Just Go (20 page)

Chapter 19

Annaliese

The next few days are a whirlwind of events. From arrangements, to phone calls, to will meetings, Adam and I are there for everything. My heart hurts for this man that absolutely loved his wife as much as he did. I’ve heard talk about an adoption, and Adam and Benton have had some serious, stressed, heated discussions about it, but I’m staying out of it. I don’t know this man at all hardly, so I don’t feel I have a say in anything. I want to be here for Adam because obviously he’s hurting too, so that’s what I’m doing.

We’ve put our discussion of our future on hold. I know we eventually need to talk about it, since I’m not totally over the fact that he lied to me about pretty much everything. I haven’t talked to my dad at all about everything, but I suppose that’ll come with time. Right now I’m focusing on being there for Adam. When someone you love is hurting, the only thing that seems important is making them feel better. So that’s what I’m doing. We’ve made love, we’ve talked, and we’ve sat in silence for hours. I can tell something’s on his mind, but I’m not pushing him. Obviously he and Benton are close, which only means he was probably close to Carly as well. I couldn’t imagine what Benton’s going through if Adam is this torn up about it.

The funeral was three days ago and we are sitting at Benton’s house, staring at the TV but not really paying attention to it. Each day Benton looks a little worse, and each day we spend trying to help him out of the depression that’s setting in. Today’s the same as the last few days, and the down mood is really starting to wear on me.

“Hey, babe, I think I’m gonna head out for a bit,” I say to Adam when Benton walks out of the room.

He looks at me and smiles gently.

“I understand. I’ll talk to you later,” he says almost coldly. I try not to be offended by his lack of affection lately, but it’s really hard.

I kiss him gently and stand. Benton walks back in the room and stops when he sees me leaving.

“What’s up?”

“I’m heading out for a bit. I’ve got… uh… work stuff to do. “

He gives Adam a weird sideways glance then tries to smile at me.

“Thanks for everything, Annaliese,” he says, then gently and awkwardly hugs me.

I step outside, closing the door behind me, and take a deep breath. I keep telling myself that he’s just been weird these last few days because his head's in a bad place from his friend's death, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s pulling away from me.

My phone rings on my way back to my apartment and I hit the Bluetooth to answer without looking to see who it is.

“Hello.”

“Mrs. Ryder. This is Angela from St. Louis. We’ve been trying to get a hold of you. Have you come to a decision?”

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. We had a death in… the family. I’ve been out of it, and am so sorry.” Shit, school’s supposed to start this week!

“I’m terribly sorry for your loss, but we really do need an answer from you.”

“I know. I’m so sorry. I’m….” I want to tell her no, but something’s nagging at me. I need a shower and some coffee before I can properly decide about my future. “May I call you after I get home? I haven’t been there in days with everything that’s going on, and I’m currently driving.”

“I need to know today, Ms. Ryder,” she clips, obviously not happy with me.

“I’ll call you back. I promise. Thanks for understanding,” I say, then tell her goodbye before hanging up and sighing.

What am I going to do? I love Adam, I’d love to stay with him, but he lied to me, he keeps things from me when he made it obvious at the start he needed the truth, and all of it. Plus, he’s been distant lately. Am I really the type of girl to put her future on hold because of a man?

I get home and open the apartment door. I don’t see anyone, but I definitely hear our guests in Gabby’s bedroom. Shaking my head in annoyance, I really wish she could figure her shit out. I love her to death, but she’s not getting any younger, and these games she plays with both men and women get tiring to me. Especially living with the background noise. I start some coffee and look at the clock. Ten am. I’ll give myself a couple hours to decompress, then I’ll call Adam. I need to talk with him about everything before I call the woman back about the job.

Once the coffee is done, I take my mug to the couch, staring out the window at the city around us. I really do love this city. I’m comfortable here. Everything and everyone I know lives here. Why would I want to leave and go somewhere less comfortable with no friends?

I hear Gabby’s door open and pull a blanket over me to cover my bare legs. No reason to show anyone she’s with any goods they don’t deserve. A man walks out, fit, tanned, and sweaty. He walks directly to the fridge to grab a water bottle and on his way back he spots me.

“Hey,” he says, confused.

“Hi,” I say.

“Who… are you her girlfriend?” he asks, pointing to Gab’s room. I can’t help but laugh.

“No. Just her roommate. Don’t worry.” I smile and he sighs.

“Good. Whew,” he laughs. “So…. what’s your name?” he asks and leans against the wall. I can tell he’s flexing his muscles just enough to show me what he has, but I’m not interested. There’s a knock at the door, but the man standing in front of me isn’t taking his eyes off me. I stand up, having to slide past him, smelling the sex he just got done having with my roommate on him, to get to the door. “Mmm….” I hear him moan as he watches me walk to the door.

“Pig,” I grunt under my breath as I swing the door open, not checking to see who’s on the other side.

“Adam,” I say confused as to how he got in the building without buzzing and why he’s here in the first place. “What’s wrong?”

His eyes go directly past me to the man standing across the room. The half-naked man that’s more than likely checking me out. The man that’s about to get a verbal lashing from the most influential man in Chicago.

“Oh shit, you’re—” dude starts, but Adam stops him.

“Take your fucking eyes off her,” he growls, then pulls me to my bedroom, shoving past naked man. I laugh when I hear a growl come out of him on our way past him.

We get to my room and he slams the door behind me.

“Who the hell is that, Annaliese?” He’s attempting to regulate his breathing and I have to laugh. I like the jealous side of him.

“Gabby’s most recent fuck. The girl’s still in the room with Gab,” I say laughing at the look on his face.

“She’s?”

“Curious,” I answer smiling. “What’re you doing here?” I ask. He sits on the bed and pats it, inviting me over. I sit next to him, but he doesn’t touch me. Instead, he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and puts his head in his hands. His weird behavior worries me. He hasn’t said more than a handful of words to me since he got here.

“What’s wrong, Adam?”

He sighs and sits up, looking at me with sadness in his eyes.

“You need to take the job, Annaliese,” he whispers and my heart sinks. Literally, it feels like there’s a massive boulder on my chest, and the immediate urge to vomit courses through me as his words sink in.

“What?” I manage through the raging emotions that suddenly took over my body. “You’re telling me to leave?”

“I can’t do this, Annaliese. You need to live your dream, and I need to focus on the company. Seeing Benton… what he went through… I can’t do that. I can’t turn into him,” he whispers, then stands up, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Adam, that’s not… that’s stupid!” I yell at him, standing to meet him. “You’re being a chicken shit, Adam. You’re a lying piece of shit if you think what we have here isn’t worth working for.” My body is shaking, and I’m so exhausted I feel like I could cry any minute now.

“You need to take the job, Annaliese.” His voice is devoid of every emotion. There’s nothing there. “We have nothing, Annaliese. It was fun, but you need to go.”

That’s it. That’s what breaks me.

“Fuck you!” I scream hitting his chest, pushing him back until he hits the door. He doesn’t resist, he doesn’t look at me; he just stands there letting me hit him. His eyes red, face defeated.

“Annie!” I hear Gabby yell from the other side of the door. “What the fuck, Annie?” she tries opening the door but with him against it, it’s not budging.

“Screw you, Adam Callahan! I love you, you asshole. And I know you feel it too. You’re stupid if you think throwing this away is going to save you from fucking heartbreak,” I spit out. He gives me the saddest look I’ve ever seen on anyone, ever, then shakes his head.

“Annaliese,” he starts but I don’t let him finish.

“Go Adam,” I whisper through my tears.

Asshole.

“Ann—”

“Just... go. Please. Just get out.” I push him aside and open the door for him. He gets one glance at a fuming Gabby and her two partners standing in the hallway, half dressed, and leaves without another word.

“Oh God, Annie, what happened?” Gabby rushes in and wraps her arms around me before I collapse to the floor. “Get out!” she yells at the two people standing in the doorway watching the freak show. “Now!”

They scurry to grab their things. Moments later, we hear the front door close. I’m so numb I can’t stand, so I don’t even try. We sit on the floor, her arms wrapped around me, and I cry. I let it all out. The anger from the lies, the anger about my father’s second life, the heartbreak that Adam could give up so easily on us, when I thought we really had what it took. I was stupid, and blinded by lust when I thought that Adam Callahan could really learn to love someone.

“You’re gonna be okay, babe,” Gabby whispers, her head leaning on mine. “He’s an asshole.”

“I love him, Gab,” I sniffle, sounding like a child.

“Oh, Annie,” she hugs me tighter and I cry harder.

Why does this hurt so bad? I’ve only known him for a month.

“I need to get up, Gab. I have to call the lady back from St. Louis,” I say trying to stand on my own.

“You’re taking the job aren’t you?” she whispers.

“I have to. I need… I need out. Away for a while.” I’d rather not live with the constant reminder of what we had.

“I’ll kill him,” she growls.

“It’ll be fine, Gabby. You can visit, I’ll come home for holidays. And if it doesn’t work out, then I’ll move back.” I shrug and take a breath, moving towards my phone.

“Wait. You really love him don’t you?”

“I do,” I say, defeated. “But he… he’s not willing to feel the same. I guess.”

“I don’t get it, Annie, but I’ll support you with whatever you do.” She stands and hugs me. “I’ll miss your ass, bitch.” She smiles sadly and I hug her back.

“I know. Me too,”

I grab my phone and make the phone call. She seems happy that I’ve decided to take the position, but I can’t find that feeling. It takes about an hour to get everything straightened out, but once the phone call is done, I have a one way flight out of Chicago tomorrow afternoon to St. Louis. And so begins my new, lonely life.

That night I head over to my parents' house. I hate to leave on mad terms with my dad, but I’m not turning a blind eye to what he’s been doing. To what he did.

“Hey, Annie!” he beams when I walk through the door, acting completely oblivious to my mood.

“Father,” I clip, then hug my mother hello.

“What brings you here, dear?” she asks, obviously not privy to the side of my father that’s manipulating and mean.

“Uh… I got a job?” I muster a smile and she gasps.

“That’s fantastic!

“Congratulations my girl, I knew you could.” My father beams, like he didn’t force me out of everything good I had in this city.

“It’s in St. Louis. I leave tomorrow,” I spit out before the words get stuck in my throat. My mom covers her mouth in a gasp and my father’s features tighten. I glare at him, barely holding back the words I really want to say

“Ah, I see,” he says. “I would have thought—”

“What? That I wouldn’t take a job so far away? Why do I get the feeling you set me up for this, Dad? Giving me assholes to boss around, warning men away from me my entire life, even Adam you scared away! Now you push this job on me, and job I didn’t even apply for, and you act surprised that I’m ready to get out of town. It’s…. you’re outrageous. And you make me sick with everything you’ve hidden from this family.” I’m growling by the time I finish. “Oh, and if I EVER find out what happened to Benton’s wife… what
really
happened… I’ll make sure you never see sunlight again.” I spit out, anger coursing through my bones.

Knowing what I now know about my father, I wouldn’t put it past him to have her killed to prove a point to Adam.

My mom’s crying by now and my father looks like he’s going to explode with anger.

Go ahead, dear old Daddy, I dare you.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I can’t stay here, in this city, with everything that’s been happening behind our backs. I have to go,” I whisper, then hug her tightly, not sure of the next time I’ll see her.