Knight Vision (14 page)

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Chapter Seventeen

As Jeff and Annie walked to the picnic area, overlooking the city, they held hands.  Annie’s thoughts returned to his ring-less finger.  Realizing his left hand was now intertwined with her right hand, she inserted her right thumb between their joined palms and rubbed the tip of her thumb on the base of his ring finger. 

Jeff felt the gentle searching of her thumb and sighed deeply.  “You want to know, don’t you?” he asked.

“Guilty,” she said, looking into his eyes. 

“Are you sure?” he pushed.

“It is part of what you are today,” she repeated his words from the night before.  “I have the same drive in me as you.  I want to know all about you.  Your wife is part of that.  I just do not understand how or why in the world she let you out of her sight.”

“Annie,” he said, placing the dinner box down on the picnic table and pulling her into his arms.  “It is a long story.”

“We have all night.  Well, evening that is,” she said into his neck. 

He leaned back to see her face.  Looking deeply into her eyes, he saw that she was genuinely interested.  Kissing the tip of her nose, he spun her around, propped himself on the edge of the table, and pulled her back into his arms.  “You might as well enjoy the view of the city as you hear my sad story.”

Annie settled back into Jeff’s chest and placed her arms across his on the front of her jacket.  “I am ready.”

“Oil your ears, and remember you asked for it,” he directed.  Feeling her nod, he began,  “I have never shared with anyone what I am about to share with you, not even Pam.  To fully understand what happened, I need to go back before I met her,” he hesitated, debating where to begin.

Annie felt him begin to shake.  Sensing his discomfort at his thoughts, she offered,  “Jeff, I am not here to judge you.  I just want to know how you became the incredible man that you are.”

“Incredible?” he choked.  “You might change that adjective after you hear my words.”

“I really doubt it,” she replied, chuckling.  “Unless you tell me that you have killed someone.” Annie’s merriment died as she felt him tense.  Instantly fearful, Annie tried to pull out of his arms.  Her words had struck a chord.

Jeff held her tight as he felt her pull away; he knew she had sensed his reaction to her words.  “Annie, don’t,” he whispered.  “Please hear me out.  I have not taken a life, but I came damn close.”

Annie allowed herself to be pulled back against him.  “Explain,” she demanded, staying completely rigid within his embrace.

“I have already shared with you that I have deep-dark demons in my past.  I had a very unpleasant childhood.  My birth father mastered in the triple A’s -- Addict, Alcoholic, Abuser.  I lived in borderline poverty from his actions.  In order to survive and instead of fighting him, my mother joined him in the first two A’s.  I became numb to the pain from the beatings.  I would deliberately step in to take the abuse to keep my mother and younger sister from suffering his attacks.  The tipping point came when I arrived home to find out that he had raped my younger sister, Tina; she was eleven.  I snapped.  All the locked-up anger and hatred exploded.  I attacked him.  I probably would have killed him if the cops hadn’t pulled me off him.  After they pulled me off, I ran.  I ran to the only person who had ever showed kindness to me; who showed a genuine concern for me when she saw the signs of my father’s abuse, my daily bruises; who had opened her arms and shared her bed with me.  My high school English teacher, Pam.  I was fifteen-years-old.  Fearing my arrest for the beating I gave my father, we ran to California.  It was years later before I contacted my mother.  When I did, she told me that my father was serving time in the Florence prison for raping my sister.  My actions that night had given her the courage to finally confront him.”

“Jeff, I.  .  .  “Annie began, leaning back into him.

“No,” he interrupted her.  “Let me finish,” he said, pulling her close.  Feeling her mold to his body, he rushed on.  “Once in California, Pam supported me and helped me get my GED.  When she got pregnant, we wed,” he hesitated as he felt her tense.  “Yes, I have a five-year-old son, who is named after me and lives with Pam.  I see him when I can,” he continued.  Feeling her body relax back against him, he realized she had accepted his news and continued.  “All was great until a little over a year ago.  My work became a pain, too much pressure and too little joy.  I found my outlet in booze.  It was something I swore I would never do because of my family history.  You asked me the other night about it and I shared that I lose control when I drink.  I did not lie.  I found myself stepping into my father’s shoes.  The major difference in our abuse was I used words and my father used his fists.  I never physically hit them.  However, my words were almost as bad.  I said some really nasty, hateful things under the influence of the bottle.  When she tossed me out, I swore off the booze, but it was too late to mend the deep wounds I had inflicted.”

Annie felt him weeping softly.  She could feel his guilt; it radiated from him.  She felt a need to hold him in her arms.  Not knowing if his telling was complete, she cautiously rotated in his arms.  Seeing the deep anguish written on his face, she drew his head to her breast and felt his arms tighten around her.  She held him there, allowing him the time to release his tears.  “Let it out,” she whispered to him, stroking the back of his head.  “I give you permission to cry.”

Hearing her words, he gulped for air as the wave of tears opened.  At that moment, Annie knew that she was holding not the man she had come to love, but the fifteen-year-old, abused boy who just beat the living hell out of his father.  Cradling his head, she rocked back and forth and her mothering instincts kicked in.  As she held his sobbing body close to her, Annie felt tears escape her closed eyes.  She did not hold back as she wept for his lost innocence and for his pain. 

Unaware of their surroundings or the passage of time, they sought solace in each other’s arms.  As she felt his body ease out of the clutches of the soul cleansing ritual of crying, Annie released her embrace and whispered, “Jeff, give me your keys.”

“My keys,” he said hazily.

“Yes, I am driving us home,” she said.  “It is late.  We both need to sleep.”

“Sleep?” he questioned, reaching into his pocket and handing her the keys.

“Yes.  Come on,” she directed, looping his arm around her and picking up their untouched dinner box.  As they walked to his car, she tossed the dinner box into the trashcan.  Nearing the car, she walked them to the passenger’s door, and opened it before he could say anything.  She poured him into the front seat and closed the door.  Rounding the car, she noted that he had stretched out on the seat instead of sitting upright. 
This will be interesting
, she thought, seeing his head on the driver’s seat. As she opened the driver’s door, she leaned down and lifted his head, slid into the seat and rested his head in her lap.  She watched him curl on his side and use her leg as his pillow.  Placing her hand on the top of his head, she smiled. 

She knew he was asleep before she took the first corner of the winding road down off the mountain.  Leaning forward, she pressed the play button on the cassette and as Kenny’s voice filled the car, she softly added her voice to his.

***

Chapter Eighteen

Annie sat with the phone on her lap.  She glanced at the grandfather clock across the room as it dinged nine times. 
Why hasn’t he called?
  He was supposed to call her tonight.  In her mind, she replayed the previous night’s scenario of their parting once they had arrived at her house.  She had awakened him and had waited for him to become fully awake before handing him the keys to drive home.  He had told her that he would call.  So, why hadn’t he called?  She just couldn’t call him.  Each time she tried, she hung up the phone before entering the last number.  He had to make the next move. 

Dazed, confused, hurt and lost, she just could not come up with a solution.  She could drive by his house just to verify that he made it home safely.  She wished she had paid more attention to the location of his house; she could probably find it, but she knew she didn’t have the heart.   Giving in to her growing depression, she placed the phone on the table and headed to her room to cry into her pillow. 
I have lost him,
she thought.

***

Halfway through her day, covering for a third-grade teacher who was out sick, she wished that she had told the school district’s secretary that she was busy.  Her mind was not on teaching.  She was too depressed; her thoughts too consumed with Jeff.  When the end of the school day arrived, she completed her notes and drove home slowly.  She was not in a hurry to again wait by the silent phone.  She needed Jeff.  At the junction of her street, she drove right through it instead of turning towards home.  She needed a friendly face.  She drove to Leah’s house. 

Closed away from the rest of the house in the Arizona room, Annie stated, “I am depressed.  Let’s go to Vegas.”

“Annie, what happened?” Leah asked, concerned for her friend’s state of mind.

“I need to get out of town and with you starting your new job next week, let’s go for one last hoorah,” Annie voiced.

“I am not saying that we not go, but I repeat what happened?” Leah asked.

“Everything.  Nothing.  Just say you will go,” Annie contributed. 

“Yeah, I will go.  I would like to see Ron,” Leah said. 

Ron
, Annie thought about Leah’s blackjack dealer friend.  He worked at Circus Circus and they had met him over a year ago.  A real cutie and Leah was sweet on him.  Each time they traveled to Vegas, Ron was on their radar.  Annie felt more depressed.  If Leah hooked up with Ron, she would be on her own.  Yet, it was Vegas; there were other things to do.  She needed to get Jeff off her mind.  “Think Ron has a friend?” Annie asked.

“Annie, what happened to Jeff?” Leah pressed.

“He didn’t call me last night,” Annie confessed.

“So?  Annie, for heaven sake’s.  All this because he didn’t call you last night?” Leah laughed.

“Yeah, but.  .  .” Annie replied, stopping.

“But, what?” Leah asked, sitting forward and seeing Annie’s discomfort.  “You didn’t call me yesterday either.  What happened at South Mountain?  What has you all upset?”

“He shared his deep-dark demons’ story with me,” Annie said.  “I believe he didn’t call because of what he shared.”

“Want to share with me?” Leah asked.

“No.  He did not give me permission to pass on his story,” Annie stated.

“That bad?”

“Yeah,” Annie confirmed.  “He cried.”

“You are kidding?”

“No.”

“Call him,” Leah said bluntly.

“I will not.  He needs to make the next move.”

“Annie, it could be he feels that you don’t want to see him,” Leah offered.  “He could be embarrassed for crying in front of you.”

“I didn’t think about that.”

“Call him,” Leah said, getting up out of the chair and reaching for the phone.  “Here, call him now.”  Annie looked at the phone in Leah’s hand.  “He would be at work now.  Call him there.” Annie shook her head.  “I am here; you are safe.  Do it.  Where is his card?”

“In my purse.”

Leah placed the phone in Annie’s lap and opened the purse.  Scrounging through her friend’s purse, she found the card.  Picking up the receiver, she dialed the number.  “Jeff Mills, please,” Leah said into the receiver. 

Annie was speechless.  She felt like she was watching a movie.  Reality set in as Leah handed her the phone.  Placing the phone to her ear, she heard his familiar voice.  “Jeff here.”

“Hello, Jeff,” she heard her voice say.

“Annie?  You home already?  I was waiting until four to call you.  How was work?” he asked.

“You knew I worked today?” she asked.

“Figured it out on my own when no one answered your phone when I called earlier,” he answered.

“You called earlier?” she asked in a shaky voice.

“Why, yes,” he replied.  “Why do you sound so strange?”

“You didn’t call last night,” she said.

“Couldn’t; slept around the clock.  It appears that I needed it,” he said, laughing. 

“You slept?” she asked.

“Yep, and I owe it all to you, my love,” he said.

“Me?”

“Annie, what is it?  Were you worried, honey?”

“Yes,” she confessed.

“Silly girl.  Why didn’t you call me?

“I tried.  I just couldn’t punch the last number,” she confided.

“I am coming over.”

“I am not home.”

“Where are you?”

“At Leah’s.”

“Tell Leah goodbye and go home.  I will be there shortly,” he directed.

“Okay,” she answered, hearing the dial tone.  “Goodbye, Leah.  I have to go home,” she said, getting to her feet.  “Jeff is on his way.”

“Whoa.  Wait a minute.  He can wait.  Are you okay?” Leah asked, looking at Annie closely.