Just Like Me (12 page)

The next day, just before rest time was over, Tori and I took the two bags of basketballs up the path and across the field to the blacktop where we were going to have the basketball tournament.

Tori had planned another hike for our last cabin activity that morning, but when we said we wanted to get ready for the team competition, she let us stay down by the flagpole practicing basketball instead. Since our cabin had been using the basketballs, we had to get them to the main court for the afternoon camp competition.

As Tori and I dumped both bags in the middle of the court, she said, “I've gotta run to the mess hall to get the clipboards and whistles. Why don't you go back to the cabin and get the rest of the girls and meet me here in about fifteen minutes?”

“Okay,” I said, taking off in the other direction. “See ya!”

“Can't wait to see you girls play!” Tori called after me. “I know you're going to be great!”

I smiled, thinking about those first-place T-shirts. It would really be amazing if all of us in White Oak went home wearing one.

I scuffed along the path to our cabin, still trying to get some dried egg yolk off my left shoe. As I got closer to the cabin, I saw Gina's and my beach towels hanging on the clothesline behind the cabin. I decided I'd check to see if they were dry.

The towels weren't completely dry, but they were dry enough, so I tugged one and then the other, pulling them off the line and draping them over my shoulder. As I turned to walk around to the front of the cabin, I heard everyone inside talking. But before I got to the porch, I stopped because I could hear that everyone was talking about me.

“Well, it
has
to be here somewhere,” Gina explained. “She said it's always on the zipper of her Bible case, and we never took our Bibles out of the cabin.”

I felt my skin go cold and clammy.

“We already looked for it the other day,” Becca said. “We're probably not going to find it.”

“Why is it such a big deal anyway?” Vanessa asked, sounding annoyed.

“It's part of a baby blanket from her birth mom,” Gina explained. “So it's really important.”

“Well, doesn't she still have the blanket?” Meredith asked.

“Yeah, she said she can just cut another piece of fringe from it,” Gina said. “But still, I just want to find it for her.”

Next thing I knew, I was standing in the doorway of the cabin. I'm not exactly sure how I got there because I don't remember walking up the porch steps.

“You told them,” I said to Gina in a really calm voice. “You told them what I told you about the blanket. That was a secret.”

She looked scared. And guilty.

“I-I didn't know it was a secret,” she stammered. “I only wanted us to find the yarn for you.”

“Of course it was a secret. Anyone would know that,” I said, getting louder. “If I wanted everyone to know about it, I would've told them what the yarn was when I lost it.”

I didn't know if I was more angry at Gina for telling them about the blanket or at myself for telling Gina about it, which had really, actually been
lying
to her about it.

Avery and Becca had to know the blanket wasn't from my birth mom. None of us had anything like that from China. So as I stood there in the middle of the cabin with everyone staring at me, I wondered what Avery and Becca were thinking.

I looked over at my cubby. I could tell by how messy it was that they had been looking through my things. It was bad enough when Vanessa had played the joke and switched everything, but now
everyone
in the cabin had messed with my stuff.

“We were just trying to help,” Avery said. “Gina didn't do it to make you mad.”

Then I noticed my “Ms. Marcia” journal on Becca's bed.

Now I yelled, “Did you guys read my journal too?!”

I got an instant stomachache thinking about everything I'd written in there.

“No!” they all said.

“We just moved your stuff around, hoping we'd find the yarn underneath something,” Avery explained.

I grabbed my journal from the bed and took it in the bathroom with me and slammed the door.

I heard them all out in the cabin continuing to talk about me.

“What are we going to do?” Vanessa said.

“Should we go get Tori?” asked Avery.

“We're supposed to leave in like five minutes for the basketball tournament,” Becca said.

I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom, leaning against the wall by the shower.

Gina opened the door a crack and peeked her head inside.

“Julia, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad.”

I didn't say anything.

“Will you forgive me?”

I still didn't say anything.

“Just come down to the basketball tournament with us, and we can talk about this later,” Gina suggested.

“Forget it,” I said, getting up. “I'm not going.”

I walked back into the cabin, kicked off my shoes, and jumped up to my bunk.

“But you have to go,” Avery said.

“No I don't, and I'm not,” I said, lying on my back and looking up at the ceiling.

“What are we gonna tell Tori?” Vanessa asked the other girls.

“Tell her I'm sick because I am,” I said, even though she wasn't talking to me.

They all looked at each other and then finally walked out of the cabin, letting the screen door bang behind them.

I sat up in my bunk, and as soon as I did, a few heavy, silent tears dripped down my face. I squeezed my journal to my chest and sobbed, thinking of what was written in it. It seemed like they were telling the truth about not reading it, but what if they had really read it? It was so personal and private. Stuff I'd never said to anyone. Why hadn't I thought about hiding it? Why had I left it out in the open where anyone could read it?

I wiped my face with my T-shirt and jumped down from my bunk. As I headed back to the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face, I saw Avery's journal sticking out of her cubby. I walked over and carefully slid it out of its place where it was propped up next to her shampoo and conditioner. I sat on the edge of Becca's bed with it closed on my lap, and when one lingering tear dripped onto the cover, I opened the journal and read.

Dear Ms. Marcia,

I am honored you chose to do your adoption article about us. I hope my story helps so many people.

I flipped to another page.

I sort of wish we were going to the Chinese culture camp. I mean, it would make our reflection about our adoption more focused on our heritage, but I do love Camp Little Big Woods.

I flipped around some more.

Gina told me something about Julia today.

My heart raced when I read my name.

Julia has a baby blanket at home that she thinks is from her birth mom. I don't know why she thinks that because Becca and I both have a blanket just like it. Mine is pink and Becca's is yellow. My mom told me that a church donated the blankets to our orphanage, and that's why all the babies had one when our parents came to get us. I wonder why Julia thinks it's from her birth mom. I always knew where my blanket came from, and when I talked to Becca, she said she knew too. I didn't want to tell Gina the truth because I was afraid she might tell Julia, and I just don't know how we should tell Julia about this.

I was right. Avery and Becca knew the truth about the blanket.

But no one knew the truth about me.

• • •

A while later, I still sat on the floor, leaning against Becca's bunk.

I heard the screen door creak and looked up to see Avery standing in the cabin.

I stood up quickly.

“Tori told me to come check on you,” Avery started to say, but I must've had a strange look on my face because she stopped talking before she finished what she was saying.

“I already knew the blanket wasn't from my birth mom,” I said almost in a whisper. “I was only pretending it was.”

I said the last part so quietly I wasn't sure Avery even heard it, and I was glad because I wondered if maybe I should just skip the truth and go back to pretending.

But it didn't matter whether Avery heard it or not because when she walked closer to me, she saw her journal lying on the floor next to me. I hadn't had the chance to put it back yet.

“You read my journal?” Avery screamed. “You had no right to do that!”

She rushed over to me and grabbed her journal off the sandy floor.

The screen door opened again. It was Becca this time.

“Hey, Julia, did Avery tell you the good news? We won the basketball tournament. Tori wants both of you guys to hurry down to the lake,” she said.

But then she saw the looks on our faces and stopped talking.

“None of us read
your
journal!” Avery said to me. “We were only trying to help Gina find that piece of yarn for you.”

Avery brushed the sand off the back cover of her journal.

“I can't believe you told Gina the blanket was from your birth mom if you knew it really wasn't!” Avery said. “That means you lied to her!”

“What's going
on
?” Becca asked.

“You want to know what's going on?” Avery asked. “I'll tell you what! Julia just read my journal, that's what!”

Avery sounded as if she'd never be able to forgive me.

I knew exactly how she felt because I'd felt the same way when I thought
they
had read
my
journal.

“You
read
her journal?” Becca exclaimed.

That's when I started to cry, and then Gina came into the cabin.

“Tori says you guys better hurry up,” she said. “Did these guys tell you that we won?”

But when she saw that I was crying, she asked, “Are you still mad, Julia?”

Avery and Becca both talked at once, and my tears turned to sobs.

“What's going on in here?” Vanessa exclaimed when she and Meredith walked into the cabin and saw the four of us.

“Julia read Avery's journal!” Becca said.

“
And
she lied to Gina about that yarn,” Avery said. “Technically, she lied to all of us because—”

“What?” Gina asked. “You lied to me? About what?”

“Stop fighting, you guys!” Vanessa scolded. “We'll never win those T-shirts if Tori catches us fighting.”

“You really can't think about anything but winning, can you?” Gina said, turning to Vanessa. “Why don't you try thinking about someone else for a change?”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Vanessa asked.

“You know what it means,” Gina said.

And with that, the avalanche of arguments that had loomed over us since that water fight in the dish room came crashing down. It crushed the life out of the mountain of peace White Oak had worked so hard to build.

But then Becca's soccer ball slammed against the wall next to the bathroom, where the life collages still hung.

Vanessa had thrown it.

“
That's it!
” she yelled. “We are
not
losing this camp competition because of some dumb piece of yarn or because someone read someone else's stupid journal or because of some other lamebrain thing.”

We all stared at Vanessa, but no one dared to speak. She was madder than we'd ever seen her.

“The rowboat relay race starts in a few minutes, and after all we've worked for, White Oak had better win that thing,” Vanessa said, sounding as angry and mean as she had on the first day of camp.

“And if the only way to not fight is for us to keep our mouths shut, then that's what we better do,” she said.

“Here comes Tori,” Meredith whispered as Tori walked up the porch steps.

“Are my little lovelies ready to row, row, row their boats?” she asked cheerfully as she came into the cabin.

Obviously she hadn't heard any of the fighting.

“How're you feeling, Julia?” Tori asked.

Vanessa looked at all of us, held her thumb and index finger together, touched them to her lips, and slid them from one side of her mouth to the other like she was zipping a zipper. We all got the message.

“She's feeling better!” Becca said, a little too loudly and with way too much enthusiasm. “Right, Julia?”

I nodded my head and bent down quickly, pretending to tie my shoe so that Tori wouldn't be able to see any leftover tears.

“Well then, let's head down to the lake!” Tori exclaimed, as she turned to leave the cabin. “You girls have a rowboat race to win!”

Vanessa glared at all of us as we followed Tori out of the cabin and down the hill toward Lake Little Big Woods.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen next, but I knew that if we didn't leave our troubles on land, we didn't have much chance of winning—because there was enough trouble between the six of us to easily sink a rowboat.

Dear Ms. Marcia,

The Chinese red thread is not supposed to break even if it stretches and tangles, but I feel like the piece of yarn from my baby blanket stretched and tangled and did more than just break. It ruined everything!

I lied to myself about it.

It got lost, and we fought about it.

Everyone tried to find it, and now I'm worried the truth will come out about it.

And because of me, White Oak stretched and tangled and finally just broke.

If that Chinese proverb really is true, I bet everyone wishes they never ever would've met me, because who would want to be connected to the person who made such a big mess of everything?

Julia

Down at the lake, campers and counselors from all the other cabins stood around talking excitedly about the race. But none of us said a word. Literally.

While “Eye of the Tiger” blasted through the trees and DDDJ danced around playing air guitar, all of us in White Oak stood silently on the shore. DD Jr. stood in the boathouse doorway and rolled his eyes and shook his head as he watched his dad. A lot of campers joined DDDJ in his mini concert with their own air guitars, and even more campers clapped and sang, “…and he's watching us all with the eeeeeye of the tiger.” That didn't seem to make it any less embarrassing for DD Jr., and it didn't make any of us in White Oak unzip our lips either.

The six of us stood on the sand with our arms crossed, not singing
or
clapping. If Tori had been with us, I'm sure our self-imposed silence would've been suspicious—it was probably the longest any of us had been quiet since we'd gotten to camp—but she was out on the dock with another counselor putting life jackets into the boats.

“All right, campers!” Donnie said as the music faded. “The moment of truth has arrived. Our final event will determine which cabin wins these fabulous first-place T-shirts.”

DD Jr. held up one of the T-shirts on the end of a long stick, waving it like a flag.

“Soon we'll know which cabin prevails, but we'll also know which cabin truly is best at working together as a team because this won't be just an ordinary rowboat relay race.”

All the other campers whispered to each other, wondering what Donnie was talking about.

“Let's show them, Son,” Donnie said, turning to DD Jr.

The two of them walked out on the dock to the three boats that were there. Donnie used a rope to tie the back of the first boat to the front of the second boat, and DD Jr. used another rope to tie the back of the second boat to the front of the third boat. Now all three boats were connected, like the cars of a train.

“That's going to be impossible!” one of the girls nearest to the shore exclaimed.

“Not impossible, but a true test of teamwork. That's for sure,” Donnie said, sounding proud of himself for coming up with such an ingenious way to test our ability to work together. “There will be two campers in each boat. One camper in each boat will row to that orange cone on the other side of the lake.”

Donnie pointed across the lake and continued talking, “When the three boats reach the other shore, the campers in each boat will jump out and switch places. Then the other three campers will row back. Each team will take a turn and be timed. And the team with the best time wins.”

I'm sure Vanessa, Meredith, Avery, Becca, and Gina were all thinking what I was. This would be tough for White Oak on a good day, but with none of us even speaking to each other, we probably didn't have a chance.

Before we had too much time to think about it, Donnie announced, “White Oak, you're up first!”

We all looked at each other, but still kept our lips zipped. We followed Vanessa out on the dock as if we already had our strategy worked out. We climbed into the boats and sat down. Vanessa and Meredith in the first boat. Becca and Avery in the second one. And Gina and me in the third boat.

The rest of the campers and counselors stood on the sand, huddled together talking in groups with their cabinmates. Tori stood over by the boathouse, watching us.

Once we'd buckled and tied our life jackets, DD Jr. unhooked the boats from the dock, and when we'd drifted out far enough, we put our oars in the water.

We were ready.

Donnie yelled, “On your marks. Get set. Go!”

And the bullhorn blew.

Tori screamed, “C'mon, White Oak. You can do it!”

It sounded like she wanted us to win as much as we did.

Vanessa, Becca, and I grabbed the oars, pulled back, and our three boats inched away from the shore. Somehow that first stroke was completely in sync, and we moved in the right direction.

“And pull!” Vanessa yelled as we lifted our oars for the second stroke.

Her voice surprised me, but it felt like such a relief that someone had finally spoken. And because Vanessa finally did speak, all of our lips unzipped.

“Keep it steady, you guys,” Avery encouraged.

“Lots of power!” Becca grunted. “Give it all you got!”

I couldn't believe it, but I felt our boats glide effortlessly through the water. Vanessa, Becca, and I were rowing together in perfect time. Not too slow. Not too fast. But in perfect rhythm with each other.

As I watched the shore of Camp Little Big Woods getting smaller and smaller, I felt like we were making really good time, and soon I knew we must be getting close to the other side of the lake.

“Vanessa, a few more strokes and we're there,” Meredith said.

Vanessa looked over her shoulder.

“Is it shallow enough to get out yet?” Vanessa asked Meredith.

“Yeah,” Meredith answered, and she stepped out of their boat into the shallow water.

We stopped rowing, and Vanessa jumped out of the boat too. She and Meredith pulled their boat toward the shore, dragging ours along with theirs.

“Hurry up, let's switch places,” Becca said to Avery.

“Wait!” Avery said, looking over the side of the boat. “It's not quite shallow enough yet.”

Vanessa and Meredith kept guiding the boats toward shore so that we could all jump out, switch places, and turn around to head back to camp. Since Gina and I were in the third boat, we were in the deepest water, so I waited before I tried to step out. Gina didn't. She stepped over the side of the boat, thinking that she'd be able to touch the bottom, but she couldn't. Her foot sank into the deep water, and she lost her balance. She screamed. Then she grabbed the side of our boat, trying to catch herself. Our boat tipped. It flipped completely upside down, sending me flying into the water with Gina.

We both went under, but our life jackets popped us back to the surface before we even knew what had happened. We came up sputtering. Our rowboat floated upside down next to us.

“Oh my gosh!” Avery yelled from her boat. “Are you guys okay?”

“What is wrong with you?” Vanessa screamed, stomping through the shallow water toward us while she pulled the boats closer to the shore.

“Vanessa,” Avery said, getting out of her boat, “they could've gotten hurt.”

Gina and I swam toward shore, though with Vanessa there yelling at us, I wanted to swim in the other direction.

“You guys!” Becca wailed, jumping into the shallow water and hurrying over to us. “This is a race! Let's go!”

“A race?” Vanessa snarked. “We'll never win now. Thanks to those two.”

Gina and I finally felt the sand under our feet, and we walked toward the beach.

“Vanessa,” Avery scolded again, “Gina's right. Don't you
ever
think about anything but winning? Technically, Gina could've gotten knocked unconscious from a fall like that.”

“Yeah,” Vanessa said, sounding just plain mean. “Well, technically, she didn't. And now,
technically
, White Oak's going to lose.”

“We can still
try
to win!” Becca said, not giving up and trying to get us all thinking about the race again. “Let's tip that boat back over and get going.”

“Do you know how hard it is to tip a rowboat over when it's upside down in the water?” Vanessa said. “I was right about White Oak in the beginning. This team stinks!”

“Maybe we should just go back to not talking,” I said as I walked past Vanessa and sat on the beach.

“Yeah, you'd like that,” Vanessa said. “Because then nobody would be talking about how you read Avery's journal and started a fight. Again.”

I got up and ran toward Vanessa, ready to push her down in the water. Gina grabbed me by the life jacket and stopped me before I got to her, but the two of us fell into the water.

Vanessa laughed her head off.

“You two are perfect for each other,” she said. “Rumper bumper number one and rumper bumper number two.”

Gina jumped up, ready to tackle Vanessa herself. This time Avery stepped in to stop it.

“We have to stop fighting, you guys!” Avery yelled.

“Why?” I yelled back. “We're not going to win!”

“You got that right,” Vanessa muttered.

I splashed water at Vanessa.

She splashed me back.

And then we stood, staring at each other and waiting to see if anyone would make the next move.

“Not this again!” Becca wailed.

“Why not?” I yelled. “None of us ever really got along. All we did was figure out how to win a bunch of stupid games. So what? I never wanted to come to camp in the first place.”

“What's
that
supposed to mean?” Becca asked, sounding annoyed.

“Yeah,” Avery said. “What
is
that supposed to mean?”

“It means I never wanted to come to Camp Little Big Woods, and if it wasn't for that stupid Ms. Marcia project, I never would have. Do you really think I wanted to spend a week sitting around talking about how great it is that we're “best” friends just because we started our life together in an orphanage in China?”

“It's not our fault you hate being Chinese,” Becca said, sounding a lot like Vanessa.

I ran at Avery and Becca like I was a crazy person, splashing and kicking water at them. And as they splashed and kicked water back, Gina grabbed my arm, trying to stop me, but then I lunged at her and splashed even harder.

“And I never wanted
you
to tell my secret about the yarn. I never wanted any of you to find out—”

“To find out what?” Gina yelled, interrupting me. “That a blanket that came from your birth mom is important to you? Do you know how much
I
wish I had something like that from
my
mom? She hasn't visited me in months because she's off on some kooky self-awareness trip. She's busy going to seminars and reading books about finding
herself
when she should be looking for
me
.”

“That's why your mom hasn't visited?” Vanessa asked, using the same quiet voice as when she talked about that photo of her and her dad.

“Yeah,” Gina said. “Like you care.”

“My dad hasn't called in two months,” Vanessa said, sounding a lot like she did care.

No one said anything, but Vanessa continued, “My mom's glad we haven't heard from him, but I'm not. I know my dad's not perfect, but I really miss him. I hoped that maybe when I got home from camp, he'd call and I could tell him about the camp T-shirts we'd won. That probably sounds really stupid, but…”

Vanessa didn't finish what she was saying. I don't think she really knew what else to say.

I sat down in the ankle-deep water, resting my arms on my knees. I squinted up at the sun and looked at all of them.

“I was only pretending the blanket was from my birth mom,” I confessed. “I wanted to see what it felt like to have something that connected me to her.”

They all stared at me. Everyone's frustrated expressions softened, and nobody looked quite so mad anymore. They all sat down around me in the shallow water.

“The whole thing's embarrassing,” I said. “I acted like a baby, sleeping with that blanket, and…and…”

“And what?” Gina asked.

Unlike Vanessa, there was something else I knew I wanted to say.

“I think somehow I thought that if what I was pretending was real, I could take the blanket to China someday and use it to find my birth mom.”

When I said that last part, it felt like I had let go after holding my breath for a really long time. I didn't even know I was thinking that until I said it out loud. And when I heard myself say it, it was as if I was admitting what was really true—I didn't have anything that my birth mom had touched, and I would probably never really know who she was.

Our three rowboats rested on the shore near us, and the only sound was the tiny little waves slapping up against the sides of the boats.

But then we heard the distant sound of a motorboat coming across the lake.

Dear Ms. Marcia,

If the red thread proverb is true, maybe it doesn't matter that the blanket isn't what I was pretending it was.

Julia