Authors: Eve Kingsley
Tags: #Health; Fitness & Dieting, #Psychology & Counseling, #Applied Psychology, #Sexuality, #Medical Books, #Psychology, #Self-Help, #Relationships, #Interpersonal Relations, #Love & Romance, #Marriage, #Counseling & Psychology
Just F*ck Me!
What Women Want Men to Know
About Taking Control in the Bedroom
(A Guide for Couples)
By Eve Kingsley
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
Several years ago, a friend of mine emailed me the day after his girlfriend broke up with him. He wanted a female perspective, to help him understand her reasons for ending their relationship, seemingly, out of the blue.
The thing that really threw him for a loop was her complaint that he didn’t understand her sexual needs. She told him there were times, a lot of times, when she wanted to be “bent over and fucked hard” (her exact words), without the tenderness, extended foreplay, or romance that he thought she preferred.
“I didn’t want her to feel disrespected,” he wrote.
Our email exchange went on for a week—him asking for clarity and me giving advice and doing my best to explain that, yes, sometimes women want men to get aggressive in the bedroom.
I started thinking more about the topic…and asked both female and male friends for their opinions on it. To my surprise, quite often, the women I talked with were frustrated that men didn’t sense those times when they wanted to bypass “making love” and get straight to “fucking.”
And many of the men I spoke with were both perplexed and frustrated, because they could never seem to accurately read what their partners wanted and when they wanted it.
But here’s what really shocked me…
Men and women weren’t talking to each other about this!
I told a writer friend about what I’d come to realize.
He said, “You’d think talking openly would be the obvious solution, but sometimes people just don’t know how. Someone should write a book to teach them.”
That’s how the idea for the original version of this book came to be.
What you’re about to read is the newly revised (and expanded) edition, with the collected wisdom of my own experiences from years as a relationship coach, as well as those of you who read the original book and offered your perspective on how it could be improved.
Some people, maybe you, have picked up this book as a novelty item. The subject is anything but “novelty” though. When it comes to the topic of improving male-female communication, I’m
serious. I’ve worked with thousands of couples over the years and seen how devastating unspoken sexual desires can be-- not just to a relationship, but to each individual’s own well-being.
Still, this book is not for everybody and it may not be for you. In order for you to receive total benefit from what I’m talking about, you (as well as your partner) will have to approach things with an open mind and you’ll have to be willing to change up the parts of your relationship that aren’t working.
You’ll have to be vulnerable.
Is that scary? Hell yes, it’s scary.
Being able to take a risk and ask for what you want might be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but it can also lead you to the most rewarding and sexually satisfying experiences of your life.
To me, that’s worth the risk!
Congratulations on taking your relationship to the next level!
There is a secret bit of fun that most women are too shy to admit, most men are too scared to try, and most of the couples who practice it don’t ever talk about outside the bedroom. It’s not that kinky or crazy, and it’s something that recent polls have shown drive women wild.
What is it? It’s that more and more women long to be sexually dominated. They want alpha males, assertive and strong, taking charge of their nocturnal activities.
It doesn’t sound like such an outlandish thing to talk about, I know. But, more often than not, women are afraid to ask their men to be a bit rougher in the bedroom – and men get remarkably timid when they feel they’re crossing the line when it comes to dominating their sexual partners.
This is understandable. In the last few decades, there has been a combination of the feminist revolution and the birth of political correctness. And, sadly, there are still too many women out there who have been raped, sexually abused or assaulted by men – and more often than not, by men they know and with whom they have intimate relationships.
So, it’s entirely within the realm of reason that a woman who feels any sort of kinship with feminism and the female power dynamic would be reluctant to ask her man to be more … well … “manly” in the bedroom. And, a man who respects his woman is not going to jump at the chance to treat her like she’s any less than he.
It can be scary to entertain the thought of voluntarily being roughed up during sex – just as it can be intimidating to be the one doing the roughing up. Surely, both have concerns:
But, it doesn’t have to be this way. Male domination in the bedroom is a perfectly normal fantasy shared by millions of couples in healthy, long-term, loving relationships. It’s so common that it’s not even on the same scale as role-playing, or BDSM techniques, or anything that would require a great deal of effort.
Think of it this way: on the scale of kink, having your man be rough and manly with you doesn’t even tip the balance. To put your fantasy into perspective, consider this:
So, you see, couples that like a little rough sex every once in a while really aren’t pushing the envelope on the kink factor. It’s a perfectly normal impulse for women, and it’s absolutely fine for men to want to make this fantasy come true.
By the time you finish reading this book, both of you will feel comfortable enough to talk about your bedroom desires, and to start to act out some male-dominant scenarios during your next trip to the bedroom.
*** *** ***
The first part of this book is for the men. Any guy worth his salt is going to be apprehensive about roughing up his partner during loving, consensual sex. Hopefully, this book will answer any questions you have about this type of fantasy, and how you can be successful at indulging your ladylove – starting tonight!
Ladies, the second part of this book is dedicated to you. Together, we’ll help you figure out exactly what it is you want your man to do in the bedroom, how to talk to him about it, and how to show him, too. We’ll discuss the boundaries you should set up, and we’ll also talk about what this does and doesn’t mean for you outside the bedroom.
The last section of this book should be read and talked about by the both of you, as it provides tips and suggestions for couples to get into the spirit of the woman’s desires. We’ll cover dirty talk, rough intercourse, how to take it up a notch and what toys or games can be brought into the mix for a little fun – or even to just get started.
I’m thrilled to be able to share my knowledge about this exciting, intimate sex play that makes so many couples around the world feel closer. Now, if you’re both ready, this is the time to hand the book over to the “manly man” of the house. It’s time to get started!
PART ONE: FOR MEN
SHE LIKES IT ROUGH? REALLY?
Oh, guys, guys, guys. I can only imagine how confusing this must be for you. I don’t blame you – finding out your woman wants you to be a “caveman” and rough it up a bit goes against pretty much everything you know.
First of all, it goes against how you were probably raised. Even if your dad was a lumberjack when you were a kid, just think for a moment about all the advice you’ve gotten in your life, from when you were just a little tyke:
The list goes on and on. Then, when you grew up – and so did the women around you – there came terrifying concepts like date rape and sexual harassment. I’m sure at your college or at your job you’ve attended a mandatory training session about what is and is not acceptable with women in more formal settings: