Katie's Angel (2 page)

Jackson hugged her close and said “I love you too Katie, thanks for being such a great big sister. There isn’t a better one out there and I am the luckiest little brother ever.”  They both laid there quietly in bed. They woke up later to the smell of bacon frying and
pancakes on the griddle. Mom always did make them breakfast in the morning. Pancakes were Jackson’s favorite.  They ate breakfast and Jackson took a nap like he always did, only this time he wouldn’t wake back up. Katie sat in the corner and cried, because she didn’t think it would be that soon after he told her, that he would actually let go.

Suddenly
snapped back to reality, Katie didn’t feel like she was alone anymore. She looked around carefully, and did not see anyone, but she felt as if she had a hand on her shoulder. She reached up with her right hand briefly touching her shoulder. Looking down at the ground she gathered her thoughts and looked at her watch. “I have to get home now before mom and dad starts worrying about me, I will come back to see you again tomorrow. I love you,” she said as her voice cracked. As she rose from the ground she put her fingers to her lips and kissed them, then she touched her fingers to the headstone. She leaned down to straighten the flowers and then turned to leave.

Walking home she still had that feeling that there was someone following her, but she could not see anyone, which made her a little more nervous about the feeling. She walked down the hill and turned left, looking at the trees sway as the wind blew softly, and quietly. She continued her walk home in a quiet slow fashion. She was not really in any hurry to get home, but she couldn’t sit there at
“Jackson’s new home”. That is what she called his grave now, because she could not bring herself to look at it in any other way. In some way to her this was her way of keeping Jackson alive.

Walking up the street she noticed that the sun was starting to set. She did not mean to be gone so long. She was sure that her mom and dad were going to be unhappy with her for having been gone for so long.” I will
just tell them I lost track of time,” she thought. 

Katie didn’t know why she wasn’t able to tell her mom or dad where she going every day, but she did know that she didn’t want anyone knowing about it yet. She did everything she could to keep anyone from knowing that her daily routine included visiting her brother at his new home, and never leaving until she finished with the last tear for the day.

Wiping her face as she went up the stairs to the front door, Katie regained her composer, and went in the house.

Chapter 3

“I thought you were only going to be gone for an hour,” mom said as soon as Katie walked into the kitchen.  “We were worried sick about you,” her mom said pulling her in tightly for a hug.

Katie rolled her eyes as she
pulled away, turned her back to get a drink so that her mom could not see her and said “sorry, I lost track of time. I didn’t mean to stay there for so long.”

“Next time you need to make sure you get home on time. Are you ready for dinner? Your dad and I decided to go get pizza for dinner at your favorite restaurant Regillios
,” mom said.

“I’m not really feeling like going out. I just want to take a bath and go to bed
,” Katie replied as she pulled out a bagel and started to eat it.

“You need to eat more than just a bagel Katie. You cannot keep this up, you have to start going out and doing things again. Just because Jackson isn’t here anymore doesn’t mean that your life stopped,” her mom said in an assertive yet caring way.

“Fine if it means you will stop lecturing me then I will go with you and dad to get dinner. And I know that my life hasn’t stopped. I go to the park every day, and I still see my friends there,” Katie said to her mom quietly.

“You are not the same since Jackson died and we are worried about you. This has to stop. You have to start talking
to your father or myself about your feelings. You can’t keep holding it in,” her mom said.

“I know mom, but I am fine. Really, I am ok. Let me jump in the shower and I will be ready in about twenty minutes,” Katie said as she walked out of the kitchen to the upstairs bathroom.

She really did not want to do anything but go to bed, but she also did not want to continue to listen to her mom talk about moving on from Jackson. How could she say that? It isn’t that easy. It isn’t like he moved out of state or went off to summer camp, he was not ever coming back and it just keeps getting clearer by the day. Her mom and dad seem to think she is not dealing with it but she is dealing with it the only way she knows how. She visits him daily and continues to talk to him throughout the day to let him know that she has not and will not forget him.

Katie grabbed a pair of clean jeans and a t-shirt and jumped in the shower. She washed her hair and let the water run over her face. She hurried up since she told her mom
she would be ready in twenty minutes. She quickly dried off, dressed and started brushing her hair out. As she was brushing her hair out, she got that feeling that she was not alone again.

This was a feeling that she had been trying to shake all day. It was something that she had felt very strong when she was at Jackson’s home today. What was very odd is that she could not figure out why it felt like she was being pushed to Jackson today, and why the rest of the day it felt like she was being followed everywhere she went today. Shaking the feeling away, she pulled her long blonde hair up in a messy bun, pulled on the hoodie that she had on the chair in her room and ran down the stairs to tell her parents that she was ready.

The drive to the restaurant was long enough for her mom to start asking Katie about what her friends have been up to since school let out. She made up things they were all doing and answered in a vague way as to not raise suspicion on whether or not she had actually been seeing them.

When they all arrived at the restaurant the smell was so overwhelmingly good that Katie realized that her stomach was growling. She knew
she would get her favorite BBQ chicken personal pizza, with a side of ranch, and a side salad, before they were even seated.

When they were led to their table, the waitress took their drink order and left them to decide what they were going to eat. Mom and dad sat on the opposite side of the table from her and were looking intently at the menu. Dad looked up to see Katie’s menu closed.

“What are you going to order honey?” dad asked Katie.

“I am going to get my usual with
a side salad. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until we walked in and the smell made my stomach growl,” Katie replied.

“Good, I am glad you are going to eat more than just a bagel,” her mom replied.

The waitress returned with their drinks, and took their order. Her mom and dad were going to share an order of Manicotti, and a salad. When the waitress left to put their order in, mom and dad looked at her.

“I know you both think there is something that I need to talk about, but I am fine,” Katie said before her parents could say anything.

Dad looked at Katie and grabbed her hand holding it tight. “I know the last few months have been hard, but we all have to start moving on Katie. Jackson would not have wanted any of us to continue to feel like we all do now. It is time for all of us to move on Katie,” dad said.

“I have been thinking about going to the library again and volunteering to read to the little kids for toddler time again. Maybe I will go talk to Mrs. Smith and see if they have any of the classes open for me to do that with,” Katie said as she picked up her glass and took a drink of her soda.
Katie really had not been thinking about doing that, but if it meant that her parents would leave her alone, then she would definitely do it.

“That is perfect,” dad said with a smile. Katie had not seen him smile like that in the last few months. She realized that for the first time since Jackson’s de
ath she was completely relaxed and honestly enjoying her parent’s company.

They continued to talk about little things throughout dinner, and after everyone had finished dinner and each had a piece of apple pie with whipped crème on top for desert, they were stuffed. After paying the bill and leaving a tip,
they all walked slowly back to the car.

Chapter 4

On the
drive home, no one really talked, probably because they were all to full to even move. When they got home Katie went to her room to change into her pajamas. She folded the jeans she was wearing and laid them on the back of her chair. She walked over, and turned her covers down, getting ready for bed. She was completely drained from the day, which is nothing new for her in the last few months. Katie walked into the bathroom and wet a wash rag to wash her face. She applied the toothpaste to her tooth brush, and brushed her teeth. When she was done, she grabbed the lotion out from under the sink, and sat on the edge of the tub as she applied it to her feet and legs. When she was done and had put the lotion back under the sink, she climbed into bed and turned out the lights.

Laying there she thought about what she had told her parents she would do. She wasn’t sure if she could spend time with other little kids, without thinking about Jackson all the time. She just wasn’t sure she was ready for that yet. The thing is if she does not at least try her dad will start trying to talk to her about everything, and Katie just did not want to talk about it. She was fine and she just wished everyone would let her be.

While she was lost in thought her door opened and her mom walked in. “I just wanted to tell you good night sweetheart,” mom said as she sat on the edge of the bed.

“Good night mom,” Katie replied as she sat up to hug her mom.  “I will go tomorrow and talk to Mrs. Smith about reading to the kids and helping around the library again.”

“That’s great. I can take you if you would like, and then we could get lunch afterwards,” mom said.

Katie knew mom was going to say something like that, when she came in. She never comes into her room unless she wants something. “That’s
okay; I will probably spend some time there after talking to her. I want to see if I can find a good book to read this summer. I may even start on my reading list for next year to get a head start,” Katie replied.

Frustrated that Katie is going to such lengths to not talk to her about what is going on, her mom said “that’s fine honey. Just let me know if you change your mind.”

“Okay mom. I am going to go to sleep now, I am really tired. Good night and I will see you in the morning,” Katie said as she lay back down, and pulled the covers up to her neck.

As her mom
left the room, she said “I love you,” and closed her door; Katie started thinking about the day. She just could not shake the feeling of having someone following her all day. That was just something that she had never felt, and it made her somewhat uncomfortable. She would have to pay attention tomorrow and see if she could figure out who may be following her, and why.

She couldn’t fall asleep immediately because she could not stop thinking about her day. She rolled over and grabbed her IPOD off the nightstand and put the ear plugs in her ears. She turned it
on and listened to it until she drifted off to sleep.

Katie drifted into a deep sleep, but along with it came a dream that felt so real. She was walking to the park like a normal day, but she kept feeling like she had someone there walking beside her. She looked over and there was Jackson. He grabbed her hand and they walked
quietly to the swing. She sat down and he kept pushing her higher and higher. When she was tired of the swing she went and sat on the benches and Jackson sat next to her. She couldn’t seem to stop looking at him. When she looked at him he smiled a big smile with his straight teeth. She always did love his smile. The dimples that everyone loved were so prominent. She wanted to speak to him, but something was stopping her from being able to. She grabbed his arm and pulled him in for a hug, but there wasn’t anyone there to hug as she got him close to her. She looked around to see if she could find him, but he was nowhere to be found.

Katie woke up straight out of a dead sleep and she was sweating, something she has never done before. She rolled over and put her IPOD on the nightstand.
“That was a weird dream to have”, she thought.  She closed her eyes, since it was only 1130 pm, and hoped to sleep the rest of the night without waking up.

Katie woke when the sunlight drifted in through her curtains. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes
and threw back the covers. She got up and went to the bathroom, and turned on the shower. She thought she would go to the library today like she told her parents. She really didn’t think that she was really up for it but she didn’t have anything else to do since it was the summer time.  When she got out of the shower she put on a pair of jeans and a blue t shirt with Jackson and her handprints on it. She thought it was a great way to preserve a part of him, and they decorated it together a few weeks before he passed away. She put on a pair of flip flops and walked down stairs to the kitchen to grab a bagel.