Authors: Rosanne Hawke
9
We are finally going to the beach. Max and Felicity try to get us to come with them in their four-wheel drive. But I can't imagine Dev as a passenger in a car, not when he has his bike. I'm glad he says no. Felicity looks like she's going to argue but Max tells her they won't be far away. Sounds like Felicity's got the hots for Dev real bad. Dev just raises his eyebrows. âThought we'd have some time by ourselves, mate.'
âToo right.' Grandad used to always say that. I fasten my helmet and climb on behind Dev as he twists the throttle. Felicity has the four-wheel drive idling, waiting for us to go. Dev looks behind at me and gives me a lopsided grin. I know that look: it means,
Hang on tight, let's have a proper ride
. We fly out the gate with a roar. Felicity hasn't even taken off. If I didn't know Dev better I'd think he was trying to lose Felicity and Max. Maybe I don't need to worry about her.
We've been here for days and this is the first time we've been off the property. The road is gravel and we slide a bit before we reach the bitumen, and then Dev fully opens the throttle. I need this ride as much as he does. It blows away the mist in my head. Right now I don't have to think about anything: it's just Dev and me. This is when I can see that Dev likes our family and he'll stay with us. After all, he's stayed this long.
Dev drops through the gears; we're nearing the town. I can smell the sea. Maybe I was just having withdrawal symptoms. My head feels much better. We pull up in a car park by the jetty; it's even longer than ours at home. We don't have to wait long for Max and Felicity. They don't look too pleased, like they know we lost them on purpose. Max actually says, âThat's not a good idea, Dev.'
âNothing happened.'
âMaybe not, but don't make it difficult for us.' Dev almost looks sorry. Max's acting like a kid who got last place in the canteen line. I can't believe it. But then Felicity gets out the gear she's hired.
âThere are a few wrecks around the coast here,' she says to us. We have a lot where I live too and I tell her I've even seen the
Ethel
at low tide. It sits on the sand like the rusted carcass of a dinosaur. I listen to everything Felicity says about diving in case the rules are different here. This, I do not want to get wrong.
I can feel Felicity's approving gaze on me as I check the equipment and manage to put the first regulator on the tank by myself. Out in the boat she's hired we all suit up. Felicity doesn't know exactly where the wrecks are. âPeople don't dive on them much,' she says. âWe'll just dive in the bay.'
It's good enough for me. I love that rush of going down now, being enclosed by all that water. It's strange because usually I don't like being hemmed in, but underwater is a different sort of space.
Dev's my diving buddy this time. As we go down, he gives me the round okay sign. It reminds me of Mei and how much she'd enjoy this. It's a quiet day to dive. The colours are not as bright once we get further down but I see shapes of fish darting close by.
The time goes fast and too soon Felicity is giving us the thumbs up to rise. We level off at about four metres below and ascend slowly. It's an incredible world under all that water; makes you forget whatever's bothering you on the surface. The feeling stays with me for hours. Even when I go to the bathroom later and some bloke in the toilet block asks me the way to Penola, I don't take much notice of him. I just say I don't know. âNot from around here, mate?' he asks.
I shake my head and walk out to Dev and the bike.
Dev's run into some blokes he knows. Some mates he used to ride with, by the look of it. There's a lot of backslapping and laughing. They all wear leather vests identical to Dev's. One guy has long hair like Dev used to.
I wish Mei was here. That's when my idea bursts into bloom. I don't wait until I get home; I punch in a text to Mei.
It's on the way home from the beach that we have the
accident. Dev and I are on the bike, in front again, but not
speeding off. Max and Felicity are behind us but out of sight around a corner when a ute lunges out from a side road. It happens so fast. It comes right for us.
It's going to ram us
, is all I'm thinking, but Dev swerves in time. Just as we skid I see it out the corner of my eye, like a huge shadow. I look behind me and there's a blur of grey, a monstrous black bullbar, giant antennae, lights crawling all over it. Lethal revving.
Dev's shouting at me to hang on; we skid across the road, just miss a Stobie pole and slide down the embankment. Both Dev and I are off the bike. I'm still skidding, crashing through bushes. The bike has stopped roaring, and when I look up, I see the back of the ute. The cowards â they didn't stop to see if we're okay. All I see are the mudflaps, huge bull horns on the dark rear window, and gravel flying as the ute rips down the road.
We're picking ourselves up when Max and Felicity drive up. The accident must have happened in seconds. I'm checking myself for scratches. Good thing I'm wearing my leather jacket and jeans. There's a tear below my right knee.
Both Max and Felicity pile out of the four-wheel drive. They don't even shut the doors. âWhat happened? Are you all right?' Felicity lifts the visor of my helmet. But I can get it off myself. The accident has freaked me out and I push her away. âI can do it.' My voice is a snarl.
âWait, we need to check for head injuries.' Felicity is managing to sound calm.
Dev turns to Max. âA ute came out of nowhere.'
âThey knocked us off the road,' I say.
They all turn to look at me. I hesitate. âWell, that's what it felt like. They didn't even stop.'
Felicity is about to say something but Dev interrupts. âIt may be nothing, just kids being stupid.'
âIs your bike okay?' Max has his priorities right. Dev's already checked: it's dented, the paintwork is scratched, and he has to adjust the mirrors, but when he turns it on, it purrs like a lion. It's a tough bike.
Felicity is pacing now. âI think we need to be more careful, stay at the farm, until we're sure.' I wonder what she means. Whatever it is I don't like the sound of it. Looks like Dev doesn't either â he turns on her.
âWe can't stay cooped up all the time.' I don't think I've ever heard Dev sound so forceful. I've known it's there under the surface, but he hasn't let it out before like this. Felicity backs off. âBoth Joel and I will go crazy,' he adds more quietly.
Felicity nods at me as if she's thinking of something else. âLet's get back. I'll make dinner tonight.'
There's only a short text from Mei tonight.
Hi joel gr8t idea u had. haven't asked dad yet. keep u posted. mei
I don't tell Mei about the accident. She'd only worry or tell Gran.
10
I'm sitting outside on the verandah with Dev after our showers. I've never had gravel rash that stung so much. We've been properly âDettoled' by Felicity. It's amazing where some of those scratches ended up. Felicity has the tweezers out and is picking bits of gravel out of my wrists. It's no light massage either.
I'm surprised how much Dev is shaken up by the accident. I'm even more surprised that when Felicity goes inside he starts talking about it. âI thought it was going to happen again.
Not twice in one lifetime
, was all I could think when we were going over. I thought I'd lose you too.'
My mouth must be ajar. I know what he's referring to: his wife and child were killed in a bike accident years ago.
âWhat happened that time?' I ask softly. All he's told me about it is that it was his fault and that's why he went to jail: for manslaughter.
Dev doesn't answer at first. I give him time; he does the same for me. âIt felt the same as today,' he finally says. âI hope it isn't.'
Dev is tired. Tonight he has more lines around his eyes than Gran. I've never noticed before how much grey is in his beard and the hair above his ears. âWhen my wife and kid died, it wasn't an accident â we were forced off the road. There were bikes in front and bikes behind. We were going fast, trying to get away from the club. They didn't like that I wanted to leave â I knew things that could incriminate them. I had to get my family out of town, but I couldn't do it. Couldn't keep them safeâ' Dev's voice breaks off. âBy the time the police came the bikes were gone.'
I'm horrified. This is the most Dev has ever spoken about the crash. Dev's gone quiet but I can't resist asking another question. âHow do you cope with that, I mean, some guys killed your family, and you went to jail instead?'
Dev doesn't answer; I shouldn't have asked. Then he looks at me. âYou have to let it go or it eats you up. No one can live with bitterness â it destroys you in the end.'
âSo you can live with the fact that those guys got away with it?' Maybe this is upsetting Dev but I have to know.
Dev nods slowly. âI'm not saying it's easy, but forgiveness is an act of the will, mate. You don't have to feel like it to do it or we never would. But gradually it becomes a part of you â you stop living out of fear and hate. It's hard to explain, but I know it's a better way to be, and that's more important than if some guy gets his just desserts. Leave that to the police, or to God. Either way it's not my problem.' He adds quietly, âOr I thought it wasn't.'
âWhat do you mean?'
Then Dev says something truly frightening. âI'm afraid it might not have been an accident today.' He pauses and checks my face. âAnd I'm not sure I can cope with this twice.'
11
We have a conference around the table after breakfast. Felicity starts the talking, but she's focused on me. âThere's something that maybe we should have told you before, but we were advised against it by the police.' She has my full attention; I sit up straighter. I have a feeling whatever this is I won't like it. âWhat happened yesterday may not have been an accident and you need to know that you are not on a holiday.'
A picture of Gran flashes into my head. The worried look on her face as we left. âGran knew?'
Dev nods. âI'm sorry, Joel. We didn't want to worry you, but the detective knows that Scott still has a contact on the outside. The police are trying to trace him, but, of course, they need proof of illegal acts before they can arrest anyone. They just thought it might be dangerous right now â Scott being obsessed as he is about you.'
I look at Felicity. âDev didn't know you or Max?'
She shakes her head. Well, that explains a lot.
Dev says, âThe detective gave me a few choices of safe places but I thought we'd come here since there's a beach.'
âBut you are really a ranger?' I ask Felicity.
âSure. But we sometimes host people who are in a spot of trouble like you are. It's not full-on witness protection, just a safe place to stay for a while.' No wonder she wouldn't take me to town with her.
âIt's a job we do on the side,' Max says. âI'm an ex-cop so we get a few people who are giving evidence in court.'
âLooks like we didn't get away quick enough â someone must have followed us,' Dev says quietly. âOtherwise how could they know where we are?'
Suddenly the room seems far away. The floor is wavering and rolling like there's a flood.
âThere are lots of ways,' Max is saying. I can hardly hear him. It's like he's talking underwater. âDid you ring home? Send a letter? Tell someone who could be questioned?'
Dev shakes his head as I groan. I know it's my fault but I try to save myself all the same. âWhy didn't you tell me? You should have told me.'
My voice is loud and Dev answers quietly like he always does when I start losing it. âI wanted to, mate.' I can tell he feels bad, but not as bad as I do.
It's Felicity who catches on. âWhat's wrong, Joel? What did you do?'
I pull the mobile from my pocket. I hear their indrawn breaths. Dev asks with his voice so thin it scares me, âHave you been using it?'
âMei gave it to me â we didn't know. We thought it was a holiday. It was fun to keep the phone a secret â that's why I didn't say.' My voice rises. âYou should have told me.'
âIt's okay.' Max has an encouraging smile in place. âWhat did you tell her? Where you were?'
I nod miserably. âBut Mei doesn't talk a lot.'
âIf someone asked her, friendly-like, she might tell them though,' Max says.
That's when I remember the guy in the loo. âSomeone spoke to me in the toilet yesterday â he seemed okay, was just asking directions.'
Felicity sighs. âAnd you didn't know the way.'
âWell, no, I'm a visitor.' Then I realise. âOh.'
âIt's an old trick,' Felicity says softly. And I can see what happened all right. The guy asks all boys who look like me for directions until one can't answer and that one is me. The kid from out of town â the kid he's looking for. I'm stunned like an owl in torchlight. I'm also stupid.
âYou think Scott's sent someone home to check where we are?' Dev says.
âThat's why we say no calls, no postcards.' Max is frowning again.
âCan someone trace a mobile?' Dev asks.
Max blows air out of his mouth, thinking. âIf they have the right equipment. It would depend if Scott knows the right crooks.'
Dev's holding his head in his hands. âWhat do we do now?'
I hate it that I'm the one who's made Dev like this. âWhat if it was just an accident yesterday and not anything to do with Scott?' How I want that to be the truth. All three of them look at me. I know I've stuffed up big time with the phone, but they don't blame me, I can tell. Dev looks tired, not as tense as he was. Max is thoughtful; even Felicity looks like she's winding down. I breathe a bit easier.
âWe'll stay here for a while,' she says. âHe may not know where we live. Did you tell Mei that?'
âNo, I only mentioned Beachport.'
âThen we don't go to town. I'll tell the police and they'll keep watch.'
âBut we have to go to town.' I stand up now, horrified.
âWhy?' Dev asks. Even his voice sounds tired. Hope he's not tired of me.
âMei's coming. It was going to be a surprise. Her father's bringing the trawler down. He's dropping her off at the jetty today.'