Kissed (15 page)

She
looked up in surprise,
then
nodded.
 
“Okay. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yeah.”
 
He pivoted on
his heel and walked to the bike before he did something embarrassing or stupid.

He
got halfway home before he thought
what
have I done?
 
One week…god, one soddin’
week, and she’d turned his world and his heart upside-down.
 
If she’d just stop bein’ so damn
afraid
…

Beth
wandered London
for almost four hours before going back to the Lindsey house.

Congratulations, Beth…couldn’t even date a
guy for one week.
 
Good job
.

“It’s
his
fault. He wants more than I can
give.”
 
She threw another large crumb of
bread to the sparrows on the deck.

“Elizabeth!
Phone call, dear.”

“Coming.”
 
She left
the half-eaten roll on the patio table and went inside.
 
Maybe Jacob changed his mind?

Vivian
handed her the cordless.
 
“It’s your
father.”

“Oh.”
 
Daddy?
 
What would he call me here for?
 
“Hello?”
 
She carried the phone to her room.

“Elizabeth. I wanted to say
something while your mother’s out of the house.”

“Dad,
I’m fine.
Perfectly safe.
Ten fingers and ten toes—”

“It’s
not about your trip. Look, your mother doesn’t want you to know until you come
back, but she’s going in for a biopsy Monday.”

“Biopsy?
O-of what?”
 
The color drained out of her skin.

“She
found a lump, honey. I think you should be here, but it’s your choice. As she
keeps reminding me, you’re an adult now.”
 
A door closed in the background.

He
hung up without letting her reply.
 
Of
all the things to guilt her with…
 

No,
it wasn’t about guilt…he just communicated in his usual awkward fashion and let
her deal with the consequences.
 
Her legs
gave out and her butt landed on the bed.
 

A
lump
.
 
A lump in her
mom
.
 

The
phone started making that noise of a disconnected call and she turned it off.

Would they know when they looked at the…the thing?
 
There would be tests, right, and
waiting…that’s what you always heard.
 
People frustrated by the waiting.
 

Vivian
knocked softly on the open door.
 
“Elizabeth, you’re white as
a sheet. Is everything alright?”

She
felt her head turn toward her though she hadn’t told it to.
 
“My, uh, my mom’s having surgery Monday. He
wanted me to know.”

Vivian
came and sat next to her, taking the phone from her hand.
 
“Is it serious?”

“I
don’t know. He said it’s for a biopsy.”

“Well,
I’m sure it’ll turn out alright. Do you want to schedule a flight right away?”

“I…I
have something to do tonight, but…can you find out what’s available tomorrow?”

“Of course.”
 
She
pulled Beth into her arms.
 
“I care a
great deal for your family, dear.
Whatever you need.”

Tears
coursed down her cheeks onto his mother’s blouse.
 
She stayed in the hug and closed her eyes,
willing herself to be strong until she had information.
 
Lawsons didn’t panic.
 
“Thanks,” she said, pulling away.
 

Vivian
handed her a tissue.
 
“I’ll make those
calls.”

Once
she left, Beth closed the door and changed clothes for tonight.
 
The band t-shirt on, she combed out the braid
in her hair and brushed it up into a high ponytail.
 
After wiggling mascara on her lashes, she took
out the chubby eye pencil she’d bought on a whim and colored her lids smoky
blue.
 
Surprisingly, the dark color
didn’t look scary on her image in the mirror.
 
Her glasses back in place and a swipe of gloss completed her routine.

She
double-checked there was a fresh roll in the camera—digital was still too
expensive—and went downstairs to wait for the cab she ordered.
 
Her hands shook during the ride to the
club.
 
Whether from the shock about Mom,
seeing Jacob, or nerves about working with Kit, she couldn’t say.

From
the outside, this was a nicer venue than last Saturday’s.
 
Inside, it was twice the size and, from her
limited knowledge, pretty dang cool.
 
Jacob’s band was setting up their instruments onstage for the sound
check.
 
He walked out of the back with
Kit, discussing something.
 
She had a
tripod set up in the middle of the room with a digital Canon on top.
 
He hopped on the stage and picked up his
guitar.

“Hey,”
she greeted Beth.

“Nice
camera.”

She
grinned.
 
“Yeah.
What you got?”

“My
mom’s old
Pentax
. It’s not fancy, but she had a lot
of lenses.”

“Hey,
gotta start somewhere.”
 
She put her eye
to her camera,
then
adjusted settings.
 
“Wait until you get up to editing software.
Lots of fun.
Been in a dark room, yet?”

“Practically
grew up in it. My brother’s former bedroom is Mom’s image factory.”

“Awesome.”
 
She stepped away from the tripod.
 
“Well, until they turn on the lights, I’m in
limbo, so let’s have a seat.”

“Okay.”
 
Beth pulled out a chair at the nearest table.

He
started singing
You Got It All
.
 
He hadn’t looked at her, yet, since she
walked in the door.
 
It hurt.
 
Kit watched her watch him play.

“How
long you and Jake been somethin’?”

“Huh?
Oh, we met my freshman year of high school. How long have you been friends?”

“Wouldn’t say ‘friends’.
I’m a fan, and they’ve been appreciative
of my work.”

“Oh.”
 
Yet Jacob felt comfortable asking her for a
favor?

“Don’t
get me wrong. He’d be good for a tumble or two—look at him, but I like my men
seasoned,” she said.
 
“Boy put out his
best sales pitch to get me to meet you, though. I don’t like people lookin’
over my shoulder, but it was hard to say no.”

Beth’s
cheeks warmed.
 
“He’s like that
sometimes, but I don’t want to be in your way. If you’d rather e-mail me a few
shots with some notes, that’s fine. I didn’t ask him to bug you.”

“Nah,
it’s cool, as long as you don’t mind bein’ a gopher.”

She
shook her head.
 
“I like to keep
busy.”
 
Anything to
keep from running to a phone to talk to Mom.

The
house lights dropped and the spots and colored accent lights shone on the
stage.
 
Kit got up and started snapping
shots while the band played through
Figured
It Out
.
 
She gave them a thumb’s up
at the end and started dismantling the tripod.

“You’re
done?” she asked.

“With the paid gig, yeah.
I’m
stickin
’
around to shoot the live show.”

“Oh.”
 
Beth took the collapsed tripod she handed her.

“My
bag’s
over there,” she said, pointing to the wall at
Beth’s left.

She
had a duffle by the stage door.
 
Beth put
the tripod inside and crossed past the stage on her way back.
 
He crouched in front of his amp, pulling the
cord out.
 
Their eyes met, but his
expression was blank.

“Break
a leg,” she said.
 
He carried his guitar
offstage, ignoring her.
 
Ouch again.
 
“Jacob…”
 
She went after him.

“What?”
he asked in the hall.

“I
have to leave tomorrow. Something’s come up.”

He
kept walking past the others.
 
“Have a
safe flight.”

She
caught up and touched his arm.
 
“Can you
stop being mad at me for a second? I’m serious. My dad called and I have to go.
I don’t know if I’ll get to say goodbye.”

He
finally turned around.
 
“What happened?”

“My
mom’s having a thing on Monday. He wanted me to know. She didn’t. I don’t want
to talk about it right now, but…I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

“Are
you okay?”
 
She shrugged, not sure how to
answer, or if she could.
 
He stepped
forward to give her a one-armed hug and kissed her forehead.
 
“I’m sorry, Bethie.”

Several
things popped in her head to say, but all she did was inhale his scent.
 
The lack of his presence at home would be a
hole in her life when she could need him most and she wanted to memorize
everything.

Chapter Twelve

Kit
instructed Beth on her camera through the opening act.
 
They were working with the same terms, only
the controls were different.
 
Had to
admit—seeing instant results was pretty cool.
 
Once Jacob’s band came on, she moved through the crowd, getting shots
from all sides.
 
Beth kept watch over her
stuff at a table along the wall.
 
She
came back to Beth twice for drink refills, once to switch memory cards.
 
“Honestly, he’s too good for ‘em,” she shouted
over the music.

“Who?”

“That
one and that one,” she said, pointing to the bassist and drummer.
 
“Neither one can keep time.”

And
Beth thought the cacophony was intentional.
 
Learn something new every day.

Some
girl in the front of the
mosh
pit passed Jacob a slip
of paper during the interlude.
 
He winked
at her and stuck it in his pocket.
 

Bastard.
 
Back
to friends for mere hours and he was already flirting with new girls.
 
Guess that proved what he
felt for me, huh?

Only big, fat, lust.

Yay, me
.

He
could feel her eyes on him, but refused to look.
 
He wasn’t going to let her toy with his heart
until she figured out what she wanted.
 
This afternoon’s pain proved there was a name for what he felt—love.

Terrifying, heart-consuming love.
 
It snuck up on him,
then
whacked him in the head like a hammer.
 
This week had been the catalyst for knowledge, but not the emotion.
 
She’d been making a home inside him since the
day he walked into her kitchen.

Four
years.
 
But it wasn’t the right
time.
 
He couldn’t make her try.

They
finished the set and he threw his guitar pick into the crowd and escaped
backstage.

“Nice
job, gentlemen. I’ll have the proofs for ya in a couple days,” Kit said.
 
She handed him a beer.

“Thanks,
love.”
 
He took a long swig, feeling
parched.
 
“Beth still
here?”

“Somewhere.”
 
She
finished handing out drinks and left.

They
were the last band for the night, so the club was playing piped-in music
now.
 
The
mosh
pit had dispersed, leaving couples slow-dancing on the floor.
 
No immediate sign of his girl.
 
He didn’t want to walk out into the main
room, since the birds at this club tended to swarm him, so with a curse, he
exited the building out the back.

Beth
stood by the curb talking to the bouncer.

“Hey,”
Jacob said.

“Hi.
Going home?”

He
turned to his band-mates coming out the same way.
 
“Don’t know.”

“Ah.
Well, goodnight.”
 
She smiled at the
bouncer, who’d flagged her cab a few feet down the street.

“Wait.”
 
Jacob slid in after her before she could
close the door.

“What
are you doing?”

“You
tell me.”

“I
really do have to leave tomorrow,” she whispered.

“That’s
tomorrow.”
 
He touched her cheek.
 
“I know you, love. You aren’t going to sleep
a wink when you’re worried, so why suffer insomnia alone?”

She
glanced away and sniffed.
 
“You’re a good
friend.”

Friend…
 
Right
.
 
He gave the cabbie his address and settled
back in the seat, the soft case for his guitar between his legs.
 
She stayed on her side, her face turned to
the window.

He
sighed.
 
It was going to be a long night…

Jacob
was too sweet, to offer to keep her company.
 
She didn’t deserve it.
 
She hurt
him this afternoon, yet here he was, still supportive.
 
“You should be celebrating with the band. It
was a great gig.”

“It
was alright.”

“The
applause was deafening.”

He
cracked a grin.
 
“Yeah, it was. Though
that crowd would cheer on a foghorn by ten o’clock, they’re so knackered.”

“Knackered?”

“Hammered.
Drunk.
Three sheets to
the wind.”

“Got it.
Still fun, though, right?”
 
Least she could do was try to cheer him up.

“As long as we don’t get booed.”
 

She
shifted a little to face him.
 
“Kit said
you could use some better back-up.”

“Huh.”

“She
had a lot to say about working in that kind of lighting, and I got to play with
her camera a little. It was cool.”

“Glad
you had a good time.”
 
He smiled at her,
first she’d seen all day.

It
still did things to her tummy.
 
The car
stopped in front of his building.
 
She
paid the cabbie.

“
Went
to the market this mornin’,” Jacob said, unlocking the
door to the lobby.

“How
grown up,” she teased.
 
It earned her an
eye roll.

He
pushed the button for the elevator.
 
“They finally fixed the lift.”

“Cool.”
 
She hoped it’d been fixed
well
.
 

It
opened on the third floor without incident.
 
Once more to 3B—had she been here since her drunken attempt to seduce
him?
 
Insane that was only a week ago.

He
let them in and set the guitar on its stand.
 
“Thirsty?”

“Water’s
fine. I’m going to use your bathroom. Promise not to make it smell like vomit.”

“Ha, ha.”

Whoa, he cleaned.
 
Actually
frickin
’
cleaned.
 
The room wasn’t going to
look new due to its age, but it was clean and tidy.

“It
looks nice,” she told him when she came out.

“Couldn’t sleep last night.”
 
He nodded to a glass of water.
 
“Want a sandwich?”

“Maybe later.”
 
She
took the water and sat on his futon.

He
went all out, toasting the bread, then using mayonnaise, mustard, and piling on
cold cuts from three packages.
 
Amazed
her that man could keep a thirty-inch waist with how much he ate.
 
He grabbed a bottled beer and brought his
plate to the futon.
 
The TV clicked on a
second later.
 
Sports channel.

Sitting
quietly while he unwound from the gig, she watched him eat, the chewing motion
making his cheekbones stand out.
 
He wore
a white tank tonight with an unbuttoned black short-sleeve shirt over it.
 
The shirt had been absent during the concert,
the girls in the audience drooling over his defined arms.
 
He only got more gorgeous with every year,
and she wondered how long it’d be before he got mobbed by
fangirls
everywhere.

She
wished she could doze off.
 
It’d let both
of them off the hook for making conversation.
 
“I still have the
pics
in my bag.”
 
Her bag was on her lap, so she pulled out the
envelope.

“Oh?”

“You
left them last night.”
 

“Oh.”
 
He took it from her, setting his plate on the
coffee table.

“I
ordered four-by-six prints. Normally get the three-by-five, but they’re kind of
small for portraits.”
 
Please stop me from babbling.

He
started flipping through the photos, holding the stack by the edges.
 
It surprised her he remembered to not leave
fingerprints.
 
It’d been two years since
she showed him her work.

“A lot of me in here.”

She
blushed.
 
“You’re the only one I
know.”
 
Only one she wanted
.
 
“I know they’re not as good as Kit’s—”

“They’re
fine, love.”

Fine.
 
Fine
…
 
“Just fine?”

He
let out a breath.
 
“Actually, they’re
pretty damn flattering.”

“Really?”

“I’m
singin
’ and there’s not a single shot where I look
weird.”

“I
had a good subject.”

He
looked up then.
 
“Beth, your timing and
choices are excellent. You’re going to knock the professors’ socks off.”

“Don’t
know about that. I’m still not as good as Mom.”
 
If she’d be around long enough to teach her.

“You’ll
learn.”

Reaching
the end, he slid the prints back in the envelope and tried to give it
back.
 
She stopped his hand.
 
“Those are your copies.”

“Thanks.”

Now what?

He
rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous gesture.
 
“Uh, did you see anything interesting today?”

“Well,
it’s all new to me, but aside from Kit’s blue and black streaks in her hair,
not really. I just wandered.
Listened.”

“Ah.
What did the city say?”

She
smiled.
 
“That I cannot comprehend all
its wonders in one trip and it’d be foolish to try. That includes you.”

He
tilted his head, curious.
 
“I’m a
wonder?”

“Stop
fishing,” she teased.
 
“But, in that I
feel humbled and inadequate, yeah.”

He
frowned.
 
“Beth, I’ve never thought of
you as
lacking
. I’m just as flawed as
the next bloke.”
 
Sighing, he added, “I
don’t get you sometimes. You simultaneously put me on a pedestal and point out
my cock-ups, and it’s not fair. If you want to be with me, you’re gonna have to
stop wrapping yourself in thorns.”
  

“Nice
word image there.”

“I’m
serious.”

She
put her hand on his knee to stop him getting up.
 
“I know. I’m sorry. The deflection is one of
those thorns.”

He
took that hand in his.
 
“What are you so
afraid of, Beth?”

Loaded question
.
 
“The shorter list is what I’m
not
.”

He
persisted, tilting her chin up to meet his baby blues.
 
“Enlighten me.”

“Oh,
only everything that could possibly go wrong between us…and I mean every
scenario. I’ve weighed them all for years. And that’s just with
you
. There’s the whole rest of my life
analyzed up here, too,” she said, tapping her temple.

“You’re
nuts.”
 
At least he said it with
affection.

“Um,
duh
.”

He
caressed her cheek.
 
“You know I’d never
deliberately hurt you, right?”

She
leaned into his hand.
 
“Yes. Though I
don’t rule out me doing something to make you want to.”

He
shook his head. “Revenge isn’t my style, love. Might put my foot in my mouth,
but—

”

“I
know. I can only think of one time you set out to hurt someone.”

“Don’t
know what you mean.”

“Jacob,
I know you gave Chad
Cromlin
a black eye.”

“He
was lucky he never touched you,” he said, an edge to his voice.
 
It was almost a growl.

The
protective fire in his eyes stirred her blood.
 
“Only one man I want to touch me.”

His
hand slid to the back of her neck.
 
He
gave her time to stop him from kissing her.
 
She didn’t want to.
 
Their lips
touched, and a cross between a whimper and a moan escaped her throat.
 
Facing separation for who knew how long, she
was sick of excuses, rationalizations, and deflections.
 

He
let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her.
 
Twisting sideways on the couch was awkward,
so she crawled into his lap.
 
His fingers
tightened their grip every time she sucked on his tongue.
 
She slid her hands under his open shirt,
caressing his shoulders.

“Missed this,” he said, before trailing kisses from her ear to her
shoulder.
 
One hand held her
ponytail out of his way, the light tension pulling her head to the side.

Normally,
she’d protest being led by her hair, but Jacob doing it was hot.
 
“Mmm…I’m going to miss you every day.”

“I’ll
come to L.A.”

She
gasped when he bit her neck.
 
“Soon?”

“I
promise.”

She
pulled back to look him in the eye.
 
“Gonna hold you to that.”

He
grinned and kissed her again.
 
When his
hands trailed down to caress her legs, she slipped his shirt off his
shoulders.
 
Her turn to kiss his neck and
shoulders, the tank he wore displaying plenty of warm skin.
 
She felt him relax into her attentions, until
she sucked his earlobe between her teeth.