Keep You From Harm (14 page)

He shrugs. “It’s fine, usually. But when people look at me the way they did tonight, I fucking hate it.”

His sudden disdain shocks me. “What way? I didn’t notice anything.”

He eyes me intently. “They see me standing beside you looking like I’ve got it all under control, but in their heads they’re calling bullshit because they know exactly where I come from.”

I lean back to study his face. “You don’t really think that, do you?”

He frowns at me.

“I’ve seen how fast gossip spreads here, but I haven’t heard a bad word about your family.”

“You wouldn’t,” he says. “You’re an outsider. Besides, your brother and his wife move in different circles. They wouldn’t know anything about my family either. But that’s probably about to change.”

I give him a serious look. “You know, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter to me, right?” I can’t help thinking that whatever the heck is going on with his family, it can’t be nearly as bad as mine. But still, I wish he’d trust me enough to tell me.

His answer is skeptical silence.

“Besides,” I say, wanting to lighten the mood, “it doesn’t seem to matter to any of the girls in school. Last time I checked, your stud status was still going strong.”

This elicits a sliver of a smile. “There’s only one girl in school I’m interested in.”

“Really? Who?”

His smile fades as he brings his face closer to mine. “You, Ray. Just you,” he whispers.

I can feel his warm breath on my cheek. “It seems like an obvious nickname,” I say, my voice quiet now, too. “But no one has ever called me Ray before. I kind of like it.”

His eyes travel over my face, stalling on my mouth, and my lips begins to tingle as though he’s actually kissing me. “You’re my ray of sunshine,” he says softly.

With that, I’m rendered speechless. I never would have guessed Lucas could do corny so well, but his words light me on fire. His expression changes as he registers my reaction, and I realize the way I’m feeling must be perfectly clear to him. His eyes turn liquid as he inches his lips closer to mine. I’m still wrapped within the blanket when I feel his arms tighten around me. My breath stutters in my chest as I anticipate the moment his lips will meet mine. When they finally do, their touch is feather soft, barely pressing against me. Our breath mingles as he kisses just the side of my mouth, very slowly before he brushes his lips across mine to land them on the other side where he places another soft kiss. I feel his hand move up over my shoulder and then to the back of my head. His fingers tangle in my hair as he uses his hand to bring my face closer to his. Then his lips slant over mine, applying more pressure now, and all the waiting and wondering is satisfied by the white hot realness of having his mouth firmly on mine.

I’m pressing myself against him now, slowly snaking my hands out of the blanket to reach out for him. When I wind my arms around his neck, his mouth opens, coaxing my lips to follow, and our tongues touch tentatively at first, before they begin a slow, intimate dance.

Lucas is all around me. His smell, his touch, his warmth consume me, and our surroundings blur and fade away. Everything seems to dissolve into darkness and all that exists is us, in this moment. I can say with absolute certainty that I’ve never kissed anyone this way before, with my whole heart, with everything that I am. Just as I realize this, I know my walls are down. If Lucas has any kind of an injury right now, I couldn’t prevent the energy from forming. In the back of my mind, I understand how dangerous that is, but mostly I’m just thankful that Lucas is one very healthy specimen of physical perfection.

His warm hand slides down around my shoulder, and he splays his long fingers across the top of my chest, just above my breasts. My heart continues to pump hard, and I wonder if he can feel it against his palm. He begins to slide his hand down, inside the blanket, and my fingers tighten around the curls at his neck. His tongue is still moving against mine as his hand sweeps across my breast. A shock ripples through me, and I surprise myself when I whimper into his mouth. This seems to trigger something within him, and he cups my breast fully as his thumb begins to circle my nipple through the fabric of my sweater. I arch into his hand craving more. There’s an aching need between my legs, and I squeeze my thighs together. My body knows what it wants even as my head is swirling in sensation with the nagging fear that I’m losing control of myself. My hand moves down Lucas’s chest until I find the bottom of his shirt. I inch it up and slide my fingers inside it. His stomach muscles jump as my fingers come in contact with his warm skin. I press my hand fully against the ridged muscles of his abdomen, enjoying the way he feels beneath my fingers, when he unexpectedly grabs my wrist to stop me.

Without warning, Lucas disentangles himself from me, gently setting me away from him. We’re both breathing hard, and he’s blinking at me as though he can’t bring me into focus. He mutters something I can’t understand before running a hand through his hair. “I needed to stop. That was getting…” he pauses and flashes a sexy grin at me even as he’s shaking his head.

The tension in me is slow to ease, and I close my eyes trying to will it away.

“Are you okay?” he asks tentatively. “I’m sorry if that was too…”

“It wasn’t,” I interrupt him, opening my eyes and taking in his concerned gaze and his disheveled hair. I should be embarrassed at my behavior, but I’m not. My only worry is that he stopped, that he has more self-control than I do.

He scrubs his hands over his face a few times. “It’s getting late,” he says.

I nod.

“I should get you back.”

Neither of us move. I let the blanket fall away. Suddenly, I’m far too warm inside it. Lucas takes my hand and leans his face down to mine. He kisses me again. This time it’s soft and tender, but he’s holding back now. Then he stands, pulling me up with him, and he wraps his arms around me. I lay my head on his shoulder as I embrace him, feeling the hard muscles of his back beneath my hands. I’ve never let myself feel this way about anyone before. It’s frightening and exhilarating at the same time. I tell myself that it’s because I’ve never met anyone like Lucas. On some level, I’m proud of myself. My inability to form connections has been pointed out to me by several social workers and teachers. If only they could see me now. Well, maybe not right now, I smile to myself.

Lucas releases me, and then he bends down to grab the blanket. My entire body still feels flushed as we walk hand in hand back to his truck. In the silence, my mind is already replaying the night over again, and I think back to how it started. I wish he would have told me about his family. I don’t understand what the big secret could be. But I haven’t told him everything about myself either. We’ve both kept our secrets tonight.

“Are you going to talk to Kyle about your grandmother?” he asks, once we’re back in the truck.

When he turns to look at me, my temperature shoots up even higher as I remember how his lips felt on mine. Then I realize he’s waiting for me to answer his question.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I answer, smiling to myself. I recall his question and another one that’s been nagging at me tonight. “If my grandmother is so senile, I’m wondering if somehow this janitor is taking advantage of her or something. There’s no question now that he’s the person I saw in San Diego. Or maybe Kyle met Rob Jarvis at the nursing home and sent him to San Diego to watch us. Kyle knew about us for a couple of years by then, and he had been trying to get custody of me. Maybe he hired him to gather evidence for his custody petition.”

“Maybe you can focus on the fact that you have a grandmother that you’re going meet for the first time and not worry about the rest right now.”

I take a deep breath and smile at him. “I know. It feels bittersweet because of what Chloe said about her probably not knowing who I am, but I am glad that I’ll get to see her. Are your grandparents still around?” I ask.

“Yeah. They’re all retired in Florida. We used to go visit them when I was kid. We went to Disney World together one year.

“Gee,” I laugh. “That sounds sickeningly normal, Lucas.”

His smiles wistfully as he watches the road. “It does, doesn’t it?”

When we arrive at Kyle’s house, I see that the outside lights have been left on for me, and there’s a soft glow in the living room window. “I’ll walk you to the door,” he says. “I want your brother to know I’m a gentleman.” He winks at me before getting out and coming around to my side. He opens the door and leads me up the walkway with a light touch to my lower back.

“I had a really nice time,” he says.

“Despite having to attend a family birthday party?” I ask.

“Any time I get to spend with you is good, Ray.”

I can feel my cheeks flush. When he flashes his mischievous smile, I know he notices.

“Goodnight.” He pecks my pink cheek, and I understand it’s because we might have an audience.

“Night.” I step inside and wait until Lucas is back in his truck before closing the door. The house is quiet. I see no sign of anyone being awake. I turn off the lights and head downstairs to my room. My head is filled with thoughts of Lucas as I change for bed. I never thought I could feel so connected to someone in such a short time. It’s as though those empty places inside me that I just accepted as a part of who I am disappear when we’re together. I used to look down my nose at girls who gushed about their boyfriends and couldn’t stand to be apart from them. That would never be me, but maybe I can understand them a little better now.

I fall asleep with no goodnight text from Lucas for the first time this week. But he just left me, and a goodnight in person is so much better anyway.

“D
id
you have fun at the birthday party, Raielle?” Penelope asks.

“Sure. Did you?” I ask as I sit down on the living room couch behind her. She’s lying on the carpet, scribbling in a coloring book with her crayon.

She sits up to look at me. “I helped Papa blow out the candles. Did you see me?”

“I did. You did a great job.”

“I can help you blow out your candles at your birthday party, too,” she says.

“I would really appreciate the help. Thanks.”

“Raielle’s birthday isn’t until the summer, right?” Kyle says, entering the room.

“June,” I confirm. I’m glad to see him since he’s the person I was looking for when I came in here.

“My birthday is in October,” Penelope informs me.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask Kyle.

He nods. “Let’s go for a walk.”

“Finish your picture, Penelope. Mommy wants to give you a bath when you’re done.” Kyle tugs playfully on her hair as he walks by. She chuckles in response.

It’s a bright morning. A warm breeze pushes cottony clouds across the sky. I follow Kyle to the sidewalk, and he begins a slow stroll once I reach him.

“Is this about Lucas?” he asks.

“No, actually, it’s about my grandmother. Didn’t Chloe tell you?”

He nods quickly. “Right. Yes, she did.”

“I’d like to see her.”

“Chloe said Angela told you she was dead?” he asks, his distaste for our mother obvious in his grimace.

I nod.

Kyle shakes his head at our mother’s lie. “I can take you to see her if you’d like, but you can’t really have a conversation with her. She may not even realize you’re there.”

“I’d still like to go.”

“Alright then,” he says, watching a car drive past.

“Were you close to her?” I ask, fearing the twinge of jealousy that’s waiting if he answers
yes
.

He thinks for a minute before answering. Then he shrugs. “Not really. She’s a hard person to get close to. She was never the stereotypical grandmother who baked cookies and sewed sweaters.”

“What was she like?”

“She was something of a social butterfly. She had a lot of friends. She always had people around her. Our grandfather died a long time ago, back when Angela was still here. So, Gram lived alone, but she always had her house filled with her friends.”

“Has she been in the nursing home long?” I ask.

“About two years now.”

“Did she know where Mom was? Did she know about me?”

He sighs. “No. She didn’t know any more than we did.”

“I don’t get it,” I say, feeling the familiar frustration welling up inside me. “Why would she make me believe she was all the family I had?”

Kyle stops, and I realize that I’ve stopped, too. He places his hands on my shoulders. “I don’t know, Raielle. I wish I did. I’m sorry for what she put you through.”

I take a step back to break our contact. “You don’t have to feel sorry for me. She loved me, Kyle. In her own massively messed up way, I know she did.”

He rubs a hand over his face. “You don’t want to say anything bad about her. I admire you for that, for your loyalty. But you might have to face the fact that she kept you away from here for her own selfish reasons.”

“What reasons?” I ask, trying to control my sudden temper.

He eyes me sympathetically. “We may never know the answer to that.”

I want to yell at him that he’s wrong, but I swallow the words along with the tears that are threatening to form. Kyle has his own reasons for hating her, but somehow, I just think he’s wrong about this.

My mother always told me that we only had each other in this world and that we were the only ones that could do what we did, heal people. She said it was important that we tell no one. That was easy enough to believe when I thought it was just the two of us. But now that I know we had a whole family here that she never bothered to tell me about, I can’t help but wonder if she lied about our power, too. “Can we see her on Sunday?” I ask.

“Can’t on Sunday. Penelope has a birthday party and Chloe wanted a few kid-free hours to run some errands,” he replies. “How about Monday night?”

I nod, swallowing my impatience. “Okay. Monday.”

“Now, about Lucas,” Kyle begins. His serious tone tells me that this topic is not going to lighten the mood much. “I learned some things about his family last night.”

I immediately realize that the people from Lucas’s church talked to Kyle last night, which is exactly what Lucas had been afraid of.

“Did he tell you about his mother?” Kyle asks.

I shake my head. A part of me wants to stop him because hearing the information this way feels like a betrayal. But I want to know too badly to do that.

Kyle slides his hands into his pockets, and his eyes turn wary. “She’s ill, Raielle. That’s what Alec’s friends told us last night.”

I eye him curiously. “Ill? What does that mean? What’s wrong with her?”

He exhales loudly. “She’s mentally ill,” he clarifies. “I understand that she’s dangerous. I don’t think I want you exposed to her in all honesty.”

“What exactly did Alec’s friends tell you?”

“That people have seen her wandering around their neighborhood, yelling random things, muttering to herself. She stands up in church screaming that evil is inside her. She hurts herself and she wants to hurt her family.”

I’m staring at Kyle but I’m thinking back to last night, and to Lucas’s reluctance to tell me any of this. “What do you mean she wants to hurt her family?” I ask.

“She tried to burn their house down with all of them inside it.”

My mouth drops open. “What?”

“It was sometime last year, they said. She started a fire in the basement. Then she walked outside and sat down on the front lawn to watch. It was two in the morning. The rest of the family were asleep in their bedrooms.”

“Oh god,” I bring my hand up to my open mouth. “But no one got hurt, right?”

“A smoke alarm went off before it could spread too far. Lucas’s father was able to put it out. They sent her somewhere to get help after that. But she’s been back for a while and apparently nothing much has changed.”

I look away from Kyle, staring down at the uneven cracks in the sidewalk instead. My heart is breaking for Lucas. I had no idea he was dealing with something like this. He never gave any hint of it. But then it hits me. I wonder if I could possibly help her. I wonder if mental illness is like physical illness. This use for my healing ability is something I’ve never tried before because it never really came up. The closest I ever came was when I asked my mother if I could heal her addiction. She laughed at me, saying she’d been trying to do that for years and daring me to take a stab at it. I did, but nothing happened. There was nothing torn, or broken, or foreign inside her making her abuse drugs and alcohol. There was nothing to heal. Ironically, we couldn’t heal ourselves either. The reason had something to do with needing two energy sources, like some kind of Ying and Yang was required to create the necessary reaction. I never understood it mainly because my mother couldn’t explain it coherently, making me believe she didn’t actually understand it herself. I also didn’t understand how we could be the only people in the world with the ability to heal. That makes no sense. But I couldn’t exactly place ads in the newspaper looking for others, and Google was no help at all. But imagine if I could cure Lucas’s mother? If there were something in her brain that I could actually heal, simply touching her would tell me.

“I don’t want you going over there,” Kyle says stiffly, bringing my attention back to him.

I stare at him, slowly realizing that he’s giving me an order.

“He can come here and you can go places together, but I don’t want you in his house or anywhere around her. Do you understand me, Raielle?”

I want to laugh in disbelief at his sudden laying down of the law. I’m ready to protest and tell him how ridiculous he’s being, but then I think better of it. I’ve been running my own life for a long time. If he wants to think he’s taken over the job, I’ll go ahead and let him, only I’ll know better. “Fine,” I say.

His eyebrows shoot up. “I don’t want to be unfair to Lucas, but he’s not my concern. You are,” he continues to explain himself.

I nod. “I get it. If what you’ve heard is true, I’m sure he’s not exactly rushing to invite his friends over anyway.”

“You’re probably right.” He runs a hand over his head before shoving it back in his pocket again, looking uncomfortable. Then he changes the subject. “Do you need a ride to work today?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll walk.”

When we get inside, I check my phone. I have a message from Gwen, but no one else. I want to call Lucas, but I’m not sure I should. Pretending not to know about his mother doesn’t feel like the right approach. But if I do call him, what will I say? In the end, I decide not to call right now and to worry about it later.

J
acinda
is a lapsed college student taking a year off to chill. That’s what she told me when she introduced herself as the owner’s niece and my fellow ice cream scooper for the day. I thought it was some kind of pun when she said it, but her oblivious chattering told me otherwise. I quickly realized that she could make conversation with the wall if I wasn’t here.

“My boyfriend is driving down tonight, and I might need to leave a little early if that’s okay with you?” she says when we’re barely a half hour into our shift.

“Um, okay.” I answer, realizing that as the owner’s niece, she takes liberties.

“I got a new tattoo as a surprise for him. Would you like to see it?” she asks. She’s attractive with long wavy hair that she has pulled back in a loose ponytail. Her skintight jeans reveal the kind of curves that guys go nuts for. Next to her, I probably look exactly like the beanpole people called me growing up.

I hesitate. “That depends. Where is this tattoo?”

She cackles at me. “Relax. I’m not going pull down my pants or anything. It’s right here.” She approaches me, lifting the edge of her black T-shirt up over the side of her torso. There, looking red and angry, is a scab-encrusted tattoo of a panther spanning her side with its head reaching toward her bellybutton and the tail whipping back toward her spine.

“Wow.” I wince even as I’m admiring the artistry of it. “That looks like it hurt.”

“Like a bitch,” she laughs.

“What’s the significance of the panther?”

“It’s a hellcat,” she says. “That’s what my boyfriend calls me.”

“Ahh,” I nod, not sure I’d want that nickname, but whatever.

“You never got back to me.” The door to Scoops swings open, causing the cool air from outside to waft in.

I turn to see Gwen, dressed in what looks like a plaid schoolgirl outfit, walk up to the counter. “I know, sorry. Jacinda, this is my friend, Gwen.”

Jacinda gives her a little wave. “I’m going to restock the toppings,” she says. Then she disappears into the back.

“So?” Gwen asks impatiently. “How was your date with Lucas?”

Just then, the door opens and a couple of tween-aged girls walk in. They’re talking to each other and texting at the same time. Gwen waits while I scoop their cones and ring up their totals. Once they’re gone, she eyes me expectantly.

“It was really nice,” I say, and I can feel my cheeks heating.

“Oh my god! Look at you. It was better than nice.”

I smile at her. I’m sure she doesn’t know about Lucas’s mother or she would have told me.

“So, what exactly did you do?” she asks, resting her arm on the top of the counter.

“You want me to kiss and tell?” I tease.

“Is that all you did? Kiss?” she raises her eyebrows suggestively.

“Yes. It was our first real date. All we did was kiss.”

“And how was that?” she asks, appearing disappointed that more didn’t happen.

“It was memorable,” I hedge. I’ve never really had girl talk like this and so far, it’s not a great fit for me.

“Uh-huh and if you fell off a cliff, you’d probably say hitting the ground stung a little,” she giggles, laughing at her own joke.

I shrug with a smile, thinking that it’s a good comparison. Free falling off a cliff is a perfect way to describe how I felt when I was kissing Lucas.

“So, since it’s only Saturday, are you guys going out again this weekend?” she asks, lowering her voice as Jacinda reappears with tubs of candy.

“No. I don’t think so. I haven’t talked to him since last night.”

“Want to come over then? We can get a movie or something?” She’s eyeing the Oreo cookie topping that Jacinda is pouring into a glass container.

“Sure. Um, would you like an ice cream, Gwen?”

She turns her attention back to me. “What? No, I’d better not. This job of yours could get dangerous if I come in here too much. I’ll pick you up later.”

I
decide to call Lucas on Sunday afternoon. I haven’t heard from him since he dropped me off on Friday night, but that wasn’t so long ago. I really hate that I’ve been staring at my phone, wanting him to call. My gut is telling me that if everything were fine, he would have called. But my head is saying that’s ridiculous. We haven’t known each other very long. We’re not at the chat every day stage. But I do have a good reason to get in touch with him. I want to tell him that Kyle is taking me to visit my grandmother after school tomorrow. When I get his voicemail, I hesitate for a moment before saying, “Hey, it’s Raielle. Hope you’re having a good weekend. Call me if you get a chance. I have some news.”

Then I go back to studying. The house is quiet. I’m the only one at home. Now, I watch my phone even closer, ready to throw the completely silent piece of metal and plastic out the window by dinner time. This time, I know something isn’t right, and with what I know about his mother now, I’m starting to worry. Since I don’t plan on stalking him at his house or asking Myles about him, there’s no way to find out what’s going on until Monday. Best case scenario, everything is fine, and I’m completely paranoid and obsessing far too much about him. This actually makes me smile. Who would have thought that I would be swooning over a guy? I’m usually known as some variation of the term ice queen in every school I attend. But somehow, Lucas has changed that. Then why is my gut churning, telling me that something is very wrong?

On the walk to school the next morning, there is palpable tension between April and Myles. She’s spouting one word monosyllabic answers to his attempts at conversation, and he’s giving up and giving into the silence as we make our way down the last block. I give them an impatient wave as I speed ahead into the building, making a mental note to ask Myles what the heck happened between them when I see him later. Lucas never did return my call from yesterday, and I’m feeling anxious at the thought of seeing him.