Katie's Angel (13 page)

“How can you be so positive? This isn’t something that you can just look away from and say that it should never have happened so I forgive God for taking someone that I loved so much away from me.”

“I know that but the thing about it is that it is not for us to forgive God, it is God who is to forgive us. We are here because of him. There had to be a reason that Jackson went to Heaven. You have to look at it this way. At least he is in Heaven and out of pain. He is with friends, and he is running around without a care in the world. He doesn’t have to worry about being in pain or having to spend another day in a hospital bed. He is happy. You have to believe that he is happy.”

Crying harder now, Katie
couldn’t help but think about how much sense what he just said made. She knew that she would have to stop being so mad before she could completely heal, but she didn’t feel like she was ready for that step yet. “I know what your saying is true, but it isn’t that easy. Losing someone that is so close to you and so young and innocent, is never something someone wants to feel. We just have to deal with it.”

“Are you dealing with it though, Katie? You go through your days in a daze and you are not really talking to anyone. Even I can see this and I haven’t known you that long. You have to start to move on. It isn’t easy to do but it is something that has to happen. Not to sound mean but at least you don’t have to watch him suffer like I have to watch my mom suffer. I think it would be simpler to have lost her than it is to watch her suffer every day. She may not be suffering physically but she
will not ever walk again, or do anything for herself. She has to rely on others to do simple things like feed her and even use the bathroom. So honestly be thankful that you don’t have to watch him suffer anymore. “

Katie felt like she had been knocked down. She knew that no one else would be willing to put it to her like that ever.
Without thinking about it she wrapped her arms around Jack and held him close for what seemed like forever. When they separated Katie decided it was time to go home and try to do what he had just talked to her about. Move on.

Chapter 16

Katie walked in the house with a smile on her face. She couldn’t help but be in a great mood after having spent the entire day with Jack. Even though it at times turned into a tear fest, it was nice that someone knew exactly how she was feeling. It meant that she knew who she could talk to and not get the response that she knew she would get from her parents.

Walking into the kitchen she put the picnic basket on the cabinet. She started taking everything out of it and put it all away. As she was putting things away she heard some movement upstairs.
She knew it was too early for her parents to be home. Her mom and dad both told her that they would be home later than normal because they both had to be at work for meetings afterwards. Telling herself that she was just hearing things she continued putting everything away.

As she was rinsing the dishes that she had used, Katie heard what sounded like footsteps upstairs. She put down the dish she was rinsing and shut the water off. She proceeded to the stairs and slowly crept up them quietly. As she neared the top she wasn’t expecting to see her dad standing there in front of her.

“Hi Katie,” her dad said with a smile on his face.

Caught completely off guard, Katie
felt like she was going to fall backwards down the stairs. She quickly grabbed for the handrail to keep her steady. Catching herself, she looked at her dad and replied slightly out of breath, “Hi dad.”

             
Reaching for Katie’s arm, her dad looked at her quizzically. “Katie what is wrong with you? Why are you acting like you saw a ghost?”

             
“I just didn’t realize that anyone else was in the house. I thought you were working.” Katie replied as she finally caught her breath and her heart rate went back to normal.

             
“Well I have been home for about an hour. I am a little bit curious as to where you were? Were you out doing anything fun?” Half expecting a one word answer he was prepared to ask more in depth questions to get the real truth out of her.

             
“I was actually at the cemetery visiting with Jackson. I just felt the need to go there and talk to him,” Katie said without lying. She just left Jack out of the picture.

             
“That is nice that you went to visit him,” he replied as they started to walk downstairs together. “Have you done that often?”

             
“I have gone there a few times. Usually it is when I am really missing him most. It isn’t a big deal dad. Just a time for me to think about the times we spent together,” Katie replied without looking at her dad as she walked to the refrigerator to get a bottle of water. She didn’t want him to see that she wasn’t really telling the complete story. Yet at the same time she really did not feel like he needed to know anything about it.

             
“Well I am glad to know that you do go there to talk to him. At least you’re talking to someone,” her dad said looking at her to see her reaction. He knew that she was not telling him everything about her day, but he will get to the bottom of it soon.

             
With a roll of her eyes she just brushed his comment off. She was not going to have this conversation. She had to good of a day to let her dad ruin it. She drifted off into thought about her time with Jack. She couldn’t help but miss the feeling of his hand in hers. It was a feeling that she had never experienced before. It was a feeling that she never wanted to stop feeling. No matter what anyone else thought of Jack she knew that he was not a bad person. He was just trying to figure out why all the bad stuff in his life has happened, just like she seemed to wonder on a daily basis.

             
Her dad watched her as she zoned out from reality. He wondered if she was thinking about Jackson or that boy that her mom had said she saw her with the other day. He knew that one day a boy would enter her world and nothing else would matter but he didn’t think it would have been this soon. He could still remember holding her in his arms right after she was born. The new baby smell, the diaper changes, the sleepless nights, all the bruises, scrapes, and of course the many Band-Aids that were used to cover them all.  These were just the little things that he missed about her being so little. He didn’t want to start thinking about the big things, only because he knew that just thinking about them would bring tears to his eyes.

             
Katie had snapped back to reality because it was way to quiet in the kitchen. When Katie looked up she realized that her dad was staring at her. She knew that he was thinking about her when she was a little girl. He did this quite often since Jackson left home. He was never really happy with having her grow up, but the way he was staring at her like he was a madman had to stop.

             
“Dad, what are you looking at?”

             
“Sorry honey, I was just thinking about you as a little girl. You would always wait for me to get home and when I sat down in my recliner to relax, you would climb up in my lap and you would start telling me all about your day. Those were times that I would look forward to all day.”

             
“I know dad. You have told me that story a hundred times,” Katie said with a very bored voice.

             
Looking at his daughter, he just couldn’t understand why she just wouldn’t talk to him. They had always had a great relationship and it really bothered him that now that Jackson was gone, she wasn’t willing to talk about it.

             
Before her dad could say anything else, Katie got up and started to walk upstairs. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to avoid him for very long. She didn’t know why he came home early, but she was not in the mood for any questions or conversation.

             
Seeing Katie walk away from him, made her dad a little irritated. It was not something that she would have normally done, and he was not going to have it. Following Katie upstairs, her dad went to her bedroom door and watched Katie as she started to clean her bathroom. He knew she was only doing this to avoid any confrontation with him, but she had another thing coming. This was something that was going to be fixed, and it was going to happen now.

             
“Katie, we need to talk honey,” her dad said as he walked into her room and sat in the chair that was in the corner of her room.

             
Katie rolled her eyes before she turned around to look at her dad. “Dad I really don’t feel like I need to talk about anything.”

             
“Yes, Katie we need to talk about everything right now. I understand that you do not feel like you need to talk, but even I have to talk about everything that has happened over the last few years. You have always tried to be the strong one in the family, and act like there isn’t anything wrong in your life. But honey you have to talk about what is going on with you. There is so much more than we can do about this if you would only talk about it.”

             
“Dad, I am fine,” Katie said as she pulled out her drawer to pick out a new shirt to put on after she was done cleaning the bathroom.

             
“You are not fine Katie. Your mother and I both know that you are not fine. You need to realize you’re not ok. You need to talk. You are hanging out with the wrong people now too and I am not going to have that. I wasn’t going to do this, but I have set up an appointment for you with a therapist tomorrow at two o’clock.”

             
“First of all, I am not hanging out with the wrong people. Second of all, I am not going to talk to anyone dad. I don’t need it,” she said as she slammed the drawer shut. Of all people to push her, she never would have thought it would be her dad. She was so sick of everyone these days, especially her parents.

             
“This wasn’t a request Katie, you are going whether you like it or not. As a matter of fact we are all going as a family. You are hanging out with that boy that has already been in trouble with the cops. That isn’t ok.”

             
“He isn’t a bad guy dad. You don’t even know anything about him or his situation. You haven’t even tried to find out anything about him. All you know about him is what everyone in the neighborhood has said about him. And frankly dad they are all a bunch of nosey people who would not survive without a little bit of drama.”

             
“Katie you are going tomorrow whether you want to or not. You are not to hang out with that boy again. I will ground you if I find out that you are having anything to do with him again. Do you understand me?”

             
“I AM NOT GOING TO STOP TALKING TO “
THAT BOY
” AS YOU KEEP CALLING HIM! AND I DON’T NEED TO TALK TO ANYONE!” Katie screamed at her dad. She never would have dreamed of doing that to him before, but she was completely done with this whole thing. She was done with her dad, with her mom, with this annoying feeling that she was being watched, and she was done with not having Jackson there.

             
“Katie!” her dad said in a stern tone as he stood up. He had never heard her raise her voice at him before and honestly never thought she would. He wasn’t sure how to respond, but he knew she wouldn’t do that ever again.

             
Katie looked at her dad and clenching her fists she took off out of her room, and down the stairs. As she reached the bottom of the stairs she heard her dad behind her, telling her to stop. She wasn’t about listening to anyone at this point. All Katie wanted to do was see Jack. She felt like he was the only one who would listen to her and understand her all at the same time. She ran down the walk as she felt the tears flow down her cheeks.

Chapter 17

Katie ran all the way down her street. She wasn’t sure if Jack would be home or not but she really felt like she needed to talk to him. The more she ran the more she felt like something was trying to keep her from going any further. She wasn’t going to let anything stop her now. She just had to get to Jack.

As she came up to Jacks’ house she noticed him in the kitchen window. Katie stopped and watched Jack. She had never been so enthralled with a boy before. She just knew that she was happiest when she was with him.

As she was watching him, Jack looked up and out of the window. He was surprised to see Katie standing
there in his front yard. He could look at her for hours and never get tired of it. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. The only thing he wished was that she could see herself like he saw her. Looking at her, he could see she was crying. He wasn’t sure of what exactly was going on but he was sure that it was not anything good.