.

I look in my room.

They're not there.

I check Jen's room.

They're not there either.

I look in Mum and Dad's room and the bathroom but there's no sign of them.

Where can they be?

I check under all the beds, in all the wardrobes and behind all the curtains.

They're gone.

Vanished.

‘Eve! Jemima!' I yell. ‘Where are you?'

‘Here!' they call.

That's weird.

Sounds like they're outside.

But they couldn't be outside.

Could they?

Yes, they could!

I look at the window.

I feel sick.

I can see a row of tiny fingertips lined up neatly along the windowsill.

They're hanging outside the house!

Hanging from the first floor!

I rush across to the window. I look down at them.

‘You can't catch us,' sings Eve. ‘You can't catch us.'

‘Girls,' I say, ‘this is not a joke. You could kill yourselves.'

‘Don't get your knickers in a knot,' says
Jemima. ‘We're just hanging out the window.'

‘You're just about to die!' I say.

I brace my legs against the wall underneath the window, reach out and grab Eve's wrist with one hand and Jemima's wrist with the other.

Got them!

Now all I have to do is pull them in. But they're heavier than they look. As I try to lift them up it's hard to keep my feet on the floor.

‘You're hurting my arm!' says Jemima.

‘Shut up!' I say. ‘I'm trying to save you.'

‘Um-mah!' says Eve. ‘You told Jemima to shut up.'

‘You shut up too!' I tell her.

‘Um-mah,' they both say.

I struggle some more, but it's hopeless. I'm not pulling them in — they're pulling me out!

I can't do it.

I'm bent over double, already half out the window and I can feel my knees scraping against the window ledge.

In a few moments we're all going to fall!

Not that the girls seem to care.

They're giggling and kicking their feet as they dangle in the air.

I hear a clanging noise.

What's that?

‘Hey, there's a pipe here,' says Jemima.

She's right.

Her feet are almost touching a drain pipe that runs along the outside of the house. It juts out a fair way from the wall. If I can just lower them onto it then I can leave them there while I go and get the ladder.

‘Can you stand on it?' I say.

‘Sure,' she says.

I lower Eve onto the pipe as well.

‘Now I'm going to let go,' I say. ‘I want you to stand on the pipe and lean into the wall. Stay there until I get the ladder! Don't move.'

Jemima starts bobbing and tapping her foot on the pipe.

‘DON'T MOVE!' I yell.

‘You're a bossy boots,' says Eve.

I sigh.

‘Please don't move,' I say. ‘It's for your own good.'

That's the trouble with babysitting little kids. If they hurt themselves it's the babysitter who gets the blame. It's not fair. Babysitting sucks.

I pull myself back into the window. I've got to be quick. If they fall I'm going to be in
more trouble than I've ever been in in my whole life.

I sprint downstairs and through the kitchen. It's a big mess. Knives all over the floor.

I slip on one and go skating across the room headfirst into the fridge.

Ouch.

I pick myself up and stagger outside.

I check the side of the house.

But the girls are not there.

I'm too late.

I feel sick.

I look down at the ground under my window, expecting the worst.

But they're not there either.

A roofing tile shatters on the ground beside me.

I look up.

Eve and Jemima are standing on the roof.

‘What the hell are you doing up there?' I say.

‘Um-mah,' says Eve. ‘You said a rude word. You'll get in trouble.'

‘Not as much trouble as you're already in!' I say. ‘I told you to stay put until I got the ladder!'

‘We thought you weren't coming,' says Jemima. ‘So we climbed up the pipe.'

Eve bends down, picks up a roofing tile and throws it at me.

I step back. It shatters at my feet.

‘Hey!' I say. ‘Cut it out!'

‘You can't stop us!' says Jemima. ‘You're not the boss.'

‘We'll see about that,' I say.

I run to the garage. The ladder is stuck behind a stack of folding chairs and old paint tins. I move them all out of the way and carry it outside.

I lean the ladder up against the house and climb up onto the roof.

The girls are gone.

But that's impossible.

‘Eve?' I call. ‘Jemima? Where are you?'

I walk up the roof to the highest point.

I can't see them.

How could they not be here?

Unless they climbed back down the pipe.

Those girls are unstoppable.

I walk back down the roof and get onto the ladder.

I'm climbing back down when I hear giggling.

I look down.

The girls are standing at the bottom of the ladder.

Uh-oh.

‘Now, Eve!' yells Jemima.

They both pull the ladder out from the side of the house so it's standing straight up in the air.