KATE GOSSELIN: HOW SHE FOOLED THE WORLD - THE RISE AND FALL OF A REALITY TV QUEEN (43 page)

Right at that moment, one of the little girls, hearing Kate’s obvious crapola, says “Mommyyyyyy!” and Kate says, “We’ll do a carnival next year, right?”

Well, the next year came and went and there was no carnival. Big surprise.

Kate went on to say, “So the little kids recently turned four, and, um, as opposed to a big party this year, we decided to decorate cupcakes at a bakery.”

“We actually did something small this year because they requested it. I was going to redo a carnival, but they said they just wanted a family day.”

Even though two separate people close to Kate told me that Kate absolutely did not want to go through the “hassle” of repeating the carnival-themed party, for the sake of argument, let’s take her at her word on this one. Surely this would be a great family day if it were going to replace a carnival with pony rides and clowns for 4-year-olds.

In the kitchen during the episode, Kate says to Leah, “Yeah, they know they’re going to decorate a cupcake, don’t you Leah?”

Leah nods yes.

“And then what do you do after you decorate it?” Kate asks.

“Eeeeaaat it!” Leah responds happily.

“That’s right!” adds Kate.

So after a battle to get the kids dressed and out the door, off they go to a bakery, with the sextuplets filled with excitement at what was going to be a day better than last year’s backyard carnival.

Once at the bakery, one of the workers explains to Kate what fun they will be having with the kids, and asks, “Is that OK?”

Kate responds, “Yeah, just so it doesn’t get messy.”

Uh, oh.

On the interview couch, Kate says, “We’ll I’m always concerned about the mess.”

And Jon says, “And I was just kind of, let them have fun, here’s your bibs.”

To which Kate says, “I know but they were in church clothes which I didn’t feel like changing them either. That would be a hassle.”

Heaven forbid Kate should be hassled by having to change her children’s clothes so they could enjoy their birthday.

Meanwhile, back at the bakery, Kate tells Collin, in her nurturing passive-aggressive way, “I love your dirty nails Collin. It’s such a nice feature. Remind me not to eat anything you bake.”

Then the bakery woman explains to Kate, “I was gonna do one for them to eat here and one to take home, or do you wanna just do one each?”

Kate quickly says, “Uh, let’s just take one home.”

Remember, this day was replacing clowns, cotton candy and pony rides.

Jon says, “It’s better to change them and let them have fun then sit there and monitor every single thing they’re doing.”

While Kate is yelling, “Don’t touch! Don’t touch. We’re not eating them here. We’re not eating them here!”

Jon says, “Kate!”

Kate says, “No, not in these dresses, sorry!”

Back on the interview couch, Kate says, “I didn’t want to let them eat them there because they would be messy, and it was getting closer to dinner time so I wanted to use that as their dessert.”

Jon says, “Didn’t Cara and Mady eat theirs?”

And Kate says, “Yeah, I let them eat theirs.”

Voiceover: “So we were gonna go home and eat dinner and eat our cupcakes for dessert.”

Kate says, “But this day was no different than any other day. You had to eat your dinner to get your dessert.”

Except that this day
was
different from any other day. It was the celebration of the sextuplets’ 4th birthday. It was their special day. The episode was called, “Sextuplets Turn 4,” not, “This day was no different than any other day.”

Back home in the kitchen, Kate says, “Dinner, dessert, bath and bed. I was thinking on the way home, it’s a lot of hours ’til bedtime. I’m exhausted. I must be getting old.”

“I’m gonna make dinner. Then after dinner they can eat their special surprises.”

Now comes the trouble. Some of the little kids didn’t eat their dinner according to Kate’s standards. And we see Hannah in front of a full plate of food asking, “Do I get my cupcake?”

On the interview couch, Kate says of Hannah, “She made a good dent. Again, they don’t have to clean their plates to get their dessert, but she did make a good dent, whereas the boys weren’t even into trying.”

“Collin didn’t try. Aaden barely tried. And Joel certainly didn’t try,” says Kate.

The boys are all crying at this point.

Kate says, “Dessert is a treat. Not a mandatory course.”

Poor little Aaden looks up and says, “I don’t get my cupcake??!” And starts wailing and sobbing.

Collin is crying and saying, “I want my cuuupcaaaake!”

Kate says, “We’ll save it for tomorrow night and then you can eat it tomorrow night for dessert.”

Back on the couch, the producer, trying to egg Kate on, says, “The boys were really sad that they didn’t get their cupcake.”

To which Jon says, “But guess what? They had no clue the next day.”

Kate takes his cue and jumps in, happily chirping, “They didn’t even ask for them. They never even missed them.”

Meanwhile, back at the table, Kate lets the girls eat their cupcakes in front of the boys as they watch, and cry.

Happy 4th birthday, kids.

WATER-GATE

In early 2009, Kate and the kids were waiting to tape an interview for Access Hollywood, and the kids, especially Mady, were thirsty.

“I want a drink. I haven’t had a drink all day,” Mady complained, placing her hand on her head. Kate ignored her, and Mady said, “I’m going to get dehydrated!”

Kate then announced, “Yes, me too,” and asked if someone could throw her a bottle of water.

Kate was given the bottle of water, unscrewed the cap, and took a sip. She then put the bottle down on the floor next to her chair without offering any to a clearly distressed Mady.

Mady pleaded, “I need a drink now.” Kate told her to “Be quiet.” Mady then said, “You’re really, really mean! You drank it right in front of my face.”

Good call, Mady.

But as is always the case, Kate alters reality to paint herself as a caring, nurturing mom who always puts the needs of her children first. During an interview on
Jon & Kate plus Ei8ht
, Kate proudly tells the viewing audience:

“I think that Jon does well, he listens, especially to Cara and Mady, He’s a good listener and he hears them out and hears their stories and he sees all the little things that are important to them, um, and I sometimes probably overlook those things.”

Kate then says this to and about Jon: “I think you have trouble hearing past their whining. That so bothers him. He just says, Oh, just go away, and all somebody was saying was, Daddy,
I want a drink (in a child’s voice)
,
and I always say, honey, are you listening to her, do you hear what she asked for? That I think I usually am pretty good about
, is hearing them, not the long drawn out heart to heart conversations, Jon tends to have with Cara and Mady, but the little kids, like the immediate needs, I think I’m probably better at hearing.”

A very thirsty Mady would probably beg to differ.

WHO GETS THE BROKEN LOLLIPOP?

In the summer of 2010, Kate and the kids and the film crew were in New York City, filming for
Kate Plus Ei8ht
. This particular situation was left out of the actual episode that aired, but for some peculiar reason, TLC included it on their website as a “webisode” called “Lollipops.”

In the webisode, Kate and the kids get a bunch lollipops shaped like the Statue of Liberty to eat. Lollipops are the treat of choice to bribe the kids during filming, so that’s not so strange. But Kate showed the viewing audience her deeply selfish side as she was handing out the lollipops. While she was violently and not-so-carefully unwrapping them, she broke off Lady Liberty’s torch arm on one of the lollipops. So rather than keeping the broken one for herself, like any normal, loving, considerate, unselfish mother would do, she instead handed the broken lollipop to 6-year-old Joel, while she kept a perfect one for herself.

I guess Kate felt she deserved an unbroken lollipop. After all, the show is all about Kate. She’s the star. What does she care if her little boy gets a broken – and pink – lollipop, as long as hers is “perfect”?

CRIB CLIMBING – GOOD OR EVIL?

I discovered something while cross-referencing Kate’s journals, TV shows and books, etc. It’s some of Kate’s worst behavior of all, in my opinion, because it involves physical violence against 2-year-olds, for acting like … 2-year-olds.

How she treats the kids all depends on the day, Kate’s mood, and who’s watching … or filming.

On
Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht
, Season 1, Episode 3, “Shopping For Ten,” Kate is getting ready to go to the grocery store. But before leaving, she wants to put the kids down for a nap. So far, so good.

With the cameras rolling, Kate watches in amazement, eyes wide and mouth open, as Aaden climbs up into his crib on his own. Kate cheers Aaden on, even giving him a little boost under his diaper to help him climb. Kate says to Aaden, in a very excited and happy tone, “Wow!!! That’s a big boy!!!”

Then she looks at the cameraman and the audience and says, “He like scaled it like a monkey!!!!”

Then she looks back at Aaden and says proudly and lovingly, “You got in!!! Good job!!!!!!”

In my house, that accomplishment would be cause for celebration as well. It’s exciting when your
2-year-old takes on new challenges. A lot of parents, me included, have videotaped such milestones for posterity.

But in reading Kate’s journal, I began to get a sense of why the kids might be anxious, and scared, and especially confused. Here are a few of Kate’s
paraphrased journal entries regarding crib climbing. See if you can spot any inconsistencies in her parenting.

July 2006

Kate describes the scene after the kid’s nap, Hannah was tattling on Collin because HE WAS IN AADEN’S CRIB WITH HIM!!!!!! Kate says that Collin had climbed into his crib and he did it again after she had removed him!!!!! She told him NO MORE!!!!