Knowing Me Knowing You (25 page)

‘
I put you down on one side of the bed; you groaned, moved over to the other side and hugged your pillow. It was all perfectly innocent,
’
Joel assured her.

‘
This is getting very embarrassing; I don’t want to hear any more,
’
Kate said, putting her hands over her ears.

‘
You’ve got too many inhibitions Sweetie, have some more wine, there’s plenty more where this came from and there’s Philip’s wheat and raisin to try later.
’

‘
You have to try some of that Joel; it warms you right down to the soles of your feet,
’
Philip announced.

‘
Which are a size eleven, just for the record,
’
Joel added.

After the cheesecake Hermione recommenced her role as Larry Rawlins in the sequined jacket and stood at the end of the room with Philip clucking around her, minus the head which had brought him out in a rash.

‘
Now Kate, if you would like to leave the room, no booth tonight I’m afraid. We are going to ask Joel some questions, then we’ll ask you back and if your answers are a match then tha
t’s a Kissing Gate on the board,
’
Hermione announced, putting an excited hand out towards the imaginary audience.

‘
I’ve got to leave? Can’t I just listen to my
I
p
od
or something?
’

‘
Larry has spoken, out with you and no eavesdropping at the door.
’

‘
Can I take the wine?
’
Kate asked, picking up the bottle and hugging it to her.

‘
I don’t think so, that share is mine,
’
Joel spoke, grabbing it out of her hands.

‘
I hope the questions make you squirm,
’
Kate retorted as she headed out towards the hallway.

She closed the door behind her and checked her watch. It was just after 9.00pm. She took her mobile phone out of her pocket and dialled her home number.

‘
Hello,
’
Lynn
’s voice spoke.

‘
Oh hi
Lynn
, it’s me, is everything OK? Did
Bethan
go down OK?
’

‘
Mainly OK yes.
’

‘
What does that mean?
’
Kate asked
immediately concerned.

‘
She’s fine, we had a few tears and a bit of screaming when we had a little mis
understanding. She
kept saying “
crisps, crisps
”
and I thought she was hungry but of course she meant Mr Crisps the bear, which I’d completely forgotten about, even though you told me about five times.
Dur
!
’
Lynn
explained.

‘
So she’s asleep now?
’

‘
Fast asleep, has been for ages
.
O
h and I’ve eaten one of your mushroom risottos, hope that was OK, there was about six of them in the cupboard.
’

‘
That’s fine,
’
Kate replied.

‘
Kate! You can return to the stage now!
’
Hermione called loudly.

‘
Who’s that shouting? Are you at a club?
’
Lynn
questioned.

‘
No, sorry, I’ve got to go, I’ll see you later,
’
Kate said and she ended the call and put the phone back in her pocket.

‘
Have you been listening at the door?
’
Hermione barked as Kate re-entered the kitchen.

‘
No of course not, I’ve been checking on
Bethan
. Why are you all smiling?
’

‘
You haven’t heard the questions I just had to answer,
’
Joel remarked, grinning.

‘
You wouldn’t say that on stage Joel, let’s please get back into character. Kate, please rejoin Joel and we’ll see how many Kissing Gates we can get on the board,
’
Hermione spoke, resuming her role as Larry Rawlins and winking to her imaginary camera.

Kate did as she was told, picking up a glass of wine on the way and drinking it back as hurriedly as she could.

‘
Right, Kate, we said to Joel
-
there is a clash of
televisual
treats, you want to watch one thing, Kate wants to watch another. How do y
ou resolve this? Did Joel say A,
he’s going to watch his programme, there’s no way he’s going to miss this. Or did he say
B,
he would let you watch your programme, if you’re happy he’s happy. Or
did he say C,
the television gets turned off and you do
something else together,
’
Hermione questioned, looking quizzically at Kate.

‘
Hmm, well, I don’t think Joel’s really a television person and he is a gentleman so I’m going to say
B,
he would let me watch my programme.
’

‘
CORRECT! A Kissing Gate on the board, well done Kate and Joel,
’
Hermione announced as Philip began to cluck loudly and dance around in a circle.

‘
Don’t get too confident, that was the easiest question,
’
Joel said.

‘
Oh and here I was thinking we were going to breeze this.
’

‘
Question tw
o. We said to Joel, Kate’s Auntie
Jess comes to stay and is all expensive perfume and pearls. When Kate is out of the room Aunt
ie
Jess makes a pass at J
oel. What does he do? Does he A,
completely rebuke her and immediately tell you what has happened? Does he
B,
try and turn the obvious advance i
nto a platonic hug to save Auntie
Jess and himself s
ome embarrassment or would he C,
rebuke the advance but not tell you about it because he knows how much it would upset you?
’

‘
Oh,
’
Kate spoke with a swallow.

‘
It was a hard one for
me; I don’t even know what Auntie
Jess looks like,
’
Joel piped up.

‘
And that would alter your answer would it? If she was hot you might kiss her back?
’

‘
No, I just meant that you obviously all know what she looks like and I don’t. I was imagining Barbara Windsor for some reason.
’

‘
Well she doesn’t look like Barbara Windsor she looks like Lulu,
’
Kate announced
a little annoyed.

‘
I’m going to have to press you for an answer Kate,
’
Hermione broke in.

‘
Well now I don’t know what you would do. Obviously if you found her attractive you wouldn’t be rebuking her at all. Was there a
D
option? Joel advances
on Aunt
ie
Jess and forgets all about Kate?
’
Kate questioned the alcohol loosening her tongue.

‘
I need an answer please.
’

‘
Oh I don’t know,
B,
the platonic hug, at least in that option he got to have his hands on her,
’
Kate replied with a sigh.

‘
WRONG. I’m afraid Joel said
A,
he would rebuke her advances and tell you immediately. No Kissing Gate for you,
’
Hermione answered.

‘
You said trust was important to you and it’s important to me too. I couldn’t keep something like that quiet; I would have to tell you,
’
Joel spoke to her.

‘
Whatever,
’
Kate said and drank more of her wine.

‘
And the final question, Joel has noticed that you are putting on a little weight. What
does he do about it? Does he A,
say nothing; he loves you just the way you are. Does he
B,
mention it to you kindly and suggest both of you ought to cut down on
the takeaway meals or does he C,
not say anything but try and make you get more active.
’

‘
Oh definitely
C
, look at him, gym obsessed. He would have me on a treadmill eating lettuce as soon as he could,
’
Kate answered confidently.

‘
I’m afraid that’s the wrong answer, Joel said
A,
he loves you just the way you are. Hypothetically of course,
’
Hermione announced as Philip scratched fiercely at the rash on his face.

‘
Are you OK?
’
Joel asked, taking hold of Kate’s hand.

‘
Yes fine. Can we go? I don’t feel very well,
’
Kate spoke her face feeling flush as the wine took hold.

‘
Of course but we’re only halfway through the questions, I thought
…
’
Joel began.

‘
I want to go home, I’ve had enough of all this,
’
Kate insisted.

‘
I’ll call a taxi,
’
Joel said, getting out his mobile.

‘
Can we walk? I can’t wait.
’

‘
Sure, OK.
’

‘
Are you OK Sweetie?
’
Hermione asked, becoming herself again.

‘
I’m just really tired and I don’t want to keep
Lynn
too late
.
S
orry
Mione
, thank you for all the effort you’ve gone to and you Philip, you’ve been an excellent chicken
-
I mean dove,
’
Kate spoke as she picked up her bag and coat.

‘
It’s been a real pleasure and it was lovely to see you again Joel,
’
Hermione spoke, grabbing hold of the tall man and squeezing him into an embrace.

‘
Thank you both for the wonderful food and for the questions, it was a really good evening,
’
Joel spoke as Philip led them to the door.

‘
We had such fun preparing it all didn’t we Phil?
’
Hermione said.

‘
We did. We’ll have to do it again, maybe minus the bird costume next time,
’
Philip answered.

‘
I’ll see you tomorrow; we’ll have a good chat,
’
Hermione spoke quietly to Kate as Joel stepped outside.

‘
Bye,
’
Kate responded with a sigh.

‘
See you and
t
hanks again,
’
Joel called as they walked down the path and joined the street.

Kate gave Hermione and Philip a lacklustre wave and headed down the road towards home.

‘
Are you sure you’re OK?
’
Joel asked.

‘
I’m fine, I just want to get home and go to bed. The last few days at work have been a complete nightmare
.
T
he Lady Dragon is trying to discredit me and Colin Sykes wants to promote me, I don’t know which one is worse,
’
Kate admitted.

‘
Do you want to talk about it?
’
Joel offered.

‘
The question about Aunt
ie
Jess tipped me over the edge.
’

‘
I did pick up on that.
’

‘
It’s stupid, I shouldn’t let it still get to me,
it’s
in the past.
’