Katie's Angel (8 page)

             
“It’s okay sweetheart. This is why your dad and I are so adamant about you getting out of the house and doing things with other people.  Why we keep trying to get you to talk to us,” her mom said.

             
“I know mom, but whoever did this was not very smart about it. If I find out who it was, they are not going to like me when I am done with them. This isn’t something anyone should do, even if they are trying to show me they are there for me,” Katie said still extremely frustrated.

             
“But maybe you don’t know why they did it,” her mom replied. “Maybe whoever did it was trying to help you feel better about everything and let you know that you have people who care about you.”

             
“Well that isn’t the way to do it. And how am I supposed to feel better about everything?” Katie asked just getting angrier as she thought about everything. “Jackson was only eight years old mom. He wasn’t a bad kid. He just wasn’t given the opportunity to be the kid he was. How is it ever going to be okay without him here with us?” Katie was yelling again at this point.  She was so angry she was shaking almost uncontrollably. It was a good thing that she was sitting down.

             
Her mom tried to hug her again, but this time Katie just pushed her away. At this point there wasn’t anything anyone could say or do, to make it any better for her. Right now all Katie wanted was to be alone with Jackson at his new home.

             
Katie stood up and started for the door. Her mom stood up and took a few steps towards her and asked, “Where are you going?”

             
“I just need to go for a walk and clear my head. I will be back in time to cook dinner like I said I would,” Katie promised and closed the door, leaving her mom standing in the living room worried more than ever about her daughter.

Chapter 11

Outside on the door step, Katie took a deep breath. She could not believe the audacity of some people. There was no way she would ever forgive whoever had sent the letter. It was an unforgivable act as far as she was concerned.

             
Katie turned towards the park. She knew where she was going, but she just couldn’t get there as fast as she needed to. She had this overwhelming urge to just hug Jackson. She knew it wasn’t possible but she just needed to hug him one more time .The time they had together was not long enough.

             
As Katie crossed the road, she heard someone yell her name. She didn’t turn around to find out who it was, because at this point she really did not care. She just continued to walk, increasing the pace as she moved.  She didn’t want anyone around her right now. She just wanted to be left alone with Jackson.

              She walked up the hill, like she had every day since they buried Jackson.  She walked down the row to Jacksons’ new home, sat down, wrapped her arms around the headstone, and just cried. She sat there so long that she lost track of time. She didn’t care who saw her at this point. She was hugging the closest thing to her brother that she had.

             
After a while, she wiped the tears from her face and just started talking about everything. She talked about how much she missed him, and how she wishes he were there to hug. She told him about the fight with mom, the letter and how she was busted in a lie.  She even started talking about Jack, without even thinking about it. 

             
As she talked she didn’t notice that someone was listening. She heard a slight movement behind her. Without looking Katie said “mom I just want to be alone. I already told you that.”

             
“Umm… I am sorry. I shouldn’t be here,” said a deep voice.

             
Katie turned so fast she almost fell over. She couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw Jack standing there with his hands stuffed in his jeans, looking at the ground as he kicked the dirt.  “How long had he been there?  Did he hear everything she said about him to Jackson? Did he see her crying?” Her mind was going so fast that she couldn’t think straight.

             
“How long have you been standing there?” Katie asked, completely embarrassed with everything he had probably just witnessed or heard.

             
“Not very long, I yelled your name when you were walking up here, but you didn’t turn around. You looked upset so I wanted to make sure you were okay.  I didn’t mean to intrude on a private conversation,” he said instantly sorry that he had followed her.

             
“Well I obviously didn’t want to be around anyone. Or if I had of I would have turned around,” Katie said in a very hateful tone.  The look on his face made her regret that she had been so mean. None of this was his fault, all he was just trying to be was a friend.

             
“I’m sorry that I came. I will go. See you later,” Jack replied in the same harsh tone that Katie had used towards him, as he turned to walk away.

             
Caught off guard by his tone, Katie couldn’t come up with a smart remark like she would have loved to do. “No its okay, you can stay. I am sorry that I was so mean. It has just been a very emotional day for me. Well after lunch it was emotional,” she said so that he wouldn’t think it had anything to do with him. She was so exhausted from all the emotions that she had felt in the last few hours that she could probably fall asleep if she wasn’t careful.

             
She scooted over so that Jack could sit down. She knew that he was probably wondering why she was sitting in a cemetery, hugging a headstone, but he never asked. And she was honestly grateful that he didn’t.

They sat there in silence for a while as Katie picked at the grass. She didn’t even try to look at Jack. She was embarrassed, not knowing exactly what Jack had or had not heard.

“You look like you had a rough day after our lunch,” he said breaking the silence.

“You could say that,” Katie replied without making eye contact. “You could say that for every day for the last two years,” she continued.

“Wow two years of rough days. That has to be a record, especially for a fifteen year old girl. I think that should earn you some ice cream or something,” he said trying to make her smile.

He could tell she was very upset about something, but didn’t feel like it was his place to ask. He was usually able to realize when so
meone wanted to talk and when they would rather be left alone. All he really wanted to do was give her a shoulder to cry on if she wanted it. Although at this point, he was quite sure that she was not about to tell him what was bothering her, and he was okay with just sitting there with her.

Katie cracked a slight smile know
ing that is what Jack was trying to get her to do. She just couldn’t muster up anything more than that.

“I can leave if you want to be alone,” Jack said not really wanting to leave her alone, but he didn’t want to intrude either. He knew exactly how she was feeling.
Well in a certain way he knew how she felt. He had never lost anyone but he had come so close to knowing what it felt like to lose someone close to him. He didn’t know for sure, but he was sure that whoever she was missing was someone that she was very close to.

“No it is okay. I was not very nice to you earlier. I’m sorry. It is just that… Katie stopped and just looked at Jack. She was certain that he did not want to hear about her p
roblems, but she had the sudden urge to tell Jack about everything. She felt like she could talk to him about everything she had been through in her entire life. That was a new feeling to her since she had never been able to talk about anything with anyone except Jackson.

Interrupting her, Jack said “Look, I am only here if you want me to be. I am a good listener, and I
do give pretty good advice depending on what the topic is.”

“Thanks,” Katie replied
grateful that he wasn’t pushing her to talk about anything. “I don’t usually talk to anyone about my thoughts or feelings. I keep them to myself. It is easier that way,” she continued.

Jack knew exactly how Katie felt when it cam
e to talking about feelings to someone else. He had dealt with that himself. “I used to be like that, but I have figured out that sometimes talking to someone makes all the difference. I didn’t start talking to anyone until I got myself arrested for getting out of the rain,” Jack said.

“Did it help? And I mean did it really help?” she asked him, actually surprised that he had any issue that he
would need to talk about with someone. He didn’t look like he had any issues.

“Yes believe it or not it did help and I still talk to someone twice a week for one hour. It keeps me out of trouble. Otherwise I might be as bad as everyone keeps saying I am,” he said with a grin on his face.

Katie couldn’t help but laugh at his joke. She knew his reputation, although she wasn’t positive as to why exactly he had such a bad one. It felt good to laugh. She hadn’t really laughed since Jackson died. She was so comfortable with Jack that it was almost a scary thought to her. She told herself when Jackson died that she would not get close to anyone again, because they will eventually leave her.  She couldn’t bear to deal with that again. Sometimes it was just a safer bet to be a loner, and she was going to stay that way no matter what her parents thought.

“I know that you may not believe it, but talking about it helps you deal with your feelings and it will make you feel better,” he said in the most concerned way.

Katie couldn’t believe how nice he was being. They had only really talked twice before this, and he was willing to make her feel safe and happy. “Thank you. I know it would probably help, but I just don’t think I am ready for that part yet. I think I am doing just fine talking to Jackson. It may not be what everyone else wants me to do but I know that I will talk to someone when I feel the need to.”

“When you need to talk
, I am always here. Sometimes it is easier to talk to someone who can actually talk back to you,” he said, curious as to whom exactly Jackson was, but again didn’t want to pry.

“I don’t need anyone to talk to me when I need to talk. That should have been apparent to you when you saw me talking to a headstone by myself, in a cemetery,” Katie said suddenly finding herself getting mad at Jack for being so inconsiderate.

Jack was surprised by the response he got from Katie. He felt almost like he had overstayed his welcome. Just when he put his hand on the ground to push himself up, Katie said, “Look I didn’t ask you to come here and stay. I am not trying to be rude but I hear it all the time from my parents. If you came here to tell me that there is something wrong with me, you can leave now, but if you want to stick around and talk then I am ok with that. I am sorry that I just got nasty, but I am so sick of people trying to tell me what I need to do, when they do not know what it is like to lose someone so close to them.”

“There is a lot about me that you do not know, and eventually I might share it with you, but you need to
understand one thing about me,” Jack said getting a little irritated with how much Katie liked to think that no one could possibly understand how she feels. “I may go talk to someone, but at least I do it. I know that holding it in is a bad thing. You on the other hand just keep letting it build up and eventually you are going to get yourself into trouble or worse,” Jack said as he stood up. When he was finished he stood there for another minute and when Katie didn’t say anything, much less look at him, he turned and walked away.

Katie could do nothing more than stare at him as he walked away. “What made him think he was so special, and knew what everyone needed?” Katie asked Jackson. “He just thinks he knows what I am in need of. I am so sick of everyone acting like they know what I need. You would never act like that to me.” Katie looked around the cemetery. It was very rare that she ever saw anyone other than herself. It was the same today. There was no one else there. She looked up and noticed the sun was setting. She knew she needed to get going.

“Well I need to get home to make dinner for mom and dad. I know mom is probably going to freak on me too for not telling the truth about the library, but at this point, I frankly don’t care what she has to say about it. She doesn’t understand either,” Katie said. She reached her fingers to her lips and then touched the headstone with her fingers. “I love you Jackson. I will be back tomorrow to see you again,” Katie said as she got up and walked away. The tears streamed down her cheeks and she wiped them away not wanting anyone else to see her upset.

She walked down the hill and took a left. She had not meant to be gone for so long. Hopefully mom and dad aren’t to mad at her. She walked at a brisk pace trying to get home in time to make dinner for her parents. Along the way she saw Jack walking up ahead. She suddenly felt horrible for how she had acted towards him at the cemetery. She wasn’t sure exactly what to say to him, but she did know she owed him an apology. She ran up the street
towards him, and yelled “Jack” hoping he will stop walking.

Jack
stopped and turned around. He was surprised when he saw Katie. He didn’t expect that she would talk to him so soon. He was still a little upset that she had been so rude when she had talked to him, but he understood where she was coming from. He was sure that soon she would understand where he was coming from as well.