Knowing Me Knowing You (24 page)

Colin

‘
Told you, didn’t I? Told you you’d get a memo,
’
Lynn
spoke, leaning over Kate’s chair and reading it again.

‘
I still don’t believe it. I mean, why me? Jenny’s been here longer and what Carol doesn’t know about Probate isn’t worth knowing,
’
Kate spoke, staring at the piece of paper.

‘
Dur
!
Because you’re the best at your job, all the fiddly
,
technical stuff and every
thing, all the clients like you -
need I go on?
’

‘
You’re making me sound like Wonder Woman
-
I like it,
’
Kate answered with a smile.

‘
So did you want me to draft a reply?
’

‘
No! I mean I don’t know what I’m going to say yet. I don’t know if I’m going to do it.
’

‘
What?!
You
have
to do it! Think of the
wonga
! If you get made a partner you’ll be on megabucks,
’
Lynn
exclaimed.

‘
D’you
think
? I mean I have no idea how much they earn.
’

‘
Try at least
sixty k
a year, company car and profit share.
’

‘
How do you know all this?
’

‘
I talk to all the right people; you’d be amazed how much
us
secretaries know. Mere typists we are not,
’
Lynn
answered with a smug smile.

‘
You’re frightening me again,
’
Kate replied.

‘
I’m always doing that with Darren
.
I know more about his regiment than he does. The wives are really the ones with their fingers on the pulse.
’

‘
How is Darren now? I mean I know he isn’t OK but, is he
- you know -
OK-
ish
?
’
Kate
enquired
, turning to face her colleague.

‘
You mean has he got used to having half an arm? No, not really, but then it hasn’t been that long, just over six months. His doctor says they can try and fit a state of the art hand thing in a few weeks but Darren’s as pessimistic as ever,
’
Lynn
told her.

‘
Does he ever talk to you about the Army, you know, what went on over there?
’

‘
Goodness no!
He doesn’t talk to me about anything like that, never has. It’s a job to get out of him what he wants for tea let alone anything about roadside bombs. He saw a counsellor a couple of times after it happened but that just seemed to make him angry.
’

‘
Oh.
’

‘
Why
d’you
ask?
’

‘
No reason really
.
W
ell it’s just Joel was in the Army, in
Afghanistan
. He doesn’t like talking about it and I just wondered if it was the same with Darren.
’

‘
Yep, the same, although I’m not sure it has anything to do with the Army or getting blown up, I think
it’s just a bloke thing,
’
Lynn
spoke, carrying on tapping on Kate’s computer.

‘
Yes, right, of course, probably.
’

‘
So, you tell me which company car you’re going to have, apparently there’s a choice of three. Me, I’d plump for the Audi,
’
Lynn
replied with a smile.

‘
Oh
Lynn
, I don’t know,
’
Kate responded, picking up the memo and looking at it again.

‘
What’s there to think about? They want you to do it, they think you’re more than capable and it would be loads more
dosh
than you’re on now. Think of what you could buy for
Bethan
, no more shopping at
Mothercare
, it would be Laura Ashley all the way,
’
Lynn
remarked.

‘
Yes, I guess it would and believe me I need the money. I just don’t know whether I’m really capable of doing it,
’
Kate replied with a sigh.

‘
Of course you are! No self
-
belief that’s your trouble.
’

‘
I have to warn you, Hermione doesn’t ever do things by halves. She will probably have la
id on a
Knowing Me Knowing You
style banquet with heart shaped tofu cutlets or something,
’
Kate spoke as
she
and Joel approached the front door of the Wyatt
’
s home.

‘
Great, I love tofu.
’

‘
Th
is from the man who took me to the Ranch House
, I don’t believe it. But then again you are health conscious and tofu is low in fat, so I’ve heard.
’

‘
I like a lot of different things.
’

‘
I’ll remember that,
’
Kate spoke and she rang on the doorbell.

There was the sound of giggling coming from inside the house and then heavy padding down the hallway. The door swung open and Kate gasped out loud as she was greeted by a seven foot chicken.

‘
Oh my God,
’
she remarked, putting her hands to her mouth as the chicken began to flap its wings and strut around the hallway making pecking motions with its head.

‘
You were right about them not doing things by halves,
’
Joel remarked, stifling a laugh as the chicken began to shake his tail feathers at them.

‘
Ah, Kate and Joel, our lovely contestants, everything is arranged. First we eat, then we play,
’
Hermione spoke, appearing from the kitchen dressed in a silver sequined jacket and black
trousers, her hair gelled back
flat to her head.

‘
I’m taking it that’s supposed to be the Love Dove?
’
Kate queried as Philip, the wearer of the chicken suit, shook a wing in her direction.

‘
Yes Sweetie. Do you know how hard it is to get hold of a dove outfit? Come on, come in, come and sit down, before the heart shaped steak and kidney puddings are overcooked,
’
Hermione spoke her voice leaving the realms of Larry Rawlins and returning to normal.

‘
Told you,
’
Kate said to Joel.

‘
Er
no, you definitely said tofu.
’

‘
Can I take the head off now? Just for a bit, it’s hot in here,
’
Philip called from beneath the feathers.

Hermione had made steak and kidney pudding, mange tout and
dauphinoise
potatoes with a beetroot sauce.

‘
This is wonderful food Hermione,
’
Joel remarked as he poured Kate another glass of wine and then added to his own.

‘
Thank you, I wasn’t quite sure how the sauce would turn out, but it was red and we were going for a red hearts and flowers theme.
’

‘
It’s very nice,
’
Kate agreed.

‘
Much better than a microwave meal,
’
Joel added.

‘
Ah but have you tasted the
Asda
mushroom risotto?
’

‘
Thankfully no.
’

‘
That’s enough sparring at my dinner table, aren’t you two supposed to be madly in love?
’
Hermione ticked off.

‘
Oh yes, almost forgot that,
’
Kate answered.

‘
So Joel, what do you do? For a living I mean?
’
Philip asked, having no idea and receiving a kick under the table from his wife.

‘
Oh let me tell him, see if I can get through the timeline,
’
Kate spoke hurriedly.

‘
By all means, the floor’s all yours,
’
Joel agreed.

‘
OK. Joel works at
Highbridge
l
eisure
c
entre, he’s been there for eighteen months or so and he has a qualification in sports science, amongst other things. He’s been in the Army, he’s done underwear modelling and he was the face of ‘Francois’, which was a French aftershave, now discontinued,
’
Kate reeled off.

‘
How do you know that? I never admitted to the aftershave advertising,
’
Joel exclaimed.

‘
It’s amazing what turns up when you Google. So how did I do?
’
Kate asked, eating more food.

‘
I’m impressed,
’
Joel admitted.

‘
Where did you meet?
’
Hermione suddenly barked across the table, like an officer from the Gestapo.

‘
At the leisure centre, when I took
Bethan
swimming,
’
Kate replied quickly, feeling the scrutiny in her friend’s eyes.

‘
What size shirt does he wear?
’
another question was fired.

‘
Oh,
erm
, a fifteen?
’

‘
Shoe size?
’

‘
Erm
, I don’t know, nine?
’

‘
Side of bed he sleeps on?
’

‘
Mione
!
I have no idea!
’
Kate shrieked.

‘
Joel, what dress size is Kate?
’
Hermione continued.

‘
Mione
, they don’t ask questions like that! You saw the show, it’s mostly scenario based,
’
Kate screeched.

‘
Size twelve,
’
Joel answered confidently.

‘
Shoe?
’

‘
Hello! Is anyone listening to me? I said they don’t ask
…
’

‘
Five.
’

‘
Side of bed?
’

‘
Nearest the door.
’

‘
Stop!
How do you know all this? The side of the bed I sleep on! Jesus!
’
Kate exclaimed.

‘
You really don’t remember anything that happened after the first
show do
you?
’
Joel said with a smile.

‘
Don’t go making things up.
’

‘
I put you to bed,
’
Joel informed her.

‘
Rubbish! I don’t believe you;
Mione
has put you up to this.
Ha
,
ha
,
very amusing!
’

‘
Not guilty! Hmm, put her to bed. Kate, you should have stayed conscious for that.
Shame on you!
’
Hermione spoke with a grin.

‘
I’m not speaking to any of you
any
more
,
’
Kate replied, folding her arms across her chest.

‘
Come on, that’s not the spirit of the night, I’ve got heart shaped cheesecake for dessert,
’
Hermione spoke, helping herself to more wine.